I've always felt like this, but lately, more and more so...
I've always felt abit out of place with my family; They're very simple, plain people, I've not really met anyone remotely interesting that was related to me and I've really just never felt accepting of them/that I was accepted by them.
They are a LARGE family - lots of extended relatives so on and so forth. They are highly traditional and religious (Christian) - They expect the younger to blindly highly respect the elderly generation regardless of circumstances, everyone born into the family to conform, and hide the ones that don't underneath the proverbial basement.
When I was born - my dad and mom were not a couple in legal terms as of yet. They got married two months later to "make things look good". For a Chinese-Christian-Uptight family that is backwardly mobile in values, customs, and culture this was a shame and a disgrace. So I was looked apon, treated, and called several times as well a ******* and "wedlock" child. I was a baby, I didn't do anything to earn that. And that bias really just sort of went on for life.
I didn't really give them much of a chance either - my attitude was and still is "F@ck you" towards them. So I'm just as much to blame for how horrid things are today for not approaching them or trying to make myself a little more clearer to them etc.
Anyways...I just really really really can't connect to my family - at all. My parents and brother and I all have a ok "working" relationship; see each other in the mornings before we all dash off to do whatever we need to do, keep it pleasant at the table when we do share meals, perhaps share a laugh or two, they ask about Katalin etc - and that's pretty much all there is to it. My cousin and myself had an understanding till once when he lent me his car my Starbucks drink exploded all over his dashboard - he hasn't spoken to me since. This isn't a phase - it's been like this since I came into existence and I don't think it's changing anytime soon...
Does anyone else happen to have this or something similar going on? and am I terrible for just getting on with other things and not being really interested in pursuing a relationship with them? Thoughts of family relations and that dynamic are welcome too
I've always felt abit out of place with my family; They're very simple, plain people, I've not really met anyone remotely interesting that was related to me and I've really just never felt accepting of them/that I was accepted by them.
They are a LARGE family - lots of extended relatives so on and so forth. They are highly traditional and religious (Christian) - They expect the younger to blindly highly respect the elderly generation regardless of circumstances, everyone born into the family to conform, and hide the ones that don't underneath the proverbial basement.
When I was born - my dad and mom were not a couple in legal terms as of yet. They got married two months later to "make things look good". For a Chinese-Christian-Uptight family that is backwardly mobile in values, customs, and culture this was a shame and a disgrace. So I was looked apon, treated, and called several times as well a ******* and "wedlock" child. I was a baby, I didn't do anything to earn that. And that bias really just sort of went on for life.
I didn't really give them much of a chance either - my attitude was and still is "F@ck you" towards them. So I'm just as much to blame for how horrid things are today for not approaching them or trying to make myself a little more clearer to them etc.
Anyways...I just really really really can't connect to my family - at all. My parents and brother and I all have a ok "working" relationship; see each other in the mornings before we all dash off to do whatever we need to do, keep it pleasant at the table when we do share meals, perhaps share a laugh or two, they ask about Katalin etc - and that's pretty much all there is to it. My cousin and myself had an understanding till once when he lent me his car my Starbucks drink exploded all over his dashboard - he hasn't spoken to me since. This isn't a phase - it's been like this since I came into existence and I don't think it's changing anytime soon...
Does anyone else happen to have this or something similar going on? and am I terrible for just getting on with other things and not being really interested in pursuing a relationship with them? Thoughts of family relations and that dynamic are welcome too