What Do YOU Think?

[krisykris]

Hmmm... How very PC of you. If you had true courage of your conviction, you WOULD "push" your beliefs on others.

My faith is the cornerstone of my life. What kind of man would I be if I did not share my faith with others?

Better yet, could you respect a person who would deny their own ideals at the expese of "respecting others?"

I don't agree with this whatsoever. PUSHING has nothing to do with having courage of conviction. Pushing is trying to force your ideals on to someone else which is not right. You can say whatever you want that matters to you.. but to call others names or tell them that their way is wrong is not okay, no matter what religion you subscribe to.

I've had different experiences with sex. I had a year where I went on a lot of dates and had casual, yet safe and protected sex when I turned 21. It was fun for a while, but not me. I'm in a loving relationship with a great guy who I will soon be married to and we have had sex before marriage. I see nothing wrong with it. I respect my body and myself and if I want to give it freely to someone without a written contract of my love and support and faithfulness that is my choice.

 

[~Jessie~]

^^^ I completely agree, Kris

 

[bubbatd]

Before we eat and toast each other with a glass of whine .................""" We can lead a horse to water, but we cannot make it drink """

 

[sparks19]

Hmmm, I did post that I respect everyone and I do not care if someone is relgious or not... and your husband told me that he does not respect me, and continued to try to push things. He also told me that I was wrong.

So, you are asking for everyone else to respect you, and you are saying that you respect everyone else... but it is also okay for puckstop to not respect anyone who disagrees with him?

Round and round we go...

LOL Hunny. My husband is an independant being. I do not dictate his thoughts, what he says or how he feels. He says what he wants and that is his deal. he does not dictate what I say and what I feel and he shouldn't ever make excuses for my actions. My actions are my own. His actions are his own. if you have a problem with him.... speak to him. I am not his mother and I don't disciplline him. I am not saying he is wrong or right because it doesn't matter what I think. he h as independant thoughts and I will never stiffle those in the interest of pleasing others. he would never do it to me and I won't do it to him.

Like I said, if you have a problem with his words or actions, see hima bout it because I can't help you

 

[krisykris]

^^^ I completely agree, Kris

Thanks Jessie =). I just get upset when people tell me their way is the best way or the only way. When I talk to people about ANYTHING in life I come from a place of understanding and compassion regardless. I listen to what they say and don't insult others if they don't agree with me. I feel like "to each their own" and I'm okay with that BECAUSE I have full belief in where I'm coming from. I don't feel like I need to defend myself or my choices.

Anyhow, I think you're great with or without religion =)

 

[~Jessie~]

Please don't call me "hunny", and I don't appreciate you talking down to me from your high horse. I'm not a little girl, and I do not like to be spoken to in a condescending manner.

 

[sparks19]

I don't agree with this whatsoever. PUSHING has nothing to do with having courage of conviction. Pushing is trying to force your ideals on to someone else which is not right. You can say whatever you want that matters to you.. but to call others names or tell them that their way is wrong is not okay, no matter what religion you subscribe to.

I've had different experiences with sex. I had a year where I went on a lot of dates and had casual, yet safe and protected sex when I turned 21. It was fun for a while, but not me. I'm in a loving relationship with a great guy who I will soon be married to and we have had sex before marriage. I see nothing wrong with it. I respect my body and myself and if I want to give it freely to someone without a written contract of my love and support and faithfulness that is my choice.

In case you missed it.

We already stated that we had sex before marriage. We slept together and lived together before marriage. We slept with other people before marriage. BUT being in the place I am now..... I really wish I would have waited because all the rest was nothing but a waste of time and energy.

We are human. We screw up. We are passionate and we say things that are out of line. The key is to see our mistakes and learn from them and move on. There just isn't much moving on going here.

just don't be fooled that "protection" protects you from everything. My friend got herpes while using a condom. Scary but true. I am very lucky to be clean and disease free because it could have easily been me. I know recognize how destructive my behaviour and conduct was and realize that I am lucky to not have a permanent life long reminder of my mistakes.

