At what age
- Thread starter milos_mommy
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I absolutely agree with you.
I always had an open relationship with my parents- I could ask and they would answer. While I probably wasn't the easiest child, especially during my teenage years, I was not bad. I knew, I didn't have to sneak around my parents back. I knew that my parents were fair and if they said no... even after trying to reason with them, it had a reason. And I accepted and respected that. I knew they wouldn't say no just because. My parents had authority, not power. Fine, but powerful difference.
If I have a child, son or daughter, and he/she is in a relationship and the time comes around when the urges spring up- you can be sure we will have the BC talk and everything he/she wants to know. If he/she is in a committed relationship and wants the gf/bf to sleep over, fine. I would rather my child has their first time during a sleepover at our house, than in the back of a van or a shabby hotel room. Will it be uneasy? A little, sure. But I want my child to be safe. I want him/her to be educated and make smart decisions with that education and knowing that I will always be there. I want my child to come to me with questions and knowing that I will be fair and I will have a look at that boyfriend and not drag him to the cops just because he's 3 years older.
That doesn't mean that there won't be ground rules. Or that I am afraid to enforce them. Or that there will be consequences. It is not about being a friend as much as them knowing that I will always be there and have their back and no matter what it is, I will be there.
I always had an open relationship with my parents- I could ask and they would answer. While I probably wasn't the easiest child, especially during my teenage years, I was not bad. I knew, I didn't have to sneak around my parents back. I knew that my parents were fair and if they said no... even after trying to reason with them, it had a reason. And I accepted and respected that. I knew they wouldn't say no just because. My parents had authority, not power. Fine, but powerful difference.
If I have a child, son or daughter, and he/she is in a relationship and the time comes around when the urges spring up- you can be sure we will have the BC talk and everything he/she wants to know. If he/she is in a committed relationship and wants the gf/bf to sleep over, fine. I would rather my child has their first time during a sleepover at our house, than in the back of a van or a shabby hotel room. Will it be uneasy? A little, sure. But I want my child to be safe. I want him/her to be educated and make smart decisions with that education and knowing that I will always be there. I want my child to come to me with questions and knowing that I will be fair and I will have a look at that boyfriend and not drag him to the cops just because he's 3 years older.
That doesn't mean that there won't be ground rules. Or that I am afraid to enforce them. Or that there will be consequences. It is not about being a friend as much as them knowing that I will always be there and have their back and no matter what it is, I will be there.
Living in both the US and Germany, I've noticed definit cultural differences in acceptance of sex. In the states it was something, 'You just don't talk about it.' Here, people talk about it more openly. In 10th grade we were all taking to something like planned parenthood and talked to about the different methods of BC. Over half the girls in my class had had sex by that point and most were on BC. We talked openly about it, and no one just said 'Sex is a bad thing. Don't do it.'
I talked to my best friend in the states who goes to a catholic school, where sex-ed basically was 'Sex is bad. Don't do it until you're married.'
I talked to my best friend in the states who goes to a catholic school, where sex-ed basically was 'Sex is bad. Don't do it until you're married.'
We had sex ed in 9th grade... it was basically a 2 or 3 week unit of health class.
Our teacher was 42, and lost her virginity at 42. She showed us slides of STDs on the overhead projector, and had us play a game that showed how AIDs was passed around (i.e. if we had sex we would get AIDs). We had a couple of guestspeakers come in... they were adults who were once teenage parents. The whole time they talked about how they regretted having sex, because if they waited to have sex they wouldn't face all of the challenges they did. We learned nothing about safe safe... just abstinence. I think teh phrase "If you really need to have sex then use a condom" was thrown in once for good measure.
Our teacher was 42, and lost her virginity at 42. She showed us slides of STDs on the overhead projector, and had us play a game that showed how AIDs was passed around (i.e. if we had sex we would get AIDs). We had a couple of guestspeakers come in... they were adults who were once teenage parents. The whole time they talked about how they regretted having sex, because if they waited to have sex they wouldn't face all of the challenges they did. We learned nothing about safe safe... just abstinence. I think teh phrase "If you really need to have sex then use a condom" was thrown in once for good measure.
Wow....... we get free contraception here.
The pill is free, the coil is free, the injection is free - it's all freeeeeeeeeeee.
Condoms you can get free from any clinic, otherwise you buy them at the chemists.
Are people still debating this 16 vs 19 thing?
It's utter codswallop.
Spend time with 16 year olds and you'll see that they aren't all these teeny tiny naive kiddles.
