Someone is in love with you....

[Tahla9999]

.. but you don't love him/her back! :wall:

I am in this situation and I don't know how to get out of it! I need some advice, anything! Okay, I am not going to say his name, I will call him Thing One( for personal reasons). Okay, me and Thing One have been friends for three years now in highschool. I started to notice in ninth grade that he may have a crush on me, but I just brush that off, like ''whatever.'' I didn't really think he was too serious about it, because you know, he is young, I am young, we should care less about ''love'' am I right?

Well as time goes by, I am in the eleventh and he is too, and that crush turned into something else. He is giving many hints that he wouldn't mind being boyfriend/girlfriend, and I am pretending to not realize these hints. I mean, I only see him as a friend and I don't have any attraction to him, and I think it would be way too awkward. He has been telling our friends about how strongly he feels for me, and they have been telling me that I don't realize the extent of his feelings. That they are REALLY strong.

He has never felt this way about anyone, and I believe he thinks that we are going to be married in the future! One time, we were talking about children, and he let in'' Yeah I wonder what we are going to name our children?'' I pretend that I did not notice it, but here I am thinking WTH!?

He is a nice guy, he really is, but there are things about him that is just annoying. He isn't perverted like most of the boys in high school, but he is so childish to the point of being annoying. Though the thing is, he asks me what he need to do to change, for he will change for me( aww), but I don't want to change him because honestly, if I did ''love'' him, I would love his bad traits as well. But I don't, and I only love him as a friend.

What should I do? Should I give him a chance? The only reason why I won't is because he might expect too much of the relationship, while I want temporary.

I am in a ditch and need help!

 

[bubbatd]

Was there with 2 and was friendly but that's all !!! He'll get the hint .

 

[Tahla9999]

Was there with 2 and was friendly but that's all !!! He'll get the hint .

I have hinted VERY strongly that I do not feel the same way, but I guess he is hoping for the future. Oh, and some future teller told him that we were going to get together in the middle of eleventh year, so yeah. He won't get it.

 

[Beanie]

he asks me what he need to do to change, for he will change for me( aww)

First... that is not an aww, that's a "run away from this guy - QUICKLY."

Second, you have to flat out tell him to knock it off. Ignoring his hints and things like "what are we going to name our children" (WTF???) is only making it worse on him, because it seems he's convinced himself in his mind that you are together or something, and without you telling him otherwise, he's existing in this little fantasy. How old is this kid, anyway?? Wow.

Honestly, I absolutely wouldn't give him a chance - it sounds to me like you know you aren't attracted to this guy and would only be giving him a chance because you kinda feel sorry for him. =/ You've been friends long enough that I think you'd know by now if he's worth giving a chance, and if you gotta ask... that's your answer, hon. Plus, if you aren't even dating him and he's asking you stuff like what you're going to name your children... going out with him "just to see" is like asking for trouble IMO.

You gotta put him straight... gently, but firmly. And if he doesn't get the hint, then axe the gently, because this is behaviour that is bordering on creepy and could potentially get worse really fast if you don't lay down the law. X_X

 

[milos_mommy]

Ack. Been there, and been in love with someone who didn't love me back. Tell him straight off. It'll hurt. But it's better than wasting his time overanalyzing everything you say thinking maybe someday you'll come around. I don't know if you want to keep the friendship...if you do, let him call you or contact you. Otherwise he'll read into every call, everything you say. If you don't really value the friendship that much...I'd honestly just try and stay away from him.

 

[Tahla9999]

First... that is not an aww, that's a "run away from this guy - QUICKLY."

Second, you have to flat out tell him to knock it off. Ignoring his hints and things like "what are we going to name our children" (WTF???) is only making it worse on him, because it seems he's convinced himself in his mind that you are together or something, and without you telling him otherwise, he's existing in this little fantasy. How old is this kid, anyway?? Wow.

Honestly, I absolutely wouldn't give him a chance - it sounds to me like you know you aren't attracted to this guy and would only be giving him a chance because you kinda feel sorry for him. =/ You've been friends long enough that I think you'd know by now if he's worth giving a chance, and if you gotta ask... that's your answer, hon. Plus, if you aren't even dating him and he's asking you stuff like what you're going to name your children... going out with him "just to see" is like asking for trouble IMO.

You gotta put him straight... gently, but firmly. And if he doesn't get the hint, then axe the gently, because this is behaviour that is bordering on creepy and could potentially get worse really fast if you don't lay down the law. X_X

Oh, he isn't creepy like that, he just.. like to think about what the future may bring. He is seventeen by the way. He has written me a letter about all the things he liked about me, which was really sweet. I also catch him staring at me at times, and it is hard to think that he ''love'' me in that way. I have never showed any sign that I liked him back which is the main thing I find strange. He ask me why I didn't get into relationships, and I told him I haven't feel for anyone yet. He is just so optimistic.

