Izzy needs to know that I am in charge of the space around, it is my job to control and defend that area, not Izzy's. She needs to know that I will keep her safe and she can just enjoy the walk. It's hard, but I can definitely see an improvement.
This was a big lightbulb moment for me as well. When I started in dog stuff (before I had Meg), the school I went to was very much the "let them work it out on their own" school of thought. I tried it with Meg for a while, and she just got worse and worse. Dogs approach her, she gets worried and on the defensive, other dogs get offended, and then occasionally attack.
Now, whenever I have her in a setting that tends to cause issues for her (always on-leash or in tight spaces), I make sure to remember that it is my job to keep her comfortable. We no longer go in pet stores together, unless I've gone in ahead of time and scoped out that there are no dogs, and that the aisles have plenty of space so you don't get surprised. I do the same thing in vets offices or anywhere else that she has to be leashed. It's amazing how much less she worries about other dogs when she is leashed now. Off-leash, her issues have always been much less severe. I still won't hang around standing still with dogs we don't know (she will never be a dog-park dog), but we can pass other dogs while out hiking with no problems. She has a great time hanging around with dogs we both know and are comfortable with.
As for general confidence, it is one of the things I am most proud of with Meg. She is a worrier at heart, and came to me having been very under-exposed to life in general (having lived tied out). Back then, if something worried her (stairs, walking across the wooden footbridges on our favorite hiking trails, etc), she was done. She couldn't even stand to be around what was bothering her. She would slink away, shut down, and completely stop responding.
I was so, so lucky to get in to the agility school I did. The instructor is very willing to take every dog as an individual and take the time it needs to make them comfortable. I've also gotten great advice from her on non-agility related issues.
Early on, I had to be careful that Meg was never wrong more than one time. It wasn't enough that I didn't punish any mistakes; simply the absence of a reward and a "try again" was enough to make her quit playing. If I asked for a behavior and didn't get it, we did several reps of something really, really easy and would reward that. Her tolerance has increased and now I can simply not reward and go back to the behavior (although I still don't use any sort of no-reward marker with her).
I played a lot with her in very comfortable settings (like our living room floor). She used to hate playing with me in front of other dogs at all, so I would get down on the floor with her at home when she was feeling frisky, toss a toy, gently push her away, play growl at her, etc. Of course, this is a dog who is very soft and low in confidence, so I can get away with those things.
I spent nearly a year (really) teaching her to play tug with me. She is finally at the point where she will play right in the middle of our agility class with other dogs watching. She really gets into it now, with lots of growls and head-shakes
. I almost always let her win - breaking the rules of tug, of course, but it is a big confidence booster for her. I also NEVER correct her for anything in tugging. I know you are supposed to end the game if they bump you with their teeth, but my feeling is that I entered in to this game with her, I want to encourage the drive and confidence, and I'm not going to tell her she's wrong for giving me what I want. If I ever have issues with her, maybe I'll revisit our Revised Rules for Tugging, but in the meantime, I love what it does for her.
If she's having one of her weird, shut-down, worried periods (few and far between nowadays), I look for any sign of comfort or confidence and reward that. Her little stub of a tail is very easy to read; it stays tucked tight when she is worried, and even a slight lifting is obvious. Her head coming up, rather than low and slinking, is another good sign.
I realize I break many of the rules designed to keep dogs "in their place" in the dominance hierarchy, and that the way I do things with Meg might cause issues in other dogs. But as I said, I know Meg enough to trust that I'm not causing problems in her. She is never going to be overly confident, pushy, or domineering with people. I certainly wouldn't suggest some of our games (like laying on the floor with the tug toy held near your mouth and growling as your dog pulls on the other end
) for most dogs. Just sharing what works for us.