Unfortunately the counselling process is lengthy here - I have been referred and have to wait for them to contact me before we can even start. Whilst I am sitting here up to my eyeballs in valium the world seems an easier place but I know thats only temporary. My eldest child can see where I'm at and will support me if I decide to give him up (and to be honest just even thinking that I could do that is making me feel better), my youngest (6) keeps crying but is open to being bribed. Its my middle child that is the worry - she won't even speak and cannot guarantee that she will not hate me if I do this......what do I do?
Okay . . . the fact that you're feeling a bit better just from knowing that you have the support of your oldest is a good sign, Lyn.
As long as you have some life-lines - friends, medication, etc. - my counsel would be to let your children keep being responsible for Rogan and try to avoid making any decisions until you can get some counseling sessions behind you. I'm afraid for you that making any kind of significant decisions about the situation right now is only going to leave you with more questions, fears and potential for more serious relapses later on, not to mention you will always be second-guessing whether or not you made the right decision, especially regarding your children.
We're here - we care. We will listen and support you all that we can, Lyn.
After much thought and consideration and long talk with my husband and kids we have decided that the pup will go back to the breeder tomorrow (friday). The crisis counselling centre called me today and agree that if this is what I feel will help me to get better then this is what I need to do.
My son has been brilliant - so mature - and my two girls are upset but understand (I think) that it needs to be done.
I realise that this will not be the end and there will be more heartache to come (and probably a lot of guilt too) but hopefully we can move on together and I will start to get better.
From the bottom of my heart thank you to all of you strangers who have been my friends in the passed 4 days - your support and advice has been invaluable.
me too. when i first got laney b. i was TOTALLY overwhelmed! i wasn't sleeping and it caused so much tensions between me and my partner... i was so close to giving her back! it was a daily struggle... i hated it...
now, she is much less of a stress to me, though i often overdo things to make her "happy" when i should probably think of me first... i have A LOT to learn. first, i need to learn to relax and trust that she's going to be okay. i only have to be good enough.
so i echo Dizzy! 100%. it was overwhelming for me and it sounds like it has been for you too.
i really admire how you have worked with it.. communicating.. searching for answers. . being honest! your puppy and your kids are lucky to have you. you're not a bad owner.. you're a REAL owner with real limitations.... that's human. the bad owners are the ones that have limitations, but can't admit it or don't know it.. and then they act all their sh** out on the animals... or their children.
i hope you do what's best for you.. and it sounds like you are.
good luck to you! good luck to us all !
working through "it" is the hardest work of someones life. i can relate. you are a brave woman... my boyfriends therapist calls it going through the eye of the needle... and it's what most people try and avoid all their lives. a similar thing happened to me with i got my puppy. i wasn't expecting that at all and it was VERY difficult. thankfully i was already in counseling and had someone to work through it with. keep emailing us letting us know how you are. like your doctor said, this is a trigger... this isn't about the dog... you're body is letting you know something is going on inside you.. and it sounds like you are listening to that. you are okay...and good...
i hope your find a counselor that can help you learn and connect with this part of yourself. take care!
i also want to say that if you need to give the puppy back, that's okay. there's no right or wrong here. when things in life are triggered, everything and anything in life can be overwhelming. if it's too much for you to have the puppy right now.. that's okay. the puppy will be okay, your kids will be okay too. you've been honest and you've tried and you've done everything you can... it's simply too much right now.
i just wanted to throw that into the pot.
good for you Lyn! good for you!
you have been very brave and honest and i admire that!
sometimes i get so frustrated at MY limitations in life... i wish i could have more in it... i don't even want to have children because i know that would be too much for me... but when i go past myself and i don't listen to my body, my life just becomes hell.. to me, you have done the right thing.. not only in giving the puppy back ( that must break your heart too), but also in talking with your family honestly and openly. and in seeking help.
i wish we could all be as brave as you.
We have just got back from returning puppy to his breeder, the kids were really brave and good and have been so supportive of me. I started to feel a little better as soon as the decision had been made. The breeder was a bit rude to me when we dropped him off but then phoned me to apologise 5 minutes later which was nice. I can accept that it wasn't my fault and the kids can too and now I can concentrate on getting better.
I will certainly let you all know how I get along and thank you all once again