BF/GF expenses 50/50 or?

Michiyo-Fir

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#1
For any of you that are in a serious relationship and/or married, do you pay 50/50? How do you split the expenses?

For my situation, usually he pays all the food bills when we go out to eat together, once in a while I will offer to pay for a nice meal to be nice and as a thank you. I pay some of his grocery bill because I'm the one making him food most of the time. Also I'm in charge of buying cow quarters for us both (averages to $1500-2000 a year) But otherwise, he pays for his own groceries and I pay for mine (we don't live together).

However, I'm currently in school, and I'm currently out of a job for the summer so I'm not making any money at all. Plus I have to continue paying tuition. He makes 7 times as much money as me when I was working, and is not in school.

So the situation is, he said he wanted to go on vacation in the summer. I said I would like to as well, however, he didn't ask for my opinion on where I want to go or what I want to do. Even though he didn't ask, I told him anyways. At any rate, today he tells me he planned a vacation and the dates for when it's convenient for his job, and the main activity as well (which is something he's been telling me he really wanted to do) and he asked me if I wanted to go or not. It's not a country I wanted to go to or an activity I said I wanted to do. And then he tells me he wants me to pay my half of the trip which I thought was kind of unfair because first, I currently have no job and have lots of expenses; second, he didn't ask me for any input on what/where I would've wanted to go/do, he didn't even ask me which dates would work for me. I've been trying to find a job in the summer and I told him I'm not sure if those dates will work if I get a job but instead he just insists on me answering yes/no. And then tells me to tell any new interview/potential positions that I need to be gone for the dates he decided.

I don't know, I've never minded paying much and always offer to pay once in a while but I feel like it's really unfair to plan a trip without my input and then just tell me to pay (or not pay and don't go) especially when I'm having a bit of financial trouble this summer.

Am I just crazy? I am able to pay for it and go...but I just feel a bit weird about the situation and the way he's handling it. Any opinions?
 

meepitsmeagan

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#2
It does sound a bit odd. I'd probably be put off as well.

DH makes the money and provides benefits around our house. Probably about 70%. We have a joint account, so there's not really any split.

ETA: When we were dating and not living together, we pretty much both paid for our own stuff. Minus dates, then typically he would pay. He moved in after we got married and right away we had a joint account, so there was really no separation from the start.
 

yv0nne

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#3
I would be put out by the fact he didn't consider you at all when planning the trip ..unless he is going alone& only asked you after it to be considerate? If you can afford to go, but money is tight, don't go. Just tell him you want to spend your extra money on something you want to do :)

I would never expect Garret to pay for my vacation, regardless of my financial situation. If we travel, it is usually within driving distance& whoever was the main reason for going (car shows= him, dog shows= me), usually picks up the hotel tab& event cost (if there is one)& we split the rest of the costs between us!

I also wouldn't plan a trip where we did absolutely nothing Garret liked. So if I'm traveling to trial or attend a seminar, he simply just stays home. Likewise if he is entering a car show (meaning he's there all day AND the vehicle is tied up), I stay home!
 

amberdyan

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#4
We had a joint checking account as soon as we moved in together, so we didn't split anything. I didn't have a job while I was student teaching either, so she made all the money and it didn't matter.

I would probably be kinda put off if that happened l, depending on how serious the relationship is. That being said, I can kinda see his side, too. It sounds like he has this trip he really wants to go on and do specific things, and he invited you, but it's still his trip. It sounds like he won't be mad if you choose not to go. When I think about it from his side, I would probably not have been willing to pay for my SO to go on a trip that I really wanted to go on so I planned for myself.

That being said, I don't know how serious your relationship is. At this point, there's no way I would plan a vacation without my SO as an integral part of it.
 
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#5
As long as we've lived together, my husband and I have pooled our money so everything just gets paid out of one big budget. Before that, when I was in school and dirt poor, he would help me out from time to time if I needed it with expenses.

