"Angry voice"

[AliciaD]

So, I have been trying to get rid of my "angry voice" for a while now and I'm having a hard time shaking it. Mostly because it's effective, immediately. Sure, my dogs aren't actually learning anything and they'll do the behavior over again until I give them the "angry voice" but it's like a gut reaction.

By angry voice, I mean "SHUT UP!" "Get OFF!" "STOP IT!" "LET GO!" My dogs don't actually know what any of this means, just that when I yell they should stop what they are doing and look at me with shame in their eyes.

I thought I would stop once I started noticing it, but I notice it, feel bad, and then do it all over again. How do I reprogram myself?

Me and my dogs both want me to stop screaming and SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

EDIT: And this is in the training section because you guys are going to train me.

 

[Renee750il]

I don't really know, lol. Sometimes it's okay to be stern -- even a little angry, I think. You're angry at what they are doing, not at them and I really do believe most dogs can make that distinction of WE make the distinction.

And mine all totally understand, "WTF?" and "whatthehellwasthatabout?" as well as "DAMMIT!" Even though they don't hear it very often.

 

[Emily]

So... you want them to have a cue for things like stop barking, get out of there, etc, instead of just hollering at them? Because then you just need to teach it like any other cue, make it highly rewarding, etc. As for yourself, the few times I've done this, I found it helps to take a second and take a deep breath before you do ANYTHING. Keeva's informal recall right now is just her name, in a bright tone of voice, that always gets rewarded, and yes, there are some times when I want to yell, but I know she will respond better to that cue. I just have to take the time to make it happen - be active, not reactive.

TBH, I'm not much help, I have a **** good "HEY!" "AH AH!" and "KNOCK IT OFF" and no desire to get rid of it, lol. I don't do soft dogs and I also don't really do house manners, so my dogs are very well trained in formal cues (which are given cheerfully) and around the house they just know not to rush doors or take food off my plate. LMAO.

 

[Linds]

Meh. I do it all the time. Traveler gives me sad ears and Kaylee thinks it's funny and gets zoomies.

I know it's not training but sometimes it's either that or they get throttled (which Kaylee finds funny too). Besides, it's an interrupter in a lot of cases and one that lets me blow off steam without any dogs being killed.

 

[jenv101]

What I do is after I've used the angry voice, and they respond the way I want, I do a 180 and a super happy 'good dog' voice... which is hard to do if you are still angry but it makes the dog feel better lol

 

[Maxy24]

Well the first step would be actually training the things you tend to yell. Teach a drop it, off, hand touch (which can be used to stop most behavior as the dog must stop and come touch your hand), and whatever other commands that you could use instead of just using your voice. During training sessions people don't tend to yell, it's only in actual practice. Another recommendation is, if you don't already, ask the dog early, before the behavior actually starts ticking you off so you are more likely to just use the command and not yell because you're not upset yet.

 

[AliciaD]

Well the first step would be actually training the things you tend to yell. Teach a drop it, off, hand touch (which can be used to stop most behavior as the dog must stop and come touch your hand), and whatever other commands that you could use instead of just using your voice. During training sessions people don't tend to yell, it's only in actual practice. Another recommendation is, if you don't already, ask the dog early, before the behavior actually starts ticking you off so you are more likely to just use the command and not yell because you're not upset yet.

The funny thing is, my dogs actually know these commands. I'll just be slightly annoyed, my dog will climb into my lap, and I'll go from 0 to 60 way to fast and shout at them to "get the hell off" (so then I'm not even using the command that would solve the problem).

I guess my problems with angry voice are...
a) It's instinctual. I'll scream so loud the neighbors can hear me, even if guests are over, etc. It's become an embarrassing habit. I mean if I consciously chose to do it, that would be one thing, but it's like they set me off and then I forget to give a command that would actually solve everything.
b) Half the time I'm yelling because my dogs are barking and my dogs are barking because they are afraid of something, which doesn't make for a good combination.

