I can't stop crying, need a hug please

[GoingNowhere]

have you checked out this list of pet friendly apartments in the area?

The Original Pet Lovers Companion Magazine | Area Northern-virginia Apartments-pet-friendly

also, you could try Virginia Equestrian (Virginia Equestrian.com - For Rent Classifieds)... probably a bit less likely to find something there, but horse people and dog people tend to be one in the same, so you never know! I don't know how far north you want to be in Virginia or what your budget is, but saw a few listings in Culpeper, one each in Centreville, Lorton and Manassas...

 

[sassafras]

He's lonely and sad and frustrated and emotionally/irrationally equating "it's taking longer and is harder to find an apartment than I want" with "my wife might choose the dogs over our marriage". Asking if you would choose the dogs or your marriage is a false dichotomy here -- there's really no reason in your current situation to have to even think about making that choice, because there are more than just those two options here. Like waiting until you find an apartment that will take the dogs. And you WILL find an apartment eventually, it's just taking longer than he wants and not as easy as he wants.

I don't know your husband, but I think if he were actually in all seriousness asking you to make a choice you'd know the difference. This seems more like venting/pity party stuff to me, which is understandable under the circumstances.

Having said that, I don't take kindly to serious ultimatums. I consider them emotional blackmail that has no place in an adult relationship.

 

[Lossalfling]

I just saw and read all this.. I hope your feeling better and BIG Hugs

 

[skittledoo]

Also, ((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))). You have my number, my facebook and my skype. If you ever need to talk, I am here.

Thank you SO much Grace... also, thank you so much for your previous post before this one as well.

have you checked out this list of pet friendly apartments in the area?

The Original Pet Lovers Companion Magazine | Area Northern-virginia Apartments-pet-friendly

also, you could try Virginia Equestrian (Virginia Equestrian.com - For Rent Classifieds)... probably a bit less likely to find something there, but horse people and dog people tend to be one in the same, so you never know! I don't know how far north you want to be in Virginia or what your budget is, but saw a few listings in Culpeper, one each in Centreville, Lorton and Manassas...

I didn't know about either of those links but I'm going to check them out right now. Our budget is right around $1000 a month not including utilities. All of the areas you listed are fine by us too. I used to live in Manassas and know that area really well and Josh's mom lives in Centreville.

He's lonely and sad and frustrated and emotionally/irrationally equating "it's taking longer and is harder to find an apartment than I want" with "my wife might choose the dogs over our marriage". Asking if you would choose the dogs or your marriage is a false dichotomy here -- there's really no reason in your current situation to have to even think about making that choice, because there are more than just those two options here. Like waiting until you find an apartment that will take the dogs. And you WILL find an apartment eventually, it's just taking longer than he wants and not as easy as he wants.

I don't know your husband, but I think if he were actually in all seriousness asking you to make a choice you'd know the difference. This seems more like venting/pity party stuff to me, which is understandable under the circumstances.

Having said that, I don't take kindly to serious ultimatums. I consider them emotional blackmail that has no place in an adult relationship.

Ya I'm starting to lean more and more towards it being more of a venting thing for him right now. We talked a little bit today and he kept telling me he really does love the dogs and he's upset that he hurt my feelings by even bringing it up last night. I was honest with him and told him that it really truly hurt my feelings and that it's not a decision I ever want to have to make. He knows how much I love our dogs. I spent nearly every waking moment with them. If I'm not here on Chaz I'm probably doing something with my dogs. If I'm here on Chaz there's usually a dog at my feet. Bamm is currently laying at my feet as I type this lol.

I mentioned to Josh tonight about the different ideas that Chazzers have given me so far on trying to find a place. I think that may have hopefully put him at a little more ease or given him at least a bit more hope on us finding a place. I told him that even if it takes us a little longer to find a place then that's ok. It gives us more time to save because the upfront costs of moving into a new place can sometimes be pretty high and it's best to have way more that what you're going to put down right away so that we can get food, etc as well. The longer it takes for us to find the right place the more money we will have set aside upon move in.

 

[puppydog]

Has he categorically told you that he didn't mean it?

 

[GoingNowhere]

I didn't know about either of those links but I'm going to check them out right now. Our budget is right around $1000 a month not including utilities. All of the areas you listed are fine by us too. I used to live in Manassas and know that area really well and Josh's mom lives in Centreville.

yep, these two were the ones that I noticed. Just looked back, and it appears that the Centreville listings were either "wanted" ads or were just barns for rent.

Virginia Equestrian.com

Virginia Equestrian.com

 

[skittledoo]

Has he categorically told you that he didn't mean it?

He told me that he doesn't really mean it and that he said it out of frustration because he misses me. He said while he does feel like the dogs are the reason I'm not there yet, and he's right on that... he doesn't want me to have to get rid of them. He likes the dogs and knows that I absolutely love having them, he just feels like it's taking longer than he wanted for me to get out there.

yep, these two were the ones that I noticed. Just looked back, and it appears that the Centreville listings were either "wanted" ads or were just barns for rent.

Virginia Equestrian.com

Virginia Equestrian.com

Awesome thank you. Those both sound really nice actually.

 

[Renee750il]

Well, stop and consider, though, that you guys are really AHEAD of schedule from what you thought you'd be looking at!

(((((((HUGSLOVE))))))) to both of you. Just keep talking, and missing each other, letting each other know how you feel, the bad and the good, and acknowledging each other's feelings like you're doing.

 

[skittledoo]

Well, stop and consider, though, that you guys are really AHEAD of schedule from what you thought you'd be looking at!

(((((((HUGSLOVE))))))) to both of you. Just keep talking, and missing each other, letting each other know how you feel, the bad and the good, and acknowledging each other's feelings like you're doing.

ya that's very true Renee... and I think we both need to be reminded of that sometimes. thank you. ((hugs))

 

[joce]

To bad your not in my area because that would be a nice house payment Can't imagine spending that on an apartment! Thats almost what the 7 acre horse farm across the street rents for. I know parts of VA can be more expensive,at least the horse part I went through!

Look at private rentals because those are the ones that will let you do larger and multiple dogs more often. I have family and friends with rentals and some will let people have any animals in and other say no pets at all after being burned. You like to think people will give you a chance but I have seen and smelled these houses after people have moved out They never advertise with anything but a sign and word of mouth though. So he might have to drive around looking for signs.

He should not have said that but for now unless he does it over and over just chalk it up to him being frustrated being alone up there.

 

[Shai]

Just wishing you the best, and strength for both of you to get through this. Separation sucks, to put it mildly...I moved nearly 6 months ago and hubby is still several hundred miles away and unable to follow just yet. Nothing to do with the pets in our case (the dogs moved with me, Kitty-Brie stayed with him), but that sort of tension can definitely lead to things being said which one or both parties regret, or unfair pressure being put on one by the other.

I feel your pain, but we WILL get through this!