 

[~Jessie~]

Thanks Jessie =). I just get upset when people tell me their way is the best way or the only way. When I talk to people about ANYTHING in life I come from a place of understanding and compassion regardless. I listen to what they say and don't insult others if they don't agree with me. I feel like "to each their own" and I'm okay with that BECAUSE I have full belief in where I'm coming from. I don't feel like I need to defend myself or my choices.

Anyhow, I think you're great with or without religion =)

I agree. When people try to push things, it really does make them look weak and like they are questioning their beliefs (and need others to believe them as well to make themselves feel more comfortable that they are "right").

It doesn't matter what religion someone is (or isn't).

 

[Dizzy]

I think, at the end of the day, people need to respect each other more.

It's ok SAYING you do, but if someone TELLS you they do not enjoy, or appreciate a certain tone of voice, or manner of speech, or they think you are pushing their ideals on them, then if you respect them, you take another approach.

Have you ever heard of motivational interviewing? It's a method of counselling - which basically is a means to change really (in it's most basic terms).

One of the principles in MI is that if the counsellor is met with resistance - and that resistance might JUST be getting into a cycle of questions and answers (which is not productive), then it is the COUNSELLOR which must reflect on the way they are carrying out their practice.

Basically, the person who wants change (or you want to change I suppose in a preaching sense) can't be wrong.

Does that make any sense in relation to the religion debate?

Personally - my motivational interviewing skills will be strictly left at the door when it comes to debate with unknown faceless people at the end of the internet, but I always try and have respect.

I think people make the mistake of thinking they are being correct, when actually, noone is.

So lets get back to the HARD STUFF

 

[Fran27]

I'm not going to argue with you Sparks - I just *do* feel that lots of religious people are just way too pushy when it comes to their religion. I don't see many non-religious trying to convince religious that they are wrong to believe, yet we're always accused of everything because we don't like being pushed (like not having faith in our beliefs or whatever). I don't find it very respectful is all.

That, and obviously you didn't read the rest of my first sentence

About marrying or not marrying, commiting or not commiting, I just feel like talking to a wall - I do find it sad to see that some people feel they are so much better than everyone else because of course THEIR love will not fade. Guess what, lots of people have been in your shoes, and they really believed it would work out too... but it didn't. But you're probably just so much better than them for being so sure it can't happen to you. Personally, I don't have the pretention of knowing what will happen in 30 years.

Gosh I can't believe I wasted 10 minutes of my life writing this post

 

[Fran27]

And Dizzy - I never answered the first question. Sex is good

 

[krisykris]

In case you missed it.

We already stated that we had sex before marriage. We slept together and lived together before marriage. We slept with other people before marriage. BUT being in the place I am now..... I really wish I would have waited because all the rest was nothing but a waste of time and energy.

We are human. We screw up. We are passionate and we say things that are out of line. The key is to see our mistakes and learn from them and move on. There just isn't much moving on going here.

just don't be fooled that "protection" protects you from everything. My friend got herpes while using a condom. Scary but true. I am very lucky to be clean and disease free because it could have easily been me. I know recognize how destructive my behaviour and conduct was and realize that I am lucky to not have a permanent life long reminder of my mistakes.

I wasn't directing the comment at you.. I was directing it at your husband who originated the quote.

Anyhow I know fully well about STD's. I have been checked every 3 months while I was sleeping with multiple people. I continue to be checked every year regardless of if I am only with one partner. I have never had a single problem. If a person is educated the chance of anything like that happening are slim.

 

[Dizzy]

I really wish I would have waited because all the rest was nothing but a waste of time and energy.

But then you wouldn't be you, or where you are, or appreciate what you have now.

I don't believe in regrets.

I think everything is a lesson to be learned, and everything is an experience in life. I think people should make their own minds up, and if that means making a mistake, and learning from it, then so be it.

Some people just make bigger mistakes than others.

Education is the key - every thing is about risk, and going into something knowing the outcomes.

 

[sparks19]

Please don't call me "hunny", and I don't appreciate you talking down to me from your high horse I'm not a little girl, and I do not like to be spoken to in a condescending manner.

Anyway. I'm done with this. You are just determined to keep this "discussion" going even though nothing can be changed. What would you like from me or my husband? I really don't understand why this is being rehashed.