 

[Tahla9999]

Ack. Been there, and been in love with someone who didn't love me back. Tell him straight off. It'll hurt. But it's better than wasting his time overanalyzing everything you say thinking maybe someday you'll come around. I don't know if you want to keep the friendship...if you do, let him call you or contact you. Otherwise he'll read into every call, everything you say. If you don't really value the friendship that much...I'd honestly just try and stay away from him.

We have a great friendship. He is always there to help me when I need it. He helped me when I was sick at school, and he always make sure that I was okay. He willingly put himself at risk if I was in trouble. Just an overall great friend. I just don't wont to hurt him, but I know it will lead to it.

 

[Romy]

By ignoring his "hints" (okay, maybe they're more like a neon orange flag waving in your face) like he didn't say them you are letting him think he has a chance. If you are not interested, you need to flat out tell him that. Just say, "Look, I don't have any romantic feelings for you. We're not dating. We're not getting married. I'm still in high school and I'm way to young to think about settling down, and I don't want to date seriously. And I don't feel attracted to you." It will hurt him, but the longer he goes on thinking he has a chance, the more it will hurt when he finds out the truth eventually.

 

[Tahla9999]

Yeah, I know it is quite oblivious to tell him off, but it is just difficult. My friends are very optimistic about us getting together as well, even though I tell them I don't feel that way. Strangely, it is like I don't have a say.

Not only them, the WHOLE school thinks it. Seriously, people that I don't even know come up to us all the time and say '' you and Thing One are so cute together.'' And when I tell them were not, they brush me off and tell me I'm lying. It is because we spend so much time together, we have many of the same classes, so yeah.

 

[Gustav]

It probably seems like a HUGE problem right now, but let me tell you in years to come faced with other issues you will think back on this and laugh at how trivial it is..

You need to let him know that you're not interested in "that" way.. Forget the peer pressure, it's you that has to decide, and if he's not right for you, then he's not right for you.. Simple as that. I certainly wasn't thinking about marriage and children when I was 17.. There's a big wide world out there to explore!!

But be kind to him.. He obviously cares for you greatly and as you say he always has your back, would you really want to lose someone like that in your life? People who stick around through thick and thin are few and far between, and it sounds like he's been a good friend to you when you needed him to be... I certainly wouldn't want to lose someone like that in my life.. So maybe if you find it hard to talk to him face to face a letter would work better?

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

I agree with Gus--talk to him, but be kind about it. Let him know you DO care about him--so much that you didn't want to hurt him by letting him know you don't have romantic feelings for him. DO let him know how much he means to you as a friend, and that you are very happy with the relationship that you have.
I had a very close friend in high school--he was the best friend I could ever want--everyone thought we should date because we were " so good together"---but that is why we did not date! It would have ruined the friendship.

So, talk to your friend, ask him to be patient with you and honor your feelings. Good luck.

 

[RedyreRottweilers]

As hard as it is, I think you should be direct and honest with him.

 

[mojo-rizin]

I know exactly how you feel. My BEST friend in high school was a guy. We did everything together, and I always joked that he'd be my "maid" of honor at my wedding. I always knew that he cared for me in a different way than I did for him. He would've done anything for me. He just meant too much to me as a friend to let him go, so I just carried on the way things were.

When I started dating my now husband, my best friend called him and told him that he better love me unconditionally and to be good to me or he could answer to him. I don't know exactly how the conversation went, but I know that it made my DH uncomfortable with the whole situation. Every time my BFF would call, my DH would get upset with me. So I finally decided that if I wanted a future with my DH, I should just cut my BFF out of my life. I was harsh, I didn't return his calls, and ignored his daily e-mails. It broke my heart, but I felt, at the time, that it was best for HIM. I still feel awful about it, and my DH still doesn't like it when I talk about my BFF.

I can truly say, that besides DH, he was the best friend I ever had.

I guess my point is, that even though you don't care for him the same way, he probably has TRUE feelings for you. So let him down easy. Let him know that you could never be "the one" for him, and that if he can't handle it, then the door is open.

 

[tessa_s212]

I agree with everyone else. Direct and honest. Otherwise, he'll keep thinking he has a chance and keep trying.

 

[Dizzy]

Ooooh, yes, happens ALL the time, I am beating them off with sticks.

 

[MyHorseMyRules]

I agree that you should be direct and honest. Sit him down, tell him you care about him as a friend, but it will never go any further than that. If you continue to ignore his "hints," you're not only dragging this out and causing him pain, but also setting yourself up for a very bad situation. If you want to keep him as a friend, then put a stop to this now.

 

[Tahla9999]

I agree that you should be direct and honest. Sit him down, tell him you care about him as a friend, but it will never go any further than that. If you continue to ignore his "hints," you're not only dragging this out and causing him pain, but also setting yourself up for a very bad situation. If you want to keep him as a friend, then put a stop to this now.

I am talking to him on the phone right now. Just need some guts!