Life is just a series of receiving, losing, happiness, and tragedy.

[Island dog]

and, as you get older the losing happens more frequently.

What happened to the importance of giving your word or being honest?

I posted in May about leaving my husband. Well, I had access to his email account because it was created by me and on my internet account which I transferred when I moved. It's been quite the eye opener regarding what he has said about me and also what my daughter in law has said. The emails from a tenant he wanted me to agree to rent to, when I refused she sent him emails telling him to keep the vehicle from me (which he did), get an order to keep me off the property, blah blah.

The account activity completely changed the last couple of days and I knew something was up. I called his sister, who I have been very close to and confided in her about the email access, asking if she told him. She said no, but that he 'found out' because he supposedly told her a couple of months ago he thought I might be reading his mail. She repeatedly assured me since May that she was not telling him anything and never ever spoke about emails. Now she tells me there was a conversations about emails. Geeezzzz. She's not being honest with me. Another one bites the dust.

They're falling like flies. I just cannot have anything to do with those I don't trust. It's impossible for me to pretend everything is fine after I find someone is lying to me.

But, the good thing is that I have Molly, who I prefer the company of more and more - she is who she is, I love her.

 

[sparks19]

I'm sorry you are hurting right now.

But I must say....

while I understand that you are probably quite frustrated at this situation with your ex.... reading his emails without his knowlege is not honest either. don't get me wrong... I've done it with my ex's before lol. but if we are talking about honesty... you are also in violation.

but I hope everything starts looking up for you soon and you rid yourself of all those you cannot trust

 

[Island dog]

I don't feel any loyalty to him to be honest.

 

[sparks19]

I don't feel any loyalty to him to be honest.

I understand that...

but dishonesty is dishonesty IMO.

That's the only reason I mention it. I mean... his sister may feel the same way even though you feel she should have been honest.

I'm just putting it out there for you.

I do understand how you feel seriously. but dishonesty applies to everyone IMO

 

[Island dog]

I guess I view it that if someone has betrayed me - I feel no obligation to be honest where they are concerned. I will take advantage of a situation if I can. I actually don't even view it as dishonest. Hmm.

 

[sparks19]

yeah I understand. sorry I'm just playing devils advocate that perhaps the sister feels the same way about you that you feel about your ex without telling you. so while she may not feel she is being dishonest because she doesn't feel she owes you anything You feel violated just as you don't feel you owe him anything so you don't feel you are being dishonest but he does.

But like I said... I'm just playing devils advocate and I have done the same as you have to ex's and now realized that it really wasn't worth my time

 

[Renee750il]

When you take the high road you don't get mired in the muck

 

[Gustav]

To be honest, there was actually nothing to be gained from reading his emails.. You've just added more salt to the wound, personally I would rather NOT know what people were saying about me.. As they say, "Ignorance is bliss."

Anyway what does it matter what they are saying? He's now in your past, you don't have to have anything more to do with him, and it's unlikely you will have anything to do with his friends or associates, so who cares what they think? Hey!

All that has happened is that you have lost another person that you held dear to yourself.

People will always have something to say, they will always take sides.. Unfortunatley it's the nature of the beast, doesn't mean that you have to let it get to you.. Let them critisise, it's not going to get them anywhere.. Rise above it girl, you're worth more than that.

 

[Island dog]

The thing is I'm the one that has maintained contact with her since their Mom died in 2002. He has never shown any interest in her or cared when she's gone through hard times. She's on a limited income and I had been paying her internet and cable for the last 2 years until I left her brother and could no longer afford it. She also had car trouble and had a bill of $217. which I sent her the money for during the time her brother hid our Jeep and I was without a vehicle.

When we separated she told me she felt closer to me as he's never really talked to her that much. She kept telling me she would never tell him anything. He's only showed any interest in her since we separated because now he needs her.

That's life. I should have known better. At first I was hurt, but now I know where I stand. I'm cleaning house and getting rid of those who are not worth spending time on. I don't understand why people act as though they care. Why do they go out of their way to communicate with me and act as though they want 'relationship'?

I'm starting to enjoy being by myself more and more. Maybe I'm the only one who can stand my company!!

 

[Gustav]

As they say.. "Blood's thicker than water" *sigh*

Chin up girl, you'll get there.. And you'll find lots of new amazing people to replace the old ones.

Unless of course you decide on the hermit route, which I fear is very underated in this day and age.

 

[Island dog]

To be honest, there was actually nothing to be gained from reading his emails.. You've just added more salt to the wound, personally I would rather NOT know what people were saying about me.. As they say, "Ignorance is bliss."

Anyway what does it matter what they are saying? He's now in your past, you don't have to have anything more to do with him, and it's unlikely you will have anything to do with his friends or associates, so who cares what they think? Hey!

All that has happened is that you have lost another person that you held dear to yourself.

People will always have something to say, they will always take sides.. Unfortunatley it's the nature of the beast, doesn't mean that you have to let it get to you.. Let them critisise, it's not going to get them anywhere.. Rise above it girl, you're worth more than that.

If I hadn't read his emails, I wouldn't have had a heads up on what he was pulling. I'm not rid of him yet as he is stalling to sort the financial situation out. The longer he puts it off, he's not paying spousal support and I have zero funds and am now $6500. in debt while he is clearing $4000. every 2 weeks. I'm renting a basement suite and he said if I want my half of the properties, it's up to me to sell them.