Now we can go on and talk about WHY religion is important to some and why sex shouldn't be rushed into because while it may be fun and feel good it can carry GRAVe consequences when entered into irresponsibly and even when you have taken every precaution. it still has a way of turning around to bite you in the butt at times.
and I say this REGARDLESS of my beliefs.

Just for the record, I was not always a practicing Christian.

 

[krisykris]

I'm not going to argue with you Sparks - I just *do* feel that lots of religious people are just way too pushy when it comes to their religion. I don't see many non-religious trying to convince religious that they are wrong to believe, yet we're always accused of everything because we don't like being pushed (like not having faith in our beliefs or whatever). I don't find it very respectful is all.

That, and obviously you didn't read the rest of my first sentence

About marrying or not marrying, commiting or not commiting, I just feel like talking to a wall - I do find it sad to see that some people feel they are so much better than everyone else because of course THEIR love will not fade. Guess what, lots of people have been in your shoes, and they really believed it would work out too... but it didn't. But you're probably just so much better than them for being so sure it can't happen to you. Personally, I don't have the pretention of knowing what will happen in 30 years.

Gosh I can't believe I wasted 10 minutes of my life writing this post

I'm getting married in a few weeks, but this is after waiting over 3 years. I'm not fooled into the misconception though that marriage means someone's love is stronger than another's . I'm going to it with open eyes and in the end if it doesn't work out it's no one's fault. Sometimes things just happen <3 So I agree with you.. I don't pretend to know where I'll be in a week much less 30 years hehe

 

[~Jessie~]

Hmmm... you are the one who posted last and called me hunny, sparks...

 

[Buddy'sParents]

So lets get back to the HARD STUFF

Agreed- move on everyone.

 

[Lizmo]

Yes, please move on.....

 

[sparks19]

I'm not going to argue with you Sparks - I just *do* feel that lots of religious people are just way too pushy when it comes to their religion. I don't see many non-religious trying to convince religious that they are wrong to believe, yet we're always accused of everything because we don't like being pushed (like not having faith in our beliefs or whatever). I don't find it very respectful is all.

That, and obviously you didn't read the rest of my first sentence

About marrying or not marrying, commiting or not commiting, I just feel like talking to a wall - I do find it sad to see that some people feel they are so much better than everyone else because of course THEIR love will not fade. Guess what, lots of people have been in your shoes, and they really believed it would work out too... but it didn't. But you're probably just so much better than them for being so sure it can't happen to you. Personally, I don't have the pretention of knowing what will happen in 30 years.

Gosh I can't believe I wasted 10 minutes of my life writing this post

Fran stop being petty. No one in this discussion is more or less guilty of being disrespectful. both sides (religious and non) have said stupid things. myself included.

I never said i was better than anyone but thank you for putting words in my mouth You have a knack for it. however, I have seen many relationships that START badly, you just know they are going to end badly. My sister is a perfect example. Never once heard and I love you, never once saw them hug, kiss, or even touch in any kind of affectionate way. They do nothing but argue. She calls him names. yet they are getting married. I make an effort to ALWAYS say please and thank you to my husband, to let him know I appreciate even the smallest gesture. he does the same for me. I try not to take him for granted and I really think that is a key ingredient. hey in 30 years we could be divorced but where I am now I just can't see anything that bad happening since we have already been through so much. if we could make it through this we can make it through anything if we are willing to try and willing to work. We don't go to bed angry, we don't let the little stuff cause rifts in our relationship. We are always honest with each other even if it hurts. I see so many couples these days that don't do that.

Couples that say after marriage the sex stops and then they get frustrated and angry with each other. it doesn't have to I try to say "I love you" every chance I get because I never know when it will be the last. I truly hope and believe that we will be together forever. that doesn't make me wrong or better than anyone else. I believe you CAN get through anything if you are willing to work at it. sometimes even that doesn't work.

Dizzy, I can't say I regret my past. i really don't but I just realize how much risk I put myself at. I was not always safe or smart about it and I realize that I was really doing it for the wrong reasons. BUt you are right. it really did bring me to where I am today.

 

[~Jessie~]

^^^ I thought you were done with this.