When is it time?

[AgilityPup]

On the 17th I will have said goodbye to Bella 6 months ago. A half a year. I can't believe it's been that long already, since the pain is still so fresh, but it also feels like she has been gone so long.

Okay, so my question is... when is it time to take her crate down? Her crate was in my bedroom for a year or so before I lost her, and I haven't been able to take it down, or even move anything in or around it. It comforts me to have it there, but at the same time, there's now several layers of dust all over the tray and her food bowl. I look at the crate and I'm comforted by the sight, but then the reaction is "Oh my god, she's been gone so long" when I see it empty and the dust covering her things. I don't know what to do.

I thought about making that Psyche's crate for in my bedroom, but I just can't put another dog in it. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Am I being crazy?

(I don't really know if there's a point to this post... I just had to get it out.)

 

[~Dixie's_Mom~]

I know how you feel, I really do. When we had to give up our three dogs, I gave Dixie and Lucy's crates away with them. Holly's crate remained in my room until we moved, and now it's in our attic awaiting the time when Violet will be big enough for it. I still have Dixie and Holly's collars and tags. I have Lucy's tag, but her collar went with her unfortunately. I still have all of their baby collars. I keep their things in my top dresser drawer, and see them every day.

So I know how you feel, and I know how hard it is. I'd say keep a few little things of Bella's (like her collar/tag, maybe a favorite toy or something) and don't neccesarily get rid of her other things, just put them somewhere else (like the attic, or something). It's okay to keep a few things, but it also helps you to grieve if you let go of a few things. I'll never "get over" or "move on" from having to give my dogs up. It's just not something that's in my nature. Those dogs were family, and I expect if someone's brother or sister or child died, or were taken away, they'd never truly move on, either. But it's okay to let some of their THINGS go. Because they are just things.

Good luck, and if you need more time, take it. Take as much time as you need. You'll know when you're ready.

 

[MicksMom]

...Okay, so my question is... when is it time to take her crate down?...

There's no set time, take it down when you're ready. When we had to have Mick pts, I came home and packed up all his toys and bed and slid his dishes under the microwave cart. I knew it would have been harder for me to do after the numbness wore off. BUT- I couldn't vacuum the hair up from where he laid against the closet at the bottom of the stairs. That spot stayed hair covered until right before we brought Caleb home.

 

[Chewbecca]

There is no time. When you feel comfortable doing it, is the time.

When Ella passed, we came home and IMMEDIATELY packed up her things. There was no way I could stand to see all of her stuff around the house.
I put up her special orbees never to be touched by my current dogs.

I found her hairs for MONTHS, and it made me cry everytime I found them. It's still painful when I find the occasional stray Ella hair buried deep in a box of stuff in a closet somewhere.

Her bed is wrapped in a garbage bag that is stored in a rubbermaid container in my rope and leather room. If I open the bag up, it still smells like her. I open the bag occasionally, when I can stand to, just to smell her again.

 

[AgilityPup]

It's just hard for me because in a home of 6 dogs, Bella had very few things that where hers specifically, and her crate and her dog food dish were it, other than the collar she was wearing when we put her down... It took me a long time before I could even sweep around her crate, because her hair was around it. I cried as I swept it up. I still find her hair all over our house, and I know it's hers because of the grey chunk on it... when I do, it's like I feel like bits of her are still there, in the house, with me.

I swore the other day I saw her at the top of the stairs, standing outside my bedroom...

It's been so hard dealing with her gone. But of course, I know all of you who have lost a pet can sympathize.

 

[Brattina88]

I can definitely sympathize! ((((((((hugs)))))))))

Really, I think you're doing good compared to me I think it was at least two years before I could see another sheltie and not ball my eyes out. But we all grieve and cope in different ways...
and I can totally relate to the attachment to items that were theirs. Like your case, Nikki didn't have a lot of things that were specifically hers, so those few things we kept and cherished.
I flipped a lid even recently when *someone* suggested I use Nikki's collar on Bailey. And it's going on 6 years, I believe... Summer of 2005... yea, that's right.

