My personal Life Motto

[tempura tantrum]

but I have to say this: You are missing what Tempura and I are trying to say. You stressing the "importance" of laughing at oneself is condescending. We are trying to say that it is NOT so freaking easy sometimes. It is NOT about the joke, or the laughing about it that took place after...thats fine...that stuff is funny to read. My issue is people making people feel stupid for having a harder time than others...

Dreeza, thanks for posting so succinctly what I couldn't seem to express clearly enough in my last post. I had pretty much given up on responding further because I didn't think I was clear enough, but maybe this post will clear things up.

I guess it's hard to explain this sort of stuff to people who have no personal experience with social anxieities, or depression, or the like- but it doesn't mean that those feelings are less valid. They are perhaps simply outside your own realm of experience. Likewise, having those feelings doesn't mean that we just misinterpret people all the time- I find it interesting that the only sort of "apology" people who were hurt received, was along the lines of "we're sorry YOU don't understand this. We're sorry YOU don't think it's funny." It doesn't take a genius to realize that a statement like that isn't really an apology. Even just seeing someone take a modicum of responsibility for the fact that making light of the feelings of those that didn't think it was funny, wasn't the most kind-hearted approach would be refreshing. A little bit of tenderness goes a long way.

Sorry about the fact that this now seems off topic- must've posted at the same time as you, Grammy.

 

[sparks19]

Tempura.....

I totally understand what you are saying. I don't know why it is hard to understand that it wasn't nessecarily the joke itself.... it was the belittling of those that didn't find it funny. Even from my point of view that was uncalled for. It almost seemed like some people saying it was not funny offended those who did think it was funny.

But anywho.....

Grammy.... I think my sister was a big eye opener for me. She has to have the most expensive of everything and is a very materialistic person.... she puts a lot of stock into what people think of her. She is MISERABLE.... she is constantly angry and complaining. I couldnt STAND living with her and even now it is torture just to be around her because all she does is complain and blame everyone else for her "problems". I just thought to myself that I did NOT want to go through life being angry like her..... now of course not everyone who takes things to heart is like her (in fact I don't know ANYONE that is as angry as she is all the time).... but I sure didn't want to end up being one of the ones like her. That helped change my entire outlook on life.

 

[Buddy'sParents]

I guess it's hard to explain this sort of stuff to people who have no personal experience with social anxieities, or depression, or the like-

Those are mighty big assumptions are your part. I, for one, do not like being out in "public" nor do I enjoy many social situations nor do I have a depression-free life. I am, however, very comfortable on Chazhound. I have made some great friends here.

Those friends are who and what matter to me (obviously this implies their opinions also). But some Joe Schmoe that just registered the day of making attacks- he doesn't stand a chance in the grand scheme of what matters to me. I don't give a hoot what anyone-besides those that I care for- thinks.

Sure, the joke pissed me off at first-I was like, WTF.

Then, I was able to laugh it off. I couldn't help but laugh. If you can not laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

I find it interesting that the only sort of "apology" people who were hurt received, was along the lines of "we're sorry YOU don't understand this. We're sorry YOU don't think it's funny." It doesn't take a genius to realize that a statement like that isn't really an apology. Even just seeing someone take a modicum of responsibility for the fact that making light of the feelings of those that didn't think it was funny, wasn't the most kind-hearted approach would be refreshing. A little bit of tenderness goes a long way.

Why should anyone have to apologize? Do you ever joke around with your friends and then immediately apologize for doing so? Can you imagine walking around egg shells every minute of every day of your life? I can't and I know that there will ALWAYS be people who don't "understand". It doesn't mean that I can not enjoy a laugh at myself.

So, yes, I am sorry that some people just didn't understand and I am sorry that people did not find it funny. As an individual who is pretty anti-social and has had bouts of depression here and there and doesn't always find humor in silly things, I still can not understand your view and I'm sorry for that, too.

I even fit into your description of the type of person "personal experience with social anxieities, or depression, or the like" that would not be able to laugh at themselves and I STILL do not understand.

