He cheated on me.

Status
Not open for further replies.

Barbara!

New Member
Joined
May 23, 2012
Messages
1,457
Likes
0
Points
0
#1
Many of you remember my other thread about what happened between Josh and I...

Well, News Years Eve, he disappeared and wouldn't talk to me from about 11 AM. He texted at 6 PM, and said he was busy...

Towards 10 PM, I blew up his phone and he finally answered. Suddenly he was talking all of this crap about how we have "been broken up" and that he was "single" and how he was done and it wasn't going to work. It was all new... He'd never said any of this before. When I said that, he said "Yes, Barbara, I have said this before." And that's when I knew someone must be listening because that was a plain lie. I asked him (and have asked him almost every day for weeks) if he was cheating on me and seeing another girl, and he said no. He promised. But then he went on to repeat what he was saying and said something along the lines of "I've moved on". When I asked him to tell me what that meant, he said "I've been seeing this other girl...". At first he wouldn't tell me how long, or who she was, or anything... Only that he loved her and was done with me. Then he gave HER the phone. She was apparently expecting me to be civil. I was not civil at all. Apparently her name is Paige, and he went to jail because he got caught driving to her house. She said she's in love with him, knows all about me, and has been seeing Josh for two months, and has known him for three. He had told her that we were broken up, and all sorts of stuff. I tried to tell her otherwise, but she wouldn't listen. She is sucking up everything he says. He came back on the phone, and told me that he didn't want anything to do with anymore, and that he loves her...

I just don't get it. He claims when he met her, he was "over" me already. Funny, because he met her around the time I got pregnant. So he was having unprotected sex with someone he was apparently "over", but still said he loved? I call bullshit. I think he met this girl and THAT is why all of this "break" **** came up. He met her and chose puppy love over a three year relationship. He chose this girl over what is best for our baby. I told him that "When you found out I was pregnant, you should have just walked away. Told her you couldn't do it, because you had an obligation to me. Or hell, at least waited a little while before jumping into a new relationship!" He didn't even respect me enough to wait before getting involved with someone else. He claims they are "taking it slow" because of all of this... Yeah, sure, "I love you" sounds really ****ing slow.

I'm devastated. She doesn't see herself as the "other woman" or the homewrecker that she is. He even brought her around his family... So they know about her. His Mom is only making excuses for him. They all make me sick. He makes me sick. I still love him... And I hate it. I want these feelings to be gone. I want to hate him and hate him only. He is still talking about how he will "be there for the kid". I don't know. Why the hell would I want a liar, a cheat, and a thief influencing my child? He claims he cares about the baby... But he wasn't thinking about that when he was talking to this new girl, while still crawling into bed with me.

I keep flip flopping between being strong and hating him, to just wanting to beg him to reconsider and try with me and leave her. One moment I am thinking about my future without his chains, the next I am envisioning them together and breaking down. I am thinking I deserve better than this, then imagining what she has that I don't. Imaging hugging him one last time... Hearing his voice say he loves me... His eyes look at me softly...

My friends say this will only take time to get over. I want it gone now, so badly. They say he will lose her because he started their relationship on lies... And he will come crawling back. I hope not. I don't know if I would have the strength to turn him away.

I am so broken and alone. And I am still in this house and he is supposed to come and move me out today... But he hasn't shown his face yet and idk what to do. I want to be home right now, with my parents and people who love me, and away from him and this toxic house. I don't want to love him anymore and I don't want to have a child with him, but there's no way out of that that I can see....

I don't even want to exist right now.
 
Joined
Dec 20, 2003
Messages
94,266
Likes
2
Points
36
Location
Where the selas blooms
#3
Sadly, you may be the only one who's surprised by this.

You've got two choices: wallow or walk away.

Not easy, but it helps to look at things from a perspective of respect. Respect for yourself and . . . can you really have any respect for Josh anymore? Can you really love someone you don't respect?

Pity and a past don't make for a good relationship.
 

Hillside

Original Twin
Joined
Jun 21, 2007
Messages
3,048
Likes
0
Points
0
Location
Des Moines, IA
#6
You have a thief, a liar and a cheater out of your life. I'd say it's time to celebrate.

Also, don't blame the other girl, it's not her fault. He fed her all her information, she didn't know anything beyond that.
 
Joined
Oct 4, 2012
Messages
886
Likes
0
Points
0
#7
Sadly, you may be the only one who's surprised by this.

You've got two choices: wallow or walk away.

Not easy, but it helps to look at things from a perspective of respect. Respect for yourself and . . . can you really have any respect for Josh anymore? Can you really love someone you don't respect?

Pity and a past don't make for a good relationship.

This. I'm sorry Barbara, and I wish you weren't hurting but I'm not surprised.
 

crazedACD

Active Member
Joined
Mar 13, 2012
Messages
3,048
Likes
0
Points
36
Location
West Missouri
#8
Okay...well that sucks, it really does.

I think you are better off working on you and what you are going to do with your life with a baby on the way. Dwelling on him and the past is not going to get you anywhere in the future. Aren't you supposed to be out of the house by today? Are you going to your parents'? Are you able to stay there as long as you need?

Forcing him to be with you is not going to work. It is not. If you somehow manage to get back with him, HE IS GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN. It will end just as badly with 10 years under your belt. Rip the band-aid off and walk away. Become self-sufficient.
 