Wow. I can't believe its been that long

Anyway... Something that was really almost therapeutic for me was to make a scrapbook with a bunch of her pictures and everything, and I also looked through my baby book (I grew up with her ) and saw pictures/events I experienced with Nikki that I can't even really remember. I also got a special frame for the picture of Nikki with baby Maddie <3
But I'm betting I waited longer than 6mos to do all of that. I think I waited until after a graduated, but its all kind of hazy and I don't remember specifically...

I agree with the others... there's no set time. If you think your ready, go for it -- we'll be here to support you no matter what. But if not, take your time, that's okay too

 

[sassafras]

You feel what you feel, that's not crazy. When you're ready to take it down, you'll know. We have pictures in my workplace of all the employees with their pets, and just a few weeks ago I suddenly realized I was ready to take a new picture to put up instead of the one featuring a dog who died in December of 2008. Almost 2 1/2 years. So don't rush yourself, it's time when it's time.

 

[Southpaw]

It's time when it's time. I couldn't look at Molly's things, I immediately got rid of her bed... it killed me to look at it and think about how she'd never lay on it again.

I wanted her things to be HERS though. It bothered me when we put her leash on Lucy, or when I washed her food dish so Juno could use it (that hurt because it hadn't been washed since the last time Molly had used it)... I mean, I know I have to move on and get over it so I wasn't going to avoid doing those things, but it doesn't make it easy.

 

[babymomma]

Casey's tie out is still attached to the tree in the front yard. My dad gets mad when he tries to mow the lawn but nobody is allowed to touch it. Its been 1 year and 3 months.
I was pressured into letting my brother take caseys leather leash that toller_08 gave me.. And he lost it.. I have NEVER felt so angry in my whole entire life.
And i let my bf use her collar on his dog casey. I trust him with it. It means alot to me that its used on the new casey in my life and does bring me some comfort and some tears when i see her with it.

Nobody can rush it. I know my parents get so , i dunno, almost irritated when i talk about casey. But the dog took half my heart with her when she died. That is not something that is easily forgotten, or something that should ever be taken lightly.
Dr.phil might tell me the way i act, the things i do, the tears i cry over my lost dog is unhealthy. But F*** dr.phil and others like him.

((((hugsx1million)))) I wont tell you i know exactly how you feel.. Because i dont.. Only YOU know how you feel... but i know how *I* felt/feel and i wouldnt wish that pain on my worst enemy.

 

[~Dixie's_Mom~]

This thread has me crying over Holly, and all the other dogs lost. (((((((((((((HUGS FOR EVERYONE))))))))))))))))

I found Holly hairs around the house for a long time.... There are still some of our old things over at the old house/in the attic there, and I still find her hairs there. Asdfgjkl....

 

[JennSLK]

I still havent cleaned out a small corner of the seat in my car Emma allways sat on.

Oh god I miss her so much.

 

[Renee750il]

When you're ready is the right time, and not before.

Clean her dishes and dust her crate. You'll feel better.

 

[RD]

Take your time.

I still miss my old black dogs terribly - Shiner and Buddy. They wore these heavy chain collars that I would never in my life put on my current dogs. Both of those chains are in my jewelry box, they have their tags on them. I'll never get rid of those things. My mom has the tag of our first dog in her jewelry box too.

We never had our dogs cremated with the intention of keeping the ashes. I'll always keep collars, tags and special toys. When Eve goes, I'll have a special box of her keepsakes. I don't think I'll ever be able to open it once she's gone, but it'll be there.

 

[AgilityPup]

I have Bella's ashes. I had her cremated in hopes that it would make me feel less like she was gone. It helped for a while, but I just plain miss her. I hate that I hadto say goodbye so young.

 

[puppydog]

Grief is a personal and private thing. It is time when it is time.
I would, however, dust it.

 

[Cesarmonkey]

She is with you, always. In heart and soul. If you can have non-attachment to her things and perhaps keep one or two mementos where you can see them, you'll be able to move the larger items all in good time. Only you will know when that time is the right time. Just remember, regardless, she is always with you.