Honest opinion...
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To be fair I'd be down right heart broken but I do respect that this is a venue for Amber to vent when she's running into a wall.
Like I said I am amazingly grateful for Denis, he's stood by me even with me kicking and screaming, shoving him away, trying my damnest to convince myself and the world around I am not worth loving.
Things I have done could very easily be considered abusive. Things in my previous relationship were very easily labeled abusive. I'm no one to say what is the line of Yes, call the police, and No, this is life, we work through it. My ex and I went all the way to throwing punches, we were two peas in a messed up pod. I genuinely believe it takes an extremely stable (wait, are you stable if you love someone unstable? That's a debate itself) person to balance out someone with such issues.
What I mean is maybe love alone isn't enough? Maybe strength and sober plans are far more important? I know for a fact I loved my ex and I still love in him in our own twisted way but we were nothing but unhealthy for one another. With Denis we compliment one another, though sometimes I think I get the better end of the deal and he swears he does, so maybe that's where you have to look, not just at "is this love?" but "is this healthy for either of us?"
Like I said I am amazingly grateful for Denis, he's stood by me even with me kicking and screaming, shoving him away, trying my damnest to convince myself and the world around I am not worth loving.
Things I have done could very easily be considered abusive. Things in my previous relationship were very easily labeled abusive. I'm no one to say what is the line of Yes, call the police, and No, this is life, we work through it. My ex and I went all the way to throwing punches, we were two peas in a messed up pod. I genuinely believe it takes an extremely stable (wait, are you stable if you love someone unstable? That's a debate itself) person to balance out someone with such issues.
What I mean is maybe love alone isn't enough? Maybe strength and sober plans are far more important? I know for a fact I loved my ex and I still love in him in our own twisted way but we were nothing but unhealthy for one another. With Denis we compliment one another, though sometimes I think I get the better end of the deal and he swears he does, so maybe that's where you have to look, not just at "is this love?" but "is this healthy for either of us?"
He doesn't have to talk back for her to be able to get this over with with him. He just had to listen, which he has no choice to do if she just shouts it at him or says it to him. Someone else said, and I can't remember who, to sit down and say it to him coldly and with no expression...forcing him to listen. I hope she follows this advice because it was indeed good advice.
Sooooo, now I came just from another forum to be a prick? What in the world are you even talking about?
Hahaha, no, once again, I was banned for a difference of opinion that people can't seem to leave alone. You have a difference of opinion with someone, or the forum majority, and you get flamed and threads get derailed. NOT my fault that people stop replying to the OP and go out of their way to respond to a post that wasn't even directed at them. I understand replying to someone that spoke to you, but if you take a post that was directed at someone else, and give a snarky response, it is YOU derailing the thread. I was banned on the other forum because apparently dog spit doesn't have healing enzymes and apparently altering a dog before the age of 12 months DOESN'T increase the risk of bone cancer...so whatever you say!
Sooooo, now I came just from another forum to be a prick? What in the world are you even talking about?
Hahaha, no, once again, I was banned for a difference of opinion that people can't seem to leave alone. You have a difference of opinion with someone, or the forum majority, and you get flamed and threads get derailed. NOT my fault that people stop replying to the OP and go out of their way to respond to a post that wasn't even directed at them. I understand replying to someone that spoke to you, but if you take a post that was directed at someone else, and give a snarky response, it is YOU derailing the thread. I was banned on the other forum because apparently dog spit doesn't have healing enzymes and apparently altering a dog before the age of 12 months DOESN'T increase the risk of bone cancer...so whatever you say!
K
Pffffft, ladies, ladies...put down your hackles please. A debate on abusive relationships shouldn't become abusive...really...
We can post our opinions, our experience, our perspectives but what we do or wouldn't do might not be someone elses choice. Abuse is subjective, emotional abuse is often said to be worse than physical abuse. The cuts and bruises heal but the emotional abuse can change you permanently.
It's affects how you feel about how you feel about yourself, it affects you physically, that walking on eggshells feeling comes from somebody being a control freak. And the cycle is ongoing...if you find yourself living with tick. tick. tick. then they go off over all their imagined slights...then they're terribly sorry and they really love you but YOU just make them crazy...no they're the ones that be crazy.
We can post our opinions, our experience, our perspectives but what we do or wouldn't do might not be someone elses choice. Abuse is subjective, emotional abuse is often said to be worse than physical abuse. The cuts and bruises heal but the emotional abuse can change you permanently.
It's affects how you feel about how you feel about yourself, it affects you physically, that walking on eggshells feeling comes from somebody being a control freak. And the cycle is ongoing...if you find yourself living with tick. tick. tick. then they go off over all their imagined slights...then they're terribly sorry and they really love you but YOU just make them crazy...no they're the ones that be crazy.