As for your specific situation with the vacation... if someone (anyone really, not just a partner) planned a vacation completely on their own, then AFTER it was a done deal invited me and asked me to pay half when I didn't really have the money to spare or interest in the vacation?

I'd think that was a really, really weird way to plan a vacation and my reaction would be along the lines of "Thanks for thinking of me, but it's not in my budget right now. Have fun, see you when you get back!"
 

Izzy's Valkyrie

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#6
I'd think that was a really, really weird way to plan a vacation and my reaction would be along the lines of "Thanks for thinking of me, but it's not in my budget right now. Have fun, see you when you get back!"
This is basically it. It's pretty inconsiderate the way he went about planning the trip and it makes no sense to say you need to pay your way if you want in on his trip that he has the money for when you clearly don't.

Boyfriend makes about 2x as much as I do and we live together. He really believes in not having debt so he pays about 60% of the rent and I pay 40% since I make less and have a car payment. We split the utility bills pretty evenly (I end up paying more in the winter because I have the power bill) and we take turns paying for meals out/groceries.

He does like getting points on his credit card so he'll often foot airline tickets then let me pay him back (he would be happy if I never did because he feels I don't need to go 50/50 on such large purchases). It works well but sometimes I feel like I need to give him more!
 

k9krazee

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#7
If it was a collaboratively planned vacation, I would be willing to pay half or at least a portion of it.

But a trip that you don't want to do and had no say in? Pfft. If he wants you to accompany him, he should pay.

Before Ken & I were married we would split trips. One pays for hotels and the other picks up the food tabs or one pays for the flights, the other gets everything else. We tried to make it as fair as possible without anctually doing exact math. When we went somewhere he wanted (to visit his friends in AZ) he paid my way entirely because I probably wouldn't have wanted to spend money on "his" trip.

Now we have joint checking and savings that is mostly used for saving and house supplies or trips. We each put money into them when we're able but we have our own accounts where we pay bills from. The bills we split up (not 50/50 probably more 60/40) and we use our own accounts for personal things or to go out for meals where we alternate paying. Or if ken picks up the tab quite a bit one week, I'll do it the next week.
 

RBark

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#8
I have always paid for everything including trips I invite my SO's on. No real reason other than the cost was trivial enough relative to my income that it's not a concern for me.

That being said, I would never plan a vacation with my budget in mind and assume everyone else can pay it. That is a strange thing to do.

What I would do in that situation, I was sort-of in that situation recently. My brother's best man wanted me to pay for everyone's share on the bachelor party, since they were poor. I told them no, not because I can't afford it but because it's ridiculous especially considering I don't know any of them. I told him to plan something with everyone's budget in mind and I would pay for my share and my brothers share and no more than that.

I would inform him that I cannot afford the budget. So I can not go. Put the ball in his court and see what he decides to do. Maybe he will help out maybe he will go on his own, but it removes you from the situation.
 

SpringerLover

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#9
I think it's always been 60/40 or a bit more toward his end because he has always made more and has less expenses. I pay often but it isn't 50/50. And lately he has been paying more because he wants to do stuff and I have no extra money.

I don't like that I'm so poor lately. But I appreciate that he's willing to pay for stuff because he can afford to.
 

*blackrose

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#10
When I moved in with Michael we were planning to split things 50/50. Considering I only "officially" lived with him for a month before he left for training, it was kind of a moot point.

When we didn't live together, I didn't help him with his bills and he didn't help with mine. I bought all of the dog items, even for his dog, because I wanted to feed her a food better than Pedigree, but didn't want to make him pay for it. Lol Since I stayed at his place *a lot*, I think every other grocery trip or so I'd buy the groceries. He never asked me to, but I did it so I felt better about eating his food. When we went on a trip/vacation, we split it based on what the other could afford.

As soon as we got married we opened a joint account. All expenses come out of our combined income.

If when I was dating him we planned and wanted to do a trip that was outside my budget...I'd say I couldn't go. If he wanted me along I could pay what I could, but he'd have to cover the rest. If not...then I wouldn't go.
 

