Im so proud of Bev (and attachment parenting feelings)

[cricketsmygirl]

Adrienne,

How about the fact that you tell another mom she is horrible because she can't afford organic diapers. We can't all afford everything. Also while I am AP and don't like hearing my baby boy cry. Sometimes it is difficult to keep them from crying and when they get to the toddler years...tantrums and such..well, let them cry.

 

[Izzy's Valkyrie]

Sooo I'm not a parent and don't really want to be any time in the near future but I have to comment on the CIO thing. First off, I'm in the Dekka/Foxy school of denied uber genius because I cried. Second, you do realize that when you pick up a baby for crying all you're doing is positively reinforcing bad behavior?

I understand that not all crying is to get attention but a little girl can manipulate her father before the age of 2. Some children do cry for attention and you picking them up reinforces their obnoxious behavior. Most mothers can tell the difference in crying for soiled diapers/hungry/sick/tantrum so letting a baby CIO after all the preliminaries are checked is not at all an evil thing. If anything it lets the child become more self sufficient because they resolve their attention problems by interaction with the world around them, not relying on mom or dad to swoop down and entertain them.

So yeah, if you think letting your child grow up and learn not to cry for everything it wants is a good way to go... Enjoy? I can't understand why people think it's so bad for a kid to cry, especially a baby who often has no idea why it's crying.

(Doesn't really apply to colicky babies, I was one which is why I was left to CIO so often. They're not left alone because they're crying for attention, they're left alone because they want to be)

Which is an interesting point. Anyone ever have a kid start crying in their arms and just hold them regardless of how much harder they cried? What if all the baby wanted was to be put down? Forcing a baby to be held isn't really a great trust mechanism, if anything it makes the child feel trapped no matter how hard it tried to make you put it down.

Just food for thought.

 

[sparks19]

I do NOT believe for a SECOND that picking up a crying BABY... INFANT reinforces bad behaviour as much as I don't believe that letting an INFANT cry it out makes the dependant and scared their parents won't come for them


I didn't do cry it out because I could not deal with it. I felt HORRIBLE for letting my infant CRY out of control wihtout coming in to let them know I was there.

And you knwo WHAT... I don't let my TWO year old CRY in the middle of the night with letting them know I am there.

and yOU know WHAT else? I have a two year old... who GOES to the gate and shakes it when she is tired. when she wants to be put to bed regardless of if she is ready to SLEEP or not. but she is ready to be in her BED. to wind down and relax on her own.

But if she CRIES... I know that is not normal and I check on her and fix her issue. and if she wakes in the night crying I also go right in and check on her.

I have had some HORRIBLE nightmares and I wake and can't sleep and when I wake hubby he doesn't say "Oh screw you just go back to sleep you only want attention" he cuddles me and makes me know that everything is safe and I am OK. even as an ADULT I get scared.

the whole "let them CIO and they will be psycho dependant and crazy dependant" is BS... it does not apply to ALL kids. and the whole "pick them up when they cry and they will be dependant on you and spoiled" is ALOS BS... again does NOT apply to all kids.

PEOPLE FORGET ABOUT WHAT YOU READ. I have not read a D@MN thing that has told me how to handle MY child in EVERY situation.

Be a friggin PARENT and respond to your CHILD... NOt to what you read in a stupid book. My god "I read this I read that" I didn't read a darn thing on how to PARENT before Hannah was born. I TRUSTED my instincts. and they have not steered me wrong yet. so your books... are nothing compared to a mothers intuition. sorry about your luck

 

[Squishy22]

Hai... please read my post carefully. If I was in the room where he could see me he would cry for literally an hour. If I left him alone he cried for maybe 5 min.

Now by YOUR research crying is bad.. so by comforting and being with him I would have been harming him.. But leaving him alone I saved his brain.

You seem to be mis reading a lot of posts. A few of us have said specifically we went to CIO as it made the crying SHORTER not LONGER.. hope that clears it up for you.

So very true!! Lily is just like this. She could be over her crying fit and just laying there content as can be, but as soon as she catches a glimpse of my checking on her, she starts up her crying and screaming fit. I wouldn't dare sit there and try to soothe her, because it would just be teasing her, because she wants me to get her out so badly, but I just sit there. Lol. Make sense?

 

[Laurelin]

I just want to know when all these parenting labels came about? I have seriously never heard of attachment parenting or anything like that. I just know people parent different ways... some succeed and some not so much. I know my parents did things very differently between Emily and Josie because they were two VERY different kinds of kids.

 

[sparks19]

I just want to know when all these parenting labels came about? I have seriously never heard of attachment parenting or anything like that. I just know people parent different ways... some succeed and some not so much. I know my parents did things very differently between Emily and Josie because they were two VERY different kinds of kids.