19 is YOUNG. Not much older than a 16 year old in the grand scheme of things.
Like I said before - when I was 16 my bf was 22.
Oh noes, he was a perve!!!!
Or not.
People are INDIVIDUALS. Including people who find themselves with younger partners.
Find out the specifics, THEN judge.
The pill is free, the coil is free, the injection is free - it's all freeeeeeeeeeee.
Condoms you can get free from any clinic, otherwise you buy them at the chemists.
Are people still debating this 16 vs 19 thing?
It's utter codswallop.
Spend time with 16 year olds and you'll see that they aren't all these teeny tiny naive kiddles.
19 is YOUNG. Not much older than a 16 year old in the grand scheme of things.
Like I said before - when I was 16 my bf was 22.
Oh noes, he was a perve!!!!
Or not.
People are INDIVIDUALS. Including people who find themselves with younger partners.
Find out the specifics, THEN judge.
Just wondering where you got that from? We have the highest teen pregnancy rate in the whole of europe.
Our sex education is ATROCIOUS and young girls are absolutely naive about pregnancy. Sex is not openly discussed like in other European countries, where sex is a much more natural and open phenomenon.
I'm ALL for sex education starting in PRIMARY schools, I think leaving it till kids are already over 11 is too late.
I just read the first few pages.
I was raped when I was 14. I spent a almost two years afraid of being alone with any man. When I was sixteen I had it consensual. It wasent with a boyfriend but with someone I really trusted. Was I in love? No I was in extreme like lol. It sounds sick but it was kind of like a facing my fears kind of thing. After that I didn't feel different. Not sad or happy just normal lol.
I was raped when I was 14. I spent a almost two years afraid of being alone with any man. When I was sixteen I had it consensual. It wasent with a boyfriend but with someone I really trusted. Was I in love? No I was in extreme like lol. It sounds sick but it was kind of like a facing my fears kind of thing. After that I didn't feel different. Not sad or happy just normal lol.
:hail: I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 21. Is he a perve? No. He ASKED if I felt ready to date someone who was 3.5 years older than myself. He ASKED me if I was ready to have sex. We talked about what could happen if I did end up getting pregnant, because there still is that little chance of getting pregnant. He got himself tested for HIV and STDs. We waited until I felt ready, and he accepted that I wasn't going to sleep with him after 2 or 3 months of being together. We got to know eachother first.
I have no problem with a 16-year-old dating a 19-year-old. There are couples where both are 17, and they are having sex and are less responsible than those who are 16 and 19. My friend started dating a 19-year-old when she was 16, she herself became more grown up and responsible, because he in some ways showed her different values in life and in a relationship between two people. They've been together for 2 years now, and she wants to wait until married. He accepts that.
It really depends on the individuals and how responisble and mentally grown up they are.
Again, an individual case.
a) 15 is below the age of consent (in the UK).
and
b) she could have lost her virginity at 21 and still got pregnant. Age isn't the only factor there. She should have practiced safe sex. At ANY age.
I'd also argue that many teen mums would say they have raised kids successfully. Maybe not the best thing in the world, but hey, people cope.
I had sex when I was 16 with a 22 year old... and wait... DIDN'T get pregnant!!
Moral of the story? We're all different.
It's WAY easier for a 15 year old girl to be pressured into sex by an adult man for many reasons.
For starters, it's typically seen as "more cool" for a younger girl to date an older guy. A young teenage girl can think she's impressing her friends and this older guy by having sex with him.
Older guys typically have more money, which can impress many younger girls. Most guys their own age are making $6/hour at McDonalds, whereas men are making "real" money.
Adults tend to live on their own... and although it does only take a few minutes to have sex and it can be done anywhere, it's easier to be pressured into something when you're alone in someone's house.
Men typically have more sexual experience than, say, a 15 or 16 year old boy. If a 16 year old girl has sex with a 16 year old boy, generally speaking, neither one knows what they're doing
For the most part, sex isn't as big of a deal to a 25 year old guy.
I wasn't a teenager too long ago, and I've always considered myself to be mature for my age. I've seen my friends get pressured into having sex with guys they were barely dating/didn't really like or know/felt they had to.
Of course, this is all my opinion. I know it's the less popular one here, but I'm sticking to it
My best friend in high school lost her virginity at age 17 to a man who was almost 30. He went to her church and was their youth leader. He was "friends" with the entire youth group... everyone thought he was a really cool guy. Anyway, my friend had sex with him in a parking garage in his car. She really regretted it afterwards, but felt like she had to have sex with him because he was older, in a position at her church, and everyone thought he was a really cool guy.
