Honest opinion...
- Thread starter skittledoo
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Sure, where would you like me to start? The fact that most women say that want equality, but still expect chivalry, when you cannot logically have both? How about the fact that legally, women are favored over men in nearly all cases when dealing with issues of alimony or child custody, regardless of which party ends a marriage, or why? Did you know that, if, as a man, you are physically attacked by a woman, and you physically do anything to stop it (I don't mean hitting the other person back), it's you that's going to jail, regardless of the fact that you're bloody and she doesn't have a mark on her? Even if you're driving, and the only thing you can do to not get both of you killed in an accident is to physically remove her hand from the steeling wheel, or your face. No kidding. I could start in on the many other blatant double standards, but I'd be here all day, and that wasn't really what this thread was about. But, hey, feel free to start a new one.
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Then if people have offered, and the person is CHOOSING to stay where she is, my original opinion stands.
"Check the situation." I'm not going to go read through someone's life history. Technically, I could say the same thing to you, go search for some obscure threads I've made on other forums and "get to know me" before chiming in on what you think of me or my level of experience with anything in question in this thread. Sounds pretty asinine, huh?
"Check the situation." I'm not going to go read through someone's life history. Technically, I could say the same thing to you, go search for some obscure threads I've made on other forums and "get to know me" before chiming in on what you think of me or my level of experience with anything in question in this thread. Sounds pretty asinine, huh?
Most people do. Take a number. 
People really should stop asking for HONEST opinions if what they really mean is, "Don't post unless you know my entire life history, and only if you agree with me."
If you don't want to be with someone anymore, but you stay with that person because they bring in money, and if you left them, then you wouldn't have money...it's called using the person for money.
If someone else would have come here and said, "my husband obviously wants to leave me, but he's sticking around because I'm the only one working and bringing in money," I **** near guarantee that every last person here would respond with variations of, "you EARN that money, that's YOUR money, kick the no-good freeloader to the curb and find yourself someone who actually deserves you!"
To those implying that I "obviously don't know anything about abusive relationships?" Really? I was married to one of the single most manipulative, nasty women you can imagine. I had to choose to lose **** near everything I owned when I got out of that relationship, including things that I had earned, on my own, prior to marriage. Some things I would never have chosen to lose, they were taken from me.
Trust me, I understand just fine, and never did I say that the OP wasn't a victim or wasn't in an abusive relationship...I said that based on the information that I can see, my HONEST OPINION is that it's going both ways. My opinion may be biased, because of my own life experience. Yours may be as well. Now let me ask this, for those of you claiming to be this person's friend... You know her, you're her friend, that's great. So why aren't any of her "friends" opening up their home to her and helping her get back on her feet so that she can survive on her own?
People really should stop asking for HONEST opinions if what they really mean is, "Don't post unless you know my entire life history, and only if you agree with me."If you don't want to be with someone anymore, but you stay with that person because they bring in money, and if you left them, then you wouldn't have money...it's called using the person for money.
If someone else would have come here and said, "my husband obviously wants to leave me, but he's sticking around because I'm the only one working and bringing in money," I **** near guarantee that every last person here would respond with variations of, "you EARN that money, that's YOUR money, kick the no-good freeloader to the curb and find yourself someone who actually deserves you!"
To those implying that I "obviously don't know anything about abusive relationships?" Really? I was married to one of the single most manipulative, nasty women you can imagine. I had to choose to lose **** near everything I owned when I got out of that relationship, including things that I had earned, on my own, prior to marriage. Some things I would never have chosen to lose, they were taken from me.
Trust me, I understand just fine, and never did I say that the OP wasn't a victim or wasn't in an abusive relationship...I said that based on the information that I can see, my HONEST OPINION is that it's going both ways. My opinion may be biased, because of my own life experience. Yours may be as well. Now let me ask this, for those of you claiming to be this person's friend... You know her, you're her friend, that's great. So why aren't any of her "friends" opening up their home to her and helping her get back on her feet so that she can survive on her own?
Amber "obviously" does not want to leave her husband as an "easy" choice. Venting on a public forum about your husband is not an easy choice. Showing that you are hurting because of the person who should protect you from pain, the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with, is not an easy choice. This forum works differently than a lot of other forums I know. It may sound strange to you, but we are family here. Things get accomplished and people connected because we care. If you can't get that wrapped around your head, then maybe you should reconsider or stay out of personal threads like this. It is not about having a different opinion, trust me, we have our fair share of discussions, heated arguments, and blow-ups, and we can deal with them just fine... well, most of the time at least. But to come in a thread, where a member is hurting and asking for help, and throw around some oh so helpful tips that may work in a black and white world, but sure as heck not in the one I am living in today.... THAT is a different story. It is all about tact and having empathy for fellow friends, acquaintances, human beings.
That's all.
Are there some things weighted unfairly towards women...yes. However, that doesnt change the fact that pretty much everything else is weighted towards men. We could start with pay....considering a woman on average makes 23% less than a man for the same job that already creates issues in just "leaving".
