Why do people say this?
- Thread starter sparks19
- Start date
Ten years from now, it might make more sense. I don't think I've ever told my kids that they'll probably change their position on some of their ideas down the road, but I think they probably will. (I'll have to admit that I am comforted by that fact at times, ha ha). At least, I don't know anyone who has stayed the same through the years.
Agree .... and some are wrong !!! I can remember my Mom ranting and raving over her weight gain when I was a teen ..... I said " Then lose it " which she did not appreciate !! Her angry reply was " wait until you have 2 children ! " Well I had 3 and luckily have my Dad's metabolism ....I could gain 5#s , feel uncomfortable and lose it in 2 days . I now feel sorry for her , because she did care and it was hard to lose . And believe me over the 65 years she was my Mom on earth , I heard many times how I would feel differently and I do . Mostly for the good . I'm glad that I am the person I am .... not the one I have been .
So if your son or daughter got married and said how much they loved their spouse you would tell them "haha I would like to see how you feel ten years from now" and then if they don't make it what would you say to them then? I told you so?
To me that is what it seems like.
I remember a particular thread about marriage and how it was very important to some people and they took their vows seriously etc etc. After expressing their deep belief in the institute of marriage this statement was made "I would like to see how many still feel this way in ten years".... to me that is not a "warning" that is a "ha you think you love him now but it's not likely you will make it.... come back in ten years so I can laugh at your pain"
I believe a member of the forum commented on that statement saying she has been married for ten years and still loves her husband as much as she did the day she married him so if that counts as "ten years from now" then I guess she came out on the winning end.
To me it just seems cynical.
BP I am with you..... I have thrown myself fully into relationships with people I thought I really cared about only to find out they weren't the person I thought they were...... BUT..... I don't regret it one bit. Did it hurt when we broke up? sure. Would I change it if I could? not a chance. it is because of those less than stellar moments that I am truly able to appreciate what I have now.
And while I don't particularly care about what people think of me it does urk me a little when people insinuate that my marriage is doomed because I am only 26 and what do I know about marriage.
So to those who say things like that..... if we come back in ten years to say that we couldn't make our marriage work.... will you say "I told you so"? and laugh in my face?
I can honestly say my mom has NEVER EVER said anything along those lines to me and has never EVER said "I told you so" when it is a situation that has hurt me. heck she didn't even say I told you so when I used to say as a kid that I was never gonna get married and have kids and now I have both. Personally I dont' know WHY anyone would WANT to say such a thing to anyone..... especially someone's family or friends.
But I choose to believe that as brian and I change through the years that we will always make time to help keep our marriage together despite the changes. If that makes me foolish, or a stupid kid than so be it.... but I won't avoid great things to avoid an "I told you so" from someone who wants to enjoy my misery.
To me this statement sounds like someone has a point to prove and I seriously hope I never catch myself saying something like that to someone I care about.
To me that is what it seems like.
I remember a particular thread about marriage and how it was very important to some people and they took their vows seriously etc etc. After expressing their deep belief in the institute of marriage this statement was made "I would like to see how many still feel this way in ten years".... to me that is not a "warning" that is a "ha you think you love him now but it's not likely you will make it.... come back in ten years so I can laugh at your pain"
I believe a member of the forum commented on that statement saying she has been married for ten years and still loves her husband as much as she did the day she married him so if that counts as "ten years from now" then I guess she came out on the winning end.
To me it just seems cynical.
BP I am with you..... I have thrown myself fully into relationships with people I thought I really cared about only to find out they weren't the person I thought they were...... BUT..... I don't regret it one bit. Did it hurt when we broke up? sure. Would I change it if I could? not a chance. it is because of those less than stellar moments that I am truly able to appreciate what I have now.
And while I don't particularly care about what people think of me it does urk me a little when people insinuate that my marriage is doomed because I am only 26 and what do I know about marriage.
So to those who say things like that..... if we come back in ten years to say that we couldn't make our marriage work.... will you say "I told you so"? and laugh in my face?
I can honestly say my mom has NEVER EVER said anything along those lines to me and has never EVER said "I told you so" when it is a situation that has hurt me. heck she didn't even say I told you so when I used to say as a kid that I was never gonna get married and have kids and now I have both. Personally I dont' know WHY anyone would WANT to say such a thing to anyone..... especially someone's family or friends.
But I choose to believe that as brian and I change through the years that we will always make time to help keep our marriage together despite the changes. If that makes me foolish, or a stupid kid than so be it.... but I won't avoid great things to avoid an "I told you so" from someone who wants to enjoy my misery.
To me this statement sounds like someone has a point to prove and I seriously hope I never catch myself saying something like that to someone I care about.
My goodness, no! I guess I don't even know what we're talking about. My daughter is married. I have been married to the same man, her father, for 27 years. She got married this summer, and I fully expect them to be happily married 10 years, and 27 years from now.
I'm not sure what that has to do with the fact that most people change over the course of time, though.
I thought the original question of the thread was why older people often tell younger people that they will be curious to see if they still feel the same way about various subjects 10 years from now.
Did I miss something?
If you read my post..... I was specifically referring to the one posted in a MARRIAGE thread.
