I can't stand jealous women

[Dekka]

I think those are honest questions. Why does questioning someone have to be mocking. If the rules are there to make you happy and they do great. If you have them to make yourself safer.. then what?

Its like talking to people about religion, IME those with the least faith are those who freak out about questions. I have some very devout friends who are not of the same religious beliefs and they answer to the best of their knowledge. I love knowledge (hence being a scientist) Often I want to ask a zillion questions. This is the only place where people seem to go OMG questions.. they must be mocking me.

And the questions weren't even aimed that much at Cali, I know Romy said she has similar rules, and she even answered my question (thanks romy!) I think M&M discussed it too. And I didn't keep asking questions after I got answers (which is rude). I went cool and moved on.

So if you think asking questions you want answers too from people who are actually in a position to be able to give them to you is ridiculing. Well I am sorry and don't intend to change I had a great convo on here a few months back about being in biology yet not believing in evolution. Which I admit I find mind boggelling. However it was a very polite converstation where I asked loads of questions and got some great answers. I still think its a bit weird, but I can totally respect their opinions and now have a deeper understanding of how someone can hold two separate and opposing beliefs.

I think questions, and questioning is a great idea. If you or anyone doesn't like it they are free not to answer, or participate. But I have learnt a great many things from chaz and I am not going to let over sensitive people who look for snark when it isn't there stop me from doing what I am doing. I am sorry but I don't care that much about what ppl on the internet think of me

 

[sparks19]

Yeah... you're right. IF cali felt like she was being made fun of (and I don't know for sure that she did) then I guess that's her problem

 

[Dekka]

Yep, that is pretty much the deal 'if'. If us asking questions to other people about something she freely posted on a public board upsets her so much... she should PM the people involved, she could say Hey I hope you aren't meaning this to be mean (and they we could point out we aren't trying to be mean, just curious etc)

The whole thing is YOU keep bringing her up. I asked a question, never got an answer and moved on to OTHER people replying in this thread about the OP. I think you are kind of mean for dragging her through this repeatedly. But hey I figure she could say something about that if she wanted to too.

 

[sparks19]

Yep, that is pretty much the deal 'if'. If us asking questions to other people about something she freely posted on a public board upsets her so much... she should PM the people involved, she could say Hey I hope you aren't meaning this to be mean (and they we could point out we aren't trying to be mean, just curious etc)

The whole thing is YOU keep bringing her up. I asked a question, never got an answer and moved on to OTHER people replying in this thread about the OP. I think you are kind of mean for dragging her through this repeatedly. But hey I figure she could say something about that if she wanted to too.

yeah I know... i suck

 

[Dekka]

I don't think you suck... but I do think you are passive aggressive.

And thats the thing, I don't dislike you, I am not mad at you for doing this, or jumping on me. Its my choice to post these things and I am up for discussing anything I type. I don't think your comments are personal, and I don't take them that way. Who knows IRL we might even get along (there are people I don't like online but get along with irl and vice versa..)

 

[sparks19]

yeah we all have flaws and we all make mistakes. We work on them but sometimes life gets the better of us.

We are all passive aggressive, condescending etc sometimes even when we think we're not.

AND... I'm extremely bored today.

 

[Dekka]

Me too... I could clean before Jess gets here to house sit, but then I would likely need to major clean again.. I could pack but there are things I need still, and MP's stuff and her need to get here.

I am going stir crazy.. I want to do things, but I cant do them yet, I have already done all the things I could have done.

I think when my child gets back I will take him to the 'go swim'.....

See idle hands and what not :rofl1:

 

[sparks19]

my house is clean.... nuff said.

lol

 

[~Jessie~]

AND... I'm extremely bored today.

:rofl1:

Me too. I think we all are LOL.

 

[Locke]

Dekka, I agree with most of what you have said. I personally could not live without my male friends and would not want to be in a relationship with rules/boundaries regarding who I can and cannot hang out with alone, but, like you, have no problem with those that do have those boundaries/rules in place as long as both partners are happy.

However, I agree with those that have said your wording comes off as condescending. By saying you find the rules/boundaries in their relationship sad, it's not all that far off from saying it's pathetic/backwards/wrong/etc. Would you not be offended/hurt if someone said that your dedication and interest in dogs was sad? I sure would be.

 

[Beanie]

If you guys are bored you could come here and do some work for me... LOL. I'm trying to get everything done because I'm not at work tomorrow. It has been a crazy week. Normally I get ahead and get bored and have nothing to do... nope, not this week! I've had plenty to do every single day.
Next week will also be crazy because we're closed July 4th so we'll have to work ahead for that day too. HURRAY!

 

[Dekka]

Nope I wouldn't be bothered in the least. I know that is what my grandmother things, and it doesn't bother me. Why should it? She is entitled to her opinion, and she finds it sad I spend so much time with the dogs when I could be doing other things. But it makes me happy.

Elanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." The same goes in this case.