FG167

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#11
Am I just crazy? I am able to pay for it and go...but I just feel a bit weird about the situation and the way he's handling it. Any opinions?
No, that is weird.

As for your specific situation with the vacation... if someone (anyone really, not just a partner) planned a vacation completely on their own, then AFTER it was a done deal invited me and asked me to pay half when I didn't really have the money to spare or interest in the vacation?

I'd think that was a really, really weird way to plan a vacation and my reaction would be along the lines of "Thanks for thinking of me, but it's not in my budget right now. Have fun, see you when you get back!"
I agree with this.

DH and I have joint accounts. When we were first married I made quite a bit less than him so he was paying for more things. Now I make quite a bit more than he does, so I'm paying for more things. Theoretically. Since it's all coming out of one pot, we don't really keep track of who is paying what. We pay the bills and mostly decide together on what to spend extra money on. With the kid on the way, we've been pumping money into the house and baby-related things.
 

PWCorgi

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#12
For the past couple of years (as long as I've lived in MN) Ryan has paid the majority of the things, including things like my phone bill, my car insurance, the majority of the rent, etc. because I was poor and he is awesome.

Now that I am making actual money, lol, we've evened everything back out, and we both still have fun money. I feel like less of a burden, and we get to do fun stuff!
 

milos_mommy

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#13
That honestly sounds like a pretty odd situation. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he's not fully aware of your financial situation, he just got caught up in the excitement of planning, etc...but I'd sort of be wondering if he didn't really want me to go?

I would just be honest but nice and say you're not entirely sure if you want to pay so much for a trip that he's kind of planning on his own without considering your availability, finances, and interests. You could even say you're kind of hurt he didn't check with you regarding dates or anything.

We split most expenses fairly evenly (kid costs, etc) but he mostly pays for our fun stuff/stuff to do, because he makes more money and is the one who usually wants/likes to go out to dinner and stuff. As far as groceries and regular/inexpensive dinner out I think it's pretty even, he probably pays a bit more. Largely due to me being the primary caregiver of our child.
 

Michiyo-Fir

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#14
For the past couple of years (as long as I've lived in MN) Ryan has paid the majority of the things, including things like my phone bill, my car insurance, the majority of the rent, etc. because I was poor and he is awesome.
I wish someone would offer to pay some of these things for me. It's not that I would really let him pay but it would be nice if he ever offered knowing my financial burden...

The weird thing is that this is the way he always is. He will plan everything by himself without consulting me whatsoever because he says he wants it to be a surprise. At this point I'm not sure if that's true or he just wants to do things he likes. Same thing with going out to eat, he basically says I feel like xyz or let me take you somewhere and never ever asks me what I want to eat. Once in a while as an actual surprise it's fine, but it's beginning to put me off at this point.

It's not that I'm not interested in this vacation at all, it's just that it's not any of the places I had planned on going first. I'm sure one day I probably will go to this place he picked, but I would've wanted to help plan the destination/choose activities.

So far he's told me the country, and the main activity but won't tell me where we're staying or what else we're doing. He basically said, there's a place I want to go, do you want to come with me? Your share is $2000. With such little information and quite a lot of money on the line, I will probably say no.

I did ask him if he's still going to go if I don't. He said he will because he has vacation time anyway that he needs to use up :(
 

Michiyo-Fir

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#15
That honestly sounds like a pretty odd situation. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he's not fully aware of your financial situation, he just got caught up in the excitement of planning, etc...but I'd sort of be wondering if he didn't really want me to go?
I'm certain he knows my financial situation as I've been telling him about my unexpected tuition fees, car insurance payment and the end of my job contract a lot recently.

I don't think that he doesn't want me to go, I didn't get that vibe from him. Plus if he didn't want me to go he would not invite me, that's the way he is.
 

krissy

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#16
How long have you been together?

