For chazzers in long-term relationships - how often?

[sparks19]

I actually really don't know anyone either that lives in a multi generational home. There was a brief period where Brian's cousin and his family lived with his parents (4 adults and 3 kids in a very small home meant for two lol) and it was very stressful for all of them and it was only out of necessity as they moved back from texas (he retired from the Army) and were looking for a home to buy. Other than that, the only other one I know of is my nephew lives with his parents and my neice is trying to get back into the house too and the parents really want nothing to do with it lol but that's a lot of backstory for why and it certainly isn't because they are trying to be responsible and get an education and save up for a house. They essentially just want to mooch lol. It's true.

I could totally handle living with my mom though and we always say when she retires we'll get a house with a granny suite and she can come live with us and we'll take care of her lol. My dad... not so much LOL he would drive me crazy. Especially with homeschooling lol. He was here for a visit in the fall and I swear, everytime we were doing school work, I felt like I was homeschooling HIM TOO!!!!!

 

[release the hounds]

I Kind of feel like Sassafras is winning here.. But Greenmagick and RBark are really strong.

I don't mind bringing up the rear. The view is better back here anyway

back to the topic of multigenerational homes, I guess i've known a lot of people that have lived with another family member of the same generation or other, for all sorts of reasons and lengths of time.

I already told my story of when I was younger. As an adult we've had a cousin of mine live with us twice. Once when he was transferred for work and they didn't want to pull the kids out of school and move, so he lived with us during the week to 10 days, then went home for a few, then back down until he found a new position back where they lived. and again 7-8 years later when they got divorced. He lived with us for about 6 months until it was over and he got a place of his own. It's not like he was poor or unable to be on his own, but why not? we were family, had room, it was nice being there for him.

My BIL and SIL moved back to the midwest a while ago from OR. She is a hospital admin and was on a contract for 6 more months. He is a chiropractor that got a job near where we lived sooner than expected. He moved in for those 6 months and then she came after. Then they all lived with us for another 6 months while they decided if they were really going to stick around that area and to find a house to buy, which they did. It's not as if they even needed to. They pull in well over 300K a year, but why not? we're family, had space and it's nice having family around....most of the time

another cousin of mine just moved back in with her parents. She has one 3 year old and one on the way in May. Her parents are a superintendent of schools for a fairly decent sized school district and the other a teacher. They live on a nice lake in a pretty nice house, i'd move home too. She's about 30, but her husband still works in another part of the state. Guess what, HE lives with my grandma during the week and see's her on weekends. Been happening since January when they sold their house sooner than expected and before he found a job closer to her parents. Works out pretty well for everyone. I doubt it will be the next 20 years, but a few months or years, it will still work.

My wife's family is pretty big. 10 brothers and sisters. One moved back in with his mom and lived their for a few years while he invested money into rental properties. She was happy, he was happy, worked out pretty well.

If none of that sounds like a situation you'd like be in, you can take solace in the fact that you don't ever have to choose to do that

I'd rather my parents come live with us than go anywhere else some day if that becomes an issue. maybe i'm just weird? I guess I don't care.

 

[Fran27]

My ex lived with his mom and his grandmother until we moved in together when he was 28! I'd be miserable if I had to live with my mom again frankly. I already go nuts when she stays here a week. But his family was happy, so I think it really depends on the family dynamics.

I'm a loner so living with a lot of people would probably drive me slowly crazy.

 

[JacksonsMom]

Not in a long term relationship, so can't answer the OP.

But on the topic of what was brought up afterward, I actually know a lot of people who still live with their parents, of all different ages. I am 24 and I still do and at this point, I AM ready to get my own place. But my parents actually like having me here -- I help a lot with my little 7 year old sister, and I do help around the house a lot, I take care of their puppy now, etc. So my mom actually doesn't WANT me to leave LOL. I am grateful that I have my "own" area, a mini in-law suite of types, or else I think I would go insane. I'm very grateful that my parents have allowed me to live at home, and save a lot of money doing so. But I'm really aiming at being in my own place in a year.