But that's okay- it has to be okay. Because I'm not walking on egg shells nor should anyone else-with a sense of humor- have to either.

 

[ToscasMom]

I'm gonna loosen this up or die trying. Click here:
http://www.chazhound.com/forums/showthread.php?t=50338

 

[GlassOnion]

I mean, if every one of your friends and family said you were incredibly annoying or something...or some trait that you could adjust without changing yourself really (if that makes sense...)...wouldnt you want to change it? That is kinda the way i feel...the only difference is that people dont actually tell me I am...i just take it that way. Every weird look, every time someone chooses to talk to my roommate over me...every time one of my friends from home calls my roommate instead of me...etc.

Yes, if my friends and family and people I care about give me advice, I'll consider it and most of the time follow it. But if Joe Blow comes up to me and calls me annoying, I'll just give him a queer look and maybe a retort.

My sister has the same thing ya'll do. She's finally coming to the realization that what people say doesn't matter and it no longer bothers her (she's 24 btw) but she used to be extremely sensitive to even the most indirect comments.

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

Which thread is the AFD thread?

Tempura, I understand where you are coming from. Though, I would like to read the thread.

~Tucker

 

[tempura tantrum]

Do you ever joke around with your friends and then immediately apologize for doing so?

Sure, if I realize that what I thought was funny, they found hurtful. But that's just me. I actually DO have a tendency to make jokes that end up inapproriately hurting friends and acquaintances- and when I find that they're hurt, I take steps to remedy that situation. The same approach isn't as tasteful to other people and that's something that I'm learning very quickly. Just a difference in personalities I guess.

And I don't call it "walking on egg shells" so much as "trying to consider the feelings of others."

As far as the "big assumptions" on my part, they were in reference to the fact that GO himself said "he didn't get it." I don't profess to know anyone's medical or psychological histories, (I'm not sure I said anywhere that I did?) merely I was illustrating the fact that it quite commonly IS difficult to explain these things to people who honestly DON'T have experience with them, and that I in particular have found it hard to do so (both online and "in person"). Hope that clears up any confusion- I admit I phrased it poorly.

Tucker- the thread being discussed is in the General topic section- it's the one that when you log in will show your name in the topic line, and says something to the effect of "you want a dog like "so and so's???"

 

[Buddy'sParents]

And another thing.. I should apologize for being able to laugh at myself? In my opinion that is a great quality to have.

And, someone's words only have the power that YOU give them.

Someone made a really rude comment on a wedding video that I had put some effort into making. I literally went crying to Renee. In her wise words she basically said, what do they know? and what do you care? Excellent point my dear Renee- I don't care.

Some of you can't laugh at yourselves.. fine. What's the point of beating a dead horse and bringing up a hurtful subject matter -again- for yourselves? You just had to get one or two more jabs in to those who had a good time yesterday? Nice.

My issue is people making people feel stupid for having a harder time than others...

No one made any one feel stupid. People do what they want with words and twist them accordingly. No one said, you're stupid for not being able to laugh at yourself. I never saw those words, nor was it implied in any fashion. taking you for example, Dreeza.. you took great offense to the joke and then proceeded to take others laughing and taking the joke with a grain of salt as further offense. You took what happened- the words and you were the one that gave them power to affect you the way they did.

To take another example.. I could take what Tempera just posted and coudl find great offense in some of her wording, but I choose not to. Giving her words that power? Never. I'll rise above.

 

[sparks19]

And another thing.. I should apologize for being able to laugh at myself? In my opinion that is a great quality to have.

And, someone's words only have the power that YOU give them.

Someone made a really rude comment on a wedding video that I had put some effort into making. I literally went crying to Renee. In her wise words she basically said, what do they know? and what do you care? Excellent point my dear Renee- I don't care.

Some of you can't laugh at yourselves.. fine. What's the point of beating a dead horse and bringing up a hurtful subject matter -again- for yourselves? You just had to get one or two more jabs in to those who had a good time yesterday? Nice.