Age is a WAY bigger deal when you're younger. A 16 year old and a 20 year old should be in completely different parts of their lives! When I was 16 I was just getting my driver's license. When I was 20 I was a Junior in college. It's not a big deal for a 25 year old to go out with a 35 year old, a 30 year old to go out with a 45 year old, etc, etc... because they are both adults and in closer life stages.
For starters, it's typically seen as "more cool" for a younger girl to date an older guy. A young teenage girl can think she's impressing her friends and this older guy by having sex with him.
Older guys typically have more money, which can impress many younger girls. Most guys their own age are making $6/hour at McDonalds, whereas men are making "real" money.
Adults tend to live on their own... and although it does only take a few minutes to have sex and it can be done anywhere, it's easier to be pressured into something when you're alone in someone's house.
Men typically have more sexual experience than, say, a 15 or 16 year old boy. If a 16 year old girl has sex with a 16 year old boy, generally speaking, neither one knows what they're doing
For the most part, sex isn't as big of a deal to a 25 year old guy.I wasn't a teenager too long ago, and I've always considered myself to be mature for my age. I've seen my friends get pressured into having sex with guys they were barely dating/didn't really like or know/felt they had to.
Of course, this is all my opinion. I know it's the less popular one here, but I'm sticking to it
My best friend in high school lost her virginity at age 17 to a man who was almost 30. He went to her church and was their youth leader. He was "friends" with the entire youth group... everyone thought he was a really cool guy. Anyway, my friend had sex with him in a parking garage in his car. She really regretted it afterwards, but felt like she had to have sex with him because he was older, in a position at her church, and everyone thought he was a really cool guy.
Age is a WAY bigger deal when you're younger. A 16 year old and a 20 year old should be in completely different parts of their lives! When I was 16 I was just getting my driver's license. When I was 20 I was a Junior in college. It's not a big deal for a 25 year old to go out with a 35 year old, a 30 year old to go out with a 45 year old, etc, etc... because they are both adults and in closer life stages.
S
Oh gosh. All I want to say here is that after going back and reading my posts today... I just want to say that I was being a little pissy there. lol. I apologize. Trust me, my fiance gets a good dose of these pissy pregnancy hormones daily. lol. And yes, I got all fired up for no apparent reason . My bad.
I see what you are saying. I cannot say that brain maturity completes at the age of 18 and that is a fact. I realize that a lot of factors go into it and not every study is the same.
. My bad. I see what you are saying. I cannot say that brain maturity completes at the age of 18 and that is a fact. I realize that a lot of factors go into it and not every study is the same.
S
I dont want to touch the 16 and 19 thing again. But I will say that my lil is turning 17 and she is educated but she is quite naive when it comes to love... and peer pressure. And thats scary. Like I said before, I wish I would have never started dating until I was 17-18 myself.
Same here. BC is free. Condoms are free at clinics as well!
Same here. BC is free. Condoms are free at clinics as well!
I do agree that it should be on an individual basis... but I do have my limits.
When I was 16 I was pretty mature and trustworthy... like my parents could go out of town for a week and know that I wasn't going to throw some wild party or have orgy's at the house.
Now my 16 year old neice... she might as well still be 9 years old. she can't even be trusted to be home alone for a couple of hours let alone over night.
when I was 16 I think dating a 19 year old was much different than my 16 year old neice dating a 19 year old. In my neices case I would really have to question why the 19 year old would want to be with a juvenile... she really has the maturity level of a child... she acts like a child, she is a follower, and she will do just about anything for the acceptance of her friends and boyfriends.
Unfortunately now it is too late for her parents to finally get control over the situation.
Just remember... it may be CUTE when they are little but before you know it you will wake up with a 16 year old with no rules and boundaries and by then it's too late.
When I was 16 I was pretty mature and trustworthy... like my parents could go out of town for a week and know that I wasn't going to throw some wild party or have orgy's at the house.
Now my 16 year old neice... she might as well still be 9 years old. she can't even be trusted to be home alone for a couple of hours let alone over night.
when I was 16 I think dating a 19 year old was much different than my 16 year old neice dating a 19 year old. In my neices case I would really have to question why the 19 year old would want to be with a juvenile... she really has the maturity level of a child... she acts like a child, she is a follower, and she will do just about anything for the acceptance of her friends and boyfriends.
Unfortunately now it is too late for her parents to finally get control over the situation.
Just remember... it may be CUTE when they are little but before you know it you will wake up with a 16 year old with no rules and boundaries and by then it's too late.