Do you want kids?
- Thread starter Fran101
- Start date
I have no kids but do read parenting articles, and honestly if I were pregnant right now I'd be afraid to talk about certain decisions for fear of being judged "less of a mother" or even "less mammalian." For example, I don't think I want to co-sleep. Same room, fine, but not co-sleeping. I'm a heavy sleeper (I have 55-65 lb dogs whom I have rolled over on at night and have not awoken), and like my own space when I sleep. According to many articles and general opinions of some parents, this is a horrible choice. I also foresee myself doing a lot of pumping as opposed to on the breast breast feeding if possible-also apparently unacceptable. Then there is all the debate over child birth. I feel that rather than endlessly and sometimes viciously promoting this kind of birth experience or that method of feeding, it would be better to encourage/teach parents to research and critically analyze the gathered info in a way that works for themselves and their children without all the shaming. I've never seen parents being "bullied" for doing research, but I've certain seen them bullied for not reaching the "correct" conclusion as the result of their research.
just to be clear, I wasn't bullying anybody that does "research". I spent half my adult life doing research as my job 
My point was if you had 2 groups of people and one consisted of the normal demographics in this country and they all read research, but parenting styles stayed pretty consistent with how they are now and the other was a group of involved parents that never picked up a book on raising children, turned on a tv, listened to a news anchor or anything else, but just spent time with their kids, engaged their children in activity and thought, listened to them, read to them and just lived in the moment with them, I bet their kids turn out just fine compared to the first group.
I know about doing research from both ends. I researched for 3 weeks deciding on what kind of rechargeable batteries I wanted for my new camera flash I feel I got a very good battery, I also feel like I wasted a **** load of time
My point was if you had 2 groups of people and one consisted of the normal demographics in this country and they all read research, but parenting styles stayed pretty consistent with how they are now and the other was a group of involved parents that never picked up a book on raising children, turned on a tv, listened to a news anchor or anything else, but just spent time with their kids, engaged their children in activity and thought, listened to them, read to them and just lived in the moment with them, I bet their kids turn out just fine compared to the first group.
I know about doing research from both ends. I researched for 3 weeks deciding on what kind of rechargeable batteries I wanted for my new camera flash
I feel I got a very good battery, I also feel like I wasted a **** load of time
I believe I have just started to feel a maternal urge creeping up on me, probably in the last six months or so. I was pretty adamant that I didn't want children. I always admitted that I could perhaps change, but I was fairly certain this wouldn't be the case.
I waited for this feeling to perhaps pass by, thinking that maybe it was a phase. But it's been months now and I believe that it could very well be here to stay. I think I'll be a good mum, the idea excites me but terrifies me at the same time. I have no OH though, so this will not be happening for some time. I'm 28. Is it within the realms of 'normal' to start feeling this way at 28?
To be honest, this change of heart freaked me out at first. I've always liked kids and enjoyed spending time with them. But I never wanted one of my own. My feelings toward them have changed. For sure.
I waited for this feeling to perhaps pass by, thinking that maybe it was a phase. But it's been months now and I believe that it could very well be here to stay. I think I'll be a good mum, the idea excites me but terrifies me at the same time. I have no OH though, so this will not be happening for some time. I'm 28. Is it within the realms of 'normal' to start feeling this way at 28?
To be honest, this change of heart freaked me out at first. I've always liked kids and enjoyed spending time with them. But I never wanted one of my own. My feelings toward them have changed. For sure.
Catsi, I'm 28, too, and really didn't have any interest in kids until about 24/25ish, so I'd think it would be in the realm of normal to not get anything like that until 28. Plus, until 27ish my thoughts were mostly logical and brought about by friends having kids, but around 27ish I could def feel a more hormonal pull.
Our son is not going to sleep in our bed. We have a dog who likes to jump in the bed, a husband who likes to flop around and sleep through earthquakes, and a wife who needs her space--being touched when I'm sleepy is not going to happen.
I am also switching him to formula at 3-4 months when I go back to work after summer vacation. It just isn't logistically possible to pump or breast feed as a teacher. I am out of the house from 7 am until 4 pm at the shortest, and the only break I get is a 30 minute lunch (not long enough to pump, eat, and use the bathroom!). Two days a week I have a 60 minute planning period the first period of the day (doesn't really help me space things out, especially only twice a week). I am not going to let my job performance suffer or turn my life upside down to breastfeed. In all honesty, if it's a challenge, we aren't going to do it at all and DH 100% supports me in that. I am not paying $1000's of dollars for lactation consultants and supports and extra therapy visits due to stress when formula will do the job just fine.
And delivery? Bring on the drugs. To each and all their own, but there is no way I'm turning down something that is going to make the process less stressful for all involved. Drug me up, hand me a nice, cleaned up baby, and all will be well.