No one made any one feel stupid. People do what they want with words and twist them accordingly. No one said, you're stupid for not being able to laugh at yourself. I never saw those words, nor was it implied in any fashion. taking you for example, Dreeza.. you took great offense to the joke and then proceeded to take others laughing and taking the joke with a grain of salt as further offense. You took what happened- the words and you were the one that gave them power to affect you the way they did.

I don't believe anyone said that anyone should apologize because they "couldn't laugh at themselves" it was the fact that when someone said they didn't find it funny.... they were belittled and made fun of more.... that goes from being a joke to being a personal insult. THAT is when it crossed the line for most people I think. When people say things like "oh be quiet it was just a joke" and things of such nature.... that is not just a joke anymore.... that is a personal jab at people who were already feeling a little hurt. What do YOU care if they didn't find it funny? If a friend didn't find a joke of yours funny would you proceed to poke fun at them because their feelings were hurt?

I think THAT is the main issue.... not so much the joke itself. by why must we argue whether their feelings were justified or not? they are THEIR feelings.... it is no one else's place to justify them IMO.

 

[jess2416]

I don't believe anyone said that anyone should apologize because they "couldn't laugh at themselves" it was the fact that when someone said they didn't find it funny.... they were belittled and made fun of more.... that goes from being a joke to being a personal insult. THAT is when it crossed the line for most people I think. When people say things like "oh be quiet it was just a joke" and things of such nature.... that is not just a joke anymore.... that is a personal jab at people who were already feeling a little hurt. What do YOU care if they didn't find it funny? If a friend didn't find a joke of yours funny would you proceed to poke fun at them because their feelings were hurt?

I think THAT is the main issue.... not so much the joke itself. by why must we argue whether their feelings were justified or not? they are THEIR feelings.... it is no one else's place to justify them IMO.

Thank You...

 

[tempura tantrum]

Some of you can't laugh at yourselves.. fine.

This kind of irks me- and then I promise I'll drop it.

How on Earth would you propose to know that we can't laugh at ourselves, purely because we didn't find this ONE effort amusing? It wasn't even the THREAD itself that bugged me- it was the REACTIONS of people towards those that DIDN'T find the thread amusing that bugged me.

I generally make a fool out of myself once or twice a day- and I'm well-known for it, AND the fact that I laugh about it. My fiance and his friends have a nickname for me- "the American Idiot" (they're Australian) that is a direct result of the numerous silly things I've done in their presence (usually NOT intentionally). I laugh about it and take it with a grain of salt, because at the end of the day, it's not done in a mean-spirited or condescending nature. And while I don't think the original THREAD was meant to be mean-spirited or condescending, some of the replies didn't seem to have modicum of tolerance for the other point of view. Instead of seeing it as a legitimate point of view, the people who didn't like it were typecast as being "killjoys that can't take jokes, and take life too seriously." Nope. How 'bout, "people who just didn't find THAT joke particularly amusing."

I don't believe anyone said that anyone should apologize because they "couldn't laugh at themselves" it was the fact that when someone said they didn't find it funny.... they were belittled and made fun of more.... that goes from being a joke to being a personal insult. THAT is when it crossed the line for most people I think. When people say things like "oh be quiet it was just a joke" and things of such nature.... that is not just a joke anymore.... that is a personal jab at people who were already feeling a little hurt. What do YOU care if they didn't find it funny? If a friend didn't find a joke of yours funny would you proceed to poke fun at them because their feelings were hurt?

I think THAT is the main issue.... not so much the joke itself. by why must we argue whether their feelings were justified or not? they are THEIR feelings.... it is no one else's place to justify them IMO.
__________________

THANK YOU! I just don't understand how this concept is so difficult to grasp?

To steal a quote from a favorite movie, "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills."

 

[Buddy'sParents]

I never said their feelings were not justified. I don't care to justify anyone's feelings. Nor should they feel the need to justify their feelings.

I was explaining that only they can give the power to people's words. Apparently that was not clear enough.

 

[Buddy'sParents]

It's all become mute now.

There are two sides that although they may try- will not understand. Feelings have been hurt by all sides.

What's done is done. Let's move on.