Do you want kids?

[Elrohwen]

I was an only child and I can confirm that if you don't have siblings, you don't know what you're missing. Occasionally I wanted an older sibling, but I really didn't miss it. I don't think I had any negative effects from it either.

DH has a sister so he thinks we should have two kids, so it's just what you're used to. I know plenty of people who aren't close to their siblings at all, or who fought constantly as kids, so I don't think sibling necessarily = best friend for life.

I'm in the camp of wanting one kid so I can maintain as much of my regular life as possible. In many ways I feel like one kid can fit into your life in a way that two just can't. Everyone I work with who has two kids is completely overwhelmed and has no free time. The people with one kid are pretty happy and stress free. Kind of like one dog vs two. Two is fun, but with just one I can take him many more places with a lot less stress, even if he's not perfectly behaved.

 

[Dizzy]

I'm lucky in the way that all the things I enjoy are very kid friendly lol. I often joke that I have a child so it wouldn't be weird for me to go see animated movies and go to Disney World (although when you are at Disney... NO ONE thinks you are weird if you don't have kids. Disney is for everyone. BUT it's SO MUCH BETTER to have Hannah to enjoy it with). I'm a child at heart and I think I always will be.

Being mom is a big part of my identity and honestly, being mom is how I finally started meeting people and making friends and getting involved in things around here. It sounds weird but this area... it's not always easy to get to know people. Hannah was the perfect "IN" lol. I joined a moms group to meet other ladies and hopefully have a little support group. Through this group I finally made some friends, got to know the area and got out to do some fun stuff (both with kids and without, IE : moms night out). I found our church through a lady in the group as well. Having the support of other moms who were in the same place in life that I was really helped me know that anything we were dealing with was normal and everyone else was going through similar experiences.

When we started homeschooling, I joined a homeschool co op. That has been a God send for all of us. Again, I found a larger group of friends and a tremendous amount of support. I LOVE these ladies and Hannah has a blast a co op.

So Having Hannah helped me find my way in this town and now we've branched out so much that I often wonder how I've come so far lol.

I'm lots of things besides JUST mom. I'm a teacher at a preschool, I'm outreach committee leader (with Brian), I'm worship team singer, I'm wife, friend, daughter, you get the idea. Every night we put Hannah to bed at 8 and then I get my break from being JUST mom. I get to kick back, relax, watch our favorite shows, snuggle with hubby and just... BE lol. I COULD go out and do things for my "me time" but there's not much I want to do outside the house. I'm a homebody and I enjoy just sitting on the couch watching TV or working on jewelry or scarves or reading or whatever

I'd have NO problems being "just mum". I don't see that as a bad thing at all. I'd wear that badge with pride, because I'd be a GOOD mum!!

I have to admit, wanting kids does appeal because of the being a child again too toy shopping, finger painting, picnics, exploring... All stuff I loooooove!

I'd probably take time off from work as I commute and hour and my hours (whilst set hours) aren't guaranteed to get me home at an exact time, or leave in the morning at an exact time... The thought of leaving at 7am and not getting home till 7pm odd days, then having to look after a baby and do everything else makes me go :yikes:

I love my wage.... But if I want to be "just mum" something has to give, and sacrifices would be made... I'd go back to work when a child was old enough to go to school. That'd be my plan, other half goes grey lol but agrees it's the realistic option. I don't want to have kids for someone else to raise them. I want to do that, it's why I want kids! I do feel for people who have no choices, but we are lucky that we can think about it. Just need to do some maths and then see whether we are even able to have kids!!

I'm convinced pregnancy is something that happens to other people..... I can't EVER imagine being pregnant or finding out I am... I hope it's not a premonition

 

[Greenmagick]

Only children, some love it some hate not having siblings. I personally was not interested in having only one child. I originally wanted three but my first two were both pretty high needs (my daughter especially) and I decided I was done at two.

 

[CaliTerp07]

99% sure this little boy will be an only.

My sister and I are only 17 months apart, and both of us would tell you to this day that we wish we were only children. Neither of us enjoyed having a sibling growing up, and we get along better now, 3000 miles apart than we ever did when we lived together. We would both choose not to interact with each other if it weren't for our shared family.

DH has one brother, also 17 months younger. He agrees that he'd rather have been an only child.

We all grew up in super loving, supportive environments...we just didn't have anything in common with our siblings. I know my parents tried to get us to be best friends growing up, and it backfired horribly.

I am excited to think that by the time my kiddo goes to college he'll have a full passport, a skill set of any activities he's been interested in, and a full college savings account. All of that is worth more to me than a sibling.

