How to alienate people (for fun and profit)

[Buddy'sParents]

I was pretty shocked when I first joined. D

I have never agreed with how you were (and probably still are) treated. Someone with as much knowledge as you has sooo much to offer the board (*thinking back when Dr helped Buddy parents with some stuff* ) and I am so very glad that you decided to stay!

 

[DemitriousK]

I think the main problem is that we aren't speaking face to face with the person and so we can't tell their tone of voice. What may be simply trying to help can accidently be worded in a way that wouldn't sound mean if it had the right tone to it but we can't tell the tone so we take it personally.

Oh yes! Very good incite! Forums are a lot like e-mail in that way! There's little to no body language, facial expression, tone of voice... and sometimes little to no context! And we certainly cannot see the reaction to what our replies are, iether... all of that makes for a difficult medium of communication...

And theres no real way of being able to guess how a persons situation at the moment might color how they read your words... We cannot control that... The only thing we can do is examine the intent of our words, and consider how we might feel in that situation...

Often times prefacing something you know might sound harsh (in a way you dont mean it to) that you cannot figure out how to reword with something like "I know this is going to sound harsh, and I dont mean it to..." and then perhaps explaining after the advice where *you* are coming from "the reason i feel so strongly is that I once had a...."

Kind of like a father having to punish a child for doing something that was wrong. You can still be what you need to be, but wrap it in a little love. Was it marry poppins? "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"

 

[dr2little]

I had to take a deep breath before even hitting the reply button on this thread. I think that it's so hard sometimes to convey things that you're passionate about without reading the faces of the people you're talking with.

In my "in person" life, I'm not exactly known for being pushy or b!thcy...but on here I think it's hard to read people at times.
I really wanted to leave Chaz early on because I just felt UGLY in the way I responded to the criticism...now I just don't reply when I know I'm starting to feel the "OH YA, IT'S ON" persona coming on...

I do think that you make some great points. I read a thread the other day and while I felt the frustration and sadness for the pup for whom the thread originated, I was shocked at the level of attacks thrown at the OP and how quickly they progressed. Passion can bring out some "off the hip" kind of comments that really don't solve anything at all. After reading a few level headed helpful responses, I moved to another thread without responding..

 

[dr2little]

I have never agreed with how you were (and probably still are) treated. Someone with as much knowledge as you has sooo much to offer the board (*thinking back when Dr helped Buddy parents with some stuff* ) and I am so very glad that you decided to stay!

I would have been the one missing out for sure. I'd never have been able to stay away long....Buddy withdrawl would have brought me back.
You were very good to me during that time and I won't forget it.

 

[DemitriousK]

I had to take a deep breath before even hitting the reply button on this thread. I think that it's so hard sometimes to convey things that you're passionate about without reading the faces of the people you're talking with.

I'm glad you did!

In my "in person" life, I'm not exactly known for being pushy or b!thcy...but on here I think it's hard to read people at times.
I really wanted to leave Chaz early on because I just felt UGLY in the way I responded to the criticism...now I just don't reply when I know I'm starting to feel the "OH YA, IT'S ON" persona coming on...

Just cant change some people... and others just want to fight... they're not called "trolls" for no reason

I do think that you make some great points. I read a thread the other day and while I felt the frustration and sadness for the pup for whom the thread originated, I was shocked at the level of attacks thrown at the OP and how quickly they progressed. Passion can bring out some "off the hip" kind of comments that really don't solve anything at all. After reading a few level headed helpful responses, I moved to another thread without responding..

I'm glad you think so.. I tried not to be critical without also being benificial. But in the end I have to admit this was more or less a rant And yea... sometimes silence can be much more helpful than noise... It's hard to find the answers which are helpful to your question about potty training when people are arguing about whether a dog can feel guilty or not

 

[Roxy's CD]

I know what you mean dr2little, sometimes you just feel that "oh no you didn't *waves finger*" attitude! LMAO

I'm a hothead in real life too, I find it harder to be that way here though, it's too much typing and I don't get to yell to release, so I usually stay calm! LOL

There are some hot topics that seem to get brought up a lot that are in the "personal" category that are debated about a lot. I've gotten involved a few times, but it just goes round and round until your back at the beginning again.

I think the main thing, is to not hold a grudge. Not to name any names but I will just because I know she's thickskinned , I know at one time I felt Red was very blunt maybe even borderline rude. But being the thickskinned person myself, I looked beyond that and found a great online trainer/helper! LOL.

If you hold grudges you lose out on valuable information. It's best to patch things up and leave it behind you.

 

[dr2little]

I know what you mean dr2little, sometimes you just feel that "oh no you didn't *waves finger*" attitude! LMAO

I'm a hothead in real life too, I find it harder to be that way here though, it's too much typing and I don't get to yell to release, so I usually stay calm! LOL

There are some hot topics that seem to get brought up a lot that are in the "personal" category that are debated about a lot. I've gotten involved a few times, but it just goes round and round until your back at the beginning again.

I think the main thing, is to not hold a grudge. Not to name any names but I will just because I know she's thickskinned , I know at one time I felt Red was very blunt maybe even borderline rude. But being the thickskinned person myself, I looked beyond that and found a great online trainer/helper! LOL.