We will take care of baby's needs fully, but I am not going to make myself miserable just because someone guilt trips me into it.
I am also switching him to formula at 3-4 months when I go back to work after summer vacation. It just isn't logistically possible to pump or breast feed as a teacher. I am out of the house from 7 am until 4 pm at the shortest, and the only break I get is a 30 minute lunch (not long enough to pump, eat, and use the bathroom!). Two days a week I have a 60 minute planning period the first period of the day (doesn't really help me space things out, especially only twice a week). I am not going to let my job performance suffer or turn my life upside down to breastfeed. In all honesty, if it's a challenge, we aren't going to do it at all and DH 100% supports me in that. I am not paying $1000's of dollars for lactation consultants and supports and extra therapy visits due to stress when formula will do the job just fine.
And delivery? Bring on the drugs. To each and all their own, but there is no way I'm turning down something that is going to make the process less stressful for all involved. Drug me up, hand me a nice, cleaned up baby, and all will be well.
We will take care of baby's needs fully, but I am not going to make myself miserable just because someone guilt trips me into it.
Thanks Stardogs. It's good to hear others' experiences. I've surprised a few of my friends (I waited ages to even tell family in case it was just me going nuts lol), but at the same time they are not really that surprised either. Which makes sense, people change. I think I was the most surprised out of anyone.
You do kind of need a thick skin and/or the nerve to call people out. I spent half of my pregnancy actively avoiding people because they would. not. shut. up. Now? I either ignore people or say "Hey that's great, this is how we're doing it, STFU."
We don't co-sleep, I exclusively pumped for the first five weeks, we use disposable diapers, I had an epidural and IV fluids during labor, we watch TV around the baby, until the baby started purposefully rolling I occasionally left her unattended on the bed, and I've left her in a room with loose dog(s).
Haters gonna hate.
We don't co-sleep, I exclusively pumped for the first five weeks, we use disposable diapers, I had an epidural and IV fluids during labor, we watch TV around the baby, until the baby started purposefully rolling I occasionally left her unattended on the bed, and I've left her in a room with loose dog(s).
Haters gonna hate.
This is legit a thing, especially with the "crunchy" movement for lack of a better word. A penis-waving contest for how "natural" your childbirth was... stuff like that. Well WE had our baby in a birthing center in a pool. Well WE had a HOMEBIRTH. Well I pulled my baby out with my OWN hands, I didn't even HAVE a midwife!!! And woe to the woman who had a hospital birth. Don't get me wrong, I think birthing centers and homebirth and midwives and all that stuff is great, but being snide about somebody else's choices for their body and their child is NOT great. If somebody asks for your opinion or your experiences having a midwife or whatever, you should absolutely share. But that doesn't mean bashing on them if they choose something else.
I saw this happen to a friend of mine. She was VERY hush-hush about her pregnancy details and their choices on a variety of things because another friend was busy bragging about how very natural eeeeeeverything she did was. It only took one time for her to say she was going to do X and that friend jumped all over her for how poor of a choice that was and how she needed to do Z instead for her to clam straight up.
It was sad because for a lot of people this is a super happy time, and it certainly was for my friend too, and she felt like she couldn't share her excitement for fear of getting bashed for making the "wrong" choice. Ugh.
But God knows there are people in every walk of life who want to make any given thing into a competition. There are people on this board who will make snide, thinly veiled comments about what somebody chooses to feed their dog. Doesn't make it right of course. People can just be excellent about being jerks to other people for making different decisions.
I'm 29 and still don't want any, but I don't think it's abnormal to start having your feelings change in this age range though. I think there's also a thing about all your friends having babies, or so I hear. It's right up there with "when you squeeze a baby out of your vagina, you magically change," and that's why there are no bad mothers.
I saw this happen to a friend of mine. She was VERY hush-hush about her pregnancy details and their choices on a variety of things because another friend was busy bragging about how very natural eeeeeeverything she did was. It only took one time for her to say she was going to do X and that friend jumped all over her for how poor of a choice that was and how she needed to do Z instead for her to clam straight up.
It was sad because for a lot of people this is a super happy time, and it certainly was for my friend too, and she felt like she couldn't share her excitement for fear of getting bashed for making the "wrong" choice. Ugh.
But God knows there are people in every walk of life who want to make any given thing into a competition. There are people on this board who will make snide, thinly veiled comments about what somebody chooses to feed their dog. Doesn't make it right of course. People can just be excellent about being jerks to other people for making different decisions.
I'm 29 and still don't want any, but I don't think it's abnormal to start having your feelings change in this age range though. I think there's also a thing about all your friends having babies, or so I hear. It's right up there with "when you squeeze a baby out of your vagina, you magically change," and that's why there are no bad mothers.
