Agree with those who have said that it's your day, and doesn't need to revolve around small humans if you don't want it to. Most small humans have a difficult time accepting a long event in which they're not the center of attention, and kid/baby outbursts aren't really what most people would want at their wedding. Absolutely nothing wrong with adults-only events.
Wedding advice.
- Thread starter HayleyMarie
- Start date
That and what small human wants to have to sit through a long boring ceremony anyway? I wouldn't put a small child through that if I was a parent, not only is it rude to the people whose wedding it is, it's unfair IMO to the child, who is not mature enough to understand why they have to sit and be shushed and reprimanded for acting like child.
No, IMO small kids (like those too small to understand why they have to sit still and be quiet) don't belong at weddings, for their sake as much as everyone else's.
No, IMO small kids (like those too small to understand why they have to sit still and be quiet) don't belong at weddings, for their sake as much as everyone else's.
yeah, it's completely impossible for a kid to not cause trouble for an hour :rofl1: I guess that speaks to the parents????
I know some people don't like kids. That's fine. I never said a wedding needs to "revolve" around kids. I wonder why types of weddings you guys go to where they are ruined by kids being around? do your friends and family not parent? We just got back from a wedding in St. Louis and had our not quite 8 month old with us, rehearsal, ceremony AND reception :yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes: Kids from 3 months to teenagers, all present and having fun like everyone else. No outbursts to ruin the ceremony, the cutest ring bearers you could find, some great memories made and no cake knocked over. How the heck does that happen???
I guess it starts with parents not letting their kids be a distraction and a bride and groom that realize the people closest to them have families and if they want to have them be a part of their lives, it probably includes their kids too. Amazing concept.
and I never said not wanting kids said anything about your relationship, I said if a crying kid can ruin your day, you're in for much bigger hardships in the not too distant future. Trust me, a hand in the wedding cake is absolutely nothing. If that's the kind of thing that makes you lose it and ruin the start of your life together with another man or woman, well get ready for an interesting ride
How are you going to handle the stuff that really matters?
and anyway, what I was getting at was that I think people put far too much importance on the wedding day, and not enough on marriage. That's why when flowers aren't right, people break down. I think those are serious misplaced priorities. I guess I see weddings as being more about relationships and as long as the people most important to you are there to celebrate, I don't see the big deal if a cake is ruined, most of it goes to waste anyway. Or if a kid cries or runs across the dance floor. Little stuff, even on wedding days.
I know some people don't like kids. That's fine. I never said a wedding needs to "revolve" around kids. I wonder why types of weddings you guys go to where they are ruined by kids being around? do your friends and family not parent? We just got back from a wedding in St. Louis and had our not quite 8 month old with us, rehearsal, ceremony AND reception :yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes: Kids from 3 months to teenagers, all present and having fun like everyone else. No outbursts to ruin the ceremony, the cutest ring bearers you could find, some great memories made and no cake knocked over. How the heck does that happen???
I guess it starts with parents not letting their kids be a distraction and a bride and groom that realize the people closest to them have families and if they want to have them be a part of their lives, it probably includes their kids too. Amazing concept.
and I never said not wanting kids said anything about your relationship, I said if a crying kid can ruin your day, you're in for much bigger hardships in the not too distant future. Trust me, a hand in the wedding cake is absolutely nothing. If that's the kind of thing that makes you lose it and ruin the start of your life together with another man or woman, well get ready for an interesting ride
How are you going to handle the stuff that really matters?and anyway, what I was getting at was that I think people put far too much importance on the wedding day, and not enough on marriage. That's why when flowers aren't right, people break down. I think those are serious misplaced priorities. I guess I see weddings as being more about relationships and as long as the people most important to you are there to celebrate, I don't see the big deal if a cake is ruined, most of it goes to waste anyway. Or if a kid cries or runs across the dance floor. Little stuff, even on wedding days.
yeah, it's completely impossible for a kid to not cause trouble for an hour :rofl1: I guess that speaks to the parents????
