Issue with my son's school/teacher LONG.

[MyHorseMyRules]

Yeah, we never had bathroom aids either. And it also wasn't uncommon for us to be packing knives. At least, not until my last year of high school when they implemented the zero tolerance policy. Even then, though, it was more of a DADT situation.

And as for the OP, that is crazy!!! I agree with sparks.

 

[CaliTerp07]

We don't have bathroom monitors, but they took all the doors off the bathrooms at the school I work at. There was too much vandalism/drugs/sexual acts occurring in there, so they did everything they could to minimize it. (In addition to requiring all students to carry a signed pass from the teacher stating where they came from, where they're going, and the time they left their class).

 

[sparks19]

I don't ever remember having bathroom monitors when I was in school either and I remember being in the portables and having to walk out side to get to the bathrooms with no chaperones.

It's not so much the bathroom banning thing that really gets to me as that could have definitely been exaggerated but there is NO excuse for the threat of calling DCPS and implying that her son has done something criminal. IF that were true then it should have been reported and the parent should know about it right away... but you don't make threats like that especially when there was no mention of anything more than a scuffle. No absolutely not.

I fully understand teachers are people too and get defensive. I understand that. However, I couldn't just let a threat like that just blow over as "sometimes kids stretch the truth" This didn't come from the kid... it came from the teacher and it is so beyond inappropriate I don't know where to begin lol.

THAT is my biggest issue. That kind of thing can not be chalked up to defensiveness or kids being kids. if it happened then it's very serious and needs to be handled that way not threats and implications and if it didn't happen and the teacher is making those threats because she's defensive then... well I don't even know how to finish that sentence. Either way... no matter WHAT the kid did you can't jsut let that slide. The teacher is threatening to call DCPS. that's extremely serious and not something you mess around with

 

[zoe08]

I have never heard of having bathroom aids either, and I don't think I would feel comfortable with that.

The whole thing ticks me off, because you CANT expect a child to go all day without going to the bathroom. That can cause issues to their health to force them to hold it for that long.

And every "incident" needs to be explained, and I would say if they didn't call you every time then the other times don't exist or count, therefore it was only 1 time, which certainly doesn't warrant an extreme punishment. Kids have scuffles, big deal...Don't let the same 2 kids go to the bathroom at the same time (I am assuming they are in the same class so it can be controlled) and move on.

And you have WAY more control than I do, I would have been at the school first thing in the morning the day after my son came home and told me that they didn't let him go to the bathroom.

 

[Renee750il]

we never had any either, one time in 3rd grade my friend an I exchanged christmas presents in there so our other friends wouldn't know we got each other something and not them. I got an Old Timer pocket knife, I don't remember what I got him, must've sucked compared to the pocket knife

So not only did we go to the bathroom by ourselves, we were packing knives good thing there were no monitors, I'd a had to stick em.

Best post in thread award :first:



It's one of those "devil and the deep blue sea" situations. Teachers stick together most of the time, even when they know one was wrong. It's the "us against them" mentality of schools. Heck, my sister had a teacher who was so bad that the OTHER TEACHERS made sure their kids didn't get stuck with her, but when a parent complained about her, they sure closed ranks in a hurry.

I'm not sure there's a definitive answer to this one, other than to make sure you're at every single parent-teacher conference, insisting on it even if the teacher says it isn't necessary, continue being the rational parent you are, supporting your kid without the delusion that he's a perfect angel, but keeping close tabs on what goes on at school, and if something ever comes up again and it's remarked that it's "not the first incident," raising twenty Hells over not being informed the first time.

 

[Chewbecca]

Um, thanks to everyone? I think. hahahaha.

I have control ONLY because I am fearful of backlash/retaliation on/to my child if I go in there and throw a stink about this.

I called the principal on Friday and was told that notes would be left and he'd be allowed to use the restroom.
My child is 11 years old and in 5th grade. If something happens to him, he's going to tell me. I KNOW my child. If he is uncomfortable in ANY situation, he cannot hide it.
His emotions can be read on his face.

To me, there is not even a question as to whether or not he "inappropriately touched" another child in the bathroom stall. I KNOW he did NOT. I won't even begin going THERE with that.
Sparks sums it up pretty much on how I feel.

I know how I am going to handle this, but it's not how I want to handle it. But for my child, I am going to do what I have to do. Because HE is what is important, not what was said to me by a teacher that was simply p!ssed off because her boss spoke to her.

THAT is why she said what she said about DCFS. Not because there is any reason to think my son did anything wrong. She was p!ssed because I called and spoke to the principal. And in turn, the principal spoke to HER.

He IS allowed to use the restroom as I am sure to ask him every single day.
IF he wasn't allowed to use the restroom, he would definitely tell me.