Why would I want to get to know you?
I'm pointing out that you making totally untrue accusations. Maybe if you make the help thread you need I will. But until then there isn't any reason.
Also yes when it comes to alimony and child custody I do think it's wrong it always goes to the female. And honestly I don't want chivalry. I'm an adult and can take care of myself. I DO however expect respect and poiliteness from other people men or women. Understand? Respect and politeness.
Also as a female who worked through multiple programming courses (the only female to make it past the first week on all of them) throughout high school and college and then worked in tech I kind of have to roll my eyes at your 'pity me I'm a man' sexism complaints.
I'm pointing out that you making totally untrue accusations. Maybe if you make the help thread you need I will. But until then there isn't any reason.
Also yes when it comes to alimony and child custody I do think it's wrong it always goes to the female. And honestly I don't want chivalry. I'm an adult and can take care of myself. I DO however expect respect and poiliteness from other people men or women. Understand? Respect and politeness.
Also as a female who worked through multiple programming courses (the only female to make it past the first week on all of them) throughout high school and college and then worked in tech I kind of have to roll my eyes at your 'pity me I'm a man' sexism complaints.
Maybe you should talk to a counsellor. I personally believe in all the things you listed. I do not believe men and women are created equal at all... But I do believe women are just as capable of abusing their partner. My husband was the victim of a very bad marriage to a woman that wouldn't let him have any interests or spend time with his family/friends, etc. in the end he just gave her everything because it wasn't worth the fight. Maybe that is why we appreciate each other so much because we have both gone through it.
But you seem to have a real anger towards women because of the issues with the law. What are you doing to change those views? You keep asking everyone here what they are doing to help with their own issues. What are you doing for your own?
Really I am not a "womens lib movement" type of person. Those types often persecute me because i am a stay at home mom and I cook and clean but i don't obsess about it.
Sorry I know I am continuing a derailing
But you seem to have a real anger towards women because of the issues with the law. What are you doing to change those views? You keep asking everyone here what they are doing to help with their own issues. What are you doing for your own?
Really I am not a "womens lib movement" type of person. Those types often persecute me because i am a stay at home mom and I cook and clean but i don't obsess about it.
Sorry I know I am continuing a derailing
This is interesting to me....different areas I guess. In my circle of friends, the more "feminist" and women lib types are usually the ones staying home or at least VERY supportive of it. The importance of the mother being able to make the choice to stay at home with the baby/child, or father in some cases, is to me very much a women's lib issue
This is interesting to me....different areas I guess. In my circle of friends, the more "feminist" and women lib types are usually the ones staying home or at least VERY supportive of it. The importance of the mother staying at home with the baby/child, or father in some cases, is to me very much a women's lib issue
I couldn't be a stay at home mom/homemaker. That's just not me. But I'm not going to go to someone who it works for and tell them are wrong.
This is interesting to me....different areas I guess. In my circle of friends, the more "feminist" and women lib types are usually the ones staying home or at least VERY supportive of it. The importance of the mother being able to make the choice to stay at home with the baby/child, or father in some cases, is to me very much a women's lib issue
These days I swear everyone wants to be the stay at home parent. I know Denis and I argue over it regularly, I have faith I'll win.
Green, I've yet to meet a feminist who stands behind what I choose to do, which is to stay at home with my children and raise them. In fact, I've been looked down upon for, as one woman said, adopting a historic small town mentality and being happy with no original thought of my own and happy being told what to do by a man. (that was a real fun conversation, let me tell you) I've also been put down for having a college education and "not using it". (except I use it every day)
I've found that, with modern-day feminists, it's more about women working and better pay and respect for being a bread-winner than it is choice. As a stay-at-home-mom, it seems I'm viewed more as an uneducated, ignorant woman content with doing nothing with my life. I feel like I'm forced to prove otherwise, as obviously educated, intelligent women would never choose a lowly and boring job of staying at home to raise children.
I've found that, with modern-day feminists, it's more about women working and better pay and respect for being a bread-winner than it is choice. As a stay-at-home-mom, it seems I'm viewed more as an uneducated, ignorant woman content with doing nothing with my life. I feel like I'm forced to prove otherwise, as obviously educated, intelligent women would never choose a lowly and boring job of staying at home to raise children.
This is interesting to me....different areas I guess. In my circle of friends, the more "feminist" and women lib types are usually the ones staying home or at least VERY supportive of it. The importance of the mother being able to make the choice to stay at home with the baby/child, or father in some cases, is to me very much a women's lib issue
Moms... Although you do still hear the women in the grocery store. A friend of mine said one day she was grocery shopping and two pregnant women were standing there talking and said about how they wish they could be stay at home
Moms so they could sit around all day and do nothing lol. My friend said she didn't know if she should laugh or shake the sh!t out of them haha.