My mom and her 3 siblings grew up with their parents as well as their grandma (MY grandma's mother). It was my moms parents home but her mother lived with THEM so I guess it was kind of reverse.

Throughout the years, my uncle and his friends have taken turns living at my grandpa's house (he and my grandma are now divorced). He always lived alone since and was rarely home so whoever lived there basically had their own place and he never charged rent.

My mom had to move back in with her father back when I was around 10, and her and my dad split up. We lived there for maybe 6 months.

Anyway, our family has always had kind of an open door policy. If someone is in need or in trouble, we're going to help however we can. My uncle also lived at the house I currently live at with us before my little sister was born. My grandma even moved in with us for a summer when her and her husband were having problems.

I do like having my own space, but then I often think about sitting somewhere all alone and being bored and I'd likely end up back at home a few nights a week anyway. Lol. I know when I dogsit in apartments for long periods of time, I get somewhat lonely. And unless I have a serious BF that wants to move in with me, I won't have a roommate because I'm just a private person.

 

[sparks19]

Oh yeah, my family would welcome us in with open arms if we were in need and vice versa. Just, none of us really wants to do that if we don't have to lol. As for my brothers kids... that's a "taking advantage" sort of situation and an excuse to not get a JOB. So that's a different and weird dynamic that most situations don't have lol.

My dad would love to have ALL of us living with him but none of us particularly want to live with him LOL. We love him and he is a wonderful man but... there's a reason he's 3 times divorced :rofl1:

My in laws don't want us living there lol. I can understand that. If we were in NEED they would take us in but I can't say they'd love having us all on top of each other in a little two bedroom house when they are used to being on their own lol. Same with our house. it's very small so adding an extra person or two would be TOTAL chaos!

 

[RBark]

Regarding multi-generational homes:

You'll see it more in some areas than others. So whether you think it's common or not is based mostly on where you live. In the more "melting pot" areas of the country, like the San Francisco / East Bay area, it is more common.

I end up at houses where 3-4 generations live in them at least once a week for work stuff. Would everyone thrive in it? No. But there are a lot of people who do thrive in that environment. It's part cultural and part necessity.

And it's not because they are all poor. Many of the adults in these houses, when not raising children, work in jobs where income is over 50k minimum. I've seen a 3 generation home where the combined income was 500k/year among all the adults in the home. So it's not a taking advantage situation either. It's just smart economics.

 

[~Jessie~]

I've seen a decent amount of multigenerational living, especially amongst my generation. Income (or lack thereof) isn't even a factor. I've known accountants, students, grocery store employees, etc, etc who are "roommates" with their parents. I also have a couple of friends whose parents live with them. If you get along with your family, why not live together? I would love to have a suite for my mom to live with me!

Growing up in Boston, it was a common way to live. We had close family friends who lived in a 3 story building and the entire family owned the building. One floor was my parent's friends and their little girl, the next floor was their parents, and the other floor was their grandparents. They each had separate kitchens and living spaces, but they'd do dinner and visit often.

Why would anyone jump on MM if she decided to get a dog? My sister had 2 dogs when she was 17 and in high school. There have been kids younger than that on here with dogs. As well as adult children living with their parents. The horror. But it's okay that you live with your parents, right? Don't you have 2 or 3 dogs?

I'd highly recommend unsubscribing from the mom's thread since it's a huge cause of your anger. I almost want to post 8 billion breast feeding and belly photos in there now. And I want to talk about how pretty pregnant bellies are. Maybe I'll post a bunch of pregnant bellies in there too.

I'd bet you'd like that, though, since you're always lurking in there.

 

[Greenmagick]

Well hell, if I knew there was going to be a competition I would have worked harder on my comment

I sometimes wish we would go back to more of multigenerational living. On farms and such its still pretty common and in actual cities I think its not unusual. However the more "keeping up with the joneses" mentality probably views it as a failure or as have to live with family, not WANT to live with family.

