Do you want kids?

milos_mommy said:
Oh, and to add to the big age gap thing: my brother and I are just shy of 4 years apart. We grew up hating each other and abusing each other. We get along now, but really aren't close. I love him, but we don't choose to hang out together or talk or anything.

My boyfriend has a sister 10 years younger. They are incredibly close...and even though he is a bit more of a supervisor than a typical playmate, they spend a ton of time together playing, bicker like typical siblings, etc. He's as close with her as he is with his brother who's 2 years apart.

I agree it depends much more on family dynamics and how the parents foster the sibling relationship rather thAn age.

Also, sparks, haven't you been considering adopting an older child? That would give Hannah a sib close in age, and that might be the route we take in 6 or 7 years...
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It is something we have been considering but it is extremely expensive and apparently they frown upon families with a biological child choosing to adopt and can make it even more difficult to be placed with a child.
 
sparks19 said:
It is something we have been considering but it is extremely expensive and apparently they frown upon families with a biological child choosing to adopt and can make it even more difficult to be placed with a child.
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What? :confused: Do they think parents will play favorites or something?
 
Whisper said:
What? :confused: Do they think parents will play favorites or something?
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I think that probably has something to do with it. I mean it's not impossible and chances are you will get a placement eventually but I know a couple people who adopted or tried to adopt after having a biological child or two and it just made it all that much harder.

Also, we can't adopt while in this house because one of the requirements for placement here is that the child has their own room. Since we only have two bedrooms... Not possible.
 
I just can't get over some of the negitive responses we (especially me since I guess I am a woman) have received when we tell ppl we aren't going to have kids, they are like "why not?" And they either are condescending about it right away or once they realize that we are childless by choice not because of something medical :/
 
Dogdragoness said:
I just can't get over some of the negitive responses we (especially me since I guess I am a woman) have received when we tell ppl we aren't going to have kids, they are like "why not?" And they either are condescending about it right away or once they realize that we are childless by choice not because of something medical :/
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One of my friends regrets telling her extended family that she's not having kids because she just doesn't want them. She wishes that she had made up a medical reason so they would leave her alone about it. That's just too bad.
 
Elrohwen said:
One of my friends regrets telling her extended family that she's not having kids because she just doesn't want them. She wishes that she had made up a medical reason so they would leave her alone about it. That's just too bad.
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Yeah and not only are we getting best but my parents are too sometimes ("don't you want grand kids ?") like they could force me or something :/. I know they are like "well your cousin has a kid blah blah blah ... Yeah a kid from an afraid she was having on her then husband :/
 
I adore babies, but I'm scared of the responsibility that raising a human being brings.

I do want to have a child, maybe two, and I'd like to be able to stay at home with them and enjoy every milestone they have. My boyfriend is currently in the "maybe, haven't really thought about it seriously" stage, but I want to have our first child no later than 4 years from now, so we need to start getting our ducks in a row.
 
All I'm saying is people need to stop posting in this thread...because then I see the title "Do you want kids?" every time I check the forum. And then I am reminded that, why, yes, I do want kids. And then I think about having kids. And then that makes me want to begin the process of having a child. Like, now.

STOP IT. EVERYONE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME. :rofl1:
 
I was an absolute "no!" as a teenager, but now I'm a maybe. In some ways I don't want to sacrifice my time and money that would be spent with the dogs and horses, and I like my freedom and independence. I enjoy kids when they're toddler age and older, but babies make me super uncomfortable. However, on the other hand I'll have thoughts about how I hope Quinn is still around when I have kids because she loves babies/children so much, and that I can't wait to get a pony for my kids LOL. So there's that.

I think time will tell, I'm still young! We'll also see what kind of person I end up with. As of right now I wouldn't be heartbroken if my future partner didn't want kids, but if that was his dream and we were in a good situation, and it was good timing, I probably wouldn't oppose.
 
I know I already answered with a semi-reluctant yes, but another thought came to mind - the one thing about having kids that puts me off is the idea of becoming a mother. I'm okay with having kids, raising kids, spending time with them, etc. But I don't want "mother" to become a central part of my identity. I get a pit in my stomach thinking about introducing myself and saying "Hi! I'm Grace, and I'm a happy mother of two beautiful children!". Ugh. No. Please, just never let that be me.

Of course your identity is what you make it and there is more to it than that, but I have a tendency to throw myself into things 110%. My own mother is an incredible mother, and even though she has a variety of skills and interests, the everything she does is for me and my sister. She's a mother, and yes, so much more, but it's a part of her identity and not just a role she plays.

