I can't stand jealous women

[~Jessie~]

UGH.

So, one of my friends borrowed something and wanted to come by a few nights ago to drop it off. His wife has a LOT of jealousy issues when it comes to him being friends with other women It's ridiculous. Anyway, she sent him to my house with his 1 year old daughter last minute. He was walking out the door and she said "Here, take her with you." Obviously his intent was to come over and cheat on his wife with me so she needed him to have his child with him so that wouldn't happen She's mentioned before about how she has an issue with me. It's just insane.

I'm just frustrated that she feels this way. I've met her a handful of times while I was with MY husband.

Situations like this always hurt my feelings because I am NOT like that. Obviously I should just feel sorry for her since she has major insecurity issues, but it makes me upset to know how uncomfortable she is about me... even though I've always been super nice to her.

Most of my friends have always been guys because I don't get along very well with other women. This just makes me even more uncomfortable about being around women.

Sorry for the rant. I'm frustrated and have a headache and feel like complaining

 

[CaliTerp07]

Sorry, that sucks

I've made a conscious effort to never be alone with a guy since getting married. I'll go out to lunch with male coworkers or off to happy hour with male friends, but never alone. Never in a car alone, never at a restaurant alone, never at a house alone. I just don't want there to be any reason for anyone to thing anything inappropriate could/would go on. A little hyper vigilant maybe, but I've seen the nasty office gossip and really don't want to be a part of it

I'm like you though, I find myself more relaxed around guys. I really need to work on making better girlfriends.

 

[puppydog]

Well, if she is so jealous then she shouldn't be with him. Obviously she can't trust him and needs to work on her insecurities.

 

[~Jessie~]

I often forget that I'm not "one of the guys" so it's hard for me to deal with jealous girlfriends/wives. It's not like I'm going to cheat with your husband JUST because I'm a girl. Over 50 percent of the population are women and it's sad that friendships need to become complicated and limited due to gender.

This guy puts up with a LOT of crap from his wife... she treats him pretty horribly and he deals with it since they're married and have a child together. Ian and I BOTH feel sorry for him and his situation with her.

 

[Greenmagick]

It sucks that she doesnt trust her husband and that you have to deal with it.

However, I dont know if handing her daughter to him last minute necessarily had anything to do with it...it couldve been simply be mama needed a break from the baby or the baby was getting to a point where a change of scenery was needed. I often had DH take a kid or two for random errands last minute

 

[~Jessie~]

It sucks that she doesnt trust her husband and that you have to deal with it.

However, I dont know if handing her daughter to him last minute necessarily had anything to do with it...it couldve been simply be mama needed a break from the baby or the baby was getting to a point where a change of scenery was needed. I often had DH take a kid or two for random errands last minute

He even mentioned that it was weird, though. She said "where are you going" and he told her. Then she handed him the baby. He lives about 2 miles away from me, so he was gone for all of 10 minutes.

The first thing she asked the baby when they got home was "what did you see?" Her response was "puppies." lol.

She's told him before that she doesn't want him hanging around me alone, etc... the whole thing is very odd. He knows that she has a lot of issues with insecurity.

 

[skittledoo]

My husband and I both have a general "rule" that we don't hang out with someone of the opposite sex alone. In our case, it isn't because we feel the other person would cheat... it's more or less out of respect for the other spouse and to prevent there from ever being any shadow of doubt. With that said, one of my best friends is a guy. In fact, he's a guy that I used to have mutual feelings for and we've been friends since we were kids. Josh has no problems with we me hanging out with him. When we lived in NM (since that's where this friend lives) I could have probably gone out to lunch with this friend and Josh probably wouldn't have been upset... but... because I don't ever want Josh to have any doubt or suspicions ever, I only hung out with this guy in group like settings or at least with one other friend around. My friend didn't mind this arrangement and actually the majority of the times I hung out with him was because Josh wanted me to invite him to do stuff with us like go shooting, etc. Josh has been in VA for nearly a month now working. He went to a shooting range the other day with a few of his friends, one of which being a female friend who used to like him a lot. I was not worried about it at all. This works for us though and it's not something that works for every marriage. And like I said... it's not really a jealousy thing with us, but this is how we do run things in our marriage. We both get to still hang out with our friends and we're both happy with our agreement on this situation, so... it's really a win win for the both of us.

 

[Beanie]

I had a friend's girlfriend decide she hated me before she ever talked to me or met me. Because by the sheer fact that I'm a woman, I must obviously intend to steal her boyfriend - and let's not even mention the fact that I'm an attractive and confident woman. Obviously I have so many evil plans to steal everybody's boyfriend.

