Really great link. I know all about having a narcisstic parent... To the point that she has a true personality disorder and doesn't know it. So hard. I love her, but at the same time sometimes I literally can't stand her. Everything is about her always. If she does something for someone else its because it benefits her in some ways even if its just so she will have the recognition. She has to have her hand in everything and maintain control because she honestly believes she is entitled. It's so frustrating, but looking at it for what it is has really opened my eyes and helped me to see her for who she is (NPD and all) and know that she isn't going to change. I live my life far apart from her now. I still keep in touch, but I do not allow her to be too much a part of my life anymore. I'm always cautious with what I share with her and it is what is.
I do believe my mother is a narcissistic parent, and I refuse to maintain contact with her. She, of course, refuses to believe anything is wrong with her or her parenting "style". Her husband is extremely enabling, worse because he's a nice enough guy when you remove her from his life. She's manipulative and thinks she's entitled to everything. I won't indulge her, I don't give her any information about my life, I have her blocked on my phone and my facebook. I moved out, and I didn't look back except to get Zander out.
But it's hard. I feel like I abandoned him, since he's still there and having to deal with it. They take out me leaving on him, since he can't yet. I'm not in any position to help him more than I already have (food, clothes, phone, protecting his "Get the F out of here" fund). It's just a waiting game and hoping he doesn't go insane in the meantime. He's struggling at school because she refuses to provide transportation and his desperation to get out and angst at the whole situation is leaking off into his time at school. He gets in fights a lot, struggles to keep up with schoolwork because of all the ridiculous chores they have him do every single day. She steals his money, refuses to pay for phone, provide transportation, feed him, clothe him, limits his ability to go get a job. He dislocated his hip a couple of years ago and had a lot of damage done to his hip. He needs surgery and physical therapy. But a new fridge and tv was more important to her than his health. He's in an amazing band that gets a LOT of opening gigs around here and she'll lock him in the house and threaten to call the cops so he can't go out. There are locks on the gates and doors, iron bars on the front door, security cameras all around the house. It's her own little prison, where anything goes because it's "her roof". Just one more year, and we can start building him up again and putting him on his own two feet. It's a desperation to get out. And people will do anything when they are desperate. We just keep telling ourselves, one more year. One more year.
And then she'll lose both of her children. And she'll deserve it. My brother is a GOOD kid who could have a LOT of opportunities if he could just have the chance. HE doesn't deserve her. It's so infuriating.
To add to that vent, I haven't heard from him since last night when we dropped him off and her husband started screaming at him. I hope he's okay.