NicoleLJ

PSD Partner
Joined
Apr 18, 2004
Messages
1,601
Likes
0
Points
36
Location
Canada
#9
(((HUGS))) Breathe, do relaxing breathing exercies when the pain and thoughts get to be overwhelming. It hurts. It is going to hurt. You didn't deserve this. Allow your self to cry. It is ok to cry. It is a release. Try and do something for you to help you feel better about you. Even if it is as simple as buying yourself a book or getting your hair done. Find someone to talk too who will listen without judgement and support you as you deal with the emotions this type of thing causes. (((HUGS)))
 

ACooper

Moderator
Joined
Jan 7, 2007
Messages
27,772
Likes
1
Points
38
Location
IN
#10
Become self-sufficient.
BOOM.

Best advice to anyone, anywhere. People should be together because they love each other or want to be together...........it should never be because one can't survive on their own.
 

yoko

New Member
Joined
Aug 4, 2005
Messages
5,347
Likes
0
Points
0
Age
33
Location
Oklahoma
#11
I don't know if you are the one who had the other thread removed or if one of the mods did. I know you can't see it any more but now's about the time you should really take into consideration a lot of the advice you were given there.

I don't think anyone but you are really shocked about this. I'm not going to type out a lot of advice because going off of your post you're insanely emotional right now and I doubt you'll listen to anything near reason. The only thing I'll say now is you need to suck it up and start working on yourself. He doesn't care about and he hasn't for quite a while. You say you are worth more than that but the only person holding you back from that has been yourself.

Also you need to let go of the hate and anger you have for that other woman. You've been blindly supporting him for how long? He's a manipulator and she's being lied to just like you have been. If you want to be pissed off be pissed off at yourself for lying to yourself about him and use that to help pull yourself up.

I wish your baby the best and hope this truly is rock bottom for you so you can work on pulling yourself up.
 

Laurelin

I'm All Ears
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
30,963
Likes
3
Points
0
Age
33
Location
Oklahoma
#12
Sadly, you may be the only one who's surprised by this.

You've got two choices: wallow or walk away.

Not easy, but it helps to look at things from a perspective of respect. Respect for yourself and . . . can you really have any respect for Josh anymore? Can you really love someone you don't respect?

Pity and a past don't make for a good relationship.
This, exactly.

I'm very sorry you're going through all this. I hope you can get moved to your parents place soon and you can begin moving forward. You definitely DO deserve better.
 
Joined
Feb 26, 2011
Messages
6,405
Likes
0
Points
36
Location
Minnesota
#13
It's horrible to realize that someone who you loved and trusted treated you this way. I hope you can come to see him and his behavior for what it is and stop excusing him (just like his mommy apparently does) and blaming this other girl (who has probably been lied to as well). You might not ever stop loving him, and that sucks and it hurts but it's not a reason not to leave him behind. I can't think of a single reason why you would want this man in your life anymore.
 

Baxter'smybaby

swimming upstream
Joined
Jan 17, 2007
Messages
21,977
Likes
0
Points
36
Location
NY
#14
It's a New Year-sounds like it was a gift to get him out of your life for the new year.
You are carrying a child--who will depend on you to care for him/her. THAT should be your priority--let go of the fantasy of how wonderful Josh is--he isn't.
Time to grow up, take care of yourself and your child.
 

Sparrow

New Member
Joined
Dec 3, 2012
Messages
234
Likes
0
Points
0
Location
Alaska
#15
Him not being with you isn't him not doing what's best for your baby. A person like him does NOT make a good father. Babies are better off with one amazing and strong mother and no father than they are with two parents who shouldn't be together. Spend the time until your baby is born making yourself the best you ever!

I've been through bad breakups. I really think your best bet is to not talk to him AT ALL for quite some time. Maybe until it's almost time for the baby to be born. It will be so much harder if you keep in contact. It feels right at the time, but please try to gain some distance emotionally.
 
Joined
Aug 1, 2007
Messages
2,609
Likes
0
Points
0
Age
32
Location
Benton Arkansas
#16
I am very sorry for your pain but seriously, seriously not surprised. Did I not tell you people don't "turn bad" overnight? He IS a crappy person with no integrity. He hid that from you for a few years and now the charade is up. See this as you FINALLY seeing his true self and not a sudden change from a good person to a bad person. That doesn't happen. People are who they are and change is an extremely hard, long process.

Don't make it easy for him to be in the baby's life. Make him work for it. Then you will know if he truly cares and is worthy. I do not mean for you to keep his child from him but make him make a consistent effort and pay child support before you allow him to be a regular fixture in the child's life. A fickle father is worse for a child than no father. They start to feel bad about themselves when daddy suddenly doesn't feel like seeing them anymore. If he is gonna do that better to just sever ties with him now.
 

eddieq

Silence! I ban you!
Staff member
Joined
Jul 31, 2007
Messages
8,832
Likes
3
Points
38
Location
PA
#17
Glad he's out of your life. Make sure he takes financial responsibility for this child he has fathered in you, though.
 

ihartgonzo

and Fozzie B!
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
5,903
Likes
0
Points
0
Age
31
Location
Northern California
#20
Wow. I'm so sorry. :((( how unimaginably heartless and stupid of him. And the girl is a absolute bitcg for getting with a man who has a pregnant girlfriend!!! Ughh. You know they're not going to last, and he's going to be left alone, regretting his terrible mistakes. It's better for you to not have him in your life right now while you need to focus on preparing and staying healthy for your baby.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Members online

No members online now.
Top