I know some people don't like kids. That's fine. I never said a wedding needs to "revolve" around kids. I wonder why types of weddings you guys go to where they are ruined by kids being around? do your friends and family not parent? We just got back from a wedding in St. Louis and had our not quite 8 month old with us, rehearsal, ceremony AND reception :yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes: Kids from 3 months to teenagers, all present and having fun like everyone else. No outbursts to ruin the ceremony, the cutest ring bearers you could find, some great memories made and no cake knocked over. How the heck does that happen???
I guess it starts with parents not letting their kids be a distraction and a bride and groom that realize the people closest to them have families and if they want to have them be a part of their lives, it probably includes their kids too. Amazing concept.
and I never said not wanting kids said anything about your relationship, I said if a crying kid can ruin your day, you're in for much bigger hardships in the not too distant future. Trust me, a hand in the wedding cake is absolutely nothing. If that's the kind of thing that makes you lose it and ruin the start of your life together with another man or woman, well get ready for an interesting ride How are you going to handle the stuff that really matters?
and anyway, what I was getting at was that I think people put far too much importance on the wedding day, and not enough on marriage. That's why when flowers aren't right, people break down. I think those are serious misplaced priorities. I guess I see weddings as being more about relationships and as long as the people most important to you are there to celebrate, I don't see the big deal if a cake is ruined, most of it goes to waste anyway. Or if a kid cries or runs across the dance floor. Little stuff, even on wedding days.
I know some people don't like kids. That's fine. I never said a wedding needs to "revolve" around kids. I wonder why types of weddings you guys go to where they are ruined by kids being around? do your friends and family not parent? We just got back from a wedding in St. Louis and had our not quite 8 month old with us, rehearsal, ceremony AND reception :yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes: Kids from 3 months to teenagers, all present and having fun like everyone else. No outbursts to ruin the ceremony, the cutest ring bearers you could find, some great memories made and no cake knocked over. How the heck does that happen???
I guess it starts with parents not letting their kids be a distraction and a bride and groom that realize the people closest to them have families and if they want to have them be a part of their lives, it probably includes their kids too. Amazing concept.
and I never said not wanting kids said anything about your relationship, I said if a crying kid can ruin your day, you're in for much bigger hardships in the not too distant future. Trust me, a hand in the wedding cake is absolutely nothing. If that's the kind of thing that makes you lose it and ruin the start of your life together with another man or woman, well get ready for an interesting ride
How are you going to handle the stuff that really matters?and anyway, what I was getting at was that I think people put far too much importance on the wedding day, and not enough on marriage. That's why when flowers aren't right, people break down. I think those are serious misplaced priorities. I guess I see weddings as being more about relationships and as long as the people most important to you are there to celebrate, I don't see the big deal if a cake is ruined, most of it goes to waste anyway. Or if a kid cries or runs across the dance floor. Little stuff, even on wedding days.
You love your kid, understood. But please understand that not everyone does and not everyone wants kids present or involved in their ceremony that is supposed to be about them.
A child acting out may not ruin the whole day for the couple, but it still IME is very rude to them.
I am definitely not a kid person. I've always made that clear. But having a large family I have always gone to weddings and was always expected to behave. I've gone to a lot more weddings now that I'm an adult as my friends all get married. All had kids and I have honestly never seen a kid do either of those things.
Personally I think it is YOUR day so it is YOUR call. But I'm going to assume that OP wants people at the wedding since they are having a wedding and not getting eloped. I feel putting age limitations will also possibly put limitations on who will be able to attend.
My friends who recently had a wedding had a note to RSVP for each member of the family that would attend. So when people replied they could opt if they wanted to bring the kids or not
I don't want to get married and I don't see that ever changing. But even if some miracle happens and I do I personally couldn't imagine keeping a close friend or family member from coming by telling them their child wasn't invited. It's not even about giving them time to schedule it's about money and time too. A lot of my friends and family work weird days. So most likely they'd have to take a full day off work. They're giving me their day to support me I wouldn't want to force them to pay for something on top of that.
As for only letting kids go that you REALLY like I kind of disagree with that too. While it is the people getting married's call I think that's just asking for arguments and bad feelings when you ok one person's child but not another's. It's like free speech. You have the right to do so but you also have to deal with the repercussions of what you say/do.
