Thank you so much guys. I'm feeling a little bit better today. I might as well go ahead and just post what's going on, but just please don't bash him if I do.
Yes, finding a place to rent is not turning out to be easy. Yes, it's because we have dogs but moreso the issue is because of Bamm's DR. Any place that we've looked at where there are other people living there seemed to have a dog and we felt we needed to be upfront on Bamm's DR issue. Josh went to look at a place last night that was nearly perfect minus one of the roommates, but because the owners let all their dogs roam free on the property (it's a 42 acre estate) and because the neighbor's dogs also roam free and come onto this property a lot, it just isn't a good idea with Bamm's reactivity, especially since quite a few of those dogs are male and he doesn't do as well with males. The concern is that if we take the dogs outside to potty or exercise, go for walks whatever... that we're always going to run into issues with the dogs. Also... one of those male dogs belongs to one of the people that lives in this specific house (there's a couple houses on the property). The little male that lives in the house apparently likes to charge up on other dogs and bark in their faces. He's a miniature poodle and regardless, if he did that to Bamm it would result in a fight. Bamm hates being rushed up on by dogs like that and if they bark at him, it's that much worse. I don't want to risk that. Crate and rotate is not an option in their house and the guy actually seemed repulsed when it was mentioned that our dogs are crated when we aren't home.
Josh said that if we didn't have the dogs then I could have gone up to VA with him when he went instead of me staying at my mom's with the dogs. We could have stayed at his uncle's house, but his uncle will not allow the dogs. We wouldn't have been able to stay at his mom's house because it's too small, crowded, messy and they also have a small dog. It just wouldn't be a good idea. his stepdad is already pushing him to find a place because he just wants Josh out of the house because he feels it's too crowded just with Josh added to the mix. If you add me and two dogs... well, ya my father in-law would not go for that at all. There's the option of my grandparent's house, but they don't like that I even have animals in the first place and also my family in CA is moving to VA in July and will be living at my grandparent's house temporarily so there wouldn't be any room.
Smkie- I live with my mom so it's not really a landlord/tenant situation right now but I could see if she'd be willing to write a letter on my behalf. Also, my previous landlord was always commenting on how much she loves my dogs and how well the place always looked. My dogs never messed anything up and she said all her previous renters had always caused issues with their animals. I could give her a call and ask her. I'm sure she'd be willing to write me a letter. A pet resume is a good idea and I'm going to look online to see an example of what one looks like.
Basically, last night Josh was really upset. He said it's because he's missing me like crazy and he's really upset that I'm not up there with him yet. He does feel like he's doing everything with finding a new place though I'm helping as much as I can. I'm the one finding and emailing/calling all of the potential places, but he's the one that has to actually go check them out. I wish I could help him more in that area, but I can only do so much from Georgia unfortunately.
Josh broke down about the dogs and said, "I have to ask you an honest question that's been on my mind. If it came down to it, who would you decide? me or the dogs?" I was really upset that he would ask that question. It doesn't seem at all like a fair question to me. If I was to choose him and got rid of my dogs I would be depressed quite frankly and I would end up resenting him for it and regretting the decision altogether. That's not healthy and I don't think I could handle giving up my dogs. But if I choose the dogs then he feels like he means nothing to me in his eyes and that my dogs are more important than he is. He says he loves the dogs, but that he feels like our marriage should be more important than me having the dogs if it comes to that point. But... I'm at my mom's house. She says I can stay here with the dogs as long as I need to. We're not in a situation where I'm on the streets and starving or something. We have the time to find the right place that will allow the dogs. Yes, that means we may have to spend a little bit more time further away from each other and that sucks... but these dogs are incredibly important to me. Bamm has been there for me through situations where no human being ever was. He's my best friend and I made a promise to him when I brought him home. I promised him that I would take care of him and keep him safe until the day he dies. I aim to keep that promise. I guess I'm just so deeply hurt that Josh would even think to potentially ask me to make that kind of decision.
Josh went into this marriage knowing I had Bamm... and the way I see it, he didn't just marry me, he married Bamm too because Bamm came along with the package. He KNOWS I'm a huge dog person. He knows I will always have dogs and often times we'll have multiple dogs. This is something I drilled into him before we married because I wanted him to know what he was getting himself into and to give him the opportunity to back out if he wanted. He chose to go through with it and said he didn't have an issue with the dog thing. I'm never going to NOT have dogs. My dogs are my life, my passion and I really can't see me having a life without dogs honestly. That kind of life may work for some people, but not for me. I would be utterly miserable.
He told me this morning that he doesn't necessarily have an issue with us having dogs. He just feels like they're a bit of a roadblock right now as far as me being there with him is concerned. He also mentioned that he ran out of medicine a little bit ago and that it's been making him feel sick and it does affect his moods and decision making. He has hyperthyroidism. I can't remember what his levels were last time, but he has it bad and he's reliant on medication. Him not taking his medicine makes him sick, unable to function correctly and he's been warned that he can actually go into a coma if he doesn't take his meds for a little while. He hadn't refilled his meds because he said he's been so busy with work, but he talked to his boss, got off early today and went and had his medication refilled.
I think he knows he really upset me and really hurt my feelings. He keeps telling me he really loves me anytime I've talked to him today and he keeps calling me to check in and make sure I'm ok. I'm still not ok. Whether his lack of medicine and him wanting me up there so bad played a role in him asking me who I'd choose or not, the fact of the matter is he brought it up and whether he says he meant it or not... why would he have brought it up if there wasn't some underlying issue behind it that was bothering him?
This doesn't sound good, but I hope everything is okay Amber. ((((((((BIG hugs))))))))))