 

[milos_mommy]

Oh jeez...if we aren't countimg people with kids I'd say very close to half the people I know my age (in the 20-30 range) live with their parents. The majority have full time jobs, are college graduates, make in the range of 40-60k a year (some much more). They're just saving money, helping aging parents tend to the house, helping with younger siblings, or waiting to decide where to move.

By multi-generational I really meant families living grandparents/parents/grandkids. I have at least 7 friends who live or have lived with their parents while raising children for various reasons. A few of these people are married couples, more are single moms. All have full time, salaried jobs, except for one who works hourly. On my street here (25 houses) 3 have children in nuclear families and 4 have children in multigenerational houses (one of which is because the mother is disabled). The other three are not single parents. All parents (except the disabled woman) work.

It's super common here...idk about other areas.

Era: these are all scenarios where grandparents owned the houses and parents moved back into them or had children while living there, not where grandparents moved into the house with their adult children - I know plenty more of those

 

[~Jessie~]

I also vaguely remember DD's boyfriend living in a dorm situation at the track which didn't allow dogs. DD was living with her parents and dogs.

 

[JessLough]

I also vaguely remember DD's boyfriend living in a dorm situation at the track which didn't allow dogs. DD was living with her parents and dogs.

DD was living at a track and left her dogs with her parents. Then complained about how they actually trained her dogs.

 

[Dogdragoness]

DD was living at a track and left her dogs with her parents. Then complained about how they actually trained her dogs.

yes, because dogs are the same thing as kids, right? Give me a break. I do not live there full time, only when there is a need, either on my part, or theirs. And while I am living there, I dont just take up space, I work I help out, earn my keep. I certainly do not actively try to have a kid when I know my living situation is not right for the one I already have.

 

[Upendi&Mina]

yes, because dogs are the same thing as kids, right? Give me a break. I do not live there full time, only when there is a need, either on my part, or theirs. And while I am living there, I dont just take up space, I work I help out, earn my keep. I certainly do not actively try to have a kid when I know my living situation is not right for the one I already have.

You are the one who originally made the comparison to dogs, but when called out you don't like it? Too bad, it doesn't work like that.

So you live with your parents when you need to. You leave your dogs there even when you are not living there when you need too. But it's okay because it's you?

How do you know what MM is or isn't doing to "earn her keep"?

 

[sassafras]

I certainly do not actively try to have a kid when I know my living situation is not right for the one I already have.

Would you like a cookie?

 

[Paviche]

Would you like a cookie?

Hey now, don't just go offering cookies left and right. Those are good cookies and they don't just grow on trees.

 

[Dogdragoness]

I just cant believe everyone is like "yay, alright! Congrats!" When no, its ok at all. In fact its quite irresponsible.

and a dog is not a child, my folks lives arent altered by the fact that my (at the time ONE dog) was there, she was house trained and could be left inside all day if need be. I dont need her to be watched all of the time when she isnt there, she doesnt cry at night, she is not going to need to go to school, she wont need daycare etc ...

I drew the comparison because I have seen how members on here gang up on someone if they brought a dog into this exact situation, but because it is a kid, its suddenly ok? it should be LESS ok.

and now yes I have two dogs, and therefore I will no longer be keeping the dogs there when I am not there.

 

[Upendi&Mina]

And how do you know that MM's children infringe on her parents lives anymore than your dog infringes on your parents lives? Oh wait you don't.

 

[Paviche]

I just cant believe everyone is like "yay, alright! Congrats!" When no, its ok at all. In fact its quite irresponsible.

When were you made the Ultimate Judge of What Is and Isn't Responsible? I must have missed that memo.

 

[*blackrose]

Just popping in to say if I lived with my parents and chose to have a child they'd be thrilled. They sooooo want grandchildren. I totally don't think anyone should be judging *ayone* for having a second child while living with their parents without knowing the situation.

 

[Beanie]

Just popping in to say if I lived with my parents and chose to have a child they'd be thrilled. They sooooo want grandchildren. I totally don't think anyone should be judging *ayone* for having a second child while living with their parents without knowing the situation.

My mother would probably pay my sister to move in and have grandchildren in this house...