Personally I think it is YOUR day so it is YOUR call. But I'm going to assume that OP wants people at the wedding since they are having a wedding and not getting eloped. I feel putting age limitations will also possibly put limitations on who will be able to attend.
My friends who recently had a wedding had a note to RSVP for each member of the family that would attend. So when people replied they could opt if they wanted to bring the kids or not
I don't want to get married and I don't see that ever changing. But even if some miracle happens and I do I personally couldn't imagine keeping a close friend or family member from coming by telling them their child wasn't invited. It's not even about giving them time to schedule it's about money and time too. A lot of my friends and family work weird days. So most likely they'd have to take a full day off work. They're giving me their day to support me I wouldn't want to force them to pay for something on top of that.
As for only letting kids go that you REALLY like I kind of disagree with that too. While it is the people getting married's call I think that's just asking for arguments and bad feelings when you ok one person's child but not another's. It's like free speech. You have the right to do so but you also have to deal with the repercussions of what you say/do.
I don't know why anyone cares how anyone else wants their wedding, especially if they're not going to it. The actual wedding holds varying levels of meaning and symbolism for different people, just like the flag or a cross or whatever. It's ok to want it to be a perfect day, and it's ok that for some people that involves kids being there and for other people it means kids not being there. People like what they like, it's not a dirty sin to want a wedding to be adults-only OR to want kids there. Whatever floats your boat, but don't try to float other people's.
We had kids at our wedding and none of them ruined anything, but when they are invited you are in large part relying on other people to control their children. If I had family/friends who I thought couldn't be trusted to do so, well then things might have been different.
We had kids at our wedding and none of them ruined anything, but when they are invited you are in large part relying on other people to control their children. If I had family/friends who I thought couldn't be trusted to do so, well then things might have been different.
A couple wouldn't be judged if they didn't exclude kids from their wedding, so why would the opposite be true? I guess it all depends on their family and such. My future sister and laws kids are AWESOME so they would be invited, My fiancée also has a friend whose kids are equally awesome, but some friends of ours? no ... just no.
I very much believe people have the right to say to some they cant bring their kids, in the end the day is all about them and its their money they are spending.
I very much believe people have the right to say to some they cant bring their kids, in the end the day is all about them and its their money they are spending.
I'm wondering what kind of weddings everyone else goes to where the ceremony is an hour or more. LOL Either ones I've been to, or ones I've worked, have been like 20 minutes. Maybe half an hour. Though i guess that all depends on number of people in the party. Most certainly something I'd expect a child to sit through. I've also never seen a child do something so horrible that it ruined the whole day. If anything, adults have caused more problems than children.
The wedding I most recently went to was a cousin's wedding. For the ceremony, there was no exceptions. People of all ages were invited. For the reception, there was an age limit. I'm not sure what the age limit was, and there were exceptions (wedding party, wedding party's kids...), but the RSVP card just specified names and what the invite was for. (There were two cards. One for the reception, one for the ceremony. Kids' names were only on the ceremony one.)
The reception was at a police hall, which, from my understanding, had to do with the age limit as well. They could get exceptions, but only for wedding party/their kids. It went well, AMD nobody threw a fit about it. Those with kids could still see the ceremony without having child care. People at the reception could drink and chat without worrying about little kids being around to overhear or steal a drink. Plus, it saved money for the dinner!
If you want children there, invite them. If you don't, then don't invite them. Do what YOU want, not what you think your guests would like. But be prepared for people to choose not to come if you don't invite their child.
The wedding I most recently went to was a cousin's wedding. For the ceremony, there was no exceptions. People of all ages were invited. For the reception, there was an age limit. I'm not sure what the age limit was, and there were exceptions (wedding party, wedding party's kids...), but the RSVP card just specified names and what the invite was for. (There were two cards. One for the reception, one for the ceremony. Kids' names were only on the ceremony one.)
The reception was at a police hall, which, from my understanding, had to do with the age limit as well. They could get exceptions, but only for wedding party/their kids. It went well, AMD nobody threw a fit about it. Those with kids could still see the ceremony without having child care. People at the reception could drink and chat without worrying about little kids being around to overhear or steal a drink. Plus, it saved money for the dinner!