Beanie, yes there has definitely been an element of that. My sister had a baby a year ago. My nephew is just wonderful - I barely get to see him though. My cousin, who lives relatively close by, by comparison, had a baby mid year. Plus I have a friend who has an eight year old daughter that I look after from time to time. So there are definitely those influences. It certainly isn't just a physical urge thing that came out of nowhere.
Having said that, there have been babies and kids in my life at various stages and I haven't really felt the same way.
Having said that, there have been babies and kids in my life at various stages and I haven't really felt the same way.
Oh man... epidural all the way for me. there was no person on earth that was going to say anything to make me feel guilty enough to forgo that little gem. As a kid I always worried about what an epidural would be like (even though as a kid I didn't ever want kids... mostly because my one brothers kids were hellions lol) because you know... it is a needle lol. I HATED needles (they don't bother me now though). Greatest thing EVER created.
Now that hubby is about to undergo hip replacement surgery and they aren't going to put him under but instead give him a spinal... I can share my glorious experience with the epidural lol
Now that hubby is about to undergo hip replacement surgery and they aren't going to put him under but instead give him a spinal... I can share my glorious experience with the epidural lol
I definitely changed to wanting kids in my 20s.
Birth and child rearing, you never know whats going to happen. My only issue is to understand the pros and cons of each procedure and why it may or may not be needed.
Heck, I am all for natural birth and am a huge homebirth advocate yet I had the epidural twice and two c-sections and am fine with that. (Well, except I had reactions to the epidural and pitocin (I had that with my first) that made my recovery much harder)
Co-sleeping, yep was never going to do it...same with homeschooling lol.
Different things work for different families for sure. I just feel its important to know why and how things are working.
Birth and child rearing, you never know whats going to happen. My only issue is to understand the pros and cons of each procedure and why it may or may not be needed.
Heck, I am all for natural birth and am a huge homebirth advocate yet I had the epidural twice and two c-sections and am fine with that. (Well, except I had reactions to the epidural and pitocin (I had that with my first) that made my recovery much harder)
Co-sleeping, yep was never going to do it...same with homeschooling lol.
Different things work for different families for sure. I just feel its important to know why and how things are working.
Hah I had pitocin too, I forgot. Lol. That sucks that you reacted to the epidural and the pitocin. I heard a lot of horror stories when I was pregnant but my experience was great - I wish everyone had that.
If we'd had a non-sleeping or up every hour baby I'm positive we would have ended up co-sleeping. Sleep is important (for everyone).
If we'd had a non-sleeping or up every hour baby I'm positive we would have ended up co-sleeping. Sleep is important (for everyone).
^That. I'm crunchy personally, but not as crunchy as some, and I know it's not going to be a fit for others, but I just want to see everyone fully educated on pros and cons of their choices. Educated healthcare consumption for ALL!
eta: I think we are going to try not to cosleep as well - DH is a VERY heavy sleeper 100% of the time and if I'm tired, I've been known to sleep straight through people banging on the door, coming into the room, etc. (long story lol), so I do worry a bit about a munchkin in bed.
eta: I think we are going to try not to cosleep as well - DH is a VERY heavy sleeper 100% of the time and if I'm tired, I've been known to sleep straight through people banging on the door, coming into the room, etc. (long story lol), so I do worry a bit about a munchkin in bed.
Co-sleeping was our only option unless I wanted to be a zombie. I will not sleep train, especially would not with a high needs baby like I had. (and I dont think it wouldve worked regardless and likely wouldve made our issues worse) She needed a lot of support and parenting at night and nursed a ton. Co-sleeping was our savior. She ended up being a super awesome sleeper as she got older and I am convinced co-sleeping helped her get there and was what she needed.
Romantic time was not a problem at all.
Romantic time was not a problem at all.
Your posts, for some reasons, sound, to me, that you're still a bit resenting this pregnancy and unsure about the new baby & the changes he'll bring to your life upon his arrival . It's almost like you're planning & preparing for how much you're going to love him, how much you're going to let him change your lifestyle... and try to control the situation as much as possible.
If I'm completely off base, I'm sorry. Its just the feelings I get when reading your posts in this thread...
But, if I'm not, then the only advice I can offer you is, please don't worry too much. A mother's love for her son comes naturally. You may be surprised to find out how much you're willing to sacrifice for him. You may find that the "most important" thing in your life prior to your son's arrival is suddenly second to him now. This incredible love comes so naturally that you may not even notice all the changes in your approach to everything.. until it's too late lol, but it's strong enough to make you do absolutely everything in your power & more to ensure his wellbeing & happiness & to protect him from any dangers.
