EVERYONE gets stressed, and everyone has different triggers as to what will stress them. But it is really not something anyone has to put up with that someone else’s stress affects their life so much.
Just for comparison....
Years ago we were in a DIY mode and DH decided we would put an insert in the chimney. We were on the top of the roof of the house adding an insert piece by piece. My job was to hold the thing so DH could add on the next piece (which he couldn’t do if it fell in to the depths of the chimney). Well each piece DH added made it heavier until it started slipping. I have this darned insert in a bear hug, straddling the roof of the house and I can’t hold it, its slipping. DH is freaking out because if I lose it there’s no way to reach down in there and retrieve it.
So he tries to hold it for me by grabbing it out from under me, but that means he has to slip his arms under mine - which tickles me and I yell at him to stop. Now he’s getting pissed, “how the *bleep* am I supposed to help you hold it?†I’m getting the giggles from the tickling and just plain nerves. The more I giggle the madder he gets, which makes it even funnier because he’s mad at me for being ticklish. He realizes how ridiculous the whole thing is and starts laughing too.
In the end we did get the blasted insert in. And to this day, over ten years ago, we look on that day and laugh.
The anger is not the issue, its what the anger does to YOU.
Destructive anger makes you feel small, meaningless, invalidated, and worthless.
Purposeful anger lets you know you’ve crossed a line, violated a boundary, but it doesn’t demean you as a person.
Safe anger is where you get in a safe relationship where both parties feel heard, and valued. Both of you are allowed to be angry, and you feel safe expressing your anger, without feeling like you have to use your anger as a weapon of destruction.
That is the difference.
Every single person deserves to be in a relationship where both parties feel safe expressing AND witnessing emotions. Its the stuff that healthy relationships are made of. And everyone deserves to be in a healthy relationship. Don’t settle for anything less. Life is too short.