I believe it's only been recently...

and if all the "scientific studies" were true we would all be brain dead idiots just bumping into each other not knwoing where to go in life because we weren't AP raised... or breastfed. or NOT breastfed or put in their own rooms or because we co slept or because we were left to cry it out or we weren't ETC ETC ETC

seriously if ALL of this nonsense was REALLY true to the extent all these "studies" say they are we would all be morons wandering around without a clue... and it appears from this thread that we are NOT....

AND for that matter I do NOT see a difference having read about all the chaz children and ALL their different upbringings... I don't see a difference in development between ANY of them. they are all smart children... have all developed on schedule or before.... and have ALL Be raised differently.

How about someone do a scientifict study on THAT?

 

[Adrienne]

Adrienne,

How about the fact that you tell another mom she is horrible because she can't afford organic diapers. We can't all afford everything. Also while I am AP and don't like hearing my baby boy cry. Sometimes it is difficult to keep them from crying and when they get to the toddler years...tantrums and such..well, let them cry.

When did I say anything about organic diapers and someone being horrible because they can't afford them?

As for the rest who are jumping on my behind you can ignore the proof all you want and all the studies that are published in books; and I even give you permission to criticize me as much as you want if it makes you feel better. I never once called anyone a horrible parent, anywhere in this thread, or any others. If I did, please quote it so I can beg for your forgiveness. Lucky for me I don't feel the need for your approval but I do feel the need to advocate for babies since they can't do it for themselves. Thank God years and years ago someone was a voice for the animals and thank God that now-a-days there is a voice for our babies, whether or not its a popular opinion to have I stand by my statement. Letting babies cry it out unattended is wrong in my book.

 

[Squishy22]

So letting a baby cry for 5 to 10 minutes in their crib alone, before falling asleep, is wrong? If lily was cranky and throwing a fit in my arms, shed never fall asleep, she would just get more and more angry. If I put her down and walk away, shed be asleep within ten minutes. If after the ten minutes is up, and she is still crying, I go in to get her and try something else. Madison was different. She was the opposite of lily and CIO did NOT work for her, so I did not do it. The bottom line... Each child is DIFFERENT. I do not let my kids cry for hours.

 

[Pam111]

I do NOT believe for a SECOND that picking up a crying BABY... INFANT reinforces bad behaviour as much as I don't believe that letting an INFANT cry it out makes the dependant and scared their parents won't come for them


I didn't do cry it out because I could not deal with it. I felt HORRIBLE for letting my infant CRY out of control wihtout coming in to let them know I was there.

And you knwo WHAT... I don't let my TWO year old CRY in the middle of the night with letting them know I am there.

and yOU know WHAT else? I have a two year old... who GOES to the gate and shakes it when she is tired. when she wants to be put to bed regardless of if she is ready to SLEEP or not. but she is ready to be in her BED. to wind down and relax on her own.

But if she CRIES... I know that is not normal and I check on her and fix her issue. and if she wakes in the night crying I also go right in and check on her.

I have had some HORRIBLE nightmares and I wake and can't sleep and when I wake hubby he doesn't say "Oh screw you just go back to sleep you only want attention" he cuddles me and makes me know that everything is safe and I am OK. even as an ADULT I get scared.

the whole "let them CIO and they will be psycho dependant and crazy dependant" is BS... it does not apply to ALL kids. and the whole "pick them up when they cry and they will be dependant on you and spoiled" is ALOS BS... again does NOT apply to all kids.

PEOPLE FORGET ABOUT WHAT YOU READ. I have not read a D@MN thing that has told me how to handle MY child in EVERY situation.

Be a friggin PARENT and respond to your CHILD... NOt to what you read in a stupid book. My god "I read this I read that" I didn't read a darn thing on how to PARENT before Hannah was born. I TRUSTED my instincts. and they have not steered me wrong yet. so your books... are nothing compared to a mothers intuition. sorry about your luck

For me, I have trusted my own instincts and done things that I have felt are right. I didn't read any books on how to parent before I had Damien. It was only after I had him and started reading about AP that I realized that is exactly how I parent. I definitely don't "try" to follow it or anything or look at a list and try to do everything on it. It's just how I parent and it works and is common sense to me.




I hope no one in this thread thinks that I have said they are a bad parent for using CIO or anything else. What I mean by CIO is you, as the parent, are letting your baby cry because you want to "train" or "teach" them and it is for YOUR convenience--not the best interests of the child (Like, "oh, at 2 months old a baby should STTN and mine isn't so I will leave him in his crib to cry and learn"). If you have a colicky baby who does not want to be soothed, I do not view that as CIO. I am also referring to infants who do not yet have the cognitive ability to manipulate or understand what is going on.