If I could access his new email address, I'd do it in a heartbeat and never give it a second thought. I have zero respect for him especially when he said he would shoot Molly if I moved back into the house. All of his actions to date have been to punish.

 

[Jules]

Well, maybe she realizes that she needs her brother as well. In most cases, blood is thicker... I just also fail to see why it is important? You said you posted about leaving him in may? How long did you want to read his mails and hurt instead of letting go- of him and his sister.

 

[Island dog]

I want to read them until I get my half and know I don't have someone trying to screw me out of what is mine. The only ones benefiting are the lawyers. This should have been settled by now. It's not a complicated matter - he is dictating the terms at this point.

 

[Gustav]

If I hadn't read his emails, I wouldn't have had a heads up on what he was pulling. I'm not rid of him yet as he is stalling to sort the financial situation out. The longer he puts it off, he's not paying spousal support and I have zero funds and am now $6500. in debt while he is clearing $4000. every 2 weeks. I'm renting a basement suite and he said if I want my half of the properties, it's up to me to sell them.

If I could access his new email address, I'd do it in a heartbeat and never give it a second thought. I have zero respect for him especially when he said he would shoot Molly if I moved back into the house. All of his actions to date have been to punish.

Well to be honest it is a joint responsiblity to sell the properties, why don't you DO just that, call an agent, get them valued and on the market.. Maybe then he won't be quite so smug. If he doesn't want to get things moving, then there is nothing stopping you doing it.

And people say alot of things when they are hurt and angry, doesn't mean that they actually mean it, generally it's self protection or spite.. If I took people seriously everytime they said.. "I just want to kill.. so and so" I would be calling the police every 5 minutes..

Just let it pass over you, I really wouldn't think on it anymore..

 

[Island dog]

The property he told me to sell is presently rented. I needed his permission to give the tenants 2 months notice so I can move in and sell it. I don't want tenants in it while it's for sale. If I sell it before living in it for 6 months, the tenants can come back and receive 3 months rent $3600. total. I'm moving in Nov. 1.

He has a Baby Eagle Pistol and left a bullet riddled target of the outline of a person with the locations of organs. It was attached beside the back entry for me to see. It's hard to determine when someone is 'just saying things'.

 

[smkie]

If I hadn't read his emails, I wouldn't have had a heads up on what he was pulling. I'm not rid of him yet as he is stalling to sort the financial situation out. The longer he puts it off, he's not paying spousal support and I have zero funds and am now $6500. in debt while he is clearing $4000. every 2 weeks. I'm renting a basement suite and he said if I want my half of the properties, it's up to me to sell them.

If I could access his new email address, I'd do it in a heartbeat and never give it a second thought. I have zero respect for him especially when he said he would shoot Molly if I moved back into the house. All of his actions to date have been to punish.

You have to watch your back in a divorce because if you don't you get screwed. I took the high road and lost EVERYTHING. I would have been a lot better off if i had been a bit more interested in what the ex was doing. I understand what you did and why you did. Just sorry your going through this and hope one day none of it has anything to do with your life.

 

[bubbatd]

I hope things start looking up for you .

 

[Debi]

I feel your pain. when my little brother and his first wife split, I vowed to keep her in my life forever. she was like a sister, and I loved her (still do!) dearly. sadly...no matter how adult you think you are...no matter how hard you try...it just becomes too awkward at some point. she was bitter, and while I understood her right to be (I love my brother to the ends of the earth, but know his faults), it was a wedge between us. she found a nice guy, and I thought that would help. but....then I think HE felt awkward. so..sad as it always is...she just moved on and away from me. I always have missed her, but I have to confess that as mentioned.......blood IS thick. so..push come to shove, I'd always stand by my brother in the end.

as to the nastiness of the divorce and issues you're facing, I hope with all my heart things work out for you soon. ((hugs))

 

[Island dog]

Actually, this had been another eye opener which allows me to plan my future. I won't have to worry about his sister anymore and try to help her when she needs it. She can turn to him now and maybe they'll have a relationship. He can't stall forever with regards to the finances, and even though I'm now in debt, I am still able to survive, have a roof over my head, food for Molly and myself, and the big bonus of having my own vehicle. I'm still much better off than I was when I was with him.

Overall, I'm very happy other than the occasional bump like the sister thing. I'm doing very well considering my age and leaving a 22 year relationship. Having access to his email gave me some comfort as I was always prepared for what he was planning.

I will do whatever it takes to protect myself. I have not retaliated for the things he has done to date. I'm satisfied he has shown his true self by the actions he has taken - not the nice guy image he wants everyone to believe. If I am lucky enough to gain access to his new email - that's a bonus.

I have the same belief as smkie. He has attempted a couple of times to have me agree to proposals that would have prevented me from removing my remaining belongings and also a financial offer that would have screwed me over. I have to be sharp and ready - I'm the only one looking out for my best interests, and I plan on doing a good job.

 

[Debi]

YOU GO GIRL! that's the ticket...you keep that fight in you, and keep positive! you ARE doing a good job. you are better than all that he is. and....you have us. you just vent any time, and know everyone here will surround you with big ole hugs to get you thru the times that make you just want to crawl in to bed and pull the blankets over your head.
sweetie...you are NOT alone. hold on...more big full body hugs coming...((HUGS))