November has to be better than this month!

[Island dog]

This month has been terrible. Hopefully, things will improve. My estranged husband's lawyer sent my lawyer a letter stating he was returning to the matrimonial property to collect his belongings which I had stored in the basement and workshop attached to the back of the house. The husband has been working out of province since May 1, and when he left I moved back into the matrimonial property because he stopped payment on the spousal support and stopped payment on the mortgage of the rental property I was living in next door which is up for sale - real estate market is terrible right now and nothing is selling.

Both our lawyers were aware I was in the matrimonial property and his lawyer wanted both lawyers to be present when the husband showed up to 'avoid any unpleasantness'. I had advised the husband by email in May that I had moved in and stored his belongings.

He showed up unexpected the day before he was scheduled and demanded to be let in. I told him no and that he was to come back the next day. He got a machete and broke into the workshop and then broke the window of the back door and came in looking through cupboards, drawers and closets. He was in such a rush to get into the house - I think he believed I had his belongings in the living area. I called the police, who arrived and advised he had the right to break into his own home.

The police came back into the house with him so he could once again look for anything that might be his - he found nothing. The police left. He spent that evening and the next day taking most of his stuff and then left all the glass and broken windows for me to clean up.

He has a girlfriend in the province he was working in, so I'm hoping he's gone back there.

Then last week he had the water turned off, and because I've got a complaint against the Administrator of our Improvement District, she refused to turn the water back on when I said I would come in and pay the $60. reconnection fee, even though I'm on title and my name appears on all documents, including the water bill in both our names. The husband's email to her requested she turn the water off and that I be responsible. Nothing in his email said not to turn the water back on.

I was without water over 48 hours and it took a letter from my lawyer to get it turned back on.

Then he stopped payment on the matrimonial home. Luckily, I went to the bank and paid what was due as it is an amount I can afford. At least I know I have somewhere to live for the next while.

The husband seems determined to have me homeless. When we agreed I would move into the rental property last November and list it for sale, he stopped payment on the mortgage at that time.

He owes me over 12 months spousal support and has only paid for 4 months since May of 2009. He believes I don't deserve anything after 22 years and it appears the only way I'm going to get any money is by taking him to court which is very costly. So far, I've paid a total of $10,400. in legal fees by juggling money and going into debt.

Never thought at 60 I'd be in this position. Feeling much better now and ready to fight on as I can't just walk away with nothing.

My lawyer has advised his that we're going to court if I don't get some money next week and he's going to get a restraining order and exclusive possession of the matrimonial home for me. Also made him an offer to settle property matters and willing to take a lump sum so he won't have to make monthly payments. Just want this fool out of my life.

One bright spot is that my lawyer offered me a part time job once he's no longer my lawyer. Made me feel better about myself and I told him I'm definitely interested.

Sorry for the verbal diarrhea. Had to get it off my chest now that I finally feel better.

 

[Dekka]

That really sucks. I am sorry you are having to deal with that.

 

[Doberluv]

Oh wow! What a vindictive SOB your ex is!!! I'm so very sorry you're having to deal with all this. Lawyers are definitely costly, but well worth it in the end. (trust me) It sounds like your lawyer will take care that you get what you deserve, so stay with it. What a nice man to offer you a job when this is past. My goodness! That is fantastic. Eventually, this will pass and you can live with some peace. I know how stressful it must be right now, but remember...it won't be like this forever. Hang in there.

And don't ever apologize for coming here to get things off your chest. That's what friends are for. (((hugs))) Keep us updated on how things go.

 

[Renee750il]

The job may make up for all of the crap in October

I'm still waiting to get my pay for October. I've been paid a whopping $100 so far -- but Charley owed me $250 from September . . . . Oh, and I've sold over 3/4 of everything that was sold this month, which paid all of HIS bills.

 

[Island dog]

Thank you. I know I'll be okay. I just felt really stressed for a few weeks.