Damien is now over 6 months old and studies say he could be left to CIO without real damage, but I still can't do it. He still wakes up a couple times a night and sleeps with me. That works for me, though, because I am ok with it. We are able to respond to him every time he needs us, so we do. We don't have a colicky baby or other children to attend to, so when we are with him, all of our attention can be on him. This doesn't work for everyone, of course.

 

[corsomom]

I do NOT believe for a SECOND that picking up a crying BABY... INFANT reinforces bad behaviour as much as I don't believe that letting an INFANT cry it out makes the dependant and scared their parents won't come for them


I didn't do cry it out because I could not deal with it. I felt HORRIBLE for letting my infant CRY out of control wihtout coming in to let them know I was there.

And you knwo WHAT... I don't let my TWO year old CRY in the middle of the night with letting them know I am there.

and yOU know WHAT else? I have a two year old... who GOES to the gate and shakes it when she is tired. when she wants to be put to bed regardless of if she is ready to SLEEP or not. but she is ready to be in her BED. to wind down and relax on her own.

But if she CRIES... I know that is not normal and I check on her and fix her issue. and if she wakes in the night crying I also go right in and check on her.

I have had some HORRIBLE nightmares and I wake and can't sleep and when I wake hubby he doesn't say "Oh screw you just go back to sleep you only want attention" he cuddles me and makes me know that everything is safe and I am OK. even as an ADULT I get scared.

the whole "let them CIO and they will be psycho dependant and crazy dependant" is BS... it does not apply to ALL kids. and the whole "pick them up when they cry and they will be dependant on you and spoiled" is ALOS BS... again does NOT apply to all kids.

PEOPLE FORGET ABOUT WHAT YOU READ. I have not read a D@MN thing that has told me how to handle MY child in EVERY situation.

Be a friggin PARENT and respond to your CHILD... NOt to what you read in a stupid book. My god "I read this I read that" I didn't read a darn thing on how to PARENT before Hannah was born. I TRUSTED my instincts. and they have not steered me wrong yet. so your books... are nothing compared to a mothers intuition. sorry about your luck

:hail:

 

[Dekka]

OK last try to see if you can follow this...

As for the rest who are jumping on my behind you can ignore the proof all you want and all the studies that are published in books; <snip> Letting babies cry it out unattended is wrong in my book.

Ok not ignoring it. Crying is bad for babies brains. Got it. But YOU say that choosing the option that reduced crying by ~80% is wrong.

This is why I find your 'studies' funny. They don't take into account what actually happens, only what they think happens. (not with the brain chemistry but with the baby)

CIO =3-5 min of crying
Walking and trying to sooth = 20min -1 hour of crying before he would fall into that exhausted traumatized sleep that article talked about.

So your arguments actually support CIO! as long as its the option the produces the least amount of distress to the infant imagine that!

I mean really I do love how you ignore what people post repeatedly and go on about CIO being a certian way, when none of us here have done it the way you describe.

As well Darien only went through a phase like that for a month or two. He never had issues with being left with baby sitters, day care. He had no issue going off to kindergarten, nor going off to spend time with family up at the cottage.

Oh and I can find scientific studies showing how 'attachment parenting' though its not called that can cause problems in children just like people in this thread are talking about.... I think you need to learn a bit more about science. It takes a LOT (a lot more than there is on this topic) to prove something. You can support a hypothesis or reject it, you can't conclude something true with a few studies.

(I would like to point out I do like a lot of what AP says, to me its all about listening to the child, but if the child doesn't want you right now.. you should listen to that. I do think AP can be taken too far, age wise. Ever spoiled horrible child I know had parents who continued to cater to the child through toddlerhood and beyond. I agree with giving a baby what they want, they don't have the cognitive ability to reason or rationalize)

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

seems to me that there needs to be a specific definition of what CIO is, in order for this thread to be more productive than "my side vs your side".

I also have to comment on mother's intuition--for some people it is very strong and yes, can be right on target. But I have seen many moms who haven't a clue how to tap into their intuition--and are actually scared as hell of how to care for their baby. Really, there are intelligent, loving women who haven't a clue how to take care of an infant. So, for them, guidance is needed.

Thirdly I would like to say that there must be balance in everything. There are extreme approaches to everything in life--I think the best parenting happens when one recognizes what works for their child, their family, and themselves. Can't ignore any of those components. And it is ever changing in dynamic--so for me, parenting is about constant re-evaluation and decisions that work for everyone.

BTW--I have raised two wonderful young adult men (ok--maybe I am biased), and my daughter is still a work in progress (due to her significant developmental needs)--but she too is a constant reminder of not all techniques work for everyone. And all three of them have been parented "the same, but different" in that they have their own personality twists that required different approaches.

 

[darkchild16]

Sparks I was the same way until that one lady said that if I adopted Bev to her thats what she would do (had no clue what it even was so before I trusted my child to her I wanted to read up obviously) she also ended up being stricken from the list.