I've always been working fulltime while having both kids, but managed to nurse Katie until 18 months, and still breastfeed Titi (she's 15 month now). I firmly believe that this contributed greatly to the fact that my kids are very rarely get sick (Both kids had never have any fevers, nor ear infections, thus far *knock on wood*). With Katie, I pumped until she was 1, but with TiTi, I didn't pump at all... once returned to work, I only nurse her in the evening -> next morning.
Both kids co-slept with us... I totally understand the reasons you're not choosing to do so & support them. Co-sleeping was our choice and worked for us doesn't mean it will be the same for others. Having the baby right next to me gives me the peace of mind to fall asleep, plus it makes nursing during the nights so much easier/faster/convenience
As far as the birthing process is concerned, be prepared for .. surprises. For example, you want epidurals, but may be too advance by the time you get to the hospital for it, or you want a natural birth, but may need an emergency C-section, etc... Just be open and go with the flow. The baby will be safe & sound in your arm before you know it & his eyes looking at yours for the 1st time will make you forget what you've just gone through minutes ago
. It's almost like you're planning & preparing for how much you're going to love him, how much you're going to let him change your lifestyle... and try to control the situation as much as possible.If I'm completely off base, I'm sorry. Its just the feelings I get when reading your posts in this thread...
But, if I'm not, then the only advice I can offer you is, please don't worry too much. A mother's love for her son comes naturally. You may be surprised to find out how much you're willing to sacrifice for him. You may find that the "most important" thing in your life prior to your son's arrival is suddenly second to him now. This incredible love comes so naturally that you may not even notice all the changes in your approach to everything.. until it's too late lol, but it's strong enough to make you do absolutely everything in your power & more to ensure his wellbeing & happiness & to protect him from any dangers.
I've always been working fulltime while having both kids, but managed to nurse Katie until 18 months, and still breastfeed Titi (she's 15 month now). I firmly believe that this contributed greatly to the fact that my kids are very rarely get sick (Both kids had never have any fevers, nor ear infections, thus far *knock on wood*). With Katie, I pumped until she was 1, but with TiTi, I didn't pump at all... once returned to work, I only nurse her in the evening -> next morning.
Both kids co-slept with us... I totally understand the reasons you're not choosing to do so & support them. Co-sleeping was our choice and worked for us doesn't mean it will be the same for others. Having the baby right next to me gives me the peace of mind to fall asleep, plus it makes nursing during the nights so much easier/faster/convenience
As far as the birthing process is concerned, be prepared for .. surprises
. For example, you want epidurals, but may be too advance by the time you get to the hospital for it, or you want a natural birth, but may need an emergency C-section, etc... Just be open and go with the flow. The baby will be safe & sound in your arm before you know it & his eyes looking at yours for the 1st time will make you forget what you've just gone through minutes ago
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I'm actually taking a pump break as I type this, lol.
Its definitely best to be informed but flexible. I was planning an all natural/no meds birth. It turned out Gabe was overdue, 9 lbs, breech, and couldn't be rotated. A c-section was our safest option. And it didn't matter. Having him out and healthy made the means inconsequential .
We do cosleep. He nurses 3-5 times a night. Running back and forth would mean no sleep.
Its definitely best to be informed but flexible. I was planning an all natural/no meds birth. It turned out Gabe was overdue, 9 lbs, breech, and couldn't be rotated. A c-section was our safest option. And it didn't matter. Having him out and healthy made the means inconsequential .
We do cosleep. He nurses 3-5 times a night. Running back and forth would mean no sleep.
Your posts, for some reasons, sound, to me, that you're still a bit resenting this pregnancy and unsure about the new baby & the changes he'll bring to your life upon his arrival . It's almost like you're planning & preparing for how much you're going to love him, how much you're going to let him change your lifestyle... and try to control the situation as much as possible.
If I'm completely off base, I'm sorry. Its just the feelings I get when reading your posts in this thread...
. It's almost like you're planning & preparing for how much you're going to love him, how much you're going to let him change your lifestyle... and try to control the situation as much as possible.If I'm completely off base, I'm sorry. Its just the feelings I get when reading your posts in this thread...
IF I ever have kids, I like to think I won't do co-sleeping. I honestly didn't realize how many parents did this until just reading this thread. I always thought it was frowned upon. My mom & dad let me sleep in their bed and had a hell of a time getting me out haha... now they are doing the same thing with my little sister who is almost 6 and still in their bed. It's just not for me. I find it so annoying (living with them) when say... my mom and I want to watch a movie or something, but can't until she falls asleep, and then by that time, me and my mom are almost asleep too and don't even feel like staying up... just little things. It would be SO much nicer if we just said 'goodnight' and let her fall asleep in her own bed. I love babysitting for other kids who do that hahah.