For chazzers in long-term relationships - how often?

milos_mommy

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#42
At 2 or younger? It would be quite rare to have distinct memories at that age.

I fully realize my kids may hear me at some point....and thats ok too. Its part of life. Kids walk in, kids sometimes hear. Sex is not some horrible boogey man that needs to be locked away. Of COURSE I am in no way suggesting not being discrete...but yeah, sex happens and kids sometimes see/hear
I totally agree with this. I've wondered if I'd be less horrified by hearing my parents have sex as a kid if they were more open about sex in general, or if it's more of a mass cultural American thing and I'd still be disgusted. I do think I'd be less horrified if my parents had actually attempted AT ALL to be discrete...and I just happened to walk in on them in the middle of the night if I woke up sick or something as opposed to at 3pm trying to get help with homework, lol.

Dogdragoness....if you have any questions about my living situation you can PM me or bring it up in a thread that's actually about my living situation instead of going totally OT. But....do you not know any adults who live with their grandparents or grew up in a house with their grandparents?? I won't say it's super common but I know quite a few other families who live in extended family households not by necessity but by choice (perhaps more common around here since it's the #1 most expensive county in the US) to save money, household responsibilities, etc. (Wikipedia says 15% of families live either multi-generational or with aunts/uncles).
 

milos_mommy

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#43
Yeah....5 weeks pregnant. So.....there's almost 10 months for my living situation to change (I've made quite a few posts about potentially buying a house in the near future), so I'm not sure why DD is even concluding I'll be raising two kids in my parent's house? (Not that plenty of people don't do that very successfully and responsibly??)
 

Grab

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#44
Yeah....5 weeks pregnant. So.....there's almost 10 months for my living situation to change (I've made quite a few posts about potentially buying a house in the near future), so I'm not sure why DD is even concluding I'll be raising two kids in my parent's house? (Not that plenty of people don't do that very successfully and responsibly??)
I wasn't judging, I was just answering xpaeanx's question :) As long as I'm not carrying or raising that child, I'm ambivalent about anyone else's children choices
 

Michiyo-Fir

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#45
I have to say that I grew up in my grandparent's house in my parent's one room up until I was 6 years old. I'm also Asian so it was pretty normal for us.

I don't see how sharing a room with your 1 or 2 children is any problem. In fact I slept in my parents' bed until I was 6. I didn't remember my parents having sex and I don't know how it worked out for them at the time but to me that's pretty normal. In fact, many Asian parents I know prefer to have their children in their room in a crib up to 3 years old even if they have multiple rooms so they can monitor their babies better.
 

milos_mommy

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#46
I wasn't judging, I was just answering xpaeanx's question :) As long as I'm not carrying or raising that child, I'm ambivalent about anyone else's children choices
oh yeah, I was just clarifying for DD and xpaeanx, lol, I didn't feel criticized by you.

WHO recommends kids stay in their parent's bedrooms til 2 years. I think APA recommends it until 6 months only. America is weird.
 
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#47
Parents, your kids hear you. I don't care if you're in the same room or on a different floor. Kids aren't dumb. They were funny stories we used to tell each other as kids when we were woken up by, walked in on, etc our parents doing what mammals do.

all these ways people "should" live. You know what? If you have love, respect and work hard, any and almost all living situations are just fine and work well. My parents had me right out of high school. My mom was 18 for a week when I was born. Things were not easy for them. We lived with my grandparents at different times as a baby. My parents then put themselves thru college and had my brother while doing so. When we moved back home, we lived in a one room house, with separate kitchen for a while when I was in first grade. We moved from there to a 2 bedroom home that could have fit inside that one room house. It's fun to embarrass them all these years later with their own sex stories that they still deny to this day.

We were dirt poor and my parents worked their asses off and made plenty of mistakes along the way. They had some help from family along the way and I'm proud of what they did. They're still going strong over 40 years later. They happened to raise 2 kids that are doing pretty well too. We were both accidents :) They were just dumb kids when I arrived and my mom was on birth control when my brother was conceived. They didn't want either of us :rofl1:but life happened and they never stopped trying and here we are today.
 

Dizzy

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#48
Well this took a turn!!!

In answer, I try not to worry what other people are doing in their sex lives.

But I will say I couldn't have sex next to my sleeping baby!! I just couldn't! I couldn't even have the dogs nearby.

We were open about sex as a family. I never ever heard my parents nor would I have even thought they did 'it', but sex was and is discussed in a non-personal way at all family gatherings. Sex and bodily functions... Lol. Hilarious bunch.
 
