Just want to crawl up into a ball.

[PWCorgi]

I won't lie, every single time I hear of smart, well to do, moral, ethical, respectable people choosing not to have children I think of the beginning of Idiocracy. It haunts me.

But...it's what the plant's crave

 

[Fran101]

Motherhood is not for everybody. The sad thing is, many people don't figure that out until they are a mother. A lot of people say that motherhood is a difficult but worthwhile experience to have for all women. That women will naturally love being one. So women who become pregnant will convince themselves that motherhood is something that they will love doing, despite the hard work. Google "I hate being a mother" and you will find many women who feel as though their life came to an end after they had a baby. Googling it will be the only way to see that perspective because in our society, it is look down upon for women to hate motherhood so it is not something that will be openly talk about. The anonymity of the internet gives a women a chance to vent their feelings without fear of backlash in real life. I think every girl should read this other perspective because so many people have this idea that motherhood is something all women will love.

I believe that society is moving in a direction where more and more women are not motherhood material. What I mean we live in a time where women are enlighten, we can have careers, we don't need a man to take care of us. We have expectations for our lives now where before we were all expected to stay at home and have kids and many of us didn't even have a proper education. Its easier to fall into motherhood when you don't know what your missing out on. Now women know what they are missing, now we want to accomplish more things and having a child will make doing just that extremely complicated. In societies where women have the same right to work as men, the birth rate is decreasing dramatically to the point where some advance countries are actually paying people to have children. Less develop countries where women aren't equal still have a very high birth rate. Being just a mother is not something girls want to be now.

I believe that when you have a child, you should be willing to give a large part of your life for them. That child should be your top priority. Unfortunately, many women just can't do that. I love kids, just love them, but I'm too selfish to have one. I'm a career women. I'm going to college, I'm going to pursue my dreams, I'm going live for me. If I had a baby right now I would probably be resentful. Resentful that my plans will be made much harder now that I have someone who is entirely dependent on me. That is not fair. That is not fair to the child I bring into this world. Children need to be given constant attention, constant guidance, constant care. If you neglect that, than you screwed up a life. That child will grow up to an adult with so many problems.

My cousin had a baby girl when she was 17. She was not ready to become a mother. She had a life of her own. She was going to the military, she was young and pretty and did not want to miss out on the party life. My niece would spend days to months moving from aunty to aunty when my cousin had to do military training, or she had somewhere important to go. Many people don't realize that a baby could be emotionally damage in their young years. I went to family reunion, the girl was two, and I notice that every time my cousin went out the door for something, my niece would start crying hysterically. The poor girl got use to her mother leaving and she wasn't sure whether she would be back in a day or months. At the age of three y cousin went for three months for more military training and my niece was sent to another state to live with another aunty. After my cousin got back, she didn't go get her daughter. She started enjoying her young life, going to parties, hanging with friends, getting a job. My niece ended up staying with my aunty and haven't seen her mother in so long. I think she is better off with my aunty, but no doubt about it my niece is going to grow up with some serious emotional issues because of this. My cousin was not ready to give up much of her life for her child. She was too selfish. Her child payed the price for it.

That is why, whenever I hear of someone not planning on being pregnant become pregnant, I feel that person should really think whether or not they should keep that child. Whether by abortion or adoption, whichever one, if your not ready for a child, it is best NOT to have one. This is a whole life you are bringing into this word. A screwed up childhood will affect a person for the rest of their life. You have to ask yourself are your ready to give yourself up for a child.

I agree with much of this.
I love school, I'm going to law school, I've always been a career person.I will end up with a high power career.
Chances are (if my dating history is anything to foreshadow) I will end up marrying someone with a high power career.

I know ,as someone who RESPECTS children, that something would have to give and if I decided to become a mother, I would have to let the career slide. Which would lead to resentment, I know it.

I refuse to take that risk. I have met children of families (yes, even very wealthy ones) that grow up feeling resented, ignored, passed on from care-taker to caretaker, what I called "spoiled in the all the wrong ways". it's not a pretty thing.

My boyfriend right now agrees (he's on his way to med-school) that if we do get married.. we would very likely end up DINKS (Double-income-no-kids) not because we hate children.. but because we respect children and the idea of being parents too much to half ass it and we know our careers will have to come first.

