A question of dateability?

[Bahamutt99]

Okay, a friend and I have an ongoing debate and she told me to poll it, so I'm going to toss it out here where there are the least number of people who know the backstory. I just want to see the question answered for what it is, without influence by the key players. And for that reason, I will also try to be as generic with my descriptions as possible.

The question is: Which of these two scenarios is ultimately going to be more date-able?

Scenario A: The Parent Factor
In this situation, the person (an adult) shares a domicile with a parent. It is not a lives-with-parents situation where the parent supports the offspring. Both parties share equal responsibility for bills and such, have separate rooms, and do not have any overt influence over the other. Visitors are welcome, and both parties agree not to interfere in the decisions of the other, except where those decisions affect the home generally. It is, in most respects, a standard roommate situation. The primary difference is that the roommates are related.

Scenario B: The Private Party
In this situation, the person lives with friends, occupying a spare bedroom in exchange for work at the house. Rent being a trade-for-work agreement makes this situation financially agreeable, but the friends own the house and make the decisions, and they are extremely private. Occupant is not allowed to have visitors, nor are they allowed to tell others where they live. Occupant's work at the home takes up the majority of their evening/weekend (ie, off-work) hours.

Given that both scenarios apply to the same person, and all other factors are the same, which would you rather date?

 

[AdrianneIsabel]

Can I pick none? Lol jk

 

[Paige]

I'd prefer to date situation A as they sound like they have more freedom.

 

[~Dixie's_Mom~]

I picked the first one, because I'd want to be able to hang out with someone I was dating. And it'd be a little creepy not knowing where someone lives that you're in a relationship with.

 

[Bahamutt99]

*sends raspberries towards Adrianne*

 

[yoko]

For me it's the first one that I would be OK with.

I am totally cool with someone if they live with parents if they actively help with things like bills.

Personally I live with my dad. He pays the mortgage I pay all the bills and the food. The house is 5 bedroom 4 bathroom and I really don't feel comfortable making my dad live alone here right now. He doesn't want to move to a smaller place and he isn't really a social person so he doesn't really have any friends.

I have the upstairs so I have three bedrooms two bathrooms and a game room. I can have friends over any time I want and most of the time he doesn't even know my friends are here unless he sees them come in or leave.

I also have a TON of medical bills because last year we found out I have a food allergy and ended up missing a ton of work and being sick after the initial reaction where I ended up having to be stabbed with an epi pen and then had a reaction to the epi pen. I could live on my own but it would be in a high crime area with a known pest problem. So for now I'm happy with it.

I have trouble trusting people I don't know. And so if I started dating a guy and he wouldn't tell me where he lived, who he lived with and I couldn't see his living situation it would be a definite no. I don't care if he seems like the nicest guy in the world if I can't see something that basic my mind automatically tells me he is a serial killer and I'd be out. I don't care if that's ok for anyone else but keeping secrets about basic stuff like thaT is a HUGE red flag for me.

 

[Romy]

Scenario B sounds really creepy for the person renting a room. Ugh.

 

[Paige]

Mind you if we had gotten over the initial getting to know one another and he got to know my child we'd probably be spending all our time out or at my house anyways because I have a kid and like to be in my own space.

...

Maybe that would work better. Time to find me a serial killer to date.

 

[yoko]

LOL.

It's not so much where we would hang out that bugs me. But it's the fact that he won't show me his living situation. You can tell a lot about someone by their living space. And if that's being hidden I think that's weird.

 

[Bahamutt99]

I will have more to say on the subject later, but I don't want to be accused of attempting to skew the results. They already look pretty cut-and-dry to me, but y'know.

 

[Paige]

I creeped a few guys out because I would go on a date when I lived with a family friend who was just WEIRD. I would not introduce people to him because he does seem like a serial killer. He's honestly the nicest man ever once you get over his awkward conversation and the fact he is a giant, thin, pale bald man with a heavy heavy accent. He just seems incredibly creepy.

They'd be all OH WHERE DO YOU LIVE? and I'd be like... 0.o you cannot come in ever. Or meet who I live with. Ever.

I'm pretty sure they thought I was doing naughty things with an old man for free rent.

 

[Bahamutt99]

So I live the Private Party scenario, have for almost 3 years now. I managed to hold down one relationship for about 2 months, before the guy gave me the following reasons for ending it:

1. He didn't like animals
2. He felt like he never got to see me. One day a week was his lot, and I had to go to his house.

So that one probably would have ended anyway with as asinine a reason as the first one, but it was a real eye-opener hearing him say how my living situation directly influenced his decision. He said he felt like we'd been dating only a few weeks instead of 2 months with how little he got to see me.

Right now my dad lives right outside my hometown of St. Louis, MO. His roommates are moving out, he's got almost no family left in MO, and he's not going to be able to afford the 3BR house all by himself. Its a sweet little place, backs up to woods. So I decided that I'm going to give it my all to find work up there and move in with him. I've gotten to hear via the grapevine that others have said (re: my decision) that they would never date a girl that lives with her father. I always rebut that when people make that statement, they never compare it to the present alternative (ie, no contact with my home whatsoever).

I just wanted to know how people felt about these options upon hearing both of them. I didn't think it was fair to accept evidence regarding the unsuitability of A without comparing it to the reality of living a B. Thanks.

 

[AdrianneIsabel]

I think the move is the right choice!

 

[sparks19]

I would pick A as well.

I lived with my dad for many years and it never affected my "dateability" lol. At least as far as I know.

 

[Paige]

As long as you are respected as an adult in the home I don't see how it would cause issues with people you may date.

 

[Renee750il]

There are a lot more people doing that now; parents getting older and needing someone else in the house, not 24/7, but as a presence, both to check on them and as a deterrent for lowlifes who prey on elderly who live alone is a big reason. The economy is another -- parents need the economic help, and so do the adult kids.

 

[Fran101]

Neither!!

Lol I hate the idea of a guy living with his parents. I just do. We aren't in high school anymore.. I don't want to wake up the morning after to your mom making pancakes in the kitchen :rofl1: Regardless of parental meddling, the whole situation is just awkward. It's YOUR PARENTS. Wether they say they are "ok with whatever" or not, they are still your parents.. THEY WILL give their opinion about what they see/what you are doing etc..
I want to meet your parents formally, after we've dated for a while. Not have them AROUND all the time.
The only way I would be ok with it would be if the separation between living spaces was FAR.
Like, your bedroom is on the total opposite side of the house as theirs. has a lock, separate entrance, own bathroom etc.. that kind of thing lol

The only thing I would hate about the private thing is that he would be working there so much/all his free time would be sucked up in a place where I can't go/be.. which sucks.


but yea.. if given the choice..neither.. but if I had to pick one.. umm..parents. I mean, at least there I could just hide lol

There are of course special cases (elderly parents etc..) and for the right guy who I loved, I honestly probably wouldn't give a flying fig.

but ya.. I can't say that living with your parents is what I like to hear.

 

[RD]

Honestly I can't say that I like hearing "I live with mom" but I would still totally pick situation A. There's a bit of a gender thing, too. I've found that guys who live with their mom are more difficult to date than guys (or girls) who live with their dad.

That being said I know plenty of people who live peacefully with their parents and have mutually agreed upon rules for space, privacy and respect. I wouldn't mind moving in with my parents, if Eve and I were less noisy and less night-owl.

 

[Bahamutt99]

For the record, I would have rather lived in my car than with my mom. She would have been in my Kool-Aid constantly when it came to dating. I actually at one point lived with my dad and my husband at the same time, and it all worked out well. I guess it depends on the parent. My dad is cool as hell. And it was kind of nice, like a family. We had dinner together, watched movies together, but had our own rooms at opposite ends of the house. AND he would watch my dogs if I had to go somewhere, like to a show. That in and of itself was badass. And I'd watch his dogs if he was busy.

Irony. While living the Private Party sitch, I had to turn down the chance to date a guy living the Parent Factor sitch. I justified it by saying that we already couldn't come back to my place, and I wouldn't feel comfortable going to his place. (He described himself as a "caretaker" for "the most wonderful mom in the world." Admirable, but probably not cohesive with my own lack of privacy.) Thankfully, my dad doesn't require caring for.

 

[CharlieDog]

I wouldn't mind moving in with my parents, if Eve and I were less noisy and less night-owl.

This, and I live that situation. lol. It's the one thing that causes a rub between us.

But I also live with my sister and brother and husband as well as my mom. (Not for very much longer though, thank god.) If it had been just my mother and I, I can see it being a really beneficial arrangement. My mom, once we all hit adulthood, is a pretty hands off parent.

And I voted A after I read the first post, but before I read the thread.