I think when they say it's harder to deal with it's because you don't have the physical scars to show it. A lot of people see a beat up woman and learn she was abused and instantly sympathize.
They see an emotionally abused one who was in a relationship for years and like certain people in this thread automatically think 'it was just bad times look at her she looks fine'. It's really hard for a lot of emotionally abused people to come out and get help because the abuser has isolated friends and family either by keeping them from seeing them OR being the perfect gentleman/gentle... woman?
When it's physical there's something to point at and go 'look this is what I've been through' when it's just emotional you have to hope when you go for help you get someone who is sympathetic and/or knowledgable about emotional abuse.
I don't think it's harder when it comes to what you go through in the relationship. But I think it's harder to get people to take what you went through serious.
They see an emotionally abused one who was in a relationship for years and like certain people in this thread automatically think 'it was just bad times look at her she looks fine'. It's really hard for a lot of emotionally abused people to come out and get help because the abuser has isolated friends and family either by keeping them from seeing them OR being the perfect gentleman/gentle... woman?
When it's physical there's something to point at and go 'look this is what I've been through' when it's just emotional you have to hope when you go for help you get someone who is sympathetic and/or knowledgable about emotional abuse.
I don't think it's harder when it comes to what you go through in the relationship. But I think it's harder to get people to take what you went through serious.
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Oh I didn't mean it that way, I fully totally agree...
I just meant that often (though not always because sadly some abusers are smart and keep it in spots not visible) physical abuse is visually provable, where emotional abuse without the physical aspect is often dismissed as "she's being dramatic" etc...
I just meant that often (though not always because sadly some abusers are smart and keep it in spots not visible) physical abuse is visually provable, where emotional abuse without the physical aspect is often dismissed as "she's being dramatic" etc...
S
Most people do. Take a number. 
People really should stop asking for HONEST opinions if what they really mean is, "Don't post unless you know my entire life history, and only if you agree with me."
If you don't want to be with someone anymore, but you stay with that person because they bring in money, and if you left them, then you wouldn't have money...it's called using the person for money.
If someone else would have come here and said, "my husband obviously wants to leave me, but he's sticking around because I'm the only one working and bringing in money," I **** near guarantee that every last person here would respond with variations of, "you EARN that money, that's YOUR money, kick the no-good freeloader to the curb and find yourself someone who actually deserves you!"
To those implying that I "obviously don't know anything about abusive relationships?" Really? I was married to one of the single most manipulative, nasty women you can imagine. I had to choose to lose **** near everything I owned when I got out of that relationship, including things that I had earned, on my own, prior to marriage. Some things I would never have chosen to lose, they were taken from me.
Trust me, I understand just fine, and never did I say that the OP wasn't a victim or wasn't in an abusive relationship...I said that based on the information that I can see, my HONEST OPINION is that it's going both ways. My opinion may be biased, because of my own life experience. Yours may be as well. Now let me ask this, for those of you claiming to be this person's friend... You know her, you're her friend, that's great. So why aren't any of her "friends" opening up their home to her and helping her get back on her feet so that she can survive on her own?
People really should stop asking for HONEST opinions if what they really mean is, "Don't post unless you know my entire life history, and only if you agree with me."
I do NOT think she is in it for the money, the economy sucks. I can understand being worried if she leaves him about money but she isn't using him for money.
If someone else would have come here and said, "my husband obviously wants to leave me, but he's sticking around because I'm the only one working and bringing in money," I **** near guarantee that every last person here would respond with variations of, "you EARN that money, that's YOUR money, kick the no-good freeloader to the curb and find yourself someone who actually deserves you!"
To those implying that I "obviously don't know anything about abusive relationships?" Really? I was married to one of the single most manipulative, nasty women you can imagine. I had to choose to lose **** near everything I owned when I got out of that relationship, including things that I had earned, on my own, prior to marriage. Some things I would never have chosen to lose, they were taken from me.
Trust me, I understand just fine, and never did I say that the OP wasn't a victim or wasn't in an abusive relationship...I said that based on the information that I can see, my HONEST OPINION is that it's going both ways. My opinion may be biased, because of my own life experience. Yours may be as well. Now let me ask this, for those of you claiming to be this person's friend... You know her, you're her friend, that's great. So why aren't any of her "friends" opening up their home to her and helping her get back on her feet so that she can survive on her own?
I think the harder to deal with is mainly the getting help. They are both equally horrible situations though
And I was just saying why I think people say it. I don't think they mean it that way it just doesn't come across right. I'll edit it to say your new post though
And I was just saying why I think people say it. I don't think they mean it that way it just doesn't come across right. I'll edit it to say your new post though
Is this really in the tone I think it is?
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