 

[AdrianneIsabel]

Give it time Fran, my sister Frances is very similar, she is a contract lawyer working for the federal government and married to a dentist, both of which having graduated from prestigious schools with honors galore. They didn't plan on kids until they did. They had Declan a bit later (early 30s) and because of this they decided they would only have one, then they decided two but planned the second soon (again because of age) and now baby jelly bean two is on it's way.

Things change and you have all the time in the world.

 

[darkchild16]

I agree with much of this.
I love school, I'm going to law school, I've always been a career person.I will end up with a high power career.
Chances are (if my dating history is anything to foreshadow) I will end up marrying someone with a high power career.

I know ,as someone who RESPECTS children, that something would have to give and if I decided to become a mother, I would have to let the career slide. Which would lead to resentment, I know it.

I refuse to take that risk. I have met children of families (yes, even very wealthy ones) that grow up feeling resented, ignored, passed on from care-taker to caretaker, what I called "spoiled in the all the wrong ways". it's not a pretty thing.

My boyfriend right now agrees (he's on his way to med-school) that if we do get married.. we would very likely end up DINKS (Double-income-no-kids) not because we hate children.. but because we respect children and the idea of being parents too much to half ass it and we know our careers will have to come first.

Let me start this by nothing I say is directed at you or anyone in particular.

Society has turned around to looking DOWN at the SAHM. Didn't go to college and are a stay at home mom its worse. Honestly I NEVER "wanted" to go to college. Did I plan on it yeah I did but only because it was expected of me not because *I* wanted to. I never could find anything that fit me and was jumping around constantly. I never even sent in applications honestly I filled them out and they sat around. I didn't KNOW what I wanted at all. I ended up pregnant with Bev and never considered children. I always said NO children. Now being a mother to me is more important then anything. I plan activities to what they want, I get told constantly that I should find a hobby for me but I can't think of ANY hobby that I want that tops my kids.
I've been told that I'm simple minded and putting women back in the stone age because I ENJOY my life. DO they drive me nuts DAILY but would I change it for the world NEVER. Do they challenge me and work my brain more then anything I've ever done oh yeah.

My life is not just grocery shopping, watching kids and cooking/cleaning. I think of how to solve problems daily. I teach kids daily. I may not have gone to college but I can figure out how to teach my kids to their own needs. We may not have alot of money but that doesn't make us simple minded. I may not be able to do calculus or have degrees but that doesn't make me lazy or stupid.

Like I tell my husband who really doesn't understand what it's like to do my "job"
I am an accountant, author, scientist, house cleaner, teacher, nurse, carpenter, cook, secretary, zoo keeper p). On top of being a wife and a mother. Yes I could go to college and specialize in one of these areas and not have kids or a family but it wouldn't make me happy. I did not chose this life because I am simple minded I chose it because its what I wanted.

I honestly don't know where I went with that in my sleep deprived state but there ya have it.

 

[sparks19]

While I don't want abortion to be illegal just because of the ramifications of making it so....

I will say I always wonder when people say things like they'll do whatever it takes to make sure they don't have a child brought into a home that can't or doesn't want to care for it even if that means abortion.

why doesn't that "do anything" ever mean not participating in the ONE action that can result in a pregnancy even with the best birth control? For some reason we seem to be of the frame of mind that it's impossible to not have sex so we'll just have an abortion instead of choosing not to take the risk of procreation.

that being said, I wish doctors would just go ahead and sterilize women who want it. If they change their minds later...they can adopt. then they can satisfy their base animal impulses and not have to decide between "no sex" or "an abortion" because it seems no sex is not possible for people to do and having an abortion is more attainable. Self control

so people aren't really willing to do WHATEVER it takes to not get pregnant... just almost whatever it takes. but getting pregnant is never truly an accident. it may not have been intended or the plan but I'd venture to guess that the majority of people know it is a possibility no matter how careful one may be.

the current system though makes it difficult to choose not to have children so something needs to change so when women want to be sterilized they can have that procedure and just sign something that says that if they change their minds the doctor can't be held responsible for that.