I do hear it more from people from my hometown in canada. Stay at home moms are pushing women back to where they belong barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Or people like my sister who keeps trying to find me ways to make more money at home as if I am just a leech.
It is a mixed bag of nuts lol
See for me I constantly run into women who want to know what's wrong with me because I'm basically avoiding the single greatest gift I've been given, which is to bear children :roll eyes:
I'm 25 almost 26 and when most women hear I'm not married and I have no children I'm always asked 'what's wrong?' or 'what happened?'
That being said I LOVE my stay at home friends. They always have great food and their fridges are the best to raid...
I'm 25 almost 26 and when most women hear I'm not married and I have no children I'm always asked 'what's wrong?' or 'what happened?'
That being said I LOVE my stay at home friends. They always have great food and their fridges are the best to raid...
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Or maybe you're just so insecure and biased that you choose to take it that way. Women do exactly the same thing, openly, every day. Nobody bats an eye. Mostly, it's because the women are talking about men...to other women.
Really? Because it sure as hell seems like an easy choice when some days it feels half of what I read in the "OT" section of every forum is some variant of man-bashing; "Men are pigs"; "ugh, typical man"; "my husband is sick, men are such whiny babies"; "men are dirty and disgusting";
Congrats for you, but the title of the thread was "HONEST OPINIONS." If you don't want HONEST opinions, or opinions from someone you consider an "outsider," I know there's a PM function somewhere on this forum. Feel free to use it.
And you think repeating "oh honey, I'm sorry you're going through this, your husband is an evil asshole that doesn't deserve you" for the ten millionth time is more helpful than me telling the person that they can CHOOSE to remove themselves from a situation they don't like, and that they're wrong for staying in a relationship because they're afraid that THEY would have to make sacrifices? So far I've learned from this thread, 1) that the OP has stated herself that she's staying with this person she doesn't want to be with because she's afraid she won't be able to support herself if she leaves, and 2) that her friends have offered for give her a place to stay until she's back on her feet, which would negate point #1, but she is choosing to stay there. Which goes back to what I said...if you don't want to be there, PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND LEAVE.
Could I be more "nice?" Sure, I guess I could coo like everyone else, but that wouldn't be my "honest opinion" now would it?
"Tact" is subjective.
Women do exactly the same thing, openly, every day. Nobody bats an eye. Mostly, it's because the women are talking about men...to other women.Really? Because it sure as hell seems like an easy choice when some days it feels half of what I read in the "OT" section of every forum is some variant of man-bashing; "Men are pigs"; "ugh, typical man"; "my husband is sick, men are such whiny babies"; "men are dirty and disgusting";
Congrats for you, but the title of the thread was "HONEST OPINIONS." If you don't want HONEST opinions, or opinions from someone you consider an "outsider," I know there's a PM function somewhere on this forum. Feel free to use it.
And you think repeating "oh honey, I'm sorry you're going through this, your husband is an evil asshole that doesn't deserve you" for the ten millionth time is more helpful than me telling the person that they can CHOOSE to remove themselves from a situation they don't like, and that they're wrong for staying in a relationship because they're afraid that THEY would have to make sacrifices? So far I've learned from this thread, 1) that the OP has stated herself that she's staying with this person she doesn't want to be with because she's afraid she won't be able to support herself if she leaves, and 2) that her friends have offered for give her a place to stay until she's back on her feet, which would negate point #1, but she is choosing to stay there. Which goes back to what I said...if you don't want to be there, PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND LEAVE.
Could I be more "nice?" Sure, I guess I could coo like everyone else, but that wouldn't be my "honest opinion" now would it?
"Tact" is subjective.
With your attitude I kind of doubt if the title says 'Honest opinions from people who are at least kind of knowledgable about this situation only' you'd avoid it. You and Barbara would still jump all over it like fat kid on pie to troll the crap out of it.
I'll say it again. It's not that easy. Statements like that scream that you know nothing about emotional abuse.
And seriously with the gianormous chip on your shoulder on this subject I question if it was you who was wronged or if your wife just got away.
I'll say it again. It's not that easy. Statements like that scream that you know nothing about emotional abuse.
And seriously with the gianormous chip on your shoulder on this subject I question if it was you who was wronged or if your wife just got away.
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No, I really don't. I have an anger toward the general mentality of most (not all) women in our culture when it comes to men.
I made the choice to take very...very harsh sacrifices and remove myself from the situation. Same as I suggest to the OP. I understand that, emotionally, women tend to have a harder time leaving bad relationships. I DO understand that. But people tend to coo, and coddle, and REINFORCE the person's belief that they don't have a choice, even though they aren't doing it consciously.
I made the choice to take very...very harsh sacrifices and remove myself from the situation. Same as I suggest to the OP. I understand that, emotionally, women tend to have a harder time leaving bad relationships. I DO understand that. But people tend to coo, and coddle, and REINFORCE the person's belief that they don't have a choice, even though they aren't doing it consciously.
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