I only have a problem with a way of raising a kid when it affects my daughter aversily. And when I entire set of people that I met only care if their child is kind to one set of people. And VB be careful LOL Bev LOVES to be a daredevil hence the fact that blankets are all at the edge of the beds on the floor. She will randomly when shes going fullspeed jump so much on our bed that she falls then laughs at falling.

 

[sparks19]

For me, I have trusted my own instincts and done things that I have felt are right. I didn't read any books on how to parent before I had Damien. It was only after I had him and started reading about AP that I realized that is exactly how I parent. I definitely don't "try" to follow it or anything or look at a list and try to do everything on it. It's just how I parent and it works and is common sense to me.




I hope no one in this thread thinks that I have said they are a bad parent for using CIO or anything else. What I mean by CIO is you, as the parent, are letting your baby cry because you want to "train" or "teach" them and it is for YOUR convenience--not the best interests of the child (Like, "oh, at 2 months old a baby should STTN and mine isn't so I will leave him in his crib to cry and learn"). If you have a colicky baby who does not want to be soothed, I do not view that as CIO. I am also referring to infants who do not yet have the cognitive ability to manipulate or understand what is going on.

Damien is now over 6 months old and studies say he could be left to CIO without real damage, but I still can't do it. He still wakes up a couple times a night and sleeps with me. That works for me, though, because I am ok with it. We are able to respond to him every time he needs us, so we do. We don't have a colicky baby or other children to attend to, so when we are with him, all of our attention can be on him. This doesn't work for everyone, of course.

See that's how I understand cry it out (the bolded part) is to leave them to cry to teach them to "self soothe" LOL remember meet the Fockers? haha now if we start handing out rubber boobies I will be afraid. But all children experience some sort of over stimulation at least once and babies are especially sensitive to it... sometimes the only thing they need is to be in a quiet dark room sometimes alone so they can unwind. I know more than once I had to take hannah into her room with the door closed and lights off when she was crying for what seemed like no reason. taking her away from the stimulation stopped the crying. letting her be by herself for a while helped her. and she still needs that time almost everyday... hence wanting to go to her room and just be alone in her bed to wind down.

I couldn't handle letting her cry I just felt terrible I hated it . Brian could handle it better than I ever did

But I firmly believe that unless you are just a totally neglectful idiot who couldn't care less mothers KNOW their babies cries and know their needs and if a baby needs to be left to unwind on his own then I trust that the mother knows that.

I know all of Hannah's cries. I know her FAKE cry and I also know when her cry is real and genuine and she needs care and I suspect every mother here also knows the same about their kids. so no I don't think they are doing any harm by letting a baby cry for a few minutes if a good cry is what he or she needed

 

[sparks19]

Don't get me wrong about the reading thing...

reading is great and you can get some great ideas from it. I LOVE reading parenting magazines.

BUT everything needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

that's my problem with a lot of books and studies and so on and so forth. they tell you how it IS... but no one has THAT child that fits perfectly into that book. You can read 100 books and STILL not find all the answers on how to effectively handle most situations with YOUR child because your child is an individual. some thigns may work and a lot of things won't.

When people start quoting what a book told them and say that's how you should parent... well... thats when maybe we need to put the books down. it MAY have worked for one person but it's not going to work for ALL people.

AND I lied... I did read a parenting book. I forgot. I read the Baby whisperer. and I actually liked it. but again they had 5 different types of babies spelled out and how to handle each one and while it did say that you could have a child that is a combination of "types" it can't be taken as gospel. lots of good tips but not a guide for how to handle YOUR child.

 

[darkchild16]

I know what you meant sparks, normally i read the magazines and all that but didnt read any books really (never seen the baby whisperer) the books scare me because like you said its all YOU must do this.

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

sparks, my point is that there seem to be many definitions of CIO--some more extreme than others. So how can you/we possible say it is helpful or harmful? Each circumstance is different. And I am not saying I agree or disagree with CIO or AP.

I personally don't agree with that definition of CIO in that I don't think it is for the parents convenience--and I don't think it is based on some age related milestone. But that is me. And I am done raising my own babies!

 

[sparks19]

sparks, my point is that there seem to be many definitions of CIO--some more extreme than others. So how can you/we possible say it is helpful or harmful? Each circumstance is different. And I am not saying I agree or disagree with CIO or AP.

I personally don't agree with that definition of CIO in that I don't think it is for the parents convenience--and I don't think it is based on some age related milestone. But that is me. And I am done raising my own babies!

I don't think you CAN say if it is helpful or harmful for sure because every child is different. no matter the definition of actual CIO every child is different and there is no set reaction for every single child.

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

I don't think you CAN say if it is helpful or harmful for sure because every child is different. no matter the definition of actual CIO every child is different and there is no set reaction for every single child.

ding ding ding....WINNER