Normal?

When do things start getting more normal again after your dog has died??

I feel like I should be getting on with things, not forgetting Lucas, but making a new routine and getting in to that.

But I can't. I still keep getting up at around 5 am, like I did when Lucas was here. Only reason I got up that early was so I had enough time to take him for his walk and some play/training time.

Then after my classes I run home so I can have some time with him, and I'm still doing that, before I realize how idiotic I was being and that he's not there.


When do things start really kicking into gear? I can't seem to get it in my head that he's actually gone, not just on a 'vacation' of some sort or visiting a friend. IDK, did anyone else have this problem?

I havent been through it, but when Im not with my dogs I do the same thing. The wonders of routine.

I think this is totally normal and I'm glad you're able to express it. Lots of people talk about the "stages" of grief, and it sounds like you're going through the very natural process of learning how to live without him. That's what happens with grief. You slowly learn how to live without your loved one. You come to accept that he is gone. It sucks... it really sucks.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know if it feels better or worse to know that hwat you're going through is very natural. Hang in there and just let yourself feel whatever you're feeling at any given moment.

Yeah, it's surprisingly hard to change my routine. :/

You said it, it sucks.

........is this the denial stage? I sure hope not........There's too many stages after that one! >_<

The stages don't always go in order. But, I would definitely say it sounds like denial. Most people bounce around between the stages and things just gradually become better and easier. I don't know if that helps, but yeah.

The stages are (again, not necessarily in that order):

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Sadness/Depression
Acceptance

Oh goody.

Thanks for the info Malmo. At least it's not a linear progression!

Malmo put it so well.

I have gone through it several times and some of it depended on the situation of the dog's death. For many, many years after my childhood dogs died, my Mom and I were both careful how we hung the kitchen towels on the rod so the towells wouldn't fall off into the dogs' water dish. We were careful for a long time how we opened the garage door coming into the kitchen because that's where the dogs would lie so often. We didn't want to hit them with the door. Those things lasted for a long time.

When some of the acceptance started sinking in, that made it better...acceptance that death is part of the life cycle. It's normal. It happens to every living thing on the planet...there's no way around it...that sort of helped, although of course we miss our friends.

What really helped me was always to remember the good times, the fun, the little quirks, looking at pictures....but not right away. I think with my last one, Bonnie, my Lab, it was about a month or so before I could dig into that. But as the pain became less intense, I began remembering and those memories really helped with the acceptance that although she physically is no longer with me, the memory of her is.

All these things...melded together to bring about more acceptance.

But, one striking difference with losing dogs when they were the only dog and losing dogs when I had another dog or more than one other dog was that it was much easier on me to have the other dogs to comfort me. I'd bury my head in Lyric's neck or one of the other dogs and cry. They'd lick me and maybe look into my face or put a paw out and I felt better because of the love I had for them.

The acceptance grew and the pain softened until acceptance was the stronger of the two. I still miss Bonnie and all my past dogs, in that I wish their little personalities were still bouncing around here with me. But it doesn't hurt too much anymore. It's just one of those things. It takes time and how much time varies with everyone. Feeling your pain, the suffering is really good for you, believe it or not because it means you're going through your grieving process. It's important. If you didn't feel like this, it would prolong things and it would haunt you more later in life. Talking about it is good. Remembering is good.

Another thing....when you feel like you are strong again, the thought of another puppy to love or an adult dog is something that can be wonderful. You aren't replacing the dog you lost, but you are giving love to another little life that you can benefit. The thought of giving a happy life to another dog is healing, I think. And we all know what dogs do for us. How much time passes before one is ready for another dog also varies. After my last GSD, I could only wait about 2 months, I think and went looking for my Lab puppy. It totally cheered me up. But I got over the hardest part about losing my GSD.

Give it some time hon.....You won't always feel like this. It will get better and better.

(((hugs)))

I lost my childhood dog last December. It's nearly been a year and still whenever I am cooking something I go to give her a treat (I was always really bad with giving her too many goodies, no wonder she was fat) and she's not there. It will get better but you've got to deal with it on your own time.

I think it depends a lot.
After Daisy died I was wrecked for about a week, if that before I could start trying to put it out of my mind.
Panda's been gone almost 2 months now and I still cry for him nearly every night and whenever I think about him. I know this is because I was so much more closley attached to Panda than Daisy.
i am yet to loose a dog that has been very close to me, Panda and Buster were my boys and they mean he world to me.


I read about the 5 stages of grief and its 100% right, I'm pretty sure it goes

denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance.
I found the first 3 stages came and went pretty quickly over a couple of weeks, the last couple are harder to get through.

Don't try to push through things to fast or it will come back to get you later, I have Panda as my phone wallpaper, my desktop, a photo beside my bed and in my wallet and a "RIP Panda" on my MSN name. I can't bear to not have him around, I'll feel like I've forgotten, tats why he's still in my siggy. I want him to still be here.

It's one of those things that only time heals. I must have been away when this happened. I'm so sorry. I hope things get better as every day passes even though you feel the way you do.