I don't know. I think maybe I'm a little too selfish for motherhood, and that selfish part of me doesn't even want to give that up LOL I have too many other things that I want that I know I'll inevitably sacrifice if I have kids, and I'm not quite okay with that yet. I don't know if I'll ever be, but I'm still young so I guess we'll see!
 
I think I would like to have kids. Probably 2-4 but I definitely do not want to be pregnant. So I don't really know how to approach the question/situation. Adoption may be an option but I haven't thought about it much.
 
Equinox said:
I know I already answered with a semi-reluctant yes, but another thought came to mind - the one thing about having kids that puts me off is the idea of becoming a mother. I'm okay with having kids, raising kids, spending time with them, etc. But I don't want "mother" to become a central part of my identity. I get a pit in my stomach thinking about introducing myself and saying "Hi! I'm Grace, and I'm a happy mother of two beautiful children!". Ugh. No. Please, just never let that be me.

Of course your identity is what you make it and there is more to it than that, but I have a tendency to throw myself into things 110%. My own mother is an incredible mother, and even though she has a variety of skills and interests, the everything she does is for me and my sister. She's a mother, and yes, so much more, but it's a part of her identity and not just a role she plays.

I don't know. I think maybe I'm a little too selfish for motherhood, and that selfish part of me doesn't even want to give that up LOL I have too many other things that I want that I know I'll inevitably sacrifice if I have kids, and I'm not quite okay with that yet. I don't know if I'll ever be, but I'm still young so I guess we'll see!
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I so agree with all of this! I often feel bad because I feel like I am too selfish to have kids, even though I could provide a great life for a kid.

I have sort of decided that if I just had one kid, it could be more of a compromise. I have noticed that parents with one child can often still maintain somewhat of their own life and interests while still obviously providing everything that their child could ever need or want. My mom (with 3 kids) definitely because nothing but a Mother for a very long time, she is just now reclaiming her own identity as her youngest is 17.

But then I feel bad because my sisters are my best friends in the world and I can't imagine not having them. Would I be depriving that one (potential) child of the integral relationships with siblings??

So yeah, I think I'll just stick with dogs. At least, for now.
 
I do only have one, so maybe with more this will change, BUT:

Being a mom is the most important thing I do, and has become a big part of my identity. It's not my WHOLE identity. It takes some work to keep it that way.

People I just meet don't know I have a kid, if I'm not with her. When asked about myself, mom isn't the first thing I say, even if it is the biggest. If they ask what I like to do, spend time with my daughter is an obvious answer. It's what I spend the most time doing. But I'll say I train dogs, read, go to the beach, all first, because I want people to know ME as a person, not just a mom.

The hardest part about having a kid is finding the time to be someone besides their mom. But it's not too hard if you make a point of it. It's easy to get sucked into being a girlfriend or daughter or dog owner or employee, too, if you're not careful.
 
Kootenay said:
I so agree with all of this! I often feel bad because I feel like I am too selfish to have kids, even though I could provide a great life for a kid.

I have sort of decided that if I just had one kid, it could be more of a compromise. I have noticed that parents with one child can often still maintain somewhat of their own life and interests while still obviously providing everything that their child could ever need or want. My mom (with 3 kids) definitely because nothing but a Mother for a very long time, she is just now reclaiming her own identity as her youngest is 17.

But then I feel bad because my sisters are my best friends in the world and I can't imagine not having them. Would I be depriving that one (potential) child of the integral relationships with siblings??

So yeah, I think I'll just stick with dogs. At least, for now.
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Haha, I'm glad I'm not the only one! I recently voiced this concern to a friend of mine and he just looked at me and said, "who even thinks of stuff like that??". And I was being completely on topic, because we were discussing our futures and whether or not we'd want kids. But apparently I'm the crazy person.

That is a good point about having just one kid, though, although I think I only have one friend who's an only child? I'm trying to think of another but I really can't! I'm close to my sister as well and am so grateful to have her in my life, but I think a sibling relationship is one of those things you wouldn't miss if you've never known it. That said, if I were to have kids I'd probably want two. I personally can't imagine not having a sibling and I'd really want any potential kids of mine to have that in their lives.

milos_mommy said:
I do only have one, so maybe with more this will change, BUT:

Being a mom is the most important thing I do, and has become a big part of my identity. It's not my WHOLE identity. It takes some work to keep it that way.

