I've lost nearly 40 pounds since this time last year. I used to weigh over 250lbs.
I've built muscle, grown my hair out, and aside from smoking cigarettes have been taking awesome care of myself. It shows.
I look better than I have in years, and I've never felt more alone. I see people starting to treat me differently now that I'm less fat. Guys and girls show interest in me immediately instead of needing to get to know my personality to like me. I don't want any of them, though. The dude I'm pretty sure I'm in love with seems to be waiting around, silently rejecting me but still being nice enough to keep me around until I'm physically what he wants. Fat chance, bud. Love me for what I am now, or **** off when I'm hot and you want to get up on this. I can't allow myself to really believe he'd be so manipulative but it's always creeping in the back of my mind.
People all through my life have taken from me, taken my generosity and my respect and my kindness. Sucked it all out of me until I was broken and bitter and had to withdraw from everything to recharge my faith in people. And it's happening again. I'm giving so much to someone I care for so much, and I don't think he'd **** on me if I was burning alive.
I'm so stupid.
Oh, and I make too much money to get any financial assistance in my current situation, working fulltime and trying to feed myself and my roommate and my dog, pay rent and bills (3/4 of my 1200/month paycheck) and still somehow save so I can get out of this shithole someday. But people who do nothing all day can get food stamps no problem. Just not me, someone who ****ing works for a living. What a crock of horseshit.