Life update, finally. (Advice and insight welcome.)

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#61
I also often wonder how often people themselves have witnessed others on assistance get into a new car/hear about bragging to others/ etc.

While I know that the system isn't perfect and there are people who abuse it.... A lot of these statements seem soooo generalized and exaggerated.
 

Grab

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#62
I honestly have never paid attention to what method other people are paying with at stores:confused:

are there people who abuse the system? Sure. But that's true of pretty much everything. There are always going to be people who take advantage, no matter what source you're talking about. But, I still think that having the assistance available for those who DO need help is much more important than getting indignant about how I'm "paying their way". Because I don't think of it that way *shrug*
 

JessLough

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#63
I also often wonder how often people themselves have witnessed others on assistance get into a new car/hear about bragging to others/ etc.

While I know that the system isn't perfect and there are people who abuse it.... A lot of these statements seem soooo generalized and exaggerated.
Not talking about this thread instance, I think it happens a lot more than people think. Then again, I live in a neighbourhood where 95% are on assistance, and probably 85% of those are abusing it.

I honestly have never paid attention to what method other people are paying with at stores:confused:
Yah, me neither.
 

Dogdragoness

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#64
Some folks are ... Uh ... More obvious about it then others, I normally don't notice what people do in the checkout in front of me either ... Unless they make a point to be noticed.

State aid is a great concept, it just needs more tweaking & now they have this government issued cell phone thing ... Huh? The last time unchecked a cell phone wasn't a necessity
 

sillysally

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#65
I also often wonder how often people themselves have witnessed others on assistance get into a new car/hear about bragging to others/ etc.

While I know that the system isn't perfect and there are people who abuse it.... A lot of these statements seem soooo generalized and exaggerated.
IDK, I've known a few people with questionable welfare habits. A coworker once offered to buy me lunch with his foodstamps. I have known a couple of people personally who were on assistance while they owned horses. I cleaned houses with a women who was having her trailer remodeled while getting a welfare check. We talked for weeks about the remodeling and new furniture and then she mentioned off hand that she'd gotten her welfare check a few days before.

This is not generalized or exaggerated, they are things that I witnessed first hand. It should be noted that with the exception of the woman I cleaned with (I haven't been in contact with her for years) all of the above mentioned people are no longer on assistance.

I have been behind one gentleman in line at the gas station when he loudly announced to the clerk that he wanted a carton of cigarettes and the rest on his purchases on his EBT card (Indiana's food stamp card). Kind if hard not to notice that...
 

Red Chrome

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#66
It's just my opinion.

I don't feel babies should be brought into a world of uncertainty. This baby may not have a roof over his head when he gets here. Babies are expensive, diapers, binkies, clothes etc. expensive. But if you count on hand outs, I guess it wouldn't be that expensive. I have never counted on handouts, I was raised that if you own something that requires care or choose to have a child then you WORK and make it happen. Sure, use benefits if you absolutely need too, but try it without them first. I know lots of people on assistance but they don't have DSLR cameras and I pads or computers, they sold those things trying to make it.

It may not be a popular opinion but it is mine. Take it as I am picking on her, whatever.

Me, I'd be out looking for a second job instead of on the computer talking about what kind of assistance I can get.
 

sillysally

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#67
After a long talk with D, we have decided that Ryland will stay with me, no matter where I am or where we are. Both of his roommates are moving out at the end of June and he may either move in with a different friend, or get a place with me temporarily. That's still up in the air. I found and still have to contact a local low income housing area, where a two bedroom is supposedly around $400. If I could get that, it would be absolutely perfect.

I'm still stressing about how I am going to afford full time child care, but MM, yes, I do have a case worker through Medicaid. I plan on speaking to her today about what I can do and I also have an appt tomorrow at the local WIC and aid services office and I will ask them for referrals as well. I plan to apply for housing assistance, but I have already been told that the waiting list for that is at least a year. There are also a few programs I have to wait until Ryland is here to actually apply for.

I am hoping child support will help, but I am not counting on nor expecting to receive that.

So... Medicaid, Food Stamps, WIC.. I have all of those. Going to ask about other programs... Biggest worry right now is childcare. I am tempted to ask my parents if they would want to contribute to that... But I've seen the average daycare is $150 a week. That's so much...

I've also already gotten ugly comments about being on state aid and a nasty look when I slid my food stamps card at the register the other day. Great. /:
You guys should have a local chapter of United Way, I would check them out. We have a special phone number here, but I'm sure you could go onto their website and get contact info. Ours has organizations that provide free or low cost child care.
 

Red Chrome

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#68
I didn't want to bite into it either, but I'm just curious:

RedChrome - if you see someone using food stamps at the grocery store, and then they get into a new 2013 car...how do you know they haven't borrowed the car?