Jarrett and I have been together for 6 years, lived together for 5. We basically split 50/50. I make a bit more but also pick up the tab on all of the pet expenses (this is fair since he probably wouldn't have pets on his own). I typically let him pay if we go out. Trips we split 50/50 most of the time. Last year we went to Mexico for his brother's wedding and each paid our own way. This year was different in that I planned a snowboarding trip to Fernie for his birthday, so I paid for the whole thing. But he's so considerate and sweet that he asked me what his portion was and wanted to pay me back. I just told him this was his birthday and if I couldn't afford it I either wouldn't have done it, or I would have planned it WITH him.
 

JessLough

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#17
I pay for the ferrets (because they're mine, although he'd gladly help if I was stuck and they needed something), my cell phone, and my food while I'm in Ottawa. Currently, he pts for anything we go out to do, my food when I'm there, and he paid for my train pass that lasted 120 days so I could commute to see him.

Basically its all for no other reason than I'm currently I'm the middle of a move so jobless, and he's awesome.

Once I get moved and settled in and get a job, it will definitely be more evened out. I'll still be paying for pet expenses, whilst he'll still be responsible for his car expenses, I'm sure. But we'll split rent/electricity/groceries/whatever. For trips we took together, we'd probably split costs.
 
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#18
I can't say I ever would have asked anybody to go anything more than a long weekend type trip in which I probably would have had the hotel and food stuff taken care of anyway and would just say "hey, let's go, i'm paying". Anything that was going to result in 2k having to come out of the other person's pocket most definitely would have been discussed beforehand. or if it was really a surprise, I would have fully expected to foot the entire bill.
 

GipsyQueen

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#19
This is basically it. It's pretty inconsiderate the way he went about planning the trip and it makes no sense to say you need to pay your way if you want in on his trip that he has the money for when you clearly don't.

Boyfriend makes about 2x as much as I do and we live together. He really believes in not having debt so he pays about 60% of the rent and I pay 40% since I make less and have a car payment. We split the utility bills pretty evenly (I end up paying more in the winter because I have the power bill) and we take turns paying for meals out/groceries.

He does like getting points on his credit card so he'll often foot airline tickets then let me pay him back (he would be happy if I never did because he feels I don't need to go 50/50 on such large purchases). It works well but sometimes I feel like I need to give him more!

SO and I are pretty much the same. We have a joint account though that we each pay into each month. SO pays a bit more than I do, because he makes more money. (his idea, not mine). He really wanted to do it this way, and I'm OK with it. From said account we pay rent, utilities, and food and some odd stuff.
On things like vacations SO usually pays more than I do. Like on our last vacation he paid the airline tickets (650€ for both) and I paid the vacation rental and rental car(450€ for both).

We really puts me off though - is not really the money part of it, but that he didn't consult with you first about a joint trip. When we plan a vacation we chose where we go together. And it's somewhere we can both afford. And yeah 2000$ is ALOT for a vacation... esp. if you don't really know where you're going (is it really worth it)? If it was somewhere really awesome, I might ask him if it would be ok to pay him back later, because right now you have to save money.
 

xpaeanx

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#20
When I was working things were an even split and I'd pay for Birthday trips for him and he'd do similar for me.

As my school started taking over and my ability to work dimished he started picking up more of the expenses because he's not in school anymore and working full time. We've been together for a while though and it's been a slow process. I still pay for the majority of my expenses but for extra stuff like vacations he pays because otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford to do anything.

When I finish school we'll be back to splitting but idk that it will be "50/50." We're going to open a joint account for household expenses so if one person makes more I guess they would be contributing more.

I'm wondering if the cost of this trip was more expensive and the 2k he wants from you isn't really half the cost? If you would rather not spend that much and are ok with not going then I would just do what RBark said and say you can't go because you can't afford that much and see what he says. If you're not ok with the possibility of not going then I would say that 2k is a lot out of your budget and you'd really like to know the details before committing to it.
 

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