The only way I'd consider a sibling is if there was at least 4 years between the kids and DH got a major pay raise. Studies have shown that the younger child is at an academic disadvantage. That disadvantage is mitigated by having at least 3 years difference between siblings. With 4+ years difference they'd never be in school together (the neighborhood schools are K-3, 4-6, 7-8, and 9-12), which I think would mitigate tensions.

 

[*blackrose]

I have four siblings, and I love having them. Mike is an only child and he wishes he had siblings from a practical standpoint. He wishes he had someone else to help care for his parents and his grandmother and that the burden wouldn't fall solely on him. Which, if he had a functional family, shouldn't have been an issue anyway...but he does not, so he is the one responsible for his parents and grandparent, and it really gets to him at times.

So we want multiple children. I want three, he either wants two or four. We'll see if we still feel the same way after the first one. LOL

 

[Dogdragoness]

I was an only and loved it, OH had two sisters and a brother and hated it lol.

I would have been a terrible sibling, I just know it.

 

[Paviche]

I have two brothers and I'm not super close with either, but that's because we have a pretty big age range between us. I'm the middle child. My older brother is 8 years older than I am, and my younger brother is 11 years younger than I am - he's technically a half-brother from my dad, and I lived with my mom, so we didn't exactly grow up together. My older brother and I did.

I like my brothers - we get along pretty well. But my older brother & I are kind of living our own lives, and my little brother is only 11.

My best friend and my boyfriend are both only children, and neither has ever said to me that they wished they'd had sibling/s.

 

[jess2416]

I do NOT want to go through labor lol but I would consider adoption and my SO has a son so if that ever happens a stepchild is more than enough for me

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

99% sure this little boy will be an only.

My sister and I are only 17 months apart, and both of us would tell you to this day that we wish we were only children. Neither of us enjoyed having a sibling growing up, and we get along better now, 3000 miles apart than we ever did when we lived together. We would both choose not to interact with each other if it weren't for our shared family.

DH has one brother, also 17 months younger. He agrees that he'd rather have been an only child.

We all grew up in super loving, supportive environments...we just didn't have anything in common with our siblings. I know my parents tried to get us to be best friends growing up, and it backfired horribly.

I am excited to think that by the time my kiddo goes to college he'll have a full passport, a skill set of any activities he's been interested in, and a full college savings account. All of that is worth more to me than a sibling.

The only way I'd consider a sibling is if there was at least 4 years between the kids and DH got a major pay raise. Studies have shown that the younger child is at an academic disadvantage. That disadvantage is mitigated by having at least 3 years difference between siblings. With 4+ years difference they'd never be in school together (the neighborhood schools are K-3, 4-6, 7-8, and 9-12), which I think would mitigate tensions.

this is interesting--especially since I am one of six children--all of us attended college, one with a doctorate (number 3), one with masters (youngest), rest with bachelors level. The first four of us were about 11 months apart each year--then 3 years to the fifth, and another 3 to the sixth. We literally followed each other in school--sometimes two of us in the same grade level class when taking an advanced level course.
Overall--I loved growing up in a big family--always someone to be with, and we are all still very close--and now, so are our children even though we are not all in the same state/area.

 

[CaliTerp07]

this is interesting--especially since I am one of six children--all of us attended college, one with a doctorate (number 3), one with masters (youngest), rest with bachelors level. The first four of us were about 11 months apart each year--then 3 years to the fifth, and another 3 to the sixth. We literally followed each other in school--sometimes two of us in the same grade level class when taking an advanced level course.
Overall--I loved growing up in a big family--always someone to be with, and we are all still very close--and now, so are our children even though we are not all in the same state/area.

Clearly there are outliers! In general though, I think it makes sense. When there are two or more little ones in the house, the parents don't usually have as much attention/time to devote to each child. Kiddo #1 gets undivided attention until #2 comes along, but kiddo #2 rarely does because older sibling is still needy.

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

Clearly there are outliers! In general though, I think it makes sense. When there are two or more little ones in the house, the parents don't usually have as much attention/time to devote to each child. Kiddo #1 gets undivided attention until #2 comes along, but kiddo #2 rarely does because older sibling is still needy.

huh--I guess it depends on how you parent. I had three children--first two were 2 1/2 years apart--third one 2 years later--but she has significant special needs. One would think that would take even more away from child number 2 if we were following your line of thought. In reality--it created an even tighter parent/child bond for all of my kids--I didn't want them to not have what they needed. I always felt it was due to my upbringing--my parents always found a way to give each of us attention. And I would further add that NOT always having parents attention was great too--we all learned how to fend for ourselves in many ways--it really spurred our independence in many areas.

