Can you be in love with someone you've never met?

Barbara!

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#1
THIS IS NOT AT ALL RELATED TO ME so don't think "Oh God", LOL. It's just a random thing I have thought of.

In this day and age, with the Internet being such a prominent way of communication... We meet a lot of people online and sometimes even develop "more than friends" relationships with them. I have known several people who have married someone they met online. My question is, do you think that it is possible to truly be in love someone that you have never physically met? Only had extensive conversations with online?

I'm not sure what my opinion is on it, just figured I'd ask here. Lol.
 

milos_mommy

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#2
Love is relative. Sure you can be in love with someone you've never met. People are "in love with" celebrities they've never spoken to.

Is it the same as falling in love with someone you spend time with? No. And I do I think it's really comparable at all? No. But lots of people do think it is, and they're the ones with those feelings, so that's really all the matters.

I think I was "in love" with someone online once. I still consider him my first love. I dunno, what constitutes being in love? He made me happy, but not only that, he gave me a lot of hope for the future and made me want to be a better person and do things and work hard so that I would be stable enough to one day have a relationship with him. I was largely concerned with his well-being, I could picture eventually marrying him, etc. We didn't date or anything, and he didn't know how I felt except that I had an "internet crush" on him. He always had girlfriends, too, but I assumed that we were "meant to be" and one day we'd end up meeting or in the same city and it would work out.

We lost touch after I got really involved with friends and work and life and he I guess moved in with a girlfriend...didn't talk for 4 years (We met online when I was 14, he was 18, and were "friends" for four years). He really randomly messaged me this past summer. I'm definitely over the crush or being in love with him or whatever, but I'm glad we talk again. I'd love to meet him eventually.
 

Airn

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#3
I think if you keep an eye on the "How did you meet your SO?" thread, this will answer your question.

I met my boyfriend online. We were 'together' a year before we actually met in person. I loved him before I met him and I loved him after I met him. If you really KNOW that person, it shouldn't matter. My mother and step-father met online as well.

It's up to the people involved, really. I know I can handle a long distance and 'never met in person' relationship. Do I think most people can? No. My friend, my dad, my grandmother, they could never do it. It takes a certain kind of person to open up so much to someone online and get to know them. It takes more to develop a romantic relationship with that person.

I was so worried about meeting Chris for the first time. I thought he would think I was fat and ugly or get annoyed with me. But.... he didn't. I'm the same person.

We did Skype so it's not like we didn't know what the other sounded or looked like. But this was after about 6 months of 'dating'.

It's really, really hard to do.
 

Julee

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#4
Absolutely. I've been in love with my guy since I met him - I met him in person four years after meeting him online.
 

JessLough

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#5
I absolutely believe some people can.

I think it is something like having online friends. Some people believe it's not possible... you aren't friends unless you've met. Others will happily call online friends, well, friends.
 

Barbara!

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#7
I guess my only real hang up on it is do you truly know someone you've never really met?
 

Emily

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#9
A great many people don't "truly know" people they HAVE met, people they date, live with sleep, raise children with...

I agree that in person contact is no small part of knowing someone, but it's not the only part and I don't consider it the most important part.
 

milos_mommy

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#10
I guess my only real hang up on it is do you truly know someone you've never really met?
You don't.

But do you always really know the people you DO meet?

Sure, you could fall in love with someone online and finding out they're lying about the way they look, or their job, or their gender.
But you can fall in love with someone in real life and be with them for 3, 5, 10 years...and find out they're lying about a criminal past, or their fidelity, or their morals. Is it so different?
 

Lyzelle

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#11
A great many people don't "truly know" people they HAVE met, people they date, live with sleep, raise children with...
Yep. This.

In any case, you can love the person you think they are. You might be right on point, or you might be completely off base. But you only thing you can only ever know for certain is how and why YOU love that person. Nothing more, and nothing less.
 

CaliTerp07

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#12
I've been watching so much Catfish lately, Zach and I have discussed this multiple times.

Both of us agree we couldn't fall in love online. We fell for each other through shared experiences. Without that, I don't think we'd have fallen in love. I don't think I could love someone until I saw how they tipped at a restaurant, watched them interact with their mother, held their hand when I was scared, etc. It's the little things. You can get a lot of it online, but you can't get it all.

Obviously, other people have other feelings. Not saying they're wrong, just saying it's not for me.
 

Torch

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#13
As corny as it sounds, I do think it was "love at first sight" for my husband and I. In person, of course, but I didn't know who the heck he was. As soon as I saw him, it was like everything else ceased to exist. Something inside me clicked.

I gave him my number without even getting a chance to introduce myself. He called me later that evening and we talked on the phone for 3 hours without ever having 'met'.
 

Airn

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#14
I guess my only real hang up on it is do you truly know someone you've never really met?
......:rofl1:

I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to turn this into Barbara bashing, but seriously?

How do you KNOW them? Obviously 'knowing' someone in 'real' life hasn't worked out for a lot of people, you included.

You probably didn't mean to sound rude, but, coming from someone who is a situation like your's..... it came off as either fairly rude or comical.

