Is Something suddenly wrong with telling the truth???

What kind of little white lies?

Some are ok. For example, if someone has an ugly baby, and asks if you think its cute, you tell them its cute! Its only polite. I mean, nothing comes from saying the baby is ugly. Its not going to make it cute or anything.

no they arent "ok"

a lie is a lie is a lie, no matter how supposedly big or small...

In that situation you could find something the child has that is cute... You could say he has the most adorable toes... anything that is the 'truth'

Or you could say no you don't think he's cute but he's the most lovable, etc baby ever (if your ethics call for no lying by omission)

The only problem with this statement, Jess, is that one person's truth may not be another's. One needs to think if this so-called truth is actually fact or merely one's opinion. One's reality is based on personal experiences and I have found that very few things are absolute.

I tend to be too honest for my own good and quite often say things that would have been better left unsaid, but if you ask me what I think, I will certainly tell you. But I also believe that it is rarely necessary to be cruel. There is nothing wrong with tempering your "truth" as to not hurt someone's feelings.

When someone asks you what you did, and you tell them what you did.. then i should certainly know what I did for a fact...

I certainly don't talk down to people (well most, unless they deserve it) if they ask me something, but im not going to beat around the bush or sugarcoat it either...

I agree

I mean for example if someone I cared for asked me if those jeans make her look fat and they do I don't say "TOTALLY. Your ass looks HUGE in those jeans" LOL there's no need to SAY that. I would just say "Those jeans aren't very flattering" it's still the truth... the same truth as the first sentence just with a little tact lol.

IMO that's not being dishonest or beating around the bush.

In my experience, when someone asks me for my opinion, and they want the truth.. they already KNOW the truth... but they don't want to accept it. So they are asking to be hurt. In all the times that I have hurt someone with the truth, it was me conforming something they already knew, or failed to accept.

The guy that I am currently seeing has an ex from back home. I'm pretty sure he is still in love with her. I'm pretty sure she feels the same. I don't like it, and they don't talk a whole lot, and I hang out with him a lot. He is currently confused because he really likes me but before I came along his heart was set (I guess she wants to eventually move out here...for him..) I told him that I can't judge him for having baggage when I have baggage myself, and as long as he is upfront with me, and truthful, actually TRUTHful, I don't mind still hanging out and seeing where it goes. And if he were to walk up to me right now (which he could do because he works here too, although he is off today...) and say, "I'm in love with her... I can't see you anymore," I would be very sad, but I would RESPECT the fact that he told me the truth and would remain his friend.

Ex, OTOH used to lie to me about smoking, and drinking, and money, and I can never forgive him for that. It made me happy at the time when he said, "No I didn't drink at all today," But then when I found the empty 12 pack in the dumpster... it hurt me more than the truth ever would have at the time.

(((HUGS))) Sorry you're going through issues. I usually tell people "Don't ask me for the truth if YOU TRUTHFULLY don't want to hear it."

I was just thinking of this very example. I always tell people their baby is cute because, really, what would be the point of telling the truth and hurting their feelings? It's not like I have anything against them and their ugly baby, who could grow up to be Miss Fabulous Universe USA for all I know.

Edit: Although sometimes I just go "awwww!", which gives them the impression I think their baby is cute without actually having to say it. I suppose it's still a form of a "little white lie" because it is deceptive.

Thanks... and thats exactly how I see it..

Have we been talking to the same people Jess? I just had a lovely round of being totally lied to.

I have never lied.. not even to my parents. I have omitted things.. but if they ASK me a question, I answer it and I answer it truthfully.

I don't broadcast everything to everyone, (I mean I TRY not to, lol) but if someone asks me a question, I tell the truth.

Any time I have ever lied, it's caused more problems than it's worth. It takes people a lot less time to get over being hurt than it takes them to get over being lied to.

yep your completely right...

exactly

Nope, I've had a lovely round of NOT lying to someone that it really shouldnt matter too, but they got upset that I told the truth about it...but I didnt want what I thought could possibly be something to start out with lies, which I wouldnt do anyway.. but I told the truth anyway when i couldve lied

*long story*

People don't value honesty anymore it seems. Lol. What am I talking about? I am too young to have ever truly seen when they may have.

When asked a question, I tell the truth. I may keep things from people, and I may avoid telling my honest opinion to avoid hurting people(sometimes the truth is not needed if not asked for), but honesty has always been something very important to me.

I do think there is a line - and that like Boemy said, if someone asks you think their baby is cute, but you think it looks like a dying alien.. its probably best and in good character to keep your mouth shut and find something to compliment.

"Truth" isn't always as it seems, and in cases where it can hurt people, the "truth" should be told with care and utmost respect.

'

Good example. The baby one was also good.

Jess: You crack me up which is probably not a good thing. Reading your posts I completely understand. I'm 58 and cannot tolerate BS and liars. As someone else said - good luck finding very many people that can take the truth. Like you, I don't like playing stupid mind games with people and I function much better with being told the truth - no matter how unpleasant it is.

When I meet new people they either hate me or love me. If someone indicates they think I'm funny or like me, I always say "Wait a half an hour and see how you like me then." I've been called a bitch so often in my life I should change my name legally. My first husband (big surprise) said I was a big mouth bitch and someone was going to kill me because of it. Bet he wishes now he had.

My 'presentation' seems severe to people and it probably is. When I say something I try to say it as straightforward as possible no matter what I'm talking about but it backfires when it comes to being honest with 'most' people. Our marriage counselor (another big surprise) keeps telling me to talk in a 'softer' voice. I seem to have one voice - it doesn't change.

To sum it up - I admire your honesty. I hope you find a softer voice/presentation because people usually can't take it.

Happy New Year.

Well, as my EX always told me, "the truth hurts, but it will set you free"

and it was the ONE thing he was right about because it has and it does...

and thats all I have to say about it...

Thanks

I think that the reason Im not "so soft" about it, is because honestly when I do try that, no one listens.. so I have to be "pissy" about it, and to me that's the only way that I can seem to get across to people..

it's easier for some people to NOT know the truth. they live by 'what I don't know doesn't hurt me'. and then you have some that refuse to believe what you are saying - you say that you're not lying - but they just do not want to hear it. some people are convinced that they know everything, and what you say cannot possibly be true.

I, for one, cannot STAND lying. I'll take the truth, no matter how brutal, over even the smallest lie anyday. lies come out in the end, and then they end up hurting even more.

yep your exactly right and I agree with every last sentence especially the bold part

I'll have to be completely honest here.. I absolutely value honesty and truth; however, I do not appreciate brutal truth. I think in most all circumstances, especially with myself, the truth can be presented in a way without being nasty, brutal, or attacking. And I do think it is more productive, though sometimes slower, if done this way.

And I do think it goes back to the saying about catching more bees with honey...

Some people honestly are just a trip.. a wacky, nut case of a trip. And those people there's just no pleasing or getting through to with kindness.. but I've always been one to think the kinder path should be attempted first, IMO.

I agree - however. When faced with the two options of brutal truth - or lies, I still pick the truth. I know some people tell the truth in a spiteful way, and I don't think that really fixes anything. There are ways to go about something nicely, but you don't want to make it seem like you are beating around the bush either...