If you want children there, invite them. If you don't, then don't invite them. Do what YOU want, not what you think your guests would like. But be prepared for people to choose not to come if you don't invite their child.
^ This. I had a handful of young children at my wedding...Ni issues whatsoever. My ceremony was only around 30 minutes long. It wasn't even a *concern* of mine that the kids would be disruptive, because I know them and I know my family. My cake certainly didn't get ruined. My second cousin even drew me a picture and gave it to me during the reception. I was much more worried about adult family members causing drama than I ever even thought about regarding kids at the ceremony.
Kids can certainly sit through a wedding. Kids can certainly not be disruptive. Kids can certainly not ruin a wedding.
Whether or not you want an age limit, however, is up to you. Do whatever you are comfortable with. Don't let some one scare you in to banning children from your day, and don't let someone shame you into allowing them. Do what you feel is best.
I was much more worried about adult family members causing drama than I ever even thought about regarding kids at the ceremony. Kids can certainly sit through a wedding. Kids can certainly not be disruptive. Kids can certainly not ruin a wedding.
Whether or not you want an age limit, however, is up to you. Do whatever you are comfortable with. Don't let some one scare you in to banning children from your day, and don't let someone shame you into allowing them. Do what you feel is best.
We didn't invite kids to our wedding or reception. We also didn't provide alcohol in any form, and didn't have dancing. My dog was the ringbearer and we didn't have a flower girl/boy.
I know this sounds horrific to many people, but our friends and family enjoyed it, we have lovely memories, and I wouldn't change a thing (except maybe have the AC fixed in the church so I didn't worry about my soon to be husband fainting from the heat during the ceremony - oops!).
It's your wedding, no matter what you do, someone is probably going to complain, so do what you want and to hell with the negative nancies!
I know this sounds horrific to many people, but our friends and family enjoyed it, we have lovely memories, and I wouldn't change a thing (except maybe have the AC fixed in the church so I didn't worry about my soon to be husband fainting from the heat during the ceremony - oops!).
It's your wedding, no matter what you do, someone is probably going to complain, so do what you want and to hell with the negative nancies!
^ This. I had a handful of young children at my wedding...Ni issues whatsoever. My ceremony was only around 30 minutes long. It wasn't even a *concern* of mine that the kids would be disruptive, because I know them and I know my family. My cake certainly didn't get ruined. My second cousin even drew me a picture and gave it to me during the reception. I was much more worried about adult family members causing drama than I ever even thought about regarding kids at the ceremony.
Kids can certainly sit through a wedding. Kids can certainly not be disruptive. Kids can certainly not ruin a wedding.
Whether or not you want an age limit, however, is up to you. Do whatever you are comfortable with. Don't let some one scare you in to banning children from your day, and don't let someone shame you into allowing them. Do what you feel is best.
I was much more worried about adult family members causing drama than I ever even thought about regarding kids at the ceremony. Kids can certainly sit through a wedding. Kids can certainly not be disruptive. Kids can certainly not ruin a wedding.
Whether or not you want an age limit, however, is up to you. Do whatever you are comfortable with. Don't let some one scare you in to banning children from your day, and don't let someone shame you into allowing them. Do what you feel is best.
I don't care if someone doesn't want kids at their wedding, but I know that I probably wouldn't attend one if my child wasn't allowed. Of course it's up to the bride and groom, but you have to realize that some guests won't be able to attend if they aren't allowed to bring their children.
I went to my first wedding at 5 weeks old. My mom was the maid of honor and everything went fine. I've never seen any badly behaved children at weddings. No cakes being ruined, no children running down the aisle, etc. I feel like people don't give children enough credit.
I went to my first wedding at 5 weeks old. My mom was the maid of honor and everything went fine. I've never seen any badly behaved children at weddings. No cakes being ruined, no children running down the aisle, etc. I feel like people don't give children enough credit.
There are many more reasons that kids would be excluded - besides "ruining" the day. That didn't really ever cross my mind.
It's a personal decision that each couple is allowed and able to make for themselves.