 

[yoko]

Let me start this by nothing I say is directed at you or anyone in particular.

Society has turned around to looking DOWN at the SAHM. Didn't go to college and are a stay at home mom its worse. Honestly I NEVER "wanted" to go to college. Did I plan on it yeah I did but only because it was expected of me not because *I* wanted to. I never could find anything that fit me and was jumping around constantly. I never even sent in applications honestly I filled them out and they sat around. I didn't KNOW what I wanted at all. I ended up pregnant with Bev and never considered children. I always said NO children. Now being a mother to me is more important then anything. I plan activities to what they want, I get told constantly that I should find a hobby for me but I can't think of ANY hobby that I want that tops my kids.
I've been told that I'm simple minded and putting women back in the stone age because I ENJOY my life. DO they drive me nuts DAILY but would I change it for the world NEVER. Do they challenge me and work my brain more then anything I've ever done oh yeah.

My life is not just grocery shopping, watching kids and cooking/cleaning. I think of how to solve problems daily. I teach kids daily. I may not have gone to college but I can figure out how to teach my kids to their own needs. We may not have alot of money but that doesn't make us simple minded. I may not be able to do calculus or have degrees but that doesn't make me lazy or stupid.

Like I tell my husband who really doesn't understand what it's like to do my "job"
I am an accountant, author, scientist, house cleaner, teacher, nurse, carpenter, cook, secretary, zoo keeper p). On top of being a wife and a mother. Yes I could go to college and specialize in one of these areas and not have kids or a family but it wouldn't make me happy. I did not chose this life because I am simple minded I chose it because its what I wanted.

I honestly don't know where I went with that in my sleep deprived state but there ya have it.

But there is also the other hand.

I'm constantly asked why I'm not married and why I don't have kids.

I constantly get treated like less of a woman because I'm 'throwing away the greatest part of being a woman'.

Most of the parents I deal with are so pushy with the 'having kids is the best thing ever' that it comes across as they are trying to convince themselves of it. Reproducing is something a LOT of people aim for. But it's not a world ending sin for someone to say they don't want kids.

And I'm not saying its easy but at the same time from the childless side the world seems to revolve around families.

 

[Barbara!]

I believe it was more of a general statement.

Barbara, times tough, are you making sure to be up on your prenatal vitamins and eating right?

Yes ma'am. Just stressing A LOT with boyfriend stuff. The past three days have been hell with me crying more than not, so I'm hoping that won't effect anything... I'm sucking it up now and pushing back the panic of the stress, so I am really hoping that my three days of weakness don't cause me to miscarry.

 

[AllisonPitbullLvr]

Stress won't hurt the baby but it is detrimental to you. I'm really hoping things start to look up for you.

 

[darkchild16]

But there is also the other hand.

I'm constantly asked why I'm not married and why I don't have kids.

I constantly get treated like less of a woman because I'm 'throwing away the greatest part of being a woman'.

Most of the parents I deal with are so pushy with the 'having kids is the best thing ever' that it comes across as they are trying to convince themselves of it. Reproducing is something a LOT of people aim for. But it's not a world ending sin for someone to say they don't want kids.

And I'm not saying its easy but at the same time from the childless side the world seems to revolve around families.

so because people ask people who don't want kids why they don't its ok to look down on stay at home moms because they chose to have kid's? I may ask a friend why they choose not to but its because I am interested in their reason.

I will bring up how having children when I didn't plan on it has changed my life and I will say being a parent is the best thing ever but that doesn't mean I think down on anyone who doesn't. Just that I'm sharing my PERSONAL experience. Being a parent isn't for everyone just like dogs aren't for everyone or cats or ANYTHING. Nothing is right for EVERYONE. Why do others have to look down on people who don't make the same choices. Why does one groups actions mean it's ok to treat another that way.


What makes any ONE group better then the other?

 

[sparks19]

But there is also the other hand.

I'm constantly asked why I'm not married and why I don't have kids.

I constantly get treated like less of a woman because I'm 'throwing away the greatest part of being a woman'.

Most of the parents I deal with are so pushy with the 'having kids is the best thing ever' that it comes across as they are trying to convince themselves of it. Reproducing is something a LOT of people aim for. But it's not a world ending sin for someone to say they don't want kids.

