I'm so unhappy.

iwantmypup

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#1
You've all heard me complain about my mom. It was such a toxic situation.
But there are days where I'd give anything to have it back.
I'm living with my uncle(and his wife and daughter). I came here a month ago and it's still not any better. The first thing that sent me off was that I couldn't bring my dog. I feel so alone now...you guys understand how that is. I MISS MY DOG. he's staying at my brothers but it's not the same.
I'm not used to having a man raise his voice at me. I've never had a father figure so I just can't handle it....I just have to get away and break down. All my uncle does is complain about people who are depressed/have anxiety(I have both...) about how all they need is to stop their pills and just go out more..."socialize." If only it really was that easy.
I have never been so unhappy here. I don't want to ask for anything. I dont even feel like I can voice my opinion on anything, without just being shutdown. I feel like I don't matter. I feel so unwanted. It doesnt matter that we're family, I'm not his daughter and I totally feel it. I just feel like someone renting a room.
I don't want to burden them and that's what I feel like I'm doing.
I can't talk to anyone about the way I feel, certainly not anyone here. I will write to my brother and he has the same responses as my uncle would have. I can't tell my mom because then she'll call my uncle, and that always backfires on me.
I'm just trying so hard to be apart of the family..I'm not staying in my room, I'm rarely on the computer, I'm playing with their daughter all the time(I don't even like kids), I'm walking the dogs..I don't care that they might take me on vacations or to nice dinners, I just want to feel someone love me.

For the past few days, I've seriously considered calling a suicide hotline. I don't know if I'm suicidal, I never thought I was, but I just really want someone to listen to me without making me feel worse or just shutting me down.

I didn't even want to write this post because I people say I complain a lot, I just don't know what else to do.
 

JessLough

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#2
We love you, and we're hear to listen <3

Call the suicide hot line. They'll listen -- that's what they are there for.

Lots of ((((((hugs)))))
 

puppydog

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#3
I'm so sorry. I have no advice other then we are here for you.
 

Snark

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#4
So sorry you're going through this and I don't think you're complaining - venting would be a better word and everyone needs to do that, so vent away! I wish there was some way to help you.
 

joce

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#5
I'm so sorry. Things do get better.

And call. They can put you in touch with a hope line I think it's called where there are people to jus talk and they will also talk. They can help you get into somewhere to talk to.

And talk here!
 

Taqroy

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#6
(((((hugs)))))

Is there any possible way you can talk to a therapist? Even a guidance counselor at school?
 

sparks19

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#8
I am so sorry you are feeling so down and out. I agree with the others. Call the hotline and tell them exactly what you told us. If they can't help they can at least direct you somewhere that can :)
 

~Jessie~

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#9
We love you, and we're hear to listen <3

Call the suicide hot line. They'll listen -- that's what they are there for.

Lots of ((((((hugs)))))
This!

Ali, I SO wish I lived near you- I'd give you a huge hug and we'd go do something fun! You are awesome and deserve to be happy!
 

Beanie

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#10
I'm so sorry. Things do get better.

And call. They can put you in touch with a hope line I think it's called where there are people to jus talk and they will also talk. They can help you get into somewhere to talk to.


And talk here!
Hugs honey, and this. I know what it's like to need somebody to talk to. I would call and talk to them. That's what they are there for... you're not alone so don't feel like you're alone. There's always somebody willing to talk to you.

I feel like there's several of us on this board who just need to have a pow-wow and just talk and cry together hahaha. ugh.
 

Baxter'smybaby

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#11
oh Ali--I hurt for you! You are in a tough situation--and sometimes you do just need to vent and let it all out. Keep talking here--or PM me if you want to. I care about you--I know lots of others here do too. (((((HUGS)))))
 

RD

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#13
I feel like there's several of us on this board who just need to have a pow-wow and just talk and cry together hahaha. ugh.
This.

Ali we're here for you, and I don't have much else to say but to echo what's already been posted. You rock, and you don't deserve to feel this way!
 

Laurelin

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#15
Ali I don't know what to say other than we love you.

I would definitely take you guys up on the talking thing.
 

Barb04

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#16
Hugs. Please don't feel like you can't write to us. We're your Chaz family and are here to listen whenever you need us.
 

iwantmypup

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#17
Hi guys, I just wanted to say thank you. I still feel like crap, but today was better because my uncle wasn't home at all.
I talked to my brother, but of course that resulted in a fight. I just want him to be there for me. He's one of the few people I'll do anything for, and when I disappoint him, I hate myself.

I almost called the hope line today, but I ave no privacy here. The walls are thin and then they get upset if I'm in my room too long.
I don't even think my school has a counselor. It's all independent study, so I only go once a week.
You guys are the best. I love you all and I think of many you as extended family :p
Seriously reading these responses made me cry even more, lol
<3
 

drmom777

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#20
Muffin,

You deserve a better life than this, and to be loved unconditionally, but you are stronger than you think you are. I know the things you have faced down in the past, and I am sure you will get past this period too. In the meantime, calling a helpline is a good idea. Also, you could call a local counseling/mental health clinic. Een if they do not have low or no cost options, they could likely refer you to someone who does.

And if you have insurance, you could get therapy at numerous places. Having a good therapist also means having an advocate someone who knows you and can help you negotiate through the various beaurocratic tangles you are bound to face.
 

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