I'm so happy for everyone in this thread
...
Anyways, I've been doing better (very, very recently, but I feel like I'm in it for the long haul). I still miss Nyx every single day, but it doesn't hurt as much all the time. I still think about him nearly all day, but I'm getting back to not being a shitty friend to my other friend. Keeping basically everyone away from me aside from her, though. She's a great person, and we've actually been able to pick up right where we left off at high school, lol. I am so thankful to have her for a friend.
The whole TWLOHA movement has been helping me a LOT lately- got the movie, been reading Jamie's book and the blog, etc. I know I need therapy, but that's not happening any day soon. However, I've been coping alright. Roxie has been the biggest help. I would not be here without her. There've been a few events where I thought I was at the end and couldn't handle life anymore, but Roxie has continued to faithfully bring me out of that and keep me alive. I don't know what I am going to do without her. Hopefully I grow and continue to recover and get stronger before she passes away so I can deal with it in a healthy way. I'm scared for that day, though. Really, really scared.
I am finally getting my sleeping schedule back to "normal", which I feel like has been a HUGE hurdle to deal with both my depression and apathy. It's not going to be a cure-all, but I've noticed a huge difference on days that I get up early and slept well. This has been a really big issue for me for many, many years- ever since I was a kid, really. But I feel like this is a big step forward. I'm moving, not inches- loads, loads slower, but I think I'm finally getting my life on track. I'm trying very hard to get un-stuck.
I'm still not emotionally all there, but... I'm getting better. I'm not completely emotionally unavailable, which has been an issue for SO long because of what I dealt with when I was friends with Nyx. It's going to be a very long time before I can handle an emotionally-involved relationship, whether it's friendship or otherwise.
I'm just gonna leave this here:
http://twloha.com/blog/there-still-some-time/
It's helped me a lot.