I just happened to see it again from you and it reminded me that I wanted to ask why people say that. it struck a much stronger cord with people in the marriage thread (and it always turns up in marriage threads too for some reason)
I know I don't have experience with raising children..... I hope I can do a good job and I think it better to have some sort of guidelines to how I would like to try to raise them than have no idea at all.
But honestly this wasn't about just you and your post. This statement has been made many many times by many many members in many many threads. yours just happened to be the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.
I GET your reasoning behind posting what you did. I get it, I do. It's just that most of the time that statement comes across as smug and condescending.... and I am apparently not the only one that views it that way.
I just happened to see it again from you and it reminded me that I wanted to ask why people say that. it struck a much stronger cord with people in the marriage thread (and it always turns up in marriage threads too for some reason)
I know I don't have experience with raising children..... I hope I can do a good job and I think it better to have some sort of guidelines to how I would like to try to raise them than have no idea at all.
But honestly this wasn't about just you and your post. This statement has been made many many times by many many members in many many threads. yours just happened to be the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.
I GET your reasoning behind posting what you did. I get it, I do. It's just that most of the time that statement comes across as smug and condescending.... and I am apparently not the only one that views it that way.
Sparks..... Some people are cynical others have just learned that at 26 you see things one way and at 36 yet another. Believing in your relationship is a good thing very true but never believe that no matter what it can not happen because I did too. I hope you do make it by all means and my thoughts are this if people worked as hard to make a relationship work as they do to make it fail it would be one unbreakable relationship. My parents had that 1. 53 years and my mother still longs for my father and all that he was.
Just never say never.
Just never say never.
Sorta 
hehe.
I didn't just mean why do older people say it to younger people or to their kids.... I mean on this forum why does someone feel the need to say that.
Like I mentioned in a particular thread about marriage there were many people who were talking about how they love their spouse and marriage is important to them and they take their vows seriously and someone said "I would like to see these people back in ten y ears and ask them how they feel about marriage" it seemed as if they believed we were all doomed to have failed marriages.
I mean don't get me wrong..... m y sister just got married and I am sure her marriage is doomed lol because she is such a controlling spaz case. But I would never SAY that to her.
hehe.
I didn't just mean why do older people say it to younger people or to their kids.... I mean on this forum why does someone feel the need to say that.
Like I mentioned in a particular thread about marriage there were many people who were talking about how they love their spouse and marriage is important to them and they take their vows seriously and someone said "I would like to see these people back in ten y ears and ask them how they feel about marriage" it seemed as if they believed we were all doomed to have failed marriages.
I mean don't get me wrong..... m y sister just got married and I am sure her marriage is doomed lol because she is such a controlling spaz case. But I would never SAY that to her.
I don't believe that it is not possible.... yes I realize that was a double negative lol.
but I never said it was not possible that our relationship might not make it..... but by God I will work as hard as I can to keep it together and I believe the same about my spouse.
Now I am only 26 true..... my husband is 33.... so does that make one of us young and stupid and the other wise and experienced (notice i didn't say which was which
lol)But when people say that they want to hear back from me in ten years..... it's almost like they are rooting for the marriage to fail. Thats just how it strikes me.
Okay. Now I see that I misunderstood the whole thread.
I do think I understand the thinking that most people will have different ideas over the course of 10 years.
However, I was surprised when it seemed like you thought my post meant that I would be saying 'I told you so' to one of my kids if their marriage didn't last. I personally think marriage is 'til death do us part'. Fortunately, the one child of mine that is married went into it with that mindset, too.
Sorta
hehe.
I didn't just mean why do older people say it to younger people or to their kids.... I mean on this forum why does someone feel the need to say that.
Like I mentioned in a particular thread about marriage there were many people who were talking about how they love their spouse and marriage is important to them and they take their vows seriously and someone said "I would like to see these people back in ten y ears and ask them how they feel about marriage" it seemed as if they believed we were all doomed to have failed marriages.
I mean don't get me wrong..... m y sister just got married and I am sure her marriage is doomed lol because she is such a controlling spaz case. But I would never SAY that to her.
hehe.
I didn't just mean why do older people say it to younger people or to their kids.... I mean on this forum why does someone feel the need to say that.
Like I mentioned in a particular thread about marriage there were many people who were talking about how they love their spouse and marriage is important to them and they take their vows seriously and someone said "I would like to see these people back in ten y ears and ask them how they feel about marriage" it seemed as if they believed we were all doomed to have failed marriages.
I mean don't get me wrong..... m y sister just got married and I am sure her marriage is doomed lol because she is such a controlling spaz case. But I would never SAY that to her.
I was posting at the same time you were explaining. Yes, I did miss the point. Now I'm on board!!
No I didn't mean that at all lol.... the whole part about would you say that to your kids was if you wouldn't say that to someone you loved and really knew why would you say it on a forum to someone you don't really know and have no idea of their particular situation
and I don't mean YOU as in YOU MJB I mean you as in everyone lol
I make no sense sometimes lol what a contradictory sentence "you as in everyone" is lol
and I don't mean YOU as in YOU MJB
I mean you as in everyone lol I make no sense sometimes lol what a contradictory sentence "you as in everyone" is lol