Some people can do this, some people can't. I know my 'online' friends better than my 'real' friends. I'm a very..... talkative person. I spend my time talking to my friends. We don't usually go to the movies or to concerts. We talk.

And to be honest, it's hard to lie someone when you talk to them ALL. THE. TIME. When you're 'calling them' and texting and playing games with them. I told my family that if Chris was lying, I probably deserved to be cut up into little pieces in the middle of Wisconsin. We spent more time together then we could have in 'real' life.

I know him. And he knows me.
 

Barbara!

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#15
......:rofl1:

I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to turn this into Barbara bashing, but seriously?

How do you KNOW them? Obviously 'knowing' someone in 'real' life hasn't worked out for a lot of people, you included.
You do realize that was in the form of a QUESTION right? I wasn't making a statement or anything, I was genuinely asking a QUESTION, since I have never been in the situation. Unwad your undies!
 

Fran101

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#16
Yes.
There are so many ways to get to know someone.. and like so many forms of communication, you get out of it what you put into it. People show themselves and tell their stories in so many different ways, I don't think you need to meet someone face/face to know.

Is it EASIER to lie/be someone you aren't over the internet? of course. But it certainly isn't impossible face to face. Happens all the time.

I have internet friends I know better than people I know IRL.
How can you even compare nightly 3 AM chat sessions to a coffee date at starbucks? :rofl1:

Think of all the people throughout history that have fallen in love through letters..
and that is much slower than instant messenger lol

If nothing else, I would dare-say internet/never met love and relationships are based on something STRONGER than IRL ones sometimes.
There isn't sex to make everything rosey colored or hormones to drive interaction.
Every interaction is getting to know each other more, at a deeper level that one might get to know someone face to face. I for one find it easier to bear my soul via writing than at dinner for example.

Because it is so much more difficult to keep long distance/internet relationships going, because they require so much more effort.. they are usually built to last if they do last.
 

Fran101

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#17
Also, I must say.. people do take advantage of/don't realize the placating effect touch has on relationships.

Falling asleep next to someone, kissing hello/goodbye, hand on the shoulder, seeing their facial expressions as they speak, coming home to someone, hugging, hand holding, the other person's smell, hugging after a fight etc....

These are little things that people in close proximity relationships hardly even notice really. But they are such a HUGE part of what smooths over relationships and what keeps people connected.

These little reminders/little tictacs of intimacy, people in internet/long distance relationships DO NOT experience. Which means, the relationship has to be strong enough without these little pacifiers to keep it going.

THAT IS A BIG DEAL.

No, I don't even think I even fully grasp it. THAT IS A HUGE DEAL.

They don't get these tiny little easy "I love you" reminder tictac moments. Everything that is to be done to keep the relationship going is deliberate and takes EFFORT.

To prove your love to someone from a distance is a big deal. That's what I'm trying to say. Because people who haven't met don't have these easy little gestures that other couples just "do".

So yes, to me, to prove your love to someone and to have them feel it from far away means MORE and weighs more than having them feel it up close.

Anybody can cuddle and kiss.. but the kind of commitment it takes to call, to write, to make that connection without the physical connection.

It's a big deal.
and it's certainly a way of falling in love without someone that can be much stronger than the "regular" way.
 

Romy

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#18
Also, I must say.. people do take advantage of/don't realize the placating effect touch has on relationships.

Falling asleep next to someone, kissing hello/goodbye, hand on the shoulder, seeing their facial expressions as they speak, coming home to someone, hugging, hand holding, the other person's smell, hugging after a fight etc....

These are little things that people in close proximity relationships hardly even notice really. But they are such a HUGE part of what smooths over relationships and what keeps people connected.

These little reminders/little tictacs of intimacy, people in internet/long distance relationships DO NOT experience. Which means, the relationship has to be strong enough without these little pacifiers to keep it going.

THAT IS A BIG DEAL.

No, I don't even think I even fully grasp it. THAT IS A HUGE DEAL.

They don't get these tiny little easy "I love you" reminder tictac moments. Everything that is to be done to keep the relationship going is deliberate and takes EFFORT.

To prove your love to someone from a distance is a big deal. That's what I'm trying to say. Because people who haven't met don't have these easy little gestures that other couples just "do".

So yes, to me, to prove your love to someone and to have them feel it from far away means MORE and weighs more than having them feel it up close.

Anybody can cuddle and kiss.. but the kind of commitment it takes to call, to write, to make that connection without the physical connection.

It's a big deal.
and it's certainly a way of falling in love without someone that can be much stronger than the "regular" way.
:hail: to both posts!

I have never and probably never will, because after what's happened so far in my life I don't think I will ever be able to trust someone enough to fall in love. Probably not in person either.

That said, I do have real life friends who fell in love with their SOs online, and carried on long drawn out internet courtships before they met in person and got married. My sister is one of them. :) Just from what I observe, they (as a group) seem to communicate a lot better than a lot of couples I know who met in traditional ways. I imagine it has to do with what Fran posted about.
 

noludoru

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#19
Undoubtedly.

Even if they wont admit it.

I absolutely believe some people can.

I think it is something like having online friends. Some people believe it's not possible... you aren't friends unless you've met. Others will happily call online friends, well, friends.
This.
 

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