Never mind the fact that I actually knew him before she did, and if I had wanted to make a move, I had ample opportunity. Except in Twisted Female Logic I'm sure she thought the fact that he was no longer single once he started dating her must have instantly made him more valuable to me...


It is hard when you've spent so much of your life being "one of the guys" and then when they get girlfriends, the girls see you as a threat. Honey, on the level of threats, I think you can put "my boyfriend cheating on me with her" and "my boyfriend cheating on me with his best male friend" on the same level. But girls are just weird. I remember the first time I met a friend's girlfriend, she spent nearly the entire evening HANGING all over him. I almost said "Why don't you just pee all over him? That's a much more effective way of marking your territory..."

 

[~Jessie~]

Meh, I couldn't care less if my husband hangs out alone with other women. We generally hang out together with friends anyway so it's not often we find ourselves in situations where we are alone with members of the opposite sex.

I've just always been WAY more comfortable with guys than I am with other girls.

I just don't think I should have to make sure I'm not alone with guys so that people won't get the "wrong idea" or to "not put myself in a situation." It's just... offensive. It's just like saying "oh, John is gay so he's going to try to flirt with EVERY GUY because once you're gay it's just how you are."

Self control, people. Just because your husband/boyfriend/whatever has a penis doesn't mean that I want it.

 

[~Jessie~]

I almost said "Why don't you just pee all over him? That's a much more effective way of marking your territory..."

:rofl1: :rofl1:

 

[Zoom]

Twisted Female Logic

It's amazing what this can concoct, isn't it? TFL = FML It's sad to see what some guys will put up with.

It is hard when you've spent so much of your life being "one of the guys" and then when they get girlfriends, the girls see you as a threat. Honey, on the level of threats, I think you can put "my boyfriend cheating on me with her" and "my boyfriend cheating on me with his best male friend" on the same level. But girls are just weird. I remember the first time I met a friend's girlfriend, she spent nearly the entire evening HANGING all over him. I almost said "Why don't you just pee all over him? That's a much more effective way of marking your territory..."

Either that, or lick him! It works in the commercials...

That is such a stupid situation to have crop up...if you're that insecure, then you should rethink a couple of things and not just your SO's choice of friends. (General "you" being used here). Neither Ted nor myself have any issue with the other going and hanging out with guys/girls without the other one, it's just not a big deal. There's nothing out there that would entice me to cheat (well, now if David Tennent showed up in a kilt...but that's a different story...LOL) and I know it's the same for him. It makes things a lot less stressful when you add a little simple trust.

 

[Fran101]

That would bother me as well.. I mean cmon, two people of the opposite sex can't be friends/be alone together?? We aren't animals lol I'm pretty sure we can control ourself and not just screw everything that has the right parts!

and sending his child with him? lol come on... Lets say you really DID want to cheat, like a 1 year old is gonna stop you lol

 

[Dekka]

I dislike jealousy in ANY person, be it over a mate, a friend, a situation.

Sorry, that sucks

I've made a conscious effort to never be alone with a guy since getting married. I'll go out to lunch with male coworkers or off to happy hour with male friends, but never alone. Never in a car alone, never at a restaurant alone, never at a house alone. I just don't want there to be any reason for anyone to thing anything inappropriate could/would go on. A little hyper vigilant maybe, but I've seen the nasty office gossip and really don't want to be a part of it

This is one of the saddest things I have read on the internet in a while. That someone is so worried what other's will think that they refuse friendships simply based on a persons gender.

Also the idea that their judgment would be so poor that they would be at risk of inappropriate things would be anything more than the slightest of risks.

Inappropriate things can happen with women and children too.

Its just sad that some people must live in such fear of others (what they might do or what they might say) that they have to give up potentially rewarding relationships.

 

[CaliTerp07]

This is one of the saddest things I have read on the internet in a while. That someone is so worried what other's will think that they refuse friendships simply based on a persons gender.

You know, I opened this thread and just knew you were going to pick apart my response No matter what I write, you always tell me it's sad, or wrong, or something else negative.

I have the BEST marriage I could possibly imagine. I could not ask for a better relationship. I don't miss out on having male friendships--I have great male friends. I just don't hang out alone with them. I don't have any need to hang out alone with them. I think it's natural that once you get married, your need for friendships with the opposite sex lessens. Many of my male friends stepped back when I started getting serious with Zach. We all mutually realized there were new boundaries.

We have a lot of "rules" about our marriage that other people probably would think are ridiculous, but they remove any chances of something (or someone) coming along that sneaks between us. One of them is no alone time with the opposite sex. Another is never saying anything bad about our spouse to anyone else, ever. (The exception being to a pastor or mentor or counselor when trying to grow and change). A third is no confiding in a member of the opposite sex about anything. That relationship of confidence is between my husband and I, only.