So--I guess to each their own! I had wanted one more child myself--but did feel given my daughters needs, that I would not be able to give another child what they should have. So in the end, I think it is about knowing ourselves and our limits.

 

[Greenmagick]

Undivided attention has drawbacks too though.

There are definitely pros and cons for all different numbers and spacings. It comes down to parents and family dynamics on what works best for each.

For me, my two play together so well, entertain each other, and are just awesome together. I LOVE that they are fairly close in age (21 months apart) and shudder at some of the issues friends of mine went through with children spaced further...while at the same time they shudder at the issues I went through.

 

[sparks19]

Yeah... I don't know about that logic.

I know two families that have 8 kids. They are two
Of the closest, most tight knit families I have ever known. I mean, the one family goes to our church and I regularly see them hugging each other during church. Whether it's the youngest (10 year old boy) and he is leaning on a sibling during church and whatever sibling it is (whether brother or sister) will have their arm around him. Same with mom. Dad died from a heart attack two years ago but it was the same when he was alive.

I don't think it's the majority of families with more than one child.

 

[stardogs]

I was an only and DH was an only until he was 17, we both liked being only children. We are leaning toward one kid, maaaaaaaaaaybe two if kid #1 isn't high needs.

 

[Fran101]

It's almost as if children are actually small people and each of them are different....


lol

 

[Oko]

It's almost as if children are actually small people and each of them are different....





lol

Almost. Almost.

 

[Dizzy]

Clearly there are outliers! In general though, I think it makes sense. When there are two or more little ones in the house, the parents don't usually have as much attention/time to devote to each child. Kiddo #1 gets undivided attention until #2 comes along, but kiddo #2 rarely does because older sibling is still needy.

That is waaaaaay too mathematical to look at parenting and outcomes.

If there's one thing I know, it's you have to look at each family on an individual basis to determine outcomes.

There are lots of factors that determine outcomes and can predict outcomes. Lots of intertwining things to do with parenting ability, biological makeup, life choices and external environment.... But you DEFINITELY can't say anyone one thing will lead to any one outcome. It's now they interplay and how resilient parent and child are.

I think sibling position in the family is important to a lot of families (hello middle child syndrome!) but that's MUCH MUCH more to do with how those parents choose to parent than some uncontrollable equation. And again, will be determined by a whole manner of other factors.

And honestly.... I don't think education is always a measure of how successful someone is as a human being. If we solely measure success on monetary worth/education you miss a real fat slice of everything else. I think we should measure success on emotional intelligence, empathy, warmth, kindness, working hard to the best of your ability, being able to have fun, being able to help those around you, being interested in your surroundings, and so on.

I KNOW I said I'd never have 3 kids, but that was MY experience of being parented.. I don't believe that others shouldn't, and I think there are BILLIONS of successful multiple sibling families!! Lol!!

 

[teacuptiger]

Theoretically, yes. I'd love kids. I have a bunch of names saved up from over the years. I'm 23, btw. I've even moved on from my obsession with J names, lol.

Buuuuttt.... I am SO not a people person. I'm awkward around children. Pregnancy scares me as well. I have no maternity skills. I took a childcare class in high school, and when we had to visit a few daycares... well. The kids LOVED me, but I felt so bad because I forgot how to human. Basically.

I love the idea of children, but in reality they just freak me out a bit.

 

[MilliesMom]

I've wanted kids since I was a kid. Had some hiccups along the way, so our two are 6 years apart. That made being a SAHM until they were both in school a pretty long haul, LOL. Naturally there were many life glitches along the way, but they're now 19 & 25 and just the best kids ever.

Now I'm on the "Grandmawannabe" track.

 

[JessLough]

As for the siblings thing, there's 3 of us. There's almost four years (Feb 87 - Dec 90) between the first two, and just over a year and a half between the second and third. I'm the middle. When we were kids, my older sister and *hated* each other. We couldn't be left alone in the same room, even, or we'd start a fight. Now that we're older, we have conversations and are nice to each other, though I wouldn't call us friends. We don't buy christmas/birthday gifts for each other, even (while we do for everyone else). My younger brother and I have always gotten along. We were mostly inseparable as kids, so much so that people would ask if we were twins. Now that we're older, we often do our own things, but we're still fairly close and friendly. My older sister and younger brother were friends as kids. Normal brother/sister relationship. Close as you can be with a 5 1/2 year difference, at least. Now that they're older, they do basically everything together.