I'm never sure if I should hope people who hold those opinions about others on public assistance never have the (not unlikely) series of misfortunes or make the one or two small mistakes that lands most people in that situations, or if I should hope they do.
I don't know for sure about some. But some I overhear in the line talking about this new car and it's brand new etc. then they say, oh...this is on EBT and I'll pay cash for the beer.

I've been down and out, borrowed money from parents, paid them back, still digging myself out of student loan debt and other debt from being a dumb young person. I applied for food stamps once when I was super hard on my luck, I was told nope, you don't qualify. I had nothing. But that's ok, I dug myself out and got stuff together. I know hardships and I know I would never bring a baby into them.
 

Dogdragoness

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#70
I don't know for sure about some. But some I overhear in the line talking about this new car and it's brand new etc. then they say, oh...this is on EBT and I'll pay cash for the beer.

I've been down and out, borrowed money from parents, paid them back, still digging myself out of student loan debt and other debt from being a dumb young person. I applied for food stamps once when I was super hard on my luck, I was told nope, you don't qualify. I had nothing. But that's ok, I dug myself out and got stuff together. I know hardships and I know I would never bring a baby into them.
Those were my concerns too ... that she is bringing a kid into this world that she cant afford or take care of or is not prepared to take care of ... I just didnt want to say anything.
 

Grab

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#71
Me, I'd be out looking for a second job instead of on the computer talking about what kind of assistance I can get.
I assumed it was a discussion of medical assistance. I have a decent job, but until recently, I had no health insurance. I was, briefly, on my husband's for a few years before (and during) the time I had my son. And thank heavens, because I ended up having a cancer issue that required surgery. But our monthly premiums for me alone were nearly a full paycheck. Thankfully, my work now covers my insurance, and I pay for Clive's. Now, insurance isn't a necessity, but many doctors (here, anyway) will not even take you as a patient without insurance. And with pregnancy, they have you going all the damned time. :rolleyes:
 

Tahla9999

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#72
I would rather see a single mother with a job and on food stamps, rather than two jobs where she has little to no time at all to spend with her child. If it makes life a little easier for that reason, than I have no probs with it. Barbara, do what you gotta do.:)
 

Barbara!

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#73
I don't feel babies should be brought into a world of uncertainty. This baby may not have a roof over his head when he gets here. Babies are expensive, diapers, binkies, clothes etc. expensive. But if you count on hand outs, I guess it wouldn't be that expensive. I have never counted on handouts, I was raised that if you own something that requires care or choose to have a child then you WORK and make it happen. Sure, use benefits if you absolutely need too, but try it without them first. I know lots of people on assistance but they don't have DSLR cameras and I pads or computers, they sold those things trying to make it.

It may not be a popular opinion but it is mine. Take it as I am picking on her, whatever.

Me, I'd be out looking for a second job instead of on the computer talking about what kind of assistance I can get.
You must not pay a whole lot of attention to what is posted and just interpret things how you wish to. Here, let me at least attempt to clarify for you...

I hope you never have an unintentional pregnancy. However, there are some of us who did bring a baby into a world that can't quite afford it, and it's a mistake we made just like the mistakes other people make. If you want to sit around and tap dance on the mistakes of others as if you have never made any, go right on ahead, but please gallop your high horse in the opposite direction of my threads.

I AM selling the laptop. (It actually gets sold tomorrow. Know where the money is going? To a deposit on my own place.) The DSLR is in limbo between my ex and I, as I need to get lawyer advice on it before selling it since that could get me into possible trouble. My iPad is broken in more ways than one, and I would be lucky to get $50 for it. I keep it so I can quickly respond to emails and so I can actually DO job applications and communicate with people I need to more effectively. (And no, I'm not just referring to Facebook.)

I don't know where you got "This baby may not have a roof over his head when he gets here." as that has NEVER been a concern in this thread... Not even once. WHICH roof was the only thing up in the air. Once again, you took your own interpretation and ran with it.

You can't say you're not picking on me and then point out things you find to be fishy about my specific situation.

I am working 45+ hours a week at the job I am at now. It takes a severe physical toll on someone who is 32 weeks pregnant. Regardless, I am in search of a possible bar-tending job or something similar where I can earn tips or immediate money.

I don't know for sure about some. But some I overhear in the line talking about this new car and it's brand new etc. then they say, oh...this is on EBT and I'll pay cash for the beer.

I've been down and out, borrowed money from parents, paid them back, still digging myself out of student loan debt and other debt from being a dumb young person. I applied for food stamps once when I was super hard on my luck, I was told nope, you don't qualify. I had nothing. But that's ok, I dug myself out and got stuff together. I know hardships and I know I would never bring a baby into them.
I'm glad you would never bring a child into a situation like that. Again, applause for you. I didn't do it intentionally, either. **** happens. I'm doing everything I can to step up and do what's right by my child.

My opinion on this?