I havent gone through it with a dog yet but I have with a horse. Bailey was not mine but I was the one who worked and trained with him the most. Every visit out to the farm I made sure to put time aside for just him. After he passed away I was still finding myself organizing my day at the ranch with time for him in mind except that he wasnt there any more. I know this isn;t for everyone but what really helped me was when the owner of the ranch assigned me to a new horse. She knew that I knew that I could work with any horse I want at any time I want but I wasnt taking the step to take on a different horse so she did it for me and suggested I devote as much time to Chester as I had to Bailey. It helped immensely because now there wasn't a "hole in my day". Of course I still missed BAiley dearly but Chester kept me occupied and gave me something to really put my thoughts and efforts towards.

Oh BB, I know how hard this is. The saying 'Time heals all wounds' is the key here.

It is still to recent and things WILL get better. You will NEVER, EVER forget him........but before you know it you will be able to talk about cute things he did without choking up.

Look at the bright side, getting up at 5 for a walk is STILL a good routine.........I'd keep it

It really does suck, I hate not having Max. I lost him in January so that's 8 months (it was the end of January, the 28th). The first three days I cried pretty much all the time. Since then I have cried mostly at night since once he got older he mainly slept, and he slept with me. He slept with me every night for years. Sometimes I just really want to cuddle with him and I can't, I never will again. Cats are great but they are not Max, they will not cuddle with me unless they feel like it, Max always felt like it. I actually got pretty sad when I noticed his collar and leash don't smell like him anymore, I'm afraid of forgetting him. Then once he was gone for a month or so I really started to miss more than just him as he was, I missed dog life in general. I don't have a dog to play with, walk, train, sleep with, anything. I miss dog life and I miss Max. The need for living with a dog will not go away and the need has not gotten any less. I will always cry when I think about Max's death. I read the thread the other day about when he was dieing, that made me cry really bad. I don't know, they say it will get better and I rally hope it gets better than it is, but I fear it might not, it feels like it happened so long ago but it didn't. I hope you have a better time moving on than me, I'm probably still stuck in one of those evil stages. It HAS gotten better, but it is far from being completely healed. I think for me a lot of that is regret, There is so much I wanted to do with him, things that would have made his life so much better and made him so much happier and I never got to do them, and I feel guilty. So now I'm crying again. Just remember you gave him a great life and he enjoyed every moment of it.

a while. it took me a few weeks, maybe even a month or more, until i stopped "forgetting" Cody was gone. Before i stopped getting up to let him out, calling him half asleep, taking a giant step at the bottom of the stairs in the dark so i didn't step on him when getting up to get a drink.

Of course, i had Milo, which made things a lot easier.

I think it would help for you to find something new. Even if you can afford/don't have time for another dog right now, try volunteering at a shelter or something. Or something not dog-related. Make a video or something dedicated to Lucas, write a poem, something like that. it will help.

It's so hard !!! I had Chip when I lost my Bubba , so it was a little easier . When Chip died , I had to find Ollie ASAP ......you never replace , just add more love in your heart .

Everyone's different in the way they handle things, too. When our children's first dog died, our youngest son, who had only known Pongo really as an old, non-active dog, took it very hard. A year later when I just thought I had to get another dog, he still didn't want to. I finally got Spanky, and he fell deeply in love with him, but I don't think he would have yet decided to get another dog. He was in third grade when Pongo died, and he's in 7th grade now. He still says he's not sure if he'll have a dog when he's grown because it hurts so bad when they have to go. Hopefully, life will teach him that it's worth it to have people and animals in his life no matter the length of time.

My older kids were with me.....we desperately needed a dog. Maybe it was just the fact that it was my youngest's first encounter with death.

I don't think it ever gets normal, normal would be if Lucas was there. IT gets different. EVentually you get use to different. YOu won't miss him less, you will not cry so much, the waves of grief will be further apart, you will come to accept his being gone. You will develop a new normal and life will go on. IT takes a while, weeks and weeks before a new normal even begins to seem possible. BUt the only way to avoid that is not to love in the first place, and that is just to high a price to pay not to feel the pain when a loved one leaves you. HUGS!!!!! and MORE HUGS from MAry and VIc too.

I am not sure that it ever goes away with a freind. I miss my Opie-dog each day. I have two wonderful new dogs, but Opie-dog was special. I still can't pet a dog who looks like him.. and for a long time I couldnt even see one without getting emotional

My new dogs are not Shihtzu- I just couldnt get one.

Thanks guys!

I don't know why, but there seems to be many more stray dogs around then ever before. I don't know how people can be so careless.

Also, I've stolen Pog from my roommate a lot lately. I think she may want him back So I'm even more lonely again.

Actually, now I've been running really hard in the morning. It's good exercise, but OMG is it cold! And the rain was really terrible today.

I do volunteer at my local HS. I just haven't been able to go there lately. I feel bad, the others keep asking me via email if I'm going to walk this month, I just can't figure out if I can walk the dogs without crying right now. So I feel horrible about it.

Thanks Smkie, and Mary and Vic for the hugs as well!

I really like how you put that second and third sentence. Seems to fit perfectly.

Oh, not to mention my concentration in class. Especially Scuba. It's just so peaceful under water, even in a pool. I end up just start day dreaming and thinking of Lucas and completely forget what task it is I'm doing.

This is a seriously bad thing! It's dangerous!

I screwed up both skills today cause I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing or watching my teacher tell/show us what to do!

Also today in class when we where suppose to practice skills in the deep end, I just laid on the bottom for a while thinking of Lucas! My teacher ended up coming over telling me to go up and asking if I was ok and then telling me to get back to my skills. :/