What would be your 'deal breaker'??

I was having a conversation with my friend the other week (with her other half there too) and she basically said that if he never proposed to her she would leave the relationship. She will only stay with him if she knows that one day, they will get married. Otherwise it's goodbye.

So if you met the PERFECT person in every way, would you leave them if they wouldn't marry you? Or would they be imperfect if they didn't want marriage??

Or some other 'deal breaker'?

Personally marriage isn't high on my list of must haves. In fact, I'm not sure what would be a deal breaker to me..... I put a lot of weight into how I feel rather than what I am doing. So as long as I am happy, then I'm happy Geddit?!

I just find it a bit absurd to actually consider walking away from something great because of something trivial... but obviously to her it isn't trivial.

Yep. Its a deal breaker to me. Paul told me he didn't want to get married so I told him that it would be over.

Why? I 'get' what her reasoning is... I still think it's madness to choose being alone over having a ring and a certificate....

I like the idea of marrying the person I love, but it's because I want to be with them forever.... I don't need a legal bind to prove that to anyone.

I hope I do marry the person I love, but.... meh.

I guess I'd leave him if he asked me to rehome Bodhi or wouldn't let her in the house or something. That would deffo be a deal breaker!!!

I'm already married but I'll include my thoughts. Personally... for me it would be a deal breaker if they were completely adamant about it and weren't willing to even give it a thought. My dream was to be able to settle down, get married and have kids. I know it's possible to have a great life and have kids without the marriage status, but it's something I've always really wanted.

For me the biggest deal breaker would be not ever being willing to have kids though. Josh loves kids and wants kids, but at the same time he would be happy enough to spend his life with me with or without kids. I really really want kids, though I'd be fine to wait a few years before we start trying. It really just depends on our situation and when we feel is right to start trying, but if he came to me and said "nope I've decided I never want kids" well then... that may end up being a deal breaker for me. If it was a situation where we physically couldn't have kids due to a medical issue or infertility then I'd really want to look into the adoption route. But since we're already married, if Josh decided he didn't want kids I'd have to really sit and think about it and weigh the pros and cons to decide if that's something worth ending a marriage over or not.

To be honest, I've never thought about it like that. Interesting.

Psh! This!!

This would def be a deal breaker. I don't mind if Josh doesn't want the dogs on the bed or couch, but he knew going into this relationship that Bamm was allowed in the house and that same rule would apply to any and all future dogs as well.

Eta: we've gotten into many heated talks over the rehoming thing even though it's never been an option we've ever been faced with. He doesn't quite understand why I would sell everything I have to provide for the dogs before rehoming would ever be considered an option. But, my dogs are family

The dogs. Total deal breaker. I've lived with one who didn't like dogs (actually I think he was afraid of them and wouldn't admit it), and even though he got very attached to Bear -- I'd come home from work and find both of them in bed watching TV, eating nachos together -- I don't see ever again living with someone who doesn't love dogs at least almost as much as I do. It's just not worth it. That's part of who I am and if you don't love that, then you don't really love me enough for me to tie up my life with you on any kind of live-in basis.

To me, marriage is more than just a ring and a certificate. It is to a lot of people (this is why so many people will tell you "marriage changes people!") From where I'm standing, though, marriage is actually NOT about the ring or the certificate. It's more about standing in front of God and saying "we are married." So it's a religious thing for me. It's not that way for everybody, but that's how it is for me.
Though really the deal breaker is more if somebody isn't also religious. Also, not being Catholic myself, I don't know if I could marry somebody who was a practicing Catholic (see below for one possible reason why, LOL.) That's just very important to me and always has been. I've taken second looks at guys (and later fell in love with one of those guys) because I find out they are Christian. It's kind of a turn on I guess, LOL.


I'll go to opposite of skittledoo and say one deal breaker for me is that they want to have kids. I don't even casually date somebody who wants kids, because I don't, and I don't want feelings to get any deeper or get hurt when I know that ultimately our relationship will not work. I don't want to try and change anybody's mind and I don't want anybody to try and change mine either - I have too much respect for somebody else's desires to do that - so I don't pursue those relationships (other than "let's be friends instead and I will tell you your baby is cute when you have one with somebody else!")

And yeah the dog thing, haha.

Marriage would be a deal breaker for me, but that is due to religious reasons. Even if that wasn't a factor...I'd still be very, very hesitant if he told me he never wanted to get married. On that note, I'd also be hesitant to get involved with someone who didn't share the same faith I do.

Not respecting the animals (or myself, for that matter ) would get his butt out the door quicker than quick.

Kids wouldn't be an issue for me, because while I want kids I don't have a huge drive to have kids, if that makes any sense at all.

Other than that, there are a lot of little things I could think of that could be stacked for or against him, but none of those are necessarily deal breakers in and of themselves.

