Do you want a kid/kids?

[Renee750il]

I ran into the same thing as Kady, Coop, even with having myasthenia gravis (which doesn't preclude pregnancy, it just means you are probably going to have a serious "energy crisis." And possibly pass it on, something I was completely unwilling to risk, even though, for me, it's been more of a nuisance than a real problem.

 

[ACooper]

And it's bull!

The octo-mom comes to mind......I think that wins my argument, LOL

 

[Zoom]

I'll be 30 this year and I haven't wanted children since I was about 23. I went through a wierd phase between 15 and 19 where I totally wanted to have kids and had preggo dreams and the whole shebang. I very nearly tried to convince my (ex) fiancé to let us get married after high school and start a family.

There are no words in the English language to express how grateful I am now that path wasn't taken. My life has has it's share of drama, trauma and misery, but I don't have that deep, lingering resentment I've encountered in some others who had kids without really thinking it through.

And I took too many medical classes to really be comfortable having kids after 33 anyway and seeing as how I sincerely doubt circumstances would be ready until after that...

 

[Gypsydals]

I voted already have them. Would I go back and change anything probably not because that would mean I wouldn't have my kids. And I have no desire to ever have anymore, to the point of right after the DD was born. I made him get snipped. I love my kids but I'm not a fan of kids in general. When they are babies and toddlers up to the age of about 5ish, I'm cool with them. When they get to 6 through 13/16 they drive me batty.
2 of my friends and my sister inlaw all have toddlers. And I told all 3 of them they where nuts.

 

[shazbot]

Is there an age the doctor has said they would agree to do it? I have heard other women say they had the same issue and were told to wait until they were 25, 30, etc so I was wondering if you were told similar.

Frankly, I call BS...........if you went to a doctor with $$ at say age 20 and said you COULDN'T get pregnant and wanted to, they'd be all over it and help you any way they could. Reverse it and they are sure you'll change your mind and cry malpractice or something If you did change your mind later, (not you, just general 'you') TOO BAD.......not doctor's fault, adopt instead!

But when a guy goes in to get snipped he has no problem having a doctor do it. Last I checked it takes both to make a baby...

 

[sparks19]

But when a guy goes in to get snipped he has no problem having a doctor do it. Last I checked it takes both to make a baby...

that's because it's fairly easy to reverse a vasectomy. they do it all the time. it's an easier surgery all around for a man than for a woman.

so they could "fix" the mistake with a guy

 

[sassafras]

But when a guy goes in to get snipped he has no problem having a doctor do it. Last I checked it takes both to make a baby...

Actually, when my husband had a vasectomy (in his early 30s) we had to both go to an informational meeting and provide separate, hand-written letters that we understood that the procedure was permanent and meant that we couldn't have children and that was what we wanted. There were a lot of hoops to go through, and as I recall they wouldn't do it at all if the guy was under 30.

ETA: And it varies a bit with the specific procedure involved, but it's not necessarily that easy to reverse. I think the clips are easier to reverse but they have a higher failure rate, too.

 

[Greenmagick]

Yeah, I dont know that is that easy to get a vasectomy. My husband's dr suggested we wait til our youngest was three before doing it. I dont think many drs would be ok doing them on 19 year olds asking for them, but I could be wrong.

 

[CaliTerp07]

I think it's such a shame that doctors/society so heavily push "don't take away fertility options, you might change your mind!" No one's advocating for "don't have a kid, you might change your mind!"

I mean, really. Maybe every time someone goes in for fertility treatments or ask their GYN about getting pregnant, doctors should give the same condescending, "You don't really know what you want, you might change your mind after it's born..." (Which is far worse than not being able to have biological kids if you later decide you want them, in my opinion)

 

[Dekka]

To the OP, well I HAVE a kid. But growing up I was adamant I never wanted kids. I never played with dolls (unless I need a barbie or something to put on a horse...) I still have little interest in babies. A bit of time with someone else's is plenty. I do LOVE teenagers, always have. THough when I was pregnant I would joke I might not like MY teenager.

Darien was a surprise Nope wasn't a fan of my own baby lol. I LOVED him, but I didn't have fun being a mom. However its paying dividends now. He is such a fantastic kid and at 11 we are having a blast. Its taken a while (better part of a decade) but now I am quite glad I am a mom. Seems I will enjoy my own teenager (thank goodness for that)

 

[Puckstop31]

All I can say is this....

Having a child changes EVERYTHING. The biggest lesson of all? You (yourself) is meaningless. I really weep at how many good people donn't want kids for such selfish reasons. Stop looking inside. Having Hannah made me a better man. It will make you a better person.

I look at you people who the first answer is about how it will "effect you 'plans'" and I LOL. The first step at real freedom? Have something bigger than yourself.
Since Hannah was born, my life has been better than ever. If only one could put something above themself.
Stop looking at how having a child effects YOU, look at how having a child effects OUR future.


We have had at this before. People who have a work ethic (I.E. produce tax $$$) need to pass it on. SOMEBODY needs to pay for all of this stuff.

 

[sassafras]

Well, I'm just a terrible, selfish person. So, you know. :/

 

[k9krazee]

I do want kids but I'm not sure that my career and lifestyle will be a good fit. I'd have to make some serious work sacrifices and I can't see that happening anytime soon.

