Have you thought about an American staghound? I don't really know much about them but they do the scruffy sighthound thing and I bet they're much healthier on average.
This.
I looked into deerhounds. For one, they're really hard to get unless you have an "in" with a breeder. Most of them go to other breeders/show homes/on contracts, so be prepared for that.
They are definitely a heartbreak breed. Osteosarcoma is pretty rampant, among bloat and other things.
I can recommend some breeders for you if you want to look into them further.
In my experience they are mega super derps until they hit age 4 and then they magically transform into couchweights. You know, just in case the furniture starts drifting away or something. Most deerhound people get more deerhounds when that happens, because it's really easy to care for lazy blobs and they miss the derpyness. Plus at that point it's like a ticking clock down to their demise.
Some staghound folks do have pretty hairy shags, or have straight up 50/50 deerhound/staghound crosses that are pretty hardy compared to purebred deerhounds. I would really really love one some day. Pops would be the person to talk to about them.
Not all giant breeds are heartbreak breeds. Borzoi and greyhounds both have decent lifespans if you manage to avoid catastrophic stuff. I've met several 14-15 year old borzoi, and while they creaked a little they got around just as well as younger dogs did. Borzoi and greyhounds can bloat, they can both get osteo, but it's not nearly as common. I know a LOT of borzoi and have never personally met one that bloated, and only met one that got osteo. Both tend to run in lines, the breed has a much larger gene pool than the deerhounds so breeders are able to breed away from it much more easily.
ETA: Master Splinter would be an acceptable name as well.
Ha Ha, I made another funny.