Is it uncommon

[puppydog]

This is a spin off from my engagement thread. Barb got me thinking. Is it uncommon now days for a man to ask a womans parents for her hand?

I would turn a man down if he had not asked my parents. I would tell him to ask them first, then come back and ask me.

Paul and I have lived together for 2 years and he still made an appointment and asked my parents. I feel that it is the respectful thing to do.

Thoughts?

 

[darkchild16]

Jeremy didnt but at that point dad told him he better marry me finally if thats what I wanted LOL

My dad DID ask my stepmoms father because it was important to them. Jeremy was going to but it wasnt important to any of my family in fact knowing my dad he would have said No just to be annoying LOL.

 

[Labyrinth]

There's nothing wrong with it, but my first thought when I saw your other thread was that it was pretty old fashioned.

Congratulations btw

 

[Dreeza]

I guess I would kinda hope my future fiance does that...at least a quick call if they aren't in the same state (cause most likely, we wont be). But eh, I doubt at the time of being asked I would even think about whether or not he did, haha

 

[sparks19]

We got married an told everyone after lol so.... No there was no asking for permission ol we just up and eloped and told everyone later

 

[Renee750il]

I would probably seriously consider breaking it off with a guy who asked my parents' permission. I'm not chattel.

 

[Taqroy]

I don't know exactly how uncommon it is. Matt didn't ask my parents and I never really thought about it. I actually might have been kind of offended if he did...like my parent's control my life or something. But that's just me. I think it all depends on what kind of family you come from.

 

[PWCorgi]

I would probably be kinda perturbed if a guy asked my mom. It's not her decision, it's mine.

 

[Grab]

Ditto the above

 

[puppydog]

Its not a case of asking if he can marry you, its a case of asking if he can ask.

I was raised Afrikaans. In my culture I belong to my father until I am married. Once married I belong to my husband who protects me and cares for me. It is Pauls duty to request that responsibility from my father and it is my father right to decline or accept. Paul was rather modern to ask my mother AND father.

It is a formality and done out of respect rather then requirement. I hope that explains it.

It made my parents and me very happy. It was very romantic.

 

[SarahHound]

I think its quite an old fashioned thing to do really, to a lot of people anyway. None of the people I have known married have asked parents first. I think its a nice thing to do, just uncommon these days.

I would home anyone I was that close with would not speak to my parents first.

 

[Sweet72947]

Its not a case of asking if he can marry you, its a case of asking if he can ask.

I was raised Afrikaans. In my culture I belong to my father until I am married. Once married I belong to my husband who protects me and cares for me. It is Pauls duty to request that responsibility from my father and it is my father right to decline or accept. Paul was rather modern to ask my mother AND father.

It is a formality and done out of respect rather then requirement. I hope that explains it.

It made my parents and me very happy. It was very romantic.

See, that's the difference. In other cultures, women highly value independence and would find it offensive to be considered the property of anyone else. I'm sure it works fine for you and I'm glad you're happy.

To answer the question, I would probably think it was cute, but I wouldn't consider it a requirement (if I were the marrying type ).

 

[skittledoo]

meh, I'm honestly indifferent. Josh did ask my step-dad... well... sort of. He asked him if he would be ok with him and I getting married though if my step dad said no we still would have anyways so I wouldn't say he was actually asking permission exactly. He didn't ask my biological dad anything because my dad would think it was odd.

 

[PWCorgi]

In other cultures, women highly value independence and would find it offensive to be considered the property of anyone else. I'm sure it works fine for you and I'm glad you're happy.

Exactly, I agree that it is a cultural thing in this case.

So if you're parents say no then...you don't get married?

 

[SarahHound]

I guess I should say, whilst I don't like it, each to their own. If that is what feels right to you, then so be it. As long as everyone involved is happy at the end of the day, that's all that matters!

 

[milos_mommy]

Personally I would find it very strange if a future bf asked my parents. And it isn't very common any more at least in parts of the US. But I don't think there's anything wrong with it, just not something I'd do.

 

[-bogart-]

I Joke all the time with chris if he has asked my dad yet. if he doesn't then i will give him nine kinds of grief for our whole lives. all in fun of course , We will be married no matter what anyone thinks . but it does show respect for my family. and since chris and dad where friends before we got together i think it will be hilarious.

John (my dad ) :Hey what up man how is it going?
Chris ( my livein) : Hey man , can i marry ya daughter since I knocked her up a couple times and all?
John : Where is the shotgun?


LOL

And in your case I am happy for you and wish you all the happiness.

 

[Dreeza]

wait, I'm changing my answer...

And I feel really dumb now...I kinda always thought of "asking the parents" to be more of a "yo, btw, I'm gonna ask your daughter to marry me"...not really an asking permission to do so. I def do not need my parents permission, although I would hope they of course, would love the man I'm marrying as well. But I wouldn't mind him giving them a heads up...thats kinda more what I was thinking it to be like, haha

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

I wouldn't find it strange, I think it would be really nice and I hope that my future husband does approach my parents.

The thing is, he wouldn't be asking my parents for permission to marry me. Rather, he would be asking for their blessings, because he would be marrying me anyway and it would be nice to be able to marry with the knowledge that they were happy about it to.

Again, I am no ones property and don't need a parent's permission to marry. But it sure would be nice if he asked for their goodwill and blessings

 

[noludoru]

I would probably seriously consider breaking it off with a guy who asked my parents' permission. I'm not chattel.

IF I was ever interested in getting married (which I'm not) this is how I would feel.

Its not a case of asking if he can marry you, its a case of asking if he can ask.

I was raised Afrikaans. In my culture I belong to my father until I am married. Once married I belong to my husband who protects me and cares for me. It is Pauls duty to request that responsibility from my father and it is my father right to decline or accept. Paul was rather modern to ask my mother AND father.

It is a formality and done out of respect rather then requirement. I hope that explains it.

It made my parents and me very happy. It was very romantic.

In your culture that's the norm, so while I don't necessarily agree with it, I don't think it's wrong. It's obviously the right thing to do for your situation. In the US, the way I was raised, there's just no way that would be acceptable.