I live in America. I pay taxes in America and I am a citizen of America. Which means I can expect a higher quality of life than poverty and expect help if I truly need it. Are there scammers in the aid system? Definitely! Lots of them. But don't spit on all of them collectively like somehow aid programs shouldn't exist. That's what this country is about... A higher quality of life for all. I pay taxes, too, you know. My taxes also go to these programs. You're not the only one who pays for these "handouts".

Given our past post history, Courtney, I thought we had come to an agreement that we would not post on each others threads. I posted this thread for advice and help and as I stated before, I would like the criticism to be kept OUT so that my thread isn't locked. If you would like to discuss aid programs in America, please start your own thread about it. That's not the purpose of this one.


Those were my concerns too ... that she is bringing a kid into this world that she cant afford or take care of or is not prepared to take care of ... I just didnt want to say anything.
Then don't? Ryland will be just fine, I assure you. His care isn't in jeopardy. I could very well just go live with my parents and stay in that hole of a town and mooch off of them... But wait, wouldn't that also be a handout? Is it any different when the handout comes from parents instead of the state? I'm choosing to take state aid that is needed and try to make it out of my parents house in a better community for the good of me and my child.
 

Barbara!

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#74
What happened to the dogs?
Penny passed away. ): We rehomed Baloo. (He is doing AMAZING and I get regular updates.) Chevelle is with my ex. Malyk is currently at my parents house, where he will have a permanent home if I am unable to get/afford a place that allows me to have him.
 

Barbara!

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#75
You guys should have a local chapter of United Way, I would check them out. We have a special phone number here, but I'm sure you could go onto their website and get contact info. Ours has organizations that provide free or low cost child care.
I'll definitely check it out! Thanks!
 

Dizzy

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#76
Ignore them.

I doubt half these people have an jot of empathy between them, and are completely unable to view the world out of anything but their own grimy depressingly inhumane goggles.

If even half the parents I work with were doing the things you are right now, there wouldn't be a lot to worry about in this world, and my job would be a delight.

Keep doing it, sod them. Get straight, get baby here, prove everyone wrong.
 

sillysally

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#77
Ignore them.

I doubt half these people have an jot of empathy between them, and are completely unable to view the world out of anything but their own grimy depressingly inhumane goggles.

If even half the parents I work with were doing the things you are right now, there wouldn't be a lot to worry about in this world, and my job would be a delight.

Keep doing it, sod them. Get straight, get baby here, prove everyone wrong.
Not sure if I am one one of the unempathetic ones since I commented on knowing people personally who abused the system, but I can assure you that I am not. We went through a heck of a difficult situation with my dad this past year trying to get him government assistance while tapping out our own resouces to help him, so I have a first hand understanding of how this stuff goes. Life doesn't always go as planned, people have hard luck or make mistakes (or both), and I support assistance programs as a hand up as long as they are not abused...
 

puppydog

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#78
Ignore them.

I doubt half these people have an jot of empathy between them, and are completely unable to view the world out of anything but their own grimy depressingly inhumane goggles.

If even half the parents I work with were doing the things you are right now, there wouldn't be a lot to worry about in this world, and my job would be a delight.

Keep doing it, sod them. Get straight, get baby here, prove everyone wrong.


:hail: This times a million.
 

milos_mommy

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#79
Back on topic...Barbara, I'd be wary of moving in with D (and personally I think I'd go back to my parents before doing that, unless it seemed like marriage was in the near future), but if it's between living with D and sending Ryland to your parents, I think it's better for you not to be separated from Ryland.

Aside from the fact that if your relationship isn't really solid and well-planned and you haven't known him long enough to know what he's really like for sure, you're risking an unstable family environment for Ryland...if Josh DOES try to get custody, it's going to look pretty bad to the court if you're living with a boyfriend you've been with less than 9 months - even if Josh is doing the same with his GF, unfortunately. Moms still get the upper hand in custody battles, but there's also a big double standard on their behavior.
 

Barbara!

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#80
Back on topic...Barbara, I'd be wary of moving in with D (and personally I think I'd go back to my parents before doing that, unless it seemed like marriage was in the near future), but if it's between living with D and sending Ryland to your parents, I think it's better for you not to be separated from Ryland.

Aside from the fact that if your relationship isn't really solid and well-planned and you haven't known him long enough to know what he's really like for sure, you're risking an unstable family environment for Ryland...if Josh DOES try to get custody, it's going to look pretty bad to the court if you're living with a boyfriend you've been with less than 9 months - even if Josh is doing the same with his GF, unfortunately. Moms still get the upper hand in custody battles, but there's also a big double standard on their behavior.
No no, I don't plan on it. Any situation where I am in the same home with him will be a temporary situation until a better one comes up. I, too, find it inappropriate to live with my newborn and new boyfriend. It's not fair to Ryland or my relationship with him.
 

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