Have you tried clicker training? Mark the behavior you like...those seconds in between his whining or his scratching. Maybe getting more aggressive in your training would help. I don't mean "aggressive" in a bad way. I guess I mean pro-active. Make some real training sessions and lessons out of it maybe. You might even read Don't Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor to get the logistics down. Those interactive toys might help too, along with the other ideas. Try not to react to him when he is being demanding. Wait for a lull, then reinforce him with something he loves or wants at the time. But mark the behavior. That may be what he needs. If other people won't comply with your requests to ignore his nonsense, put him away from them while they're there.
As far as RTH's comment, I'm with you on ignoring the rudeness of it....it's typical. But don't discount all of the substance of it. What I mean is....no behavior exists without reinforcement. Somewhere, somehow along the line, he has been inadvertantly reinforced, either by you, someone else OR from the dog himself (self rewarding behavior with natural consequences) or it wouldn't continue. That's just basic behavioral law. AND dogs are all individuals. What can escalate easily with one dog might not so easily with another. For example, my dogs might ask me for something and I comply. They get antsy (not really demanding) at dinner time. And I get up and get their food. They never get any different. They don't whine or bark, jump around or anything. They just sort of look at me and wag their tails, like..."hellooooo....it's 4:30. LOL. Or Jose` might drop the ball in front of me, asking me to throw it. I might comply with his request. He never gets pushy about it though....maybe because I don't throw it every time and maybe because he's just not that bossy of a dog. LOL. If I don't throw it, he right away goes away and does something else and doesn't bug me. Some people say, "Always be the instigator of the tug game." Well, if my dog brings me a toy and asks me to play, I might and I might not. It doesn't matter with my dogs. They just don't seem to take something and run with it. They probably would if I did everything they wanted, but I don't. and I'm careful not to reinforce obnoxious behavior if it starts poking it's ugly head a little bit. LOL.
So, with various dogs, you get a feel for how much you can get away with. Your dog sounds like one of those where you have to be much more consistent and regimented....set up some boundaries you have in your mind and figure out where you'll draw the line and stick with it religiously.
I do see your dilema and difficulties and I do hope you can get things mellowed out. Maybe getting a certified behaviorist in to help you would be an idea, albeit and expensive one. But sometimes it only takes a session or two to get the tools to use. Good luck.
As far as RTH's comment, I'm with you on ignoring the rudeness of it....it's typical. But don't discount all of the substance of it. What I mean is....no behavior exists without reinforcement. Somewhere, somehow along the line, he has been inadvertantly reinforced, either by you, someone else OR from the dog himself (self rewarding behavior with natural consequences) or it wouldn't continue. That's just basic behavioral law. AND dogs are all individuals. What can escalate easily with one dog might not so easily with another. For example, my dogs might ask me for something and I comply. They get antsy (not really demanding) at dinner time. And I get up and get their food. They never get any different. They don't whine or bark, jump around or anything. They just sort of look at me and wag their tails, like..."hellooooo....it's 4:30. LOL. Or Jose` might drop the ball in front of me, asking me to throw it. I might comply with his request. He never gets pushy about it though....maybe because I don't throw it every time and maybe because he's just not that bossy of a dog. LOL. If I don't throw it, he right away goes away and does something else and doesn't bug me. Some people say, "Always be the instigator of the tug game." Well, if my dog brings me a toy and asks me to play, I might and I might not. It doesn't matter with my dogs. They just don't seem to take something and run with it. They probably would if I did everything they wanted, but I don't. and I'm careful not to reinforce obnoxious behavior if it starts poking it's ugly head a little bit. LOL.
So, with various dogs, you get a feel for how much you can get away with. Your dog sounds like one of those where you have to be much more consistent and regimented....set up some boundaries you have in your mind and figure out where you'll draw the line and stick with it religiously.
I do see your dilema and difficulties and I do hope you can get things mellowed out. Maybe getting a certified behaviorist in to help you would be an idea, albeit and expensive one. But sometimes it only takes a session or two to get the tools to use. Good luck.