It works for us. We know where the line we can't cross is, and we set our own personal boundaries 20 yards back from it to insure greater safety.

I have plenty of good--great--male friends. I just keep things uber-appropriate at all times around them. Let's face it, no one starts out a relationship thinking they're going to cheat. Your marriage isn't perfect today and you're in divorce court tomorrow. It's slow, it's gradual, and it's sneaky. I choose to avoid it entirely.

 

[~Jessie~]

I've never been worried about someone coming between my husband and I. We don't have any "rules" in our marriage... to me, that would mean that we're insecure and worried that the other would cheat if they had the chance. I don't care if Ian is alone with another girl. He doesn't care if I'm alone with another guy. Heck, I STILL talk on the phone occasionally with my ex boyfriend from high school (who is a better friend now that we're both adults!). At the end of the day, he is married to me and vice versa. We would lose out on a lot of potentially great friendships if we had rules like that!

Like I said, just because half of the population have penises doesn't mean that I'm going to lose all self control and cheat just because I'm alone with them! If either of us did cheat, there would obviously be something wrong in our marriage to cause that. Just being alone with a guy/girl wouldn't give a reason to cheat.

 

[Dekka]

It wouldn't have mattered who said it. Honestly I didn't even notice it was 'you' until after I quoted it. I do say you need to get over yourself. I reply to a lot of things, and rarely are they you (check my statistics if you feel that I find you special in any way)

My point was you aren't the only one who says these things. I have heard the same thing on other boards. I always wonder what happens if a female co worker makes a pass at one of these sorts of people... does that mean you can't have any friends? What if a female 'sneaks' between you? (no don't answer that Cali.. its not directed at you.. just in general.. I wouldn't want to offend you, or think I was 'picking on you'. The idea that another person can sneak into a happy marriage baffles me.

It always baffles me when people choose fear over friendship.

 

[Dekka]

I've never been worried about someone coming between my husband and I. We don't have any "rules" in our marriage... to me, that would mean that we're insecure and worried that the other would cheat if they had the chance.

Thank you, that is aways what I have thought. If it isn't broken then there are no worries. If it is broken then fix it. Mark and I went through a difficult time in our marriage a couple of years ago. No 'new' rules or anything are necessary, we are secure and trust each other. If I couldn't trust him, or felt he wasn't trusting me then the marriage is over. I have had friends in marriages where they didn't trust each other, or believe the other person capable of not cheating what have you. They always seemed so stressed.

 

[~Jessie~]

I think it's natural that once you get married, your need for friendships with the opposite sex lessens. Many of my male friends stepped back when I started getting serious with Zach. We all mutually realized there were new boundaries.

I don't understand this. Why would your need for male friends lessen once you get married? I've always had more guy friends than girl friends since the time I was a little kid. I shouldn't have to change who my friends are because I'm married... friends are friends are friends. I know couples who have gotten divorced because the other one has realized they're gay. Realistically, I could cheat on my husband with a girl as well... should I not have female friends either? It's always a risk.

 

[~Jessie~]

Thank you, that is aways what I have thought. If it isn't broken then there are no worries. If it is broken then fix it. Mark and I went through a difficult time in our marriage a couple of years ago. No 'new' rules or anything are necessary, we are secure and trust each other. If I couldn't trust him, or felt he wasn't trusting me then the marriage is over. I have had friends in marriages where they didn't trust each other, or believe the other person capable of not cheating what have you. They always seemed so stressed.

Exactly. Why would you marry someone who you didn't trust? I trust my husband completely. If we ever have an issue with trusting each other then there is obviously something wrong in our marriage.

I'm not my husband's mother. I don't need to give him rules on what he can and can't do. If he wants to go and cheat on me, he'll do it whether or not we have "rules" in place.

 

[Fran101]

Am I the only one who is as close to my male friends as my female ones?? Their genders don't make a difference to me, sure there are small things I discuss with my female friends that I don't discuss with my male friends (and vice versa) like purses or periods lol but the relationship (how much we care for each other, how much I love talking to them, etc..) isn't stronger or weaker or more "disposable" because they are male. I love them just as much, and I don't think about having sex with them just because they have the right "parts" lol

I have had boyfriends and serious relationships and those that have had a problem with my friends have had to deal with it or hit the road because they are here to stay. I wouldn't give up a dear friends (male or female) just because of some twisted fear that I'm going to cheat or have sex like some animal in heat who can't control herself.

I have "RULES" in relationships. Rules like... Don't call me babe, put the toilet seat down, and other little things lol but never anything that restricting on my/his life.