My wedding was not an appropriate setting for kids -- the wedding and reception took place in an old mansion, catered by a local restaurant whose concerns were alleviated when we told them the guest list was 21+, there was no sit down meal, space was limited and a punk band played in the basement. Lots of beer and a punk band--the people who didn't come because kids weren't allowed wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway
It's a personal decision that each couple is allowed and able to make for themselves.
My wedding was not an appropriate setting for kids -- the wedding and reception took place in an old mansion, catered by a local restaurant whose concerns were alleviated when we told them the guest list was 21+, there was no sit down meal, space was limited and a punk band played in the basement. Lots of beer and a punk band--the people who didn't come because kids weren't allowed wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway
I don't really like kids all that much. But, if it were my wedding, I wouldn't mind really mind them running around. It's just not that big a deal to me. I might put something like "Children welcome under direct supervision" hoping to get the point across.
Now, no booze (doesn't have to be open bar) I might object.
Now, no booze (doesn't have to be open bar) I might object
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There are many more reasons that kids would be excluded - besides "ruining" the day. That didn't really ever cross my mind.
It's a personal decision that each couple is allowed and able to make for themselves.
My wedding was not an appropriate setting for kids -- the wedding and reception took place in an old mansion, catered by a local restaurant whose concerns were alleviated when we told them the guest list was 21+, there was no sit down meal, space was limited and a punk band played in the basement. Lots of beer and a punk band--the people who didn't come because kids weren't allowed wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway
It's a personal decision that each couple is allowed and able to make for themselves.
My wedding was not an appropriate setting for kids -- the wedding and reception took place in an old mansion, catered by a local restaurant whose concerns were alleviated when we told them the guest list was 21+, there was no sit down meal, space was limited and a punk band played in the basement. Lots of beer and a punk band--the people who didn't come because kids weren't allowed wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway
nobody is demonizing anybody and people can certainly have whatever wedding they want. That wasn't my point to say otherwise, but maybe get people to think about what is really important at a wedding. Seriously, if you don't want kids, don't have them. BUT if your day would be ruined because some kid cried, maybe there are other issues?
People just seem to spend so much time and energy on having the "perfect" day rather than a good marriage.
People just seem to spend so much time and energy on having the "perfect" day rather than a good marriage.
I really don't understand how those are correlated. Honestly, it truly isn't one or the other.
To some the wedding ceremony is VERY important, to some it isn't... I really don't believe that shows more or less understanding of a successful marriage
Some people get married via drive through in vegas by that logic they'd have a marriage fit to last a lifetime lol
I didn't mean the day would be literally RUINED. But to someone who values and has dreamed of that moment, yes it's worrisome that something could hurt that and pull the focus away from where you want it. Especially while you are still in the planning stages and stressing about EVERYTHING, eliminating stress where you can is the name of the game.
All families are different. In mine, child-free weddings are pretty standard. Then again, I'm in a carribean culture where EVERYONE has a nanny (as it's much less expensive and much more normal to factor it in). So the whole idea of "aunt linda wouldn't be able to come because who would watch little jenny" is moot.
and I'm not paying for a $75 plate for a tiny human who isn't going to eat it lol
To some the wedding ceremony is VERY important, to some it isn't... I really don't believe that shows more or less understanding of a successful marriage
Some people get married via drive through in vegas by that logic they'd have a marriage fit to last a lifetime lol
I didn't mean the day would be literally RUINED. But to someone who values and has dreamed of that moment, yes it's worrisome that something could hurt that and pull the focus away from where you want it. Especially while you are still in the planning stages and stressing about EVERYTHING, eliminating stress where you can is the name of the game.
All families are different. In mine, child-free weddings are pretty standard. Then again, I'm in a carribean culture where EVERYONE has a nanny (as it's much less expensive and much more normal to factor it in). So the whole idea of "aunt linda wouldn't be able to come because who would watch little jenny" is moot.
and I'm not paying for a $75 plate for a tiny human who isn't going to eat it lol
My wedding was not an appropriate setting for kids -- the wedding and reception took place in an old mansion, catered by a local restaurant whose concerns were alleviated when we told them the guest list was 21+, there was no sit down meal, space was limited and a punk band played in the basement. Lots of beer and a punk band--the people who didn't come because kids weren't allowed wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway