For chazzers in long-term relationships - how often?

Fran27

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#21
I have to add though, I'm not sure how people with kids do it. Unless they have super sound proof houses or something...
 

Julee

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#22
Together for 3.5 years, living together for 2.5. Anywhere from twice a week to once a month. It would be every day if it was my choice. :rolleyes:
 
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#23
I agree that intimacy is very important. Yes, we sometimes go longer than I think is good when I am in a weird state...BUT we still snuggle, hold hands, hug...DH still seeks me out when he gets home to give me a hello kiss, we kiss goodnight every night etc.

I have to add though, I'm not sure how people with kids do it. Unless they have super sound proof houses or something...
Either enjoy deep sleepers (which mine now are) or you sneak in quickies (when mine were young and pretty much never slept)
 
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#24
^^ Oh god yes, we'd both shrivel up and die if we didn't have any physical affection, with or without sex, too.
 

k9krazee

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#25
Like others have said, it really varies on our work & stress levels and state of mind. We've been together 3 years, no kids.

We are affectionate and intimate daily--even if it's just cuddling on the couch at night or before we get up in the morning and a kiss before and after work. Up until a certain puppy moved in, we would have sex at least every other day with every day being the norm. Then we had many rough weeks with monster puppy (reason #3000 to crate a puppy) and now the dogs have a gotten in the habit of sleeping between us (reason #3001 to crate a puppy). :rolleyes: Actually, last week we decided to end the dog cuddling in the morning--DH and Crossbone have a love fest every morning instead of initiating cuddling/contact with me--and enforce dogs sleeping on the foot of the bed. The dogs are confused, but it seems to be working ;) I'm not really a sex-every-day type person but I am not totally happy with once a week or less.
 

*blackrose

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#26
^ And that is why Abrams and Histamine sleep in the living room and Cynder won't be allowed on the bed once Michael is back. LOL
 

sparks19

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#27
I agree that intimacy is very important. Yes, we sometimes go longer than I think is good when I am in a weird state...BUT we still snuggle, hold hands, hug...DH still seeks me out when he gets home to give me a hello kiss, we kiss goodnight every night etc.



Either enjoy deep sleepers (which mine now are) or you sneak in quickies (when mine were young and pretty much never slept)
This^^^

Hannah is a deep sleeper lol. With such a small house and her bedroom about 20 feet from the living room, she grew up having to deal with and sleep through noise lol
 

milos_mommy

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#28
I have to add though, I'm not sure how people with kids do it. Unless they have super sound proof houses or something...
Try to be quiet? Lol. We share a room with my almost 2 year old and she's not a super heavy sleeper but we manage. If we hear her stirring we just kind of....pause lol. We also use a white noise machine to mask it (we actually turn the volume up when we're ready to go lol).

Otherwise it's like...a lunch break quickie while she's in day care, or on the rare occasion my parents (who we live with) go out after Lil's in bed we can do it without volume control in the family room out of earshot.

We do kind of have to plan it in. We go to bed early at least weekly so we're not too tired.
 

skittledoo

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#29
We've been married 4.5 years. We used to every day or every other day. Now it's maybe once a week sometimes a little longer inbetween. We both work high demanding jobs and we're under some stress right now so we don't as often as we might like. My sex drive isn't what it used to be anymore either for some reason. That could be due to stress though.
 

xpaeanx

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#30
Try to be quiet? Lol. We share a room with my almost 2 year old and she's not a super heavy sleeper but we manage. If we hear her stirring we just kind of....pause lol. We also use a white noise machine to mask it (we actually turn the volume up when we're ready to go lol).
I don't want to get into your life at all, but I do want to share a snip it from my life. My mom did this and while it's not the only reason it's definitely a reason for why I rarely talk to her anymore and why we have the terrible relationship that we do. She thought I was asleep too, I was not always but I was upset enough to try to not move and try as hard as I could to will myself away... Obviously that did not work.

I will end it there and you don't have to feel the need to respond. It was just food for thought.
 

milos_mommy

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#31
I don't want to get into your life at all, but I do want to share a snip it from my life. My mom did this and while it's not the only reason it's definitely a reason for why I rarely talk to her anymore and why we have the terrible relationship that we do. She thought I was asleep too, I was not always but I was upset enough to try to not move and try as hard as I could to will myself away... Obviously that did not work.

I will end it there and you don't have to feel the need to respond. It was just food for thought.
Well, obviously (or maybe not...I'm sure in other cultures it might be different, and I guess some American parents do it) if my daughter was old enough to have any recollection of this in her adult life should she wake up, we wouldn't be doing it in the same room as her.