Thanks for all the replies.

 

[milos_mommy]

Did you mention all of this to the principal? Honestly, I worry about allowing a teacher to get away with such BS because you're afraid she might take it out on your son. If you go to the principal, if you go to the board, she's not going to be able to take it out on your son. And if she's a rational human being she'll realize she's digger herself in deeper if she tries, and if she isn't, well, she's a nutjob who doesn't need to be working with kids who's parent's she's trying to manipulate.

 

[JessLough]

As far as the bathroom-aid thing goes, I have NEVER had one. Heck, in the school I went to for grade 6, you did not even ask to go to the bathroom (it was a 5/6 split class). There was a pass for the girl bathroom and one for the boy bathroom, if you had to go, you quietly got up, grabbed the pass, put it on your desk, and went to the bathroom. That way, the teacher could see the pass and know you were in the bathroom if they were looking for you. And that way only one student of each gender was in the bathroom at one time, unless the other student was sent in because you were taking too long in the bathroom. You also grabbed those passes if you had to run to your locker or anything. Really, I guess it was more of a "leave the classroom" pass than a bathroom pass.

Becca, I understand being upset about it. I would be. A teacher tried that with me in grades 4 and 5, and my dad was PISSED. I actually never ended up staying at school for more than half a day those 2 years, because if the teacher was trying that I was instructed to just get up and leave the school. (NOT saying that is what you should do, just saying what I did in similar circumstances). Of course, in my cause it WAS dangerous for me to try and fight it with the teacher (the teacher physically grabbed me and fought me if I tried to go to the bathroom).

I would, as was suggested, make a meeting. If the meeting does not work, go the next step higher than the principal. If you do that, and the teacher and/or principal retaliates on your son, which it sounds like your son WOULD tell you, keep bringing it up with the school board or the principal or, if need be, bring it up with the police. Honestly, one call to the board and letting them know that you are aware what they are doing is illegal, and are not afraid to take it up to the next step, will stop the issue.

I would also demand that the teacher no longer teaches your son.

 

[Taqroy]

THAT is why she said what she said about DCFS. Not because there is any reason to think my son did anything wrong. She was p!ssed because I called and spoke to the principal. And in turn, the principal spoke to HER.

Whaaaaaat? She admitted that the reason she LIED to you is because she's pissed because she got in trouble? I hope she's getting in more trouble because holy hell that's just....wrong.

I have to say that I'm with Milo on the retaliation thing...that teacher has issues that need to be addressed and if everyone lets her slide through because they're worried about retaliation she's just going to keep doing it. However, that's how *I* feel about it. You have to what's right for you and your kid and it sounds like you're doing it.

 

[milos_mommy]

I would also demand that the teacher no longer teaches your son.

It's the end of the year, so I can see requesting your son does not have this same teacher again, and I don't know if Jess means in the future or you request having him moved to another class, but I think in most cases it would be far more traumatic on a child to have them change classes mid-year than stick it out with the teacher.

 

[Beanie]

Did you mention all of this to the principal? Honestly, I worry about allowing a teacher to get away with such BS because you're afraid she might take it out on your son. If you go to the principal, if you go to the board, she's not going to be able to take it out on your son.

Unfortunately, this is not true. I had a HORRIBLE teacher once - when I was in fifth grade, actually - and my mom had a parent-teacher meeting with her because I was struggling in her class. This teacher said the most horrible things about me right in front of me, I sat there crying, my mom said "Look at her - she's CRYING," and the teacher folded her arms and said "I don't care." My mom went to the principal, who talked to the teacher, who proceeded to spend the rest of the year making an example out of me in front of the whole class and generally making the time I spent in her classroom a living hell, no matter how many times I told my mom what she would do and how many times my mom would talk to the principal. Basically, she was not going to be stopped no matter what was said or done, because she was a Supreme Bitch and enjoyed lording her power over little fifth grade children.

The only way I could have gotten away from this teacher would be if my parents had pulled me from the advanced math class (WHERE I BELONGED) and put me back in the regular math class - which would have been covering the material I had completed the year prior. It would have put me a year behind for the rest of my schooling. It wasn't worth it - though to this day I still remember that horrible woman and I have no kind things to say about her.


Not every teacher is a saint, or even a reasonable person, unfortunately.


ETA: Not to say that I think this means nothing should be said. Just that Becca is not being unreasonable for fearing retaliation against her child. Also, this apparent whackadoo already threatened to call DCFS...

I don't care how many days are left in the school year, if it's at all possible I would want my child out of her classroom. Though I'm confused - she did tell you she wasn't going to allow your son to use the bathroom anymore, but she IS allowing him to use the bathroom..?