If I had said I find you sad, or your relationship sad, I could see that being offensive. But saying I find people limiting who they can be friend with based on gender sad isn't passing judgment. I had a friend who wouldnt' be friends with anyone not white.. I found that sad too... Didn't mean I wasn't friends with her.

 

[sparks19]

:rofl1:

Me too. I think we all are LOL.

lol I'm seriously counting the minutes. I don't know. it's just a dreary day. We are staying home because Hannah has still been fighting this bug she's had for three week off and on so we are on a rest day. but we've painted and played and learned and even took a bath in the middle of the day just because and now she's sick of me and still it's only 4:30.

just a very... boring.... day!!!

 

[sassafras]

No one has said that the rules, or lack there of, in your relationship are wrong. No one has said you can't do as you like in your own relationship.

I'm way late, but actually there have been several comments along the lines of implying that spending time alone with friends of the opposite sex reflects a lack of respect for one's spouse. Which isn't the same as saying "you can't do it" but certainly isn't any better than "I think your rule is sad" IMO. Just no one's really blown up about it. *shrug*

Everyone is entitled to handle these issues within their own marriage however they want, but it's possible to disagree with a general approach without attacking any specific people involved. I don't think anyone here has done that, quite honestly.

 

[NicoleLJ]

Here is my 2 cents worth. Boundaries (healthy ones) are never a bad thing in any relationship as long as both parties agree and it benifits both. That said no one but the couple ever knows 100% of what is truely going on in a relationship and even then one person could still be decieving. Cheating in marriages or relationships is a reality. It happens a lot. And satistics say only 35% of couples will still make it after an affiar. Lots of times affiars happen in a relationship and the friends won't know at all. It is kept between the couple.

I have been in relationships where my partner cheated and I had no idea. I would later discover after the relationship broke down that they had been bad mouthing me behind my back(all of it untrue) so that if people found out about the affiar the friends would defend him saying he had a reason. So when I see someones partner bad mouthing their spouse I really wonder at times what the person is hiding or trying to prove. Yes, sometimes they need to talk to someone and vent or what ever. But if they are truly wanting to be in that relationship and there is an issue then they should be talking to their spouse and proffesionals.

Also if a partner is insecure in the relationship instead of putting them down maybe try to put yourself in their shoes. How do you know that their partner had not already had an affiar on them and they are trying to work on it? In a lot of cases when someone is planning to have an affiar they will bad mouth their partner to other people, yet when they are home they can put on a great act so the other partner might not know anything is even wrong. What if they had been seriously hurt in the past? Yes they may have "issues" but they may have good reason to have those issues. When someone comes to me and bad mouths their partner my advice to them is to talk to their partner. If they say that doesn't work then I tell them to seek proffesional help by themselves and/or as a couple.

Doug and I have several boundaries. Both of us have been cheated on by past partners. So out of respect for each other we have boundaries. No male friends are allowed in the house when I am here alone. If they do show up we can visit outside on the deck where it is more public. The same boundary applies to Doug as well. We also never go to someones house of the opposite sex if that person is home alone. Ever. Doug didn't set this boundary on me. I choose it for myself. Because I respect him, love him and never want him to ever feel insecure after what he had been through. He in turn set the same boundary for himself.

My point here is each person is different and brings their own issues into a relationship. Only the couple in the relationship knows the other person and their reasons behind feelings and boundaries. As a couple they come to an understanding of what will work for them. People looking from the outside looking in do not have all the details. Yes it is easy to give idealistic views and opinions when you are outside of it. But when is anything in life idealistic? What works and is healthy for Doug and I may not work for the next couple. But as others have said if they are happy then it is their marriage and their choice.

This is not pointed at anyone. Just my 2 cents

 

[RedHotDobe]

I'm way late, but actually there have been several comments along the lines of implying that spending time alone with friends of the opposite sex reflects a lack of respect for one's spouse. Which isn't the same as saying "you can't do it" but certainly isn't any better than "I think your rule is sad" IMO. Just no one's really blown up about it. *shrug*

Maybe it has been said. I certainly haven't been paying enough attention to argue, nor do I really care to go back and find out. I do know that I'm not one who made any of the comments. My relationship doesn't have restrictions like that. We're free to be friends with whoever we want.

This thread needs to end. I have nothing left to do and I'm compelled to continually check and post, lol.

 

[Dekka]

Ha to share my 'nothing left to do -ness' I shall reply! Only to make RHD check the thread

 

[RedHotDobe]

You succeeded. :wall:

 

[jess2416]

Hmmmm... I havent posted in this thread yet...

BUT...

I dont have rules, my SO doesnt have rules and we both have friends of the opposite sex... and neither of us keep each other on a short leash...

BUT

Im not gonna have another man at MY house without him here or be at another man's house by myself without him there, and vice versa.... its a mutual thing, and Im far far from jealous and we dont have any "rules / boundaries" its about respect for me

but anyhoo, the ONLY person(s) that have any business in my relationship are the ones that are in the relationship

 

[Dekka]