I've been really sad for a couple weeks... it wasn't really caused by my job stress but one day I was leaving work, got in the car, and one of my former stations was on. And I had this sudden intense longing and sadness over how much I missed being in radio, how sad I am to have to say "former stations." I had a dream a few weeks ago that I was back working at the radio station and even in my dream-mind I remembered how to do all the difficult technical aspects of my job down to the unique variances between stations. I don't even know where the dream came from.
Today was another "I really miss radio" day. I don't miss the drama, many of the people, the low pay. I just miss radio. I can't really explain it, I know my other radio co-workers who have since left radio would understand what I mean. It's such a unique culture and it's own little world. We were filming an instructional video at work and were talking about voice-overs and the natural suggestion from my co-workers was "Um, you with the radio experience. You do it."
And tonight on Psych they were in a radio station. My heart. It's broken over the life I used to live.
I just can't explain it. I hated working there, spent years trying to get away, and working in radio has so many bad aspects of it that I was happy to leave behind. And yet I just miss it. So much.
My friend just sent me an e-mail asking me my thoughts about (what used to be) our podcast... so I had an opening to tell him "I want to be involved weekly again!" Which I have wanted for ages and have been angry and hurt over not being involved (so much that I actually ignored some of his texts and a phone call a few weeks ago because I just was so upset and didn't want to be mean.) Which means I will get to set foot in the station again since that's where we record, and I will get to sit behind a microphone again, and most of all I will get to see my friend every week again!
I'm cautiously optimistic that this will happen and I will get my radio itch scratched.