I come from a family of screamers, but I don't want to be like that if I can help it.

Ah, anger issues.

 

[AdrianneIsabel]

What I do is after I've used the angry voice, and they respond the way I want, I do a 180 and a super happy 'good dog' voice... which is hard to do if you are still angry but it makes the dog feel better lol

This. We have malinois, they have hurt feelings. :rofl1:

I do have an angry voice but it's very rare and actually it's very quiet and stern. The only time I really yell (aside from building up fun) is if my dogs are in a dangerous situation and about to fight. My yell is so very rarely used that the dogs tend to freeze in their place no matter what I yell, which is my goal.

My recommendation is training the dogs what to do so you rarely have to yell at them about what not to do.

Take a breather, it's not a big deal. If my dog drags in mud, whatever, I should have watched more carefully. If my dogs are noisy, I should be redirecting them and showing them a healthier way to behave. If my dog won't let go then the game is over and I walk away, OR, I quietly open their mouth and remove the object. The more exciting you are in a situation like this the more riled up they become. You need to train the dog a proper out before you can expect them to know what you mean when you get riled up. If my dogs are on the table, well I usually laugh, but I calmly and quietly remove them. It's not fun to be yelled at but it also doesn't make as much sense as a simple redirection.


I'm a pretty laid back owner honestly, I have sporting dog, if they're on the table I laugh, if they pick up random objects I praise and trade, if they bark too much I usually remove them from the situation. I only correct my dogs when they know what they are being corrected for.

 

[Beanie]

You could do what I do and train the dogs to think it's fantastic when you yell, so that if you do lose your temper and yell, they just think it's another game. Turn "angry voice" into a game. When "angry voice" comes out, so do awesome toys and foods! If I scream at Auggie that he's a bad dog he gets all wiggly giggly and goes to get me a tennis ball because that means we are playing.

So not so much reprogramming yourself, just reprogramming what it means to your dogs when you do lose your temper.

Beyond that, Emily is right, you just have to take extra care to make sure you are active rather than reactive. A few weeks ago I picked up the spray bottle I use to mist the dog's before grooming, and Payton jumped up on me to see the bottle. Not even thinking about it, I reacted by spraying him right in the face. Now, it's a misting bottle, not a spray bottle, so it wasn't a sharp strong stream, it was a soft little cloud of water, so it wasn't actually nearly as bad as it sounds to say I sprayed him in the face. But I IMMEDIATELY felt horrible and was furious with myself for reacting in a way that I really did NOT want to react.
However, Payton taught me a lesson by deciding that this was a FANTASTIC game and jumped up a few more times, wanting to be sprayed in the face. *facepalm*
We are human. Sometimes we make mistakes. One of the greatest things about our dogs is that they will forgive us when we make idiots of ourselves. But IMO I think the fastest way to achieve what you are looking for right now would be to turn you yelling into a cue for fun rather than "OMG I did something bad *sad eyes.*"

 

[AdrianneIsabel]

Also, Iif your dogs are annoying you that day, put them up. It's better to be in a crate/extra room than to risk damaging their relationship with you.

We all have days like that, I just happen to have them regularly. LOL

 

[monkeys23]

Also, Iif your dogs are annoying you that day, put them up. It's better to be in a crate/extra room than to risk damaging their relationship with you.

We all have days like that, I just happen to have them regularly. LOL

Yes! Lol.

 

[Emily]

Also, Iif your dogs are annoying you that day, put them up. It's better to be in a crate/extra room than to risk damaging their relationship with you.

We all have days like that, I just happen to have them regularly. LOL

This. LOL

It's called K&C - Kong & Crate.

 

[BostonBanker]

I could loan you Meg for a few weeks. A few times of her acting as if you just ripped her heart out of her body, refusing to look at you, slinking away, and potentially peeing on your floor, and it might sink in. Super soft dogs are excellent at teaching you not to lose your temper . Gusto is darn lucky I had Meg first, because I think I'd lose it on him frequently if I hadn't been conditioned not to!