I had a similar experience growing up...although we never shared a room except on vacations or something, my mom often LOUDLY had sex mid-day when she first met her boyfriend. I'd be hanging out in the family room doing homework or something and then hear them. Part of the time she was still married to my dad, too. We have (and almost always have had) a good relationship (except I despise living with her), but I do have very little respect for the way she parented.
 

Laurelin

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#32
Yeahhhh don't assume your kids are sleeping through it. That's all I'm gonna say there. :lol-sign:
 

Dogdragoness

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#33
I don't want to get into your life at all, but I do want to share a snip it from my life. My mom did this and while it's not the only reason it's definitely a reason for why I rarely talk to her anymore and why we have the terrible relationship that we do. She thought I was asleep too, I was not always but I was upset enough to try to not move and try as hard as I could to will myself away... Obviously that did not work.

I will end it there and you don't have to feel the need to respond. It was just food for thought.
I have to say that I agree, this does have a certain "eww" factor to it.

Also, they are going to have another kid when they barely have the room for one and are living with your parents? I am sorry but IMO that is a tad irresponsible.
 
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#35
I don't want to get into your life at all, but I do want to share a snip it from my life. My mom did this and while it's not the only reason it's definitely a reason for why I rarely talk to her anymore and why we have the terrible relationship that we do. She thought I was asleep too, I was not always but I was upset enough to try to not move and try as hard as I could to will myself away... Obviously that did not work.

I will end it there and you don't have to feel the need to respond. It was just food for thought.
At 2 or younger? It would be quite rare to have distinct memories at that age.

I fully realize my kids may hear me at some point....and thats ok too. Its part of life. Kids walk in, kids sometimes hear. Sex is not some horrible boogey man that needs to be locked away. Of COURSE I am in no way suggesting not being discrete...but yeah, sex happens and kids sometimes see/hear
 

Dogdragoness

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#36
Mind your own business.
That child is going to be a member of society one day, which I am a part of, how they grow up WILL eventually effect me so therefore it is inadvertently, my business.

Also, is that fair to the kid? to selfishly bring another into the world when they cant even provide a good living situation for the one they have, they are living with someone and "despise" it, and they have admitted that their living situation "is not good for" their current kid, so in what universe is it logical to bring another into this situation???

Just trying to understand here.
 

xpaeanx

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#37
At 2 or younger? It would be quite rare to have distinct memories at that age.

I fully realize my kids may hear me at some point....and thats ok too. Its part of life. Kids walk in, kids sometimes hear. Sex is not some horrible boogey man that needs to be locked away. Of COURSE I am in no way suggesting not being discrete...but yeah, sex happens and kids sometimes see/hear
My point was about sharing a room with your child and having sex while they were also in there "sleeping." I'm not sure how old I actually was, it was a looooooong time ago now. But you shouldn't assume not stirring= asleep. Especially when you are sharing a room.

And if you read my post, I said it was just food for thought. She can make whatever choice she wants to make. I even said that I wasn't expecting a response, as this was just me sharing my experience with a similar situation.
 

xpaeanx

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#38
DD, where are you getting this having another kid thing from? You can have sex without having kids, so IDK where you got that from?
 

Michiyo-Fir

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#39
We have no kids and I only live at his house 3-4 nights a week. So usually 3-4 times a week but I think even if we lived together everyday that would be our max. I don't feel like we would do it more than that.
 

Julee

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#40
That child is going to be a member of society one day, which I am a part of, how they grow up WILL eventually effect me so therefore it is inadvertently, my business.

Also, is that fair to the kid? to selfishly bring another into the world when they cant even provide a good living situation for the one they have, they are living with someone and "despise" it, and they have admitted that their living situation "is not good for" their current kid, so in what universe is it logical to bring another into this situation???

Just trying to understand here.
No, it does not make it your business. Believe it or not, the world does not revolve around you.

IIRC they live with her parents while she is finishing school, which is very normal. Multiple generations live together in many cultures. Many people move back in with parents (with kids!) while saving for a house. It doesn't make them irresponsible. I don't intend to have children so this is entirely hypothetical... but I don't like living with people other than my SO. If I had a kid and we lived with my father while say, saving for a house, I wouldn't be thrilled with it, and there are traits about him I wouldn't be thrilled with raising a kid around, but nobody's perfect. But it would be my choice. Just like this is her choice. Just because it isn't what you would do doesn't make it irresponsible. You don't live with them. It isn't your situation to deal with or comment on. So mind your own business.
 

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