 

[JessLough]

It's the end of the year, so I can see requesting your son does not have this same teacher again, and I don't know if Jess means in the future or you request having him moved to another class, but I think in most cases it would be far more traumatic on a child to have them change classes mid-year than stick it out with the teacher.

Woops, yah, I meant next year I agree that there is really no point in having him switch for the last week or whatever.

 

[milos_mommy]

Becca, I would also record any meetings you have with this teacher in the future, if possible, record any phone calls, and at the least, take notes of what she says on the dates she says it.

Beanie...the principal may not always be able to or willing to do something, but usually the school board will, and when what the teacher is doing is downright illegal, the police or other education officials should be notified.

 

[Chewbecca]

Whaaaaaat? She admitted that the reason she LIED to you is because she's pissed because she got in trouble? I hope she's getting in more trouble because holy hell that's just....wrong.

I have to say that I'm with Milo on the retaliation thing...that teacher has issues that need to be addressed and if everyone lets her slide through because they're worried about retaliation she's just going to keep doing it. However, that's how *I* feel about it. You have to what's right for you and your kid and it sounds like you're doing it.

No, no, no.
She didn't admit that!!
I *believe* that is why she was threatening with DCFS.

 

[Raegan]

That's the craziest punishment I've ever heard. He can't go to the BATHROOM? I mean, I know when I was in school kids would be obnoxious about it, but it's hardly the worst trouble a kid can get into, especially considering he actually was in the bathroom and was apparently even in a stall. So it's not like he "went to the bathroom" and actually wandered the halls to find someone to kick in the groin.

I think it's terrible that you feel you can't take action because of reprisal on your son. That sucks.

We never had bathroom aides, but we did have bathroom passes. One boy and one girl at a time and you usually couldn't leave during tests or quizzes. You had to sign out with a time too, and sign back in with the time you got back.

 

[RD]

Whoa. I only read the original post but I'm fscking fuming on your son's behalf. What a BITCH.

 

[Chewbecca]

She told me he could use the restroom only for an emergency.
Which is laughable because how does one define an emergency to use the restroom?
Renal failure?

As wrong as I think she was, and as mad as I am at her, her threat was not serious, AND she does allow him to use the restroom because I ask him.

 

[Kat09Tails]

I would go to the school and meet with the teacher and principal to find out what exactly is their version of what went on and what the punishment really is. I would also take the time to address this teacher about how that phone call went down. We had something similarly stupid show up when my nephew was in 3rd or 4th grade.

Schools and teachers do stupid things now and again but students do stupid things far more often. If your kid got in trouble for horseplay in the bathroom he needs to own up to it. I think you're being played or just plain not getting all the info.

 

[Chewbecca]

Wait.
Do I think my kid is innocent? NO. I do believe I said that I am not one of those parents who thinks her child can do NO wrong.
In fact, I was hesitant to react to the situation because I thought for sure my child had misunderstood the punishment.
It's not like this teacher to act like this. She is a bit of a control freak, and she can control her class as she has an air of "power" to her, but she has always taken a liking to my son.

My kid most certainly got into a kicking, bathroom "brawl" with his friend. It went from joking to serious, and my kid probably got serious and started kicking the kid for real. I can see this.

Do I think my kid was inappropriately touching this other kid in a bathroom stall?
No way.

Do I think his bathroom rights should be taken away from him to where he cannot pee ALL DAY LONG?
No. Not at all.

Do I think he needs a punishment for acting like a jerk in the bathroom?
Yes.
Take away his recess. Take away his field trip. Hell, give him an in-school suspension. Call my home. Make me pick him up early from school.
But take away his right to use the restroom? Good God. That's not a punishment. That's torture.

 

[boneyjean]

I would contact the principal again and ask to set up a meeting in person with her and the teacher to discuss it all together. Who cares if there are only 8 days left, it is innapropriate and it needs to be addressed. Don't make a big stink if you are worried about backlash, although, it sounds like the principal has no idea what is really going on. I have had worries about backlash in the past about things that I really thought were just me overreacting and didn't bring my worries forward, and it ended up that the teacher in question later got fired for other things that were also innapropriate. I wish I had said something earlier and spared the other children.

You might even meet privately with the principal first to tell her what the teacher said to you in case she changes the story around. Just make sure you are calm and not accusatory. You have every right to understand what is going on with your child and whether it happened more times than you know about or not, you need to know so you can deal with it appropriately at home as well. This isn't a peeing match between you and the teacher, this is you as a parent needing to know what has really happened because you are getting a different story from the principal and the teacher. If your son has an issue that needs to be addressed, it will be much easier with all of the facts that are available. We are our children's advocates and I would hope the school would be happy to see a parent involved and trying to do what they can to remedy the situation at home as well instead of just sending them of to school to be someone else's problem.