It sounds like from what you are saying, managing your anger and your outbursts is an issue in general for you. Perhaps finding help with it as a life skill, rather than focusing on it just as a dog issue, would guide you more towards those who can help. Learning to react to situations with calm will help you in every aspect of life, not just dog training.

 

[Taqroy]

It sounds like from what you are saying, managing your anger and your outbursts is an issue in general for you. Perhaps finding help with it as a life skill, rather than focusing on it just as a dog issue, would guide you more towards those who can help. Learning to react to situations with calm will help you in every aspect of life, not just dog training.

This. I have a pretty quick temper and I can be really sarcastic when it's tripped. When Matt and I first got married we fought all the time. I had to learn to stop and take a deep breath before I said anything because if I didn't it just made it worse. Dog training actually helped me though because dogs don't respond to sarcasm and mine think that yelling is *yayfuntime* so deep breaths are much more helpful.

Maybe just approach training yourself like you would training your dogs. Make a note of the things that seem to trigger you the most often and keep an eye out for those situations. Then when you've had a stressful day and something happens on top of that hopefully you can recognize the situation, breathe, and then either remove yourself from it or deal with it calmly.

And I'm thirding whoever said to crate your dogs if you can't deal with them calmly. Crates are the reason Mu made it out of puppyhood. :lol-sign:

 

[Lizmo]

What I do is after I've used the angry voice, and they respond the way I want, I do a 180 and a super happy 'good dog' voice... which is hard to do if you are still angry but it makes the dog feel better lol

^that. I don't have a problem saying something in a mean voice. Like a low growl "Get out" "No" "Hey you". My big thing is (as I've recently been taught) NEVER EVER say there name in this mean voice. Name = always happy, look at me/come to me.

Also, from the very get go with Blaze, I have never had a problem correcting in a mean voice. But always follow it up with a praise to show him what I DO want.

 

[Doberluv]

I just use their middle names when I'm conveying something really serious. :rofl1: I can't get too cross sounding or Chulita will wither like a fading rose. I tend to be rather bossy sounding at times, but not angry so much. I think its normal for most people to get exasperated from time to time, even if it doesn't serve any usefulness in training and if our voices are too scary sounding too often, that can undermine their trust in us. If its really too hard to control, it may be beneficial to take a time out ourselves and not try to get the dog to do whatever it is we want from them at that moment, but instead physically remove them from what it is they're doing... and to come back later and really train them correctly from doing the obnoxious thing that's getting us riled up.

 

[RD]

When I first got Eve, my Angry Voice was saved only for the severest of offenses. Everything else was quiet communication, almost a whisper. My dog never barked, whined or growled for the first year of her life. People watching from a distance thought we communicated telepathically because I used super soft voices when she was near me. I can still trust that she will hear and respond to my normal voice if she's very far away.

Now she barks and whines and growls all the time, she makes yeti noises and I will scream right back at her.

This thread just inspired me to do a mini session in whispers with Eve. Very relaxing!

 

[PitBullLove]

Hit yourself on the butt with newspaper

 

[AliciaD]

Hit yourself on the butt with newspaper

I see the news channels now. "There was an odd sight on Main street today when I woman got overwhelmed and screamed, and then slapped herself around a couple times."

 

[Kat09Tails]

Also, Iif your dogs are annoying you that day, put them up. It's better to be in a crate/extra room than to risk damaging their relationship with you.

This... big time. Also it's so important to end on a good note. Even if the good note is "sit" because you know that's the one god **** thing you both could get right today.

Usually I find if I'm getting aggravated it has nothing to do with the dog and everything to do with me and other things in my life. Your dog didn't get up that morning wanting to **** you off in every way he possibly could. He wants his interests and needs met - with a little luck, bonding, and training hopefully you being happy with what he's doing is an interest of his.