If you hold grudges you lose out on valuable information. It's best to patch things up and leave it behind you.

You're right about the grudges for sure. I honestly can't remember (on purpose) the people who came across as blunt or rude on any given thread. I'm sure I have. There are a few though (one who's not here anymore) that I just won't respond to because I know there's an ulterier motive usually lurking for them...like maybe they're "grounded" at home for being lippy with their parents.

Seriously though, while I don't tend to be hot headed in real life, I too have hit reply and thought.."uuugghhh, why'd I do that"..I think we all have.
I really do enjoy Chaz, I wouldn't be here so much if I didn't....well that and the fact I have no life..heheheh

 

[dr2little]

Just cant change some people... and others just want to fight... they're not called "trolls" for no reason

hehe..trolls..hehe You said it, OK I was thinking it

 

[Buddy'sParents]

I think people just need to stop, count to 10 and THEN post!

I've been guilty of being rude myself and have since dropped that habit. I've learned that sometimes people just don't know any better and that's why they have come to Chaz... to learn.. so that they WILL know better.

 

[dr2little]

I think people just need to stop, count to 10 and THEN post!

I've been guilty of being rude myself and have since dropped that habit. I've learned that sometimes people just don't know any better and that's why they have come to Chaz... to learn.. so that they WILL know better.

I've noticed how calm and kind you are...you're biting on a bullet aren't you??
Maybe sometimes?? I need to get me a bullet, yup a bullet..that's what I need.

 

[Buddy'sParents]

I've noticed how calm and kind you are...you're biting on a bullet aren't you??
Maybe sometimes?? I need to get me a bullet, yup a bullet..that's what I need

LOL! There have been times when I have been SOOOOO upset! Ask Hubby.. he'll tell ya! I had to put a user on my ignore list it was that bad, I think the person existed soley to make me feel like a horrible dog parent! And, while I have my moments when I feel I've let Buddy down, I know that I do the best I can.

I came here to chaz and I didn't know a thing about being a dog owner. Sure, my parents have had dogs, but they took care of training and they were alphas (or maybe just have good rescues... the pups are great). I've learned so much. If I would have been berated and flamed like so many are these days I know I would have left and not turned back. Why? Because I came here for help.. not to be told what an awful dog owner I was. And, thank God for Doberluv and Redyre at the time.. they helped! Now, I try to do the same for other newbies....annnnnd bite my bullet!!

 

[Aussie Red]

Buddys Parents bad parents LOL . I think we could use a whole lot more bad parents then lol. Can not imagine anyone thinking your not doing the best for Buddy. Just had to say that .

 

[Buddy'sParents]

Buddys Parents bad parents LOL . I think we could use a whole lot more bad parents then lol. Can not imagine anyone thinking your not doing the best for Buddy. Just had to say that .

That was so nice of you to say! Thanks a lot. We do our best by our little man and we're still learning!

 

[DemitriousK]

Buddys Parents bad parents LOL . I think we could use a whole lot more bad parents then lol. Can not imagine anyone thinking your not doing the best for Buddy. Just had to say that .

We try... but sometimes we still feel like aweful parents. It's hard because we care so much, and sometimes theres only so much we can do! But I think thats what makes quote good parents unquote... people willing to admit that they need help and to seek it...

Gosh I know there have been times where I've gone yelling and screaming and trmping around hitting large boxlike appliances (hurt like hell too... my hand was sore for a week) but we're *trying* (my wife is *much* more patient than I am)

Thanks for your vote of confidence

P.S. Yes I'm learning, gradually, to be a better dad

 

[dr2little]

Buddys Parents bad parents LOL . I think we could use a whole lot more bad parents then lol. Can not imagine anyone thinking your not doing the best for Buddy. Just had to say that .

You're so right Aussie. There are enough photo's of that totally adored doggie to wallpaper the Louvre.. Poor Buddy...HA!!

 

[Buddy'sParents]

You're so right Aussie. There are enough photo's of that totally adored doggie to wallpaper the Louvre.. Poor Buddy...HA!!

hey! I like to take pictures of my dog, alright?!


LOL!!!

I believe this is called thread hijacking!! *evil grin*

 

[RD]

Does it count if you "hijack" your husband's thread though? Wouldn't that be like hijacking the family car?

Dr2, I too am very glad you stayed. I admire you for the work you do and i love reading what you have to say.

 

[dr2little]

hey! I like to take pictures of my dog, alright?!


LOL!!!

I believe this is called thread hijacking!! *evil grin*

Hijacking..never! Do as I say and no one gets hurt!!

 

[Aussie Red]

After seeing the pics of Buddy at the beach and Buddy at the park I fell in love. And it is so nice to see two people care so much. There are so many good , loving, and concerned animal people here that I knew this was a place for me and that I am not the only one obsessed with trying to see to it that animals get fair treatment. I go to bed some nights with a heavy heart because of some of the posts here and other nights with so much excitement and anticipation waiting for news of a new arrival.
Chaz is great and therefore so are the CHAZZERS.

 

[Buddy'sParents]

Does it count if you "hijack" your husband's thread though? Wouldn't that be like hijacking the family car?

Good point!