The job offer surprised me and I know it wasn't a pity offer. I had a different lawyer up until April but found him wishy washy and ineffective. I was given the names of a few lawyers who were known to be very good but was told this guy was very blunt and many people didn't like him. I knew that was the one for me as I'm known to be very blunt as well.

He has been very easy to deal with and no bs or wasting time. I had to prepare an affidavit for him and emailed it prior to my last appointment. He and his secretary both commented on how good it was, especially since I had to go back over 40 years detailing when and where I worked, and when I was unemployed because of child rearing etc. When he mentioned me working at his office, I told him I was unreliable because of the depression. He said I sell myself short and he thought I was very capable and pushed the idea. I don't want to pass this up as I think it would be good for me mentally and don't have to worry about trying to explain to someone about the depression as he already knows.

Things will get better once this is behind me and can finally get on with my life. I'm tired of being in this limbo and having my estranged husband know he can get to me by stressing me out, attempting to trigger the bloody depression.

I'm not giving up. I have my best friends - Molly and my birds. They make me happy. I'm never getting involved with another man. Been there - done that - not for me.

Renee: I hope things get better for you too.

 

[smkie]

geeeezzzzzzzzz I hope this is long behind you soon and you can go on to a sane life without any more of this! (((((((((((((GIANT HUGE HUGS))))))) and vibes for the ex stepping into a big black worm hole and being sucked into another universe.

 

[Island dog]

Thanks Smkie. I also wish he would fall off the face of the earth, but I'd be content with him just leaving me completely alone. You know better than anyone that a person can survive a lot if they know there is an end in sight.

 

[noludoru]

Good god. I'm so sorry. He's disgustingly vindictive.

Part of me wonders what he's telling his gf about all this.

 

[Bailey08]

I work for someone who is going through a really horrible divorce and I've been shocked at what the a-hole soon-to-be-ex can get away with.

You have lots of ((((vibes)))) from me. I admit to not knowing how spousal support works -- can you get a lien on his assets for his obligations to you? Or can the courts require the payments to come right of his paychecks, like they do for child support? And why doesn't he have to pay your lawyer's fees?

Well done on the job offer!!

 

[Island dog]

There has to be a court order before he can be forced to pay. I'm on the hook for my own lawyers fees. The only legal fees he might be responsible for is if/when we go to court the judge could order him to pay costs - but that doesn't include my lawyers fees.

Before we separated, I had said to him that if he were to get a girl friend, he would put effort into doing things together, showing interest, etc. His reply was "Ya, at first".

So, that's what he does - puts lots of effort in the beginning and then everything goes downhill from there. Wish he would have told me that's what he had in mind. The new girlfriend can enjoy the "At first" portion.

He's just a guy that can't be alone. Wants someone 'there' but really has no interest in maintaining a relationship. Wants everything, but doesn't want to look after it. Yard, house, hot tub, marriage etc.

 

[smkie]

IT will happen but getting there is so completely unfair. I am just sorry your in such a situation and you will have my prayers and vibes that things go your way, and that this will all be over and set you free. I know the pain all to well, and knowing your going to be ok, doesn't make the being IN the middle of it one bit easier. You have all my best wishes and hugs and I will be in your cheering section. WHen you do get there, that freedom will be sweet. Of that much I can swear is true. Incredibly good. I remember all too well when the dogs tore up the water bed. I came home and there was water an inch deep across the bedroom floor, wet feathers were sticking to everything from the closet to the ceiling. I stood there and I should have been angry but what I heard in my head was that no one was yelling at me about my GD DOGS and the whole time I cleaned it up I realized my home was now MY home and it was really good to face something like this without that. My money is my money, my mistakes mine alone, and I am all really good with that. In the meantime I hope you are tender with yourself. IT's a lot to face, and a lot to go through, and there is wear and tear along the way. Vitamins and good sleep and taking care is really important and really hard to do.

 

[Island dog]

Your words ring true. Gaining the Freedom is worth it all. I love not having to answer or justify any more. Freedom is sweet.

 

[oakash]

November had better be better!

((HUGS)))