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#49
That child is going to be a member of society one day, which I am a part of, how they grow up WILL eventually effect me so therefore it is inadvertently, my business.

Also, is that fair to the kid? to selfishly bring another into the world when they cant even provide a good living situation for the one they have, they are living with someone and "despise" it, and they have admitted that their living situation "is not good for" their current kid, so in what universe is it logical to bring another into this situation???

Just trying to understand here.

Oh for the love of god. "Just trying to understand," suuuuure. :rolleyes:
 

Dogdragoness

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#50
I totally agree with this. I've wondered if I'd be less horrified by hearing my parents have sex as a kid if they were more open about sex in general, or if it's more of a mass cultural American thing and I'd still be disgusted. I do think I'd be less horrified if my parents had actually attempted AT ALL to be discrete...and I just happened to walk in on them in the middle of the night if I woke up sick or something as opposed to at 3pm trying to get help with homework, lol.

Dogdragoness....if you have any questions about my living situation you can PM me or bring it up in a thread that's actually about my living situation instead of going totally OT. But....do you not know any adults who live with their grandparents or grew up in a house with their grandparents?? I won't say it's super common but I know quite a few other families who live in extended family households not by necessity but by choice (perhaps more common around here since it's the #1 most expensive county in the US) to save money, household responsibilities, etc. (Wikipedia says 15% of families live either multi-generational or with aunts/uncles).
No, I do not know anyone who was raised in the same house as their grandparents (unless the parents were unable to care for them for some reason).

I am not attempting to pry into your personal life (which you did "put out there" on a public forum so I feel that argument is moot), but to me it would seem like more sense to wait until you were in a house, on your own to have kids, especially when you have expressed concern that your living situation was "not good for" your current child.
 

Upendi&Mina

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#52
No, I do not know anyone who was raised in the same house as their grandparents (unless the parents were unable to care for them for some reason).

Were you raised in a bubble?

And really if you'd like to judge, you are how old? And you still live with your parents. Funny how that works.
 
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#53
No, I do not know anyone who was raised in the same house as their grandparents (unless the parents were unable to care for them for some reason).

I am not attempting to pry into your personal life (which you did "put out there" on a public forum so I feel that argument is moot), but to me it would seem like more sense to wait until you were in a house, on your own to have kids, especially when you have expressed concern that your living situation was "not good for" your current child.
as someone who has professed their great dislike of children and other people in general why not just crawl back under that rock where you and everyone else will be better off?

Like anybody has had a "perfect" childhood or anything even close to it. Man am I thankful for the experiences i've had or I could end up as small minded as some.
 
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#54
Good thing it isn't your life. :)
Exactly. What you or I or anyone OTHER THAN THE PERSON LIVING THE LIFE would do in what order is irrelevant as long as their children are cared for and not harming anyone else.

I know a handful of people who grew up in multigenerational homes, people who have temporarily moved back in with parents, people who have all sorts of living arrangements that work for them. Many of them would not be what I would choose to do - but guess whose problem that is NOT? Everyone but me!!
 

Dogdragoness

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#55
Were you raised in a bubble?

And really if you'd like to judge, you are how old? And you still live with your parents. Funny how that works.
No, it just wasnt common where I grew up. Dont know why, it just wasnt, and I was raised that before you did something like bring kids into this world unless you had a stable living situation. I was well planned and well thought out, My parents were married for almost 5 years before they even thought about having me, and they dated for 3 years before marriage.

In a world where there is BC, not sure why this is a thing, anyway. You can dislike something and still have empathy for it, its call being human. I do not LIKE people in general but I still have empathy for them. I am just blunt and do not believe in sugar coating my opinions.

Also Yes, sometimes I do stay at the ranch, I stayed there over the summer to help them build a fence, and I stayed to help them take care of their animals when they went on a trip to the Grand Canyon for 2 weeks. I only live there when they need me to, not sure why you are busting my ass for being a good, caring daughter? But ok ... whatever.
 

Dogdragoness

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#59
You literally have the least empathy of anyone I have ever met.
That is funny since we have never met.

Also did I say anything bad about kids? If this was someone getting a DOG people would be saying how irresponsible it is and how it is not a good idea ... but because its a kid everyone is ok with it? why?
 

Upendi&Mina

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#60
I would have no problem with MM getting a dog if she could take care of it. There is no indication she can't take care of her children.

And please tell me if we can't have an opinion without meeting the person, at what point in time have you met MM?
 

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