And I'm not saying its easy but at the same time from the childless side the world seems to revolve around families.

well that's really the way it is with anything in this world.

don't want kids... what's wrong with you

have kids... don't you know this world is already overpopulated how selfish

democrat/republican/independant... you're throwing away your vote, voting for evil, etc etc

breastfeed... disgusting

bottlefeed... you are killing your baby

give up a child... how could you just give away your child

adopt a child... why would you want to do that. just have your own kids. you can't possibly love that child.

etc, etc etc etc etc etc etc ad nauseum.

No matter what you do or don't do in this life you will face flack from someone.

 

[darkchild16]

Yes ma'am. Just stressing A LOT with boyfriend stuff. The past three days have been hell with me crying more than not, so I'm hoping that won't effect anything... I'm sucking it up now and pushing back the panic of the stress, so I am really hoping that my three days of weakness don't cause me to miscarry.

stress is just not healthy for you. Its not good for the baby because YOUR health isnt optimal. Later on in the pregnancy it can result in high blood pressure and that can affect things but this early on a couple days of stress arent going to make you lose your baby. Its just a habit that can be hard to get out of.

 

[yoko]

so because people ask people who don't want kids why they don't its ok to look down on stay at home moms because they chose to have kid's? I may ask a friend why they choose not to but its because I am interested in their reason.

I will bring up how having children when I didn't plan on it has changed my life and I will say being a parent is the best thing ever but that doesn't mean I think down on anyone who doesn't just that I'm sharing my PERSONAL experience. Being a parent isn't for everyone just like dogs aren't for everyone or cats or ANYTHING. Nothing is right for EVERYONE. Why do others have to look down on people who don't make the same choices. Why does one groups actions mean it's ok to treat another that way.


What makes any ONE group better then the other?

No where in my post did I say it was ok to look down on the other side or that one was better than another.

I was pointing out the other side. Because I know there are a TON of moms/dads on here and I think it's important to note that the parent side does the exact same thing before it gets all one sided here.

 

[zoe08]

so because people ask people who don't want kids why they don't its ok to look down on stay at home moms because they chose to have kid's? I may ask a friend why they choose not to but its because I am interested in their reason.

I will bring up how having children when I didn't plan on it has changed my life and I will say being a parent is the best thing ever but that doesn't mean I think down on anyone who doesn't just that I'm sharing my PERSONAL experience. Being a parent isn't for everyone just like dogs aren't for everyone or cats or ANYTHING. Nothing is right for EVERYONE. Why do others have to look down on people who don't make the same choices. Why does one groups actions mean it's ok to treat another that way.


What makes any ONE group better then the other?

I was going to type up a response, but decided I would just quote this instead because it is worth repeating.

People seem to think that because they had a personal experience, everyone else will have the same one, just like (my birth control failed, so if someone gets pregnant while not trying, its because birth control failed). Everyone has a different personal experience, and that is ok, we can share our experiences, without saying that others are wrong because they don't have the same ones.

 

[darkchild16]

No where in my post did I say it was ok to look down on the other side or that one was better than another.

I was pointing out the other side. Because I know there are a TON of moms/dads on here and I think it's important to note that the parent side does the exact same thing before it gets all one sided here.

But not once did I say there was anything wrong with not wanting kids. I didn't now I have them and it's great. It doesn't make me mindless or pushy when I say that it was great FOR ME. You don't want kids AWESOME! You do want kids AWESOME! You want to raise someone elses kids AWESOME! You want to raise orphaned animals GREAT! Just make the right choice for YOU and don't project it onto others.

 

[AdrianneIsabel]

Yes ma'am. Just stressing A LOT with boyfriend stuff. The past three days have been hell with me crying more than not, so I'm hoping that won't effect anything... I'm sucking it up now and pushing back the panic of the stress, so I am really hoping that my three days of weakness don't cause me to miscarry.

Good!

Stress won't hurt the baby but it is detrimental to you. I'm really hoping things start to look up for you.

And yes, no matter what we have said it's really out of concern, tactful or not. Take care of yourself, it's your responsibility to your baby.