People I just meet don't know I have a kid, if I'm not with her. When asked about myself, mom isn't the first thing I say, even if it is the biggest. If they ask what I like to do, spend time with my daughter is an obvious answer. It's what I spend the most time doing. But I'll say I train dogs, read, go to the beach, all first, because I want people to know ME as a person, not just a mom.

The hardest part about having a kid is finding the time to be someone besides their mom. But it's not too hard if you make a point of it. It's easy to get sucked into being a girlfriend or daughter or dog owner or employee, too, if you're not careful.
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I think that does sum it up very well, and a lot of my concerns are specific to me and simply the way I feel. While I don't see motherhood as many mothers' complete identity, it is usually a very central part. I think that's fine, and I think that's admirable, but for me to imagine myself like that... it's a little saddening and a little terrifying. Kids or no kids, a lot of people don't even know who they are yet (including me), but when you have a child you can love them so much that it consumes you. And there are too many other things that I'd like to do that I won't be able to with a child. At least, not without a lot of work and extra money, and maybe 12 more hours tacked onto each day.

I think it's easier to love being a mother than it is to love being an employee or a daughter or a sister. It's also more work emotionally, and not just physically, isn't it? I mean, you have this whole other human life that's completely dependent on you. I wouldn't mind having a job that takes up a large portion of my life - that's the kind of personality that I have. But, should I ever become jaded or spontaneously decide that it's not for me, I do have the option of quitting. I don't imagine motherhood to be like that at all. What you said about "finding the time to be someone besides their mom" is a large part of the reason why I have these worries. If it were easy, I wouldn't be this conflicted.

I'm not trying to say that once you have a child, your life/identity is over. I'm just voicing my personal fears for myself, and that's it. I think all the Chaz moms are really great and I am genuinely thrilled when a new baby is introduced to the Chaz family. I actually DO like kids, having worked with them throughout middle and high school, and I think babies are adorable. I've seen Jen's videos of her baby playing with Aura and it actually does makes me want a kid some day - because holy cute!! Any prospective kids of mine are going to get to be raised with all sorts of dogs, cats, reptiles, and horses :D
 
I was an only child. Syd is most likely going to be an only child.

Wait, maybe that's not reassuring.
 
I'm the oldest of three and we're each three years apart. I'm closest to the youngest (6 year gap).

I think it can be beneficial to have siblings, because there's a set of life lessons that seem to come with siblings you can't really get otherwise. Aka "only child syndrome." I'm never dating an only child again, I'll tell you that much.
 
My other half is an only child and he LOVED it!!! He had and has no interest in siblings! He was close to a cousin, but never wanted a brother or sister. And he's pretty chilled out and fine socially, tons of friends, happy all the goddamn time!

Now... Im the middle child. Issues a plenty!!!! I'd never have 3 kids. Ever. If I by some misfortune got pregnant with 3, id have to have 4 lol.

Basically its all down to your own experiences and everyone is different lol
 
I'm lucky in the way that all the things I enjoy are very kid friendly lol. I often joke that I have a child so it wouldn't be weird for me to go see animated movies and go to Disney World (although when you are at Disney... NO ONE thinks you are weird if you don't have kids. Disney is for everyone. BUT it's SO MUCH BETTER to have Hannah to enjoy it with). I'm a child at heart and I think I always will be.

Being mom is a big part of my identity and honestly, being mom is how I finally started meeting people and making friends and getting involved in things around here. It sounds weird but this area... it's not always easy to get to know people. Hannah was the perfect "IN" lol. I joined a moms group to meet other ladies and hopefully have a little support group. Through this group I finally made some friends, got to know the area and got out to do some fun stuff (both with kids and without, IE : moms night out). I found our church through a lady in the group as well. Having the support of other moms who were in the same place in life that I was really helped me know that anything we were dealing with was normal and everyone else was going through similar experiences.

When we started homeschooling, I joined a homeschool co op. That has been a God send for all of us. Again, I found a larger group of friends and a tremendous amount of support. I LOVE these ladies and Hannah has a blast a co op.

So Having Hannah helped me find my way in this town and now we've branched out so much that I often wonder how I've come so far lol.

I'm lots of things besides JUST mom. I'm a teacher at a preschool, I'm outreach committee leader (with Brian), I'm worship team singer, I'm wife, friend, daughter, you get the idea. Every night we put Hannah to bed at 8 and then I get my break from being JUST mom. I get to kick back, relax, watch our favorite shows, snuggle with hubby and just... BE lol. I COULD go out and do things for my "me time" but there's not much I want to do outside the house. I'm a homebody and I enjoy just sitting on the couch watching TV or working on jewelry or scarves or reading or whatever :)
 
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