For chazzers in long-term relationships - how often?

milos_mommy

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#1
Do you "do it"? Particularly with kids, and did it change after kids? Or without kids...I'm just nosy.

Someone in my mom group posted her fiancé is frustrated she has no sex drive...and that immediately got 12 comments of agreement and women commuting on the fact that the closest they get to their husband is a high 5 once the chores are done.

I thought it was bad sometimes we go more than a week without if we're busy. We usually have sex once or twice a week. Sometimes slightly more, sometimes slightly less. I'm wondering if we're in the minority?
 

*blackrose

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#2
Eh....maybe every other day? Sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes every day. Average I'd say every other day.

We went a week one time due to schedules being busy and towards the end of it we were both incredibly ready to "get back on the horse". LOL

We don't currently have kids.

Currently 7.5 weeks and counting....only 22.5 more weeks to go. :cool: :lol-sign:
 

stardogs

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#3
Early on, when I was really stressed from work it was once every two weeks. Currently about 1x a week, sometimes more, sometimes less, but I'm hitting 2 weeks without and DH was too tired and stressed from class he's taking on top of work, so it looks like it may be another week until that class wraps up and he does more than sleep, work, and do homework. :( Sooooo frustrated.

It really seems like my drive has gone up and his has slacked a bit. *sigh*
 

Kootenay

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#4
I'll answer even though we recently broke up, but my ex and I were together for over 8 years. It's hard to estimate, really, because it just totally depended on many factors...generally maybe once every 3 or 4 days? Sometimes every day, very rarely twice in a day, and also rarely there were periods of a few weeks when we didn't. Probably wasn't all that uncommon that we would go a week in between occasionally.

No kids ;)
 
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#5
Over the 15 years it has had a huge range. A big part is how I am feeling...when I get more depressed or anxious about my weight, the frequency goes down.
 

meepitsmeagan

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#6
Brynne- did he take Jasper? Sorry I know that is OT.

Depending on many factors, typically 1x per week.

Though as of right now I'm sitting around 2 without and getting pretty vocal about it. Lol! DH has a lower drive than I do, tho.
 

Dogdragoness

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#7
Of course ... we have no (human) kids. OH is super busy with work and he is sometimes really tired, so like, once a week? I guess? I dont know I never really count, its kind of an "when the mood takes us" thing.
 

amberdyan

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#8
No kids, but we'll hopefully have one within the next year. Been together for 5.5 years. Unless something weird is going on, it's usually 3 or more times a week. More in the smer when we don't have jobs (teachers).
 
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#9
Oh I should add....we have two kids. When they were very little and nursing round the clock, yes, it affected our sex life. But that goes away pretty quick for me...its other issues that affect it more. DH would be happy to at anytime though
 

krissy

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#10
I have like... negative drive. I could probably go the rest of my life without and I wouldn't feel deprived. So... our frequency totally depends on my BF and when he initiates. Early on definitely daily, now maybe once a week or every couple weeks.

And we have no kids.
 

Paviche

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#11
My BF and I have been together for 3 years, 4 if you count the first year of casually dating. When we first became official, it was 2-3 times/day, as many days as I saw him (he lived really close to where I worked though so I was there most days.) Then he moved and we started seeing each other about 1x/week, so that was the frequency. Then my sex drive poofed into thin air and it's been rough going, because he has a very high sex drive. Right now we're sitting at, eh, 4 months since the last time? I don't really know. I also don't see him as often, for unrelated reasons. But hopefully we'll get back to 1x/week again soon.

No kids here.
 

sparks19

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#12
We don't really have a schedule of how often. sometimes it's a lot and sometimes it's not so frequent

We have sex whenever we are BOTH in the mood but we are intimate every single day!!! We hug, we kiss, we hold each other, we tell each other how much we love the other multiple times a day. Whether we have sex or not has no affect on our intimacy. There are times where both our sex drives are high and primed and other times when they are not. It's not just having a child... it's having a full time stressful job that is not just 9-5 like hubby has, it's not sleeping well, it's stress, it's ... a MILLION different things tht maybe we don't actually do the FINAL ACT but we are intimate every single day regardless of sex!!! That's what is important, IMO.

If he... or I, were rendered unable to have sex ever again, we would still be INTIMATE!!!!
 

GipsyQueen

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#13
We've been together for 4 years now - 3 of those living together and have no kids. Usually once or twice a week. Though depending on stress level we'll go a week or two without.
 

sparks19

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#14
Sorry for the rant. I just see this question all the time among moms groups and it's usually posed by women who are feeling inadequate because their sex drives are way down and it's sad that they feel that way because they think everyone else is screwing like rabbits an there must be something wrong with them lol. When in reality, they are just exhausted normal women who aren't feeling their sexiest at the moment.

I try to tell them that intimacy is more important. You can have sex with no intimacy and intimacy with no sex
 

SpringerLover

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#15
We don't live together. It is generally every time we are together which is 3-4 times per week. Sometimes it is a "get the job done" and sometimes it is not. 3 years later and we would still rather have sex on opposite schedules so we do both. I'd rather first thing in the AM and he'd rather last thing before sleep.
 

Fran27

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#16
Once a month if that. I have a lot of pre-menopause symptoms though, one of which being vaginal dryness, so let's say that sex is not exactly something high on my list of priorities considering that it, well, hurts. Plus I'm a pretty introvert person, and after having the kids on top of me all day, and the cat when they are not here, I often just want to be left alone.
 
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#17
It varies so much depending on so many things - work schedules and stress being probably the biggest thing that affects us. We go through periods where it's every day, and periods where it's once a month or even longer.

I'd say under average conditions, once to twice a week. No kids, married 17 years.
 

Torch

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#18
We don't really have a schedule of how often. sometimes it's a lot and sometimes it's not so frequent

We have sex whenever we are BOTH in the mood but we are intimate every single day!!! We hug, we kiss, we hold each other, we tell each other how much we love the other multiple times a day. Whether we have sex or not has no affect on our intimacy. There are times where both our sex drives are high and primed and other times when they are not. It's not just having a child... it's having a full time stressful job that is not just 9-5 like hubby has, it's not sleeping well, it's stress, it's ... a MILLION different things tht maybe we don't actually do the FINAL ACT but we are intimate every single day regardless of sex!!! That's what is important, IMO.

If he... or I, were rendered unable to have sex ever again, we would still be INTIMATE!!!!
This is a really, really good post.

We have a lot on our plates and honestly sex is sometimes put to the side. But we have always found ways to be affectionate and intimate. It's one of the things that has always attracted me to my husband; he's not a specially romantic person, but he's very attuned to me and always affectionate with me. He's one of the few men I've met who seems to truly understand the power of touch.
 

SoCrafty

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#19
We have been together for almost 4 years. It was once a week, now its every once every week to two weeks. But we are going to try to go back to once every week at least.
 

Kootenay

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#20
Brynne- did he take Jasper? Sorry I know that is OT.
Yeah, he did. I will probably end up with Jasper here and there since he tours quite a bit, but Jasper is his now. It's sad but I think honestly Jasper is way happier as an only dog anyway! It works out well for both of them.
 

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