 

[kady05]

I will say I always wonder when people say things like they'll do whatever it takes to make sure they don't have a child brought into a home that can't or doesn't want to care for it even if that means abortion.

why doesn't that "do anything" ever mean not participating in the ONE action that can result in a pregnancy even with the best birth control? For some reason we seem to be of the frame of mind that it's impossible to not have sex so we'll just have an abortion instead of choosing not to take the risk of procreation.

that being said, I wish doctors would just go ahead and sterilize women who want it. If they change their minds later...they can adopt. then they can satisfy their base animal impulses and not have to decide between "no sex" or "an abortion" because it seems no sex is not possible for people to do and having an abortion is more attainable.

Sorry, but I'm not going to not have sex with my husband (who I've been with for almost 8yrs. now) just because I don't want kids LOL.

Your 3rd paragraph is so true. I have been asking my Dr. (who I've been going to since I was 16, I'm 25) to let me get my tubes tied since I was 16, and I've asked every year when I go in since.
She's always told me "No way, you're too young, you'll probably want kids!"

Well, that hasn't changed since I was 12, doubt it's going to change now! My mom goes to the same Dr. and when she was there a few months ago and my Dr. asked how I was doing, she told her that there was no way I was going to have kids and she really needed to start taking me seriously. I mean it's ridiculous, I'm TWENTY FIVE.. at age 18 I should've been able to have it done by my own Dr. (I could go to Planned Parenthood if I really wanted to). Especially with the fact that my Dr. knows I don't tolerate BC well.

Just give me the consent form and do it!

 

[yoko]

But not once did I say there was anything wrong with not wanting kids. I didn't now I have them and it's great. It doesn't make me mindless or pushy when I say that it was great FOR ME. You don't want kids AWESOME! You do want kids AWESOME! You want to raise someone elses kids AWESOME! You want to raise orphaned animals GREAT! Just make the right choice for YOU and don't project it onto others.

No you just complained about childless people being pushy about you having kids. I just have the viewpoint from the other side.

 

[darkchild16]

No you just complained about childless people being pushy about you having kids. I just have the viewpoint from the other side.

No I didn't I complained about ANYONE that looks down on me for being a stay at home mom. I said nothing about childless people or people with children.

 

[Laurelin]

I'm still trying to figure out why we're even talking about abortion in a thread where the baby is obviously wanted. I just don't think the discussion has a place here. It's not an option for Barbara so it doesn't matter what you (general) would do if you had an oops. It's not applicable.

In particular there's the fact that if she has PCOS then she's probably heard over and over from doctors how difficult it will be to conceive. And it really could be difficult in the future. I have PCOS and I know if I wanted kids (not sure right now) I'd be ecstatic I could even get pregnant even if the timing wasn't perfect.

 

[sparks19]

Sorry, but I'm not going to not have sex with my husband (who I've been with for almost 8yrs. now) just because I don't want kids LOL.

Your 3rd paragraph is so true. I have been asking my Dr. (who I've been going to since I was 16, I'm 25) to let me get my tubes tied since I was 16, and I've asked every year when I go in since.
She's always told me "No way, you're too young, you'll probably want kids!"

Well, that hasn't changed since I was 12, doubt it's going to change now! My mom goes to the same Dr. and when she was there a few months ago and my Dr. asked how I was doing, she told her that there was no way I was going to have kids and she really needed to start taking me seriously. I mean it's ridiculous, I'm TWENTY FIVE.. at age 18 I should've been able to have it done by my own Dr. (I could go to Planned Parenthood if I really wanted to). Especially with the fact that my Dr. knows I don't tolerate BC well.

Just give me the consent form and do it!

Your first sentence is one of the big reasons I wish they would do sterilizations for those who want them and who cares if they change their mind lol. people who want to have sex with their spouses/partners/ etc but absolutely want nothing to do with having kids. I mean it just seems like the better alternative medically to women just having abortions if they did get pregnant. That sounded more callous than it was meant to.

After Hannah was born and for quite some time after that we knew we couldn't handle another child at the time and we made the choice to not have sex. that doesn't mean we weren't intimate of course. We did everything else and in some cases it was even better because we had to get a little more creative with our "intimate" time LOL. aren't you glad I shared that info :rofl1: