My personal Life Motto

[sparks19]

I think perhaps some people could benefit from my Personal life motto LOL.....

I work with a lady that can be very self concious and insecure.... She often cares too much about what people think of her. I am one of those people that don't put much stock into what anyone thinks of me (other than my hubby of course lol)

My personal life motto is as follows:

"I do not get offended because that means that I care about your opinion when I really don't."

My co worker says that to herself all the time now whenever she starts to feel down about someone's opinion or behaviour. She says it really helps her to say that to herself.... I live by this everyday. Thought someone else might like it too.

 

[GlassOnion]

Mine's along those lines except I wasn't original and yanked it from the Doctor himself, Dr. Seuss of course.


'Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.'

 

[jess2416]

mine is...

The truth shall set you free, but first it will p1ss you off

 

[Debi]

nope, you don't need a mantra for anyone's validation in life. and that includes my hubby, Sparks. lol you just LIVE...and anyone with any good upbringing does it with grace towards others without needing any type of validation. period. and there are times when other's opinions DO matter, but again....people know when to let it count if they are well rounded. it's easy to say you could care less what others think of you, but in reality......you live right and it isn't even a consideration. it seems a bit pompous to say 'I could care less'.

 

[Gustav]

"Look closely at my face, you may just if you are very lucky.. See me caring.. No, sorry, it didn't work!"

 

[sparks19]

nope, you don't need a mantra for anyone's validation in life. and that includes my hubby, Sparks. lol you just LIVE...and anyone with any good upbringing does it with grace towards others without needing any type of validation. period. and there are times when other's opinions DO matter, but again....people know when to let it count if they are well rounded. it's easy to say you could care less what others think of you, but in reality......you live right and it isn't even a consideration. it seems a bit pompous to say 'I could care less'.

Well if it makes me pompous to say "i could care less" if some random person doesn't like my personality or the way I dress or do my hair... then I am pompous and I wouldn't have it any other way.

if I continued to live my life worrying about what everyone thought... well it wouldn't be much of a life for me IMO. Now don't get me wrong while I dont need my hubby's "validation" I certainly would like for him to continue to respect me and I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize that... but he also knows me and I know it would take an AWFUL lot to lose his respect for me.

However, a dear friend of mine often loses sleep worrying about what some random person has said.... I can't imagine living my life worrying about some petty comment.

If you don't like me the way I am.... then I have no use for ya I won't change ME for anyone... therefore... I don't put too much stock in someone's opinion of me unless it is someone I truly love and care about. But if they truly loved and cared about me... they wouldn't ask me to change now would they

LOL Gustav... that is a good one lol

 

[GlassOnion]

Sparks you and I shall be pompous together. I really can't understand why other people's opinions of you should make you feel bad. If they don't like you, tough.

Be who you want to be. If you want to change, change because you want to, not because Susy Q wants you to.

 

[sparks19]

Sparks you and I shall be pompous together. I really can't understand why other people's opinions of you should make you feel bad. If they don't like you, tough.

Be who you want to be. If you want to change, change because you want to, not because Susy Q wants you to.

we can be Pompous Pals LOL

 

[Dreeza]

Sparks you and I shall be pompous together. I really can't understand why other people's opinions of you should make you feel bad. If they don't like you, tough.

Be who you want to be. If you want to change, change because you want to, not because Susy Q wants you to.

I am ALL for be who you want to be...i think it is incredibly important.

Now for your first statement....this isnt really directed at just you...but this has kinda continued over from the AFD thread...

If you truly are not hurt by other people's opinions, then you are incredibly lucky. I just really want you, and others to realize that it is not so easy for some of us. I DO agree that you shouldnt be bothered by other people's opinions...especially by those people who mean absolutely nothing.

Unfortunately that is not reality for some of us, myself included. No matter how much i preach to myself that i DO NOT CARE, i always end up getting hurt.

I am slowly learning, by really trying to observe other's interactions that just cause no one responds to what i said, it doesnt mean they are ignoring me...i have slowly begun to notice that my friends do it to all my other friends...i still feel like they do it to me more often...but its getting better.

THere are some days where i really couldnt care less, and it is AWESOME. However, the fact that it comes in cycles obviously means it is something screwed up somewhere biological...last 2 weeks i was walking on air...i felt great, like nothing/no one could stop me. Last few days though...and now...i feel the exact opposite. One wrong look can put me on the verge of tears. Luckily i am really good at hiding it...and bottling it up...so none of my friends even know i have this issue.




So have fun being pompous...just remember it is NOT so easy for some, and it is NOT by choice that I care what other's think.

Anyways, i know you were trying to help by sharing your motto, so thanks. Saying stuff like this is the only way i get by...like i said in the other thread, i am constantly struggling to remind myself that there is absolutely no reason why i should care about what someone happens to think of me.

 

[bubbatd]

For too many years I tried to please everyone . Impossible !! I still care about what people think , but don't dwell on it . I always wanted " Lord knows she tried " on my stone . Now it only has a beautiful etched Golden on my side .

 

[GlassOnion]

So have fun being pompous...just remember it is NOT so easy for some, and it is NOT by choice that I care what other's think.

And I actually wish that I understood that better, but I can't even grasp it other than telling myself "well, some people do care". I don't see why but as you've said, people do. I just don't understand why. Only reason I can think of is they enjoy it, or as you said, something biological that they can't control.

 

[sparks19]

I am ALL for be who you want to be...i think it is incredibly important.

Now for your first statement....this isnt really directed at just you...but this has kinda continued over from the AFD thread...

If you truly are not hurt by other people's opinions, then you are incredibly lucky. I just really want you, and others to realize that it is not so easy for some of us. I DO agree that you shouldnt be bothered by other people's opinions...especially by those people who mean absolutely nothing.

Unfortunately that is not reality for some of us, myself included. No matter how much i preach to myself that i DO NOT CARE, i always end up getting hurt.

I am slowly learning, by really trying to observe other's interactions that just cause no one responds to what i said, it doesnt mean they are ignoring me...i have slowly begun to notice that my friends do it to all my other friends...i still feel like they do it to me more often...but its getting better.

THere are some days where i really couldnt care less, and it is AWESOME. However, the fact that it comes in cycles obviously means it is something screwed up somewhere biological...last 2 weeks i was walking on air...i felt great, like nothing/no one could stop me. Last few days though...and now...i feel the exact opposite. One wrong look can put me on the verge of tears. Luckily i am really good at hiding it...and bottling it up...so none of my friends even know i have this issue.




So have fun being pompous...just remember it is NOT so easy for some, and it is NOT by choice that I care what other's think.

Anyways, i know you were trying to help by sharing your motto, so thanks. Saying stuff like this is the only way i get by...like i said in the other thread, i am constantly struggling to remind myself that there is absolutely no reason why i should care about what someone happens to think of me.

That is why I pointed out that my co worker has quite a serious problem with dwelling on what others say and that giving her that "advice" has really helped cheer her up during some of those times.

No one ever said it was easy.... in fact I posted BECAUSE it isn't easy for a lot of people... but I have mastered the art of laughing and smiling ... most of the time I follow up comments made by others with a joke... that disarms them rather quickly....

like the day a customer said "Oh my... you guys are eating junk food I NEVER eat junk food because I don't want to put on weight." I laughed and said "well I didn't get this fabulous body by eating right and exercising" LOL Now I by no means have a fabulous body hahahaha but I am happy with it and I won't feel better on my death bed knowing I didn't eat that chocolate bar lol

I USED to care too much about people's opinions of me... especially the first part of highschool... THEN I saw how truly miserable those "bully's" were and I thought "Oh GOD why would I want to be like them." That's when I had my epiphany lol

So... no one ever said it was easy for others and you yourself said that it is saying things like that to yourself that helps you get through.... that is why I posted my personal quote

 

[tempura tantrum]

And I actually wish that I understood that better, but I can't even grasp it other than telling myself "well, some people do care". I don't see why but as you've said, people do. I just don't understand why. Only reason I can think of is they enjoy it, or as you said, something biological that they can't control.

Yep, GO- for some people it really does have *everything* to do with their biology. People suffering from depression often end up being hyper-critical of themselves, to the point of dissecting even the most inocuous statements or actions of other people, and turning it against themselves. It goes without saying that most people wouldn't *choose* to think this way- it's just a card that fate (or genetics ), handed them. And if it wasn't biologically based, then it would be pretty hard to explain why drugs like Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil are often very helpful to people in such situations. Sometimes it really comes down to simply not having a neurotransmitter system work like it does in "normal" people.

If it makes you feel any better Dreeza, I *completely* understand what you're talking about. I've been going through a rough patch, and the AFD threads, despite being jokes made at EVERYONE'S expense, still really touched a nerve with me- made even worse by the fact that I felt like those "in" on the joke took joy in poking fun at people who were actually hurt. Yowch.

 

[Renee750il]

made even worse by the fact that I felt like those "in" on the joke took joy in poking fun at people who were actually hurt. Yowch.

You are completely and utterly wrong about that. Totally. I'm sorry you felt that way but it is a false perception, especially if you know anything at all of our interactions with many here on a very personal basis. I, particularly know so many here . . . I've been watching them grow up, change, go through crisis, through elation, birth, deaths of loved ones, two and four-legged. I've laughed with them and cried with them and treated each and every one I've come in contact with over the last 3+ years as a real, live person, not just an anonymous source of posts in the cyber world. So, take it in that context.

Yeah. Being judged like that - now THAT hurts.

 

[ToscasMom]

Mine is
"If you can't be a Good Example, then You'll just have to Serve as a Horrible Warning"

 

[tempura tantrum]

Renee, the key is that I said that is how I FELT. Whether or not that was the intention, was NOT my issue, I was just trying to bring to light the fact that SOME people were hurt by the fact that there seemed to be little concern for those whose feelings were hurt. It was either "laugh it off, it's not a big deal, or "here's your drama llama." From an outsiders opinion it seemed like there was very little introspection.

It would be nice to have my opinions validated and treated with the same sort of respect (if not understanding) as you treat those that you really know on this board- I do recognize that you seem to have some very close relationships with a great deal of Chaz members, and that's fantastic! I guess maybe that's why I *personally felt* (if that wording makes you feel better), that the posts of the "drama llama," and "you take things too seriously" ilk were said in sort of a hurtful manner- and if you read back on that thread, I certainly wasn't the *only* person that came off of it with the same bad taste in their mouth. So I guess that means there's more than one of us who came away with an opinion about THOSE PARTICULAR POSTS (Not PEOPLE- you can disagree with a post without disliking a PERSON), that was "completely and utterly wrong." Might that not be *some* cause for introspection? Even if it's just looking at the WAY things are written- that presentation DOES matter, especially in a method of communication that doesn't allow us to see facial expressions, or hear tone of voice.

*Also, I'd like to quickly add that my reaction is not specific to any ONE person involved. So this post isn't about YOU, in fact it isn't ABOUT anyone, more a general reminder (just as the AFD joke was a reminder to read whole threads), that the WAY you respond to someone's opinion, even if it isn't one you agree with or understand, DOES matter, and can inspire hurt or peace in someone's heart.

I apologize if I came off as too sensitive for your liking- as I've said before, I've been going through a rough time, and those comments just rubbed me the wrong way.

 

[Renee750il]

From my previous post:

I'm sorry you felt that way but it is a false perception,

I honored the fact that these were your feelings - a perception. I thought perhaps you might find some comfort in realizing that your feelings were based on a wrong perception rather than harbor unhappy feelings based on that wrong perception. If that thought of mine was erroneously based, I do apologize.

It was also a post on behalf of my cohorts, whom many have found to be of the same nature as myself.

There was a great deal more to it than just reading whole posts or threads. The important point was being able to laugh at oneself.

 

[Dreeza]

Sparks: Yeah, i know why you did I was trying to acknowledge that at the end, cause I kinda went back and read it before i posted and realized I had taken your initial post the wrong way at first. I just really wanted to make it know to others that the struggles some people have with what others make sound so easy!

Its weird, cause there are some comments, such as the one you mentioned, that I wouldnt take to heart...no one better insult my chocolate outs at the empty bag of dove milk chocolates on desk:. I rarely have people insult me to my face...for me it is more the feeling of invisibleness that makes everything really hard. I constantly feel like everyone gets so much more attention than I do, and i feel like it must be cause I am doing something wrong. I really need to be studying right now, so im not gonna try to explain it any more than that...but if you want to know, just ask, and ill explain later.

GO - It is so frickin hard to explain. If you asked me if i cared what so&so thought of me...i would say 'no'...cause i dont. If its one person saying one thing, it is a lot easier for me to shake off. But i constantly feel ignore/invisible/worthless, so its more or less one more person making me feel the same way as so many others...so its more of a collective caring.

I mean, if every one of your friends and family said you were incredibly annoying or something...or some trait that you could adjust without changing yourself really (if that makes sense...)...wouldnt you want to change it? That is kinda the way i feel...the only difference is that people dont actually tell me I am...i just take it that way. Every weird look, every time someone chooses to talk to my roommate over me...every time one of my friends from home calls my roommate instead of me...etc.


Tempura...I am so glad someone else understands thanks for posting!

Renee....you are one of the last people that I want to have dislike me. I always love your posts and what not...but I have to say this: You are missing what Tempura and I are trying to say. You stressing the "importance" of laughing at oneself is condescending. We are trying to say that it is NOT so freaking easy sometimes. It is NOT about the joke, or the laughing about it that took place after...thats fine...that stuff is funny to read. My issue is people making people feel stupid for having a harder time than others...

 

[bubbatd]

Dreeza ... I know where you're coming from . You sure have more moxie than I had at your age !!! I do want to say , that all throughout our AFD we mods were soooooooooo busy making sure no one would be hurt . But , let's get back to the OP . You people are learning what it took me 50 years to learn ! Mainly that life is too short to be taken seriously . Have fun !! God gave us all a sense of humor !

 

[jess2416]

nvr mind..........

continue with the thread