We will see.

 

[Puckstop31]

Well, I'm just a terrible, selfish person. So, you know. :/

All I know is... Having my daughter radically changed my life for the better. I only hope that some of you get to have that too.

You think it hurts "you." But how do you know?

All I see in this thread is how having a kid effects "me". So forgive me if I think many of you are selfish. If you all are so GREAT, why not effect posterity by having a person you raise to communicate your legacy?

Hannah HUMBLES me, everyday. She shows me that there is a great deal more to this world than ME.

I hope you figure it out. Its life changing.

 

[sassafras]

As I've stated, my reasons for not wanting children are more about being self-aware enough to know I'd be a rotten mother than anything else - so I've become quite immune to the "not having children is selfish" argument over the years. Don't buy it, never have. And honestly, if having children because "someone has to pay for this stuff" isn't selfish, then I certainly don't know what is.

I hope you figure it out.

Oh, don't worry about me. Somehow I figured that out without having a child.

 

[JessLough]

All I know is... Having my daughter radically changed my life for the better. I only hope that some of you get to have that too.

You think it hurts "you." But how do you know?

All I see in this thread is how having a kid effects "me". So forgive me if I think many of you are selfish. If you all are so GREAT, why not effect posterity by having a person you raise to communicate your legacy?

Hannah HUMBLES me, everyday. She shows me that there is a great deal more to this world than ME.

I hope you figure it out. Its life changing.

I'll start off by saying that I said yes, I want a child/children, so really this in no way effects me

It's great that Hannah has changed your life for the good. It really is! I'm glad that you were able to enjoy her, whether you had planned on having children or not.

That said... not everybody is like you. I've seen people who were sure they did not want a child, but for whatever reason (whether it be an accident, or giving in to the peer pressure) they had a child. Sure, for some it works out. For a few, it works out wonderfully. There are always those, though, that just do not enjoy it. Sure, they take care of the kid, because they legally have to. Saying these kids have a good life, though, is stretching it. Honestly, I'd much rather see people who don't want kids, to just not have kids, rather than have them in hopes of suddenly loving kids and being happy with the child.

The amount of people that just have the baby due to the "not being selfish" reason and regretting the child, doing just as much as they legally have to, far outweighs the amount of people that just suddenly love the child and are the loving parent the child deserves, IME.

 

[Zoom]

Uh, yeah, I've struggled enough with feeling meaningless, I really don't need Somethig else that also has the benefit of being a massive income drain to reinforce that.

I'm sorry I'd like to retain my self identity and not become subsumed in being "MOM". It's going to be hard enough becoming a wife and losing my name as is.

When you have a kid, every single thing you do is now judged through the lens of "But you have a kid!" and that seems like the worst kind of prison possible. That comic strip "Rose" makes me so sad sometimes, when the mom only rarely gets to be the badass she is on the inside, because everyone else just sees her as a mother--frumpy, endlessly self-sacrificng...why the f*ck is it such a sin for a woman to want to retain some autonomy, to take "me time"?

THAT'S a huge reason why I don't want children.

 

[Greenmagick]

While I completely respect ones right or want for someone to NOT want kids, and find it a totally valid life choice, I feel really sad that the below is the view of what it is like to be a mom

I'm sorry I'd like to retain my self identity and not become subsumed in being "MOM". It's going to be hard enough becoming a wife and losing my name as is.

When you have a kid, every single thing you do is now judged through the lens of "But you have a kid!" and that seems like the worst kind of prison possible. That comic strip "Rose" makes me so sad sometimes, when the mom only rarely gets to be the badass she is on the inside, because everyone else just sees her as a mother--frumpy, endlessly self-sacrificng...why the f*ck is it such a sin for a woman to want to retain some autonomy, to take "me time"?

THAT'S a huge reason why I don't want children.

"me" time can be a bit hard when they are young, but only because they really need a lot of time them. As they get older, that lessens dramatically. I am still the woman I always was, and in many ways better

 

[crazedACD]

All I know is... Having my daughter radically changed my life for the better. I only hope that some of you get to have that too.

You think it hurts "you." But how do you know?

All I see in this thread is how having a kid effects "me". So forgive me if I think many of you are selfish. If you all are so GREAT, why not effect posterity by having a person you raise to communicate your legacy?

Hannah HUMBLES me, everyday. She shows me that there is a great deal more to this world than ME.

I hope you figure it out. Its life changing.

It's not that I think I'm 'GREAT', it's just simply not the lifestyle I would choose to live. I have no intention of bringing a child into the world just to test that theory.

 

[Lyzelle]

Yeah, I don't buy the "you HAVE to have kids or your selfish" bs either. Having kids doesn't fix people and make the world a better place. It's great someone loves their kid. But juat because someone DOESN'T want a kid, it doesn't make them a horrible selfish person. And the whole "have kids or you are selfish" jig has certainly landed many people with kids they never wanted.

THAT is what is truly unfair to children. They all deserve to be wanted and loved, not used as another bandaid scheme or guilt trip.

There are worse reasons to have kids....but that is pretty high up there on my list.