I really can't see staying in a relationship where he wasn't willing to get married even if it was a situation where he didn't 'believe' in marriage, or didn't need a 'piece of paper' to show his commitment.

My view is, that marriage is more than a piece of paper. That paper means something legally. If we were in a lifetime, committed relationship and planning to make a family together I would want it arranged so that we were each others' beneficiaries, also we would need the legal power to make medical decisions for one another in a situation where that was needed. Basically, we would need to be each others' next-of-ken. So, why would we go have all that paper-work done and not just get a marriage certificate? Isn't it the same thing? It seems irresponsible not to ensure that we have those rights for each other and silly to go out of our way to arrange that and instead of just signing a marriage certificate. IMO, getting married is actually PRACTICAL, not pointless.

Also, getting divorced sucks and it's hard so if he's willing to marry me it conveys some level of commitment. It indicates that, to some degree at least, he isn't planning on leaving me and going through all that.

And if, after I state all my reasons above he still isn't will to marry me just b/c he 'doesn't wanna' I would be done with him. I don't see a legitimate argument for refusing to marry someone if you really are planning to stay with them forever and it's important to them. It just makes sense to me. I don't think it's a trivial issue. If it really were just a 'piece of paper' I could understand but it's not, plain and simple.

I think for some people, their religion is a big factor.....in most religions marriage is a huge deal.....you can't be with someone intimately or in some cases even live in the same home (with or with out sex) with out marriage

Everyone has there own opinion on what is and isn't important.....I'm sure many people would think it absurd to leave "the perfect person" over an animal ......

For me personally its a deal breaker for me to give up my animals for a man...but I guess I would give them up for my child....like if my child had a severe allergy ....it would crush me but I could not let my child suffer

I would not have dated someone with whom I didn't think marriage was a possibility. I dated one guy who made it clear that marriage wasn't a big deal to him and didn't really see a point, and that relationship ended pretty quickly. I needed to be with someone who saw the value beyond "the piece of paper" in declaring your commitment to each other in front of God and friends/family.

There were a zillion reasons I would have broken up with someone while dating them. I wanted someone who shared religious beliefs, values, ambition, feelings about pets and children, etc. A lack of any of those, and the relationship was probably over. Now that I'm married, there are zero reasons. Which is why it's so important to be careful when dating, in my opinion.

Most of my deal-breakers are things I wouldn't even think about normally. Something like someone wanting my indoor dogs to live outside. I mean don't get me wrong I grew up with dogs-are-outside-pets but the concept of my three dogs living outside now? Didn't even occur to me as a possibility until reading this thread lol.

But in general I'm willing to deal with others' beliefs, within reason, as long as they are willing to deal with mine. Willing to have conversations on it and try to reach an acceptable middle ground.

Having to always always be right and do things their own way? Now that would be a deal-breaker lol. But that sort of thing becomes obviously quickly so there would likely not even be a deal to break with that sort of personality

Why? Because if he not committed enough to marry me I don't want to be with him. He has to be "that into me". I deserve that.

I think I'm so far past the point of even wanting to make the deal that it's all moot. Temps seem to be the way to go for me, lol.

I am married but marriage would not be a deal breaker necessarily for me. It is something I would compromise on possibly depending on the reasons he was against it. If he treated me with respect, was loyal, committed, etc in every other way....then yeah, I wouldnt leave him over the semantics of a piece of paper.

Deal breakers wouldve been not liking animals....dh is not an animal lover, but he does love them. Another deal breaker wouldve been if he was fundamental in religion or expected our children to be raised in a church.

Not loving my son.

yeah, i see nothing wrong with people who dont get married that both feel that way...

But it would be a deal breaker to me too. Cause if its not *that* big of a deal to them...then they should just suck it up & do it for the person they love....because they love them...so whats the big deal to just do it?? ya know??


And yeah, someone who treats Oakley any less than the absolute spoiled brat that he is...thats a deal breaker. And I've stopped seeing someone because of that, haha.

I dont really have any "deal breakers" other than being lied too...

Once that first lie comes out... Im DONE!!!



As long as me and my person are comfortable enough around each other to be our true selves then nothing else really matters...

IME if you can find someone that you can be around and will be with you through the ups and downs, and love you even when your not so loveable, then thats something special, and nothing in the world can even hold a close match to that... marriage or not...

I have been married and divorced... For a long time I did not want to marry ever again.

With my current SO marriage is a definite possibility and I am willing to try again. However, if we never got around to that it would be alright as well. I know how he feels about me and how I feel about him. There is no question that we are committed to one another

Lying would very much be a deal breaker! My ex husband was a big time bender of truth and I am not going through that again.

Not accepting the animals as part of my family is also a no go...