Why am I so depressed? I'm on medication. It should be working. Blood tests say yay. Everything in my life is going well, and in a few months it will be going REALLY well. So. . . why? I'm tired of this. I need to be on my game for the rest of the week and all I can fantasize about is sleeping in bed and not selling any cars, like, ever, and not even getting out of bed. Ever.
Oh, and my boss is like "I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE DEPRESSED! You need to shove it all to the side and ignore it. I ignore MY home life issues, you should be able to do the same."
I CAN'T IGNORE A MEDICAL CONDITION, YOU IMPOTENT, RAGING, PATHETIC, MOTHER****ING MORON. THAT'S LIKE TELLING ME TO IGNORE MY BLOOD PRESSURE PROBLEMS OR MY BROKEN LEG. Why are mental health issues treated as less than? MY DEPRESSION IS SO SEVERE I'M ON MEDICATION FOR IT. Don't tell me it's some trivial ****ing issue that I need to be able to put aside for work. It's not like my dog peeing on the rug or getting into an argument with my roommate. It's a constant wish to either be in bed, asleep, so I don't have to feel anything again or to be dead. It's an inability to smile or relate to people.
I'm just. . . frustrated. I realize there are ups and downs and this will go away, but I need some sort of support and the only place I get it is from my friend who is also manic-depressive, but thinks you don't need medication, you just need to "suck it up" and you can "handle it" on your own. Even though when he was on meds he did ten times better, no, clearly the meds weren't helping.
